by Autumn Avery
I’m cool, I have lots of friends, and the coolest guy in school just asked me out. If you were to look at me on the surface, you’d say I have everything in the world to be happy about. But somehow, he sees there’s more to me, in a way that no one else has, and it terrifies me.
“Okay, Joey,” I say, summoning any remaining confidence I have left. “If you think you know me so well, what kind of guy would I go for?”
He doesn’t respond. Does he not have an answer for once? I step closer until I’m right under his chin looking up at him. He’s tall, and I feel small next to him.
“Someone like you maybe?” I see his eyes narrow. That hit home. I summon all my courage and just ask him. “What’s wrong, Joey? Do you like me?”
I think I see him back away from me, so slightly that it’s almost not noticeable. He doesn’t respond, and I feel my heart pounding in my chest. He doesn’t speak, and the tension grows until I feel like I’m about to explode, then finally he lets out a small laugh.
“Yeah,” he says. “You wish.”
His words hit me like a truck, and I feel myself frozen in place as he brushes past me and walks away.
That night I can’t focus on anything. So much happened today. I know I should be all excited about Brad asking me out. I should be on my phone to Cassidy and Merrell, but it’s all I can do to bring myself to respond to the flood of texts they’ve been sending me since I got home.
The questions never end: OMG How excited are you? Do you think you’ll kiss? Do you think he’ll try and drive you home? Can you ask Devon if he thinks I’m pretty?
Normally I’m fine with this sort of thing. It’s part of being a high schooler. I get it. But something about my encounter with Joey has left my head spinning. I’m pushing peas around my plate when my mom finally speaks up.
“What’s the matter, honey?”
“Hmmm?” I say, looking up.
“You’ve been quiet all afternoon.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I say. I don’t even know where to begin the conversation. I’m not even sure to explain what I’m feeling, let alone how to explain it to someone else.
“Boy trouble?” she asks, raising her eyebrows. My mom is pretty protective of me and suspicious of the opposite sex ever since my dad walked out on us. Just completely out of the blue, and like that, he was gone. My mom either didn’t know why or wouldn’t tell me, but to me, it was like one day I had a dad and the next day I didn’t. I tell myself I don’t want to see him ever again, but the truth is, I really don’t know.
“No, not trouble really,” I muse, picking a pea up off the table with my fork. “More like…confusion.”
“Boys will do that. They say it’s girls that are confusing, but that’s all nonsense.”
“I just don’t know what to do.”
“High school can be hard, Mia. There’s all sorts of social pressures and people telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, but when it comes to this stuff, there’s only one person you should listen to, and that’s you.”
I smile. My mom’s the best. She’s always been there for me. Even after dad left I never once saw her cry, and I know it’s because she didn’t want to upset me. I’m sure she did it behind closed doors, but she always wore a brave face for me. I stand up to clear the table when a knock comes from the front door.
“Who could that be?” she says. I shrug. Probably a salesman or the Mormons or something. I grab our plates and head to the kitchen as Mom heads to the door. I drop the plates in the sink and hear her talking to someone. Then her voice from the other room.
“Mia? You’ve got a visitor.”
What? I’ve got a visitor? What is she talking about? Everyone who would come over would text me first…
I start feeling nervous as I make my way past the dinner table and into the living room. The door’s open and my mom’s standing in front of it so I can’t see who she’s looking at, but as I get closer, she turns and smiles at me with a sly approving smile. She steps aside and I see who it is.
Joey is standing on the front porch. I can’t help but gasp. I’m completely shocked at his presence here. I didn’t even realize he knew where I lived. Normally I’d be sort of creeped out about that, but somehow this seems completely in character for him for the last few weeks. I step out onto the porch into the cool evening breeze.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hey…,” I reply slowly. The wind is cold, and I cross my arms across my chest. Joey’s eyes move past me as he watches my mom leaving. He waits for her to vanish to the back of the house, then looks back at me. There go those butterflies in my stomach again. Seeing him outside of school makes this suddenly intimate. We’re always surrounded by people, whether we’re in class or in the hall, whether it’s my friends or just hordes of students, there was always someone watching us. But now it’s just him and me, standing on my front porch.
“I uh…I got you something,” he says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a miniature statue of the Eiffel Tower. He extends his hand and I slowly take it from him, examining it between my fingers. It’s heavy, made from bronze.
“How did you know?” I say, looking up at his mysterious eyes.
“All those pictures in your locker,” he says with a smile. “I figured this could hold you over until you get to see the real thing.”
I don’t know what to do. I never thought he’d have a side like this. He’s always so arrogant, not seeming to care about anyone or anything. I feel myself starting to blush, so I look down at the statue, turning it over and over, pretending to be carefully examining it. The wind blows again, sending the tiniest hint of his smell to my nose. He doesn’t wear any cologne like Brad, and that sort of makes sense to me, but he still smells good.
My heart is going crazy, and my stomach is twisted in knots. I don’t know what to do. I can feel his eyes on me as I stand there, frozen like a statue as I mull over his gift in my hands.
“You shouldn’t go out with Brad,” he says, breaking the silence. My head snaps up to him. Did he just say what I think he said? His eyes pierce into me. He’s not smiling, he’s staring intently at me. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. My throat is dry, and my hands clench around the bronze statue.
“Wh-what?”
“You shouldn’t go out with Brad. You don’t like him, Mia. I know you don’t.”
“How do you know that?” I say, indignant. I hate when people make assumptions about me—even if they’re right.
“Come on, Mia. The captain of the hockey team? There’s more to you than that. Let Merrell go out with him or something. There’s no way you’re gonna be happy with him. I mean, what are you gonna talk about? You think he’ll care about your paintings?”
I’m stunned. He couldn’t be more right. And he’s being sincere. The arrogance I’m used to in the halls is gone, and I feel like he’s talking right to me now, with no other pretense or games. My whole body feels hot, despite how cold it is outside, and I shift nervously from foot to foot.
“Okay, so….what should I do?” I ask him, biting my lip, hoping he says what I think he wants to say.
“Go out with me.”
He said it. I feel a smile creep over my face and realize how much I really do like him and how silly I’ve been not to notice until now. What if he hadn’t had the guts to come over here tonight? What would have happened? But now, here he is, on my front porch, putting it all out there for me.
“You want me to be your girlfriend?”
Without hesitation, “Yes.”
Somehow this feels like the most honest moment in my life up until now.
“Okay,” I say. Plain and simple. Just like that. I know he’ll understand. A smile, that smile, creeps across his face, and he steps close to me. I look up at him, his smell filling my nostrils, his warmth radiating out against my body. I feel his hands strong against my hips as he pulls me toward him.
“I’d like to kiss you now,” he says, inches from my face.
“Okay,” I whisper. Our eyes meet, and he leans in and kisses me. Our lips meet, and it’s like a shock sent straight through me.
My first kiss!
I feel like I’m carrying the world’s most precious secret as my mom drops me off outside of school the next morning. Somehow Joey has given me a confidence I never had, a confidence to be more of myself than I have been. Somehow the day to day gossip and social status stuff seems so much less important, and the thought of having ever wanted to go out with Brad has actually become repulsive.
How could I ever have thought that would be a good idea?
I know the girls won’t totally understand right away, but that’s okay.
“You what?!” Cassidy just about screams when I tell her the news. We’re standing out by the bus drop off, and a crowd of freshman boys look over at her like she’s insane.
“Would you stop yelling?” I say.
“Wait,” she says, pausing like she still has to comprehend what I’ve just told her. “You…and Joey…”
“Yes, Cassidy.”
“What happened to you and Brad?” Merrell asks beside me.
“Seriously! I mean—you and stalker mode?”
“Shut up, Cassidy!” I say, suddenly very protective. “He came to my house last night.”
“To what, watch you sleep?”
I slap her on the arm. “Stop that! It was very sweet. He is very sweet.”
“Okay, geez,” she says, rubbing her arm. “I’m just saying. How’s Brad gonna feel about this? Has he texted you yet?”
“Actually no,” I realize.
“He’s just doing that game guys do where they wait all week to text you,” Merrell says.
I realize I haven’t even thought about Brad since he asked me for my number. He was just another piece of my well-constructed social life that I know I don’t need anymore. Now that I’m with Joey, everything feels different. It’s like this big weight of social responsibility has been lifted off my shoulders, like I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not anymore.
I reach into my pocket and pull out the Eiffel Tower statue he gave me. Maybe I’m being stupid, but my dream of getting there, of getting out of Stonehill, seems so much closer now.
“He gave me this,” I say, showing them, knowing they won’t fully understand why it means so much to me.
“Great,” Cassidy says sarcastically. “A little statue.”
“Would you stop it?” I say. “Be supportive!”
She sighs and pretends to pout, but she knows I’m right. She’ll come around.
“I still can’t believe this,” Merrell says.
“I mean, are you sure, Mia?” Cassidy says over my shoulder. “I thought you couldn’t stand him.”
“So did I,” I admit. “I was being stupid. But it’s like he…he just knows me, ya know?”
“No. No, I don’t know,” Cassidy says with a smile. “Tell me.”
I lean against the wall, my eyes scanning over all the students mingling around before class, feeling less and less a part of their world.
“I can’t explain it, but it’s like we’ve known each other forever, or he knows me or something. All I know is it feels right.”
Cassidy looks at me like she thinks I’m insane, but she knows me well enough to know when I’m serious about something. After a minute she smiles and shakes her head.
“Well, okay,” she says. “Stalker boy it is. But what are you gonna tell Brad?”
I hadn’t even thought of that. “The truth, I guess.”
“Can’t wait to see how that goes over,” Merrell says sarcastically.
“Hey, Mia,” I hear Joey’s voice behind me and my heart jumps into my throat. I turn around and see his smiling face. I know I’m only sixteen years old, but when I look at him, I can’t help but picture us going through life together, doing all the things couples do, getting older. I’m probably being overly romantic. I mean, after all, we only started going out yesterday, but something about him just feels so right. I feel myself blush as he looks at me.
“Hey,” I say back.
“How’s it going, Cass? Merrell?”
The girls sort of half-smile half-nod at him.
“Hey, Joey,” Cassidy finally says. It will take a while, but I know they’ll come around to him, just like I have, if for no reason other than he’s now my boyfriend. But I know that once they get to know him, they’ll realize how great a guy he is.
Joey eyes them up, and just to make sure everyone knows the deal, steps up beside me and slides one arm around my shoulder. He’s just the right height that we fit together like two puzzle pieces. I lean against him as he smirks at my friends.
“Uh oh,” Merrell says, looking over my shoulder. “Uno problemo.”
I know before I even turn around. It’s Brad. He’s walking toward us with an angry, puzzled look on his face. I take a deep breath and brace myself for whatever’s about to happen.
I look up at Joey, moving slightly away from him, “Maybe we should—“
“No,” he says quickly. “We’re not gonna hide from him.”
He pulls me closer to him as Brad steps up.
“That’s my girl, bro.”
“Nah, I don’t think so,” Joey says quickly.
“Excuse me?” Brad takes another step forward. I feel Cassidy and Merrell’s eyes on me.
“She’s. Not. Your. Girl,” Joey replies, putting emphasis on each word. “She’s mine. We’re together. Just so you know.”
I feel myself tense up as Brad gets angry. His face starts to get red and he takes another step forward. He’s dangerously close to Joey now. This is bad.
“You got a smart mouth for a sophomore,” he says with a growl. “You know who I am?”
“Yeah. You’re the dumb jock that thinks every girl wants to marry him. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not true.”
Before I even realize what’s happened, Joey is on the ground and Brad is on top of him, raining down with his fists. Joey does his best to fend him off, but Brad is just so much bigger. I scream and lunge forward, grabbing Brad by the shoulder and pulling hard.
“Stop! Get off him!”
But Brad is in a rage, and he’s way too strong for me to do anything. He pulls his arm back to swing at Joey, and I trip and fall backwards onto the curb. Things seem to slow down as I watch Brad’s fist streak through the air and hit Joey just under the left eye.
I leap up and jump on Brad, throwing all my weight onto him. It’s not enough to do anything but give Joey time to get out from under him. He scrambles to his feet and jumps back a few feet, putting some distance between him and Brad.
Brad tries to rush past me, but I step in front of him. His eyes, filled with rage, look down at me.
“Brad! Stop! Just stop!”
I can tell he wants to say something, but he’s not going to do anything to me. He stands there, eyes flicking from me to Joey and back again. I look over my shoulder to see Joey wipe blood from his cheek. He looks pretty scraped up. My heart sinks when I realize what I’ve done. I brought this onto him. If I hadn’t been so stupid and gotten involved with Brad, none of this would have happened. If only I hadn’t been so stupid and had seen how Joey felt about me; if I’d understood my own feelings, this whole situation could have been avoided. Now Joey is hurt, and it is all because of me.
“Get the hell out of here, asshole,” Brad says, pointing a finger over me at Joey. “I see you around here again, I’m gonna lay you out!”
I close my eyes, wishing that when I open them, this will all be just a bad dream, but when I look back I see Brad’s face, filled with rage at being humiliated. He lowers his arms, and I turn to see Joey standing there, his face already starting to bruise up. I try to catch his eye, but he can’t even look at me. He’s too embarrassed. I check to make sure Brad isn’t about to lunge past me, and take a step toward Joey.
He looks up at me briefly, then turns around and runs.
“
Joey!” I call after him, but he’s already across the parking lot and almost to the road. I turn back to Brad, feeling all the anger inside me rise to the surface. I stride right up to him and slap him across the face. I’ve never slapped anyone before, and I hear my friends gasp. Even Brad looks shocked.
“What is your problem?! You think I’m going to go out with you now?”
I can tell by his face that he hadn’t thought of that. All he cared about then was making sure another guy wasn’t going to show him up, but he never even considered how I would feel about the whole thing. If there was ever any doubt in my mind that I’d made the wrong decision, it was completely gone now.
“Get the hell out of here!” I scream at him, ready to hit him again if he doesn’t go. He looks at me, then at Cassidy and Merrell, and tries to save face. He scoffs and backs up, fixing his collar.
“Whatever,” he laughs. “Sophomore bitches. Have fun with your boyfriend.”
And with a roll of his eyes, he turns around and heads back to school.
“Jesus Christ,” Cassidy says, letting out a deep sigh of relief.
“That was intense,” Merrell says.
I let out a scream of frustration that causes everyone standing outside to look at me, but I don’t care. I look back in Joey’s direction, but he’s already gone.
“What an asshole!” I yell, not caring who hears. I start off in Joey’s direction, but Cassidy grabs me by the arm.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ve got to see Joey!”
“Don’t be stupid,” she whispers in my ear. “Mr. Curtis will kill you if you leave school grounds! Just go see him after school! It’s not like he’s gonna run away from home or something. Come on.”
She’s right. Our school has a really strict policy against students leaving school grounds before classes are over.
“Let’s just go to class,” Merrell says quietly. “You’ll see him later. You can go over and give him some chicken soup.”
“Chicken soup is for when you’re sick, Merrell,” Cassidy scolds her. “Not when you got your ass kicked.”
