by Aly Martinez
“Do you still have a voice?” Jude asked as I emerged from the shower in a towel at around one in the morning. Sitting upright against a stack of pillows behind him, he lounged on my bed, the TV remote in his hand while ESPN played without sound in the background.
Jude shirtless was a sight I’d never get tired of.
“Ha. Ha,” I deadpanned. “Yes. Bri and I talk a lot on the phone. My voice has been thoroughly trained over the years.”
I went straight to his overnight bag and hooked my fingers on the hanger holding his pressed shirt, which was still in the dry-cleaning plastic. After carrying it to the closet, I hung it on the doorknob so it wouldn’t wrinkle.
“Did you get her settled in the ocean room?” he asked, his face taking on a pensive expression.
“Yeah. She passed out mid-conversation.” I started digging through my dresser.
“Good,” Jude murmured, pointedly looking to the clothes in my hand with a dark gaze. “You can lose those, then.”
My body immediately responded, a roar of heat spreading between my legs and a cool chill sliding over my breasts, peaking my nipples. I dropped the offending garments back in the drawers.
Silently, he threw the covers on my side of the bed back in invitation.
My side of the bed.
It suggested that Jude had a side in my bed.
A shy grin pulled at the corners of my lips as I padded over, shedding my towel at the last second to crawl in beside him.
“What’s that smile for?” he asked, flipping the TV off and discarding the remote to his nightstand with a clatter. His nightstand.
“You stay here a lot.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You need some space?”
I slid my hand across his chest as I settled my head on his shoulder. “No. Not at all. It’s just you stay here a lot.”
He rolled so I was on my back, and then he propped his weight onto an elbow on the pillow. His thumb brushed my cheek as he swiped my damp hair away from my face. “You already said that. Tell me what you’re thinking, baby.”
Move in with me.
That’s what I wanted to say.
However, what actually came from my mouth was, “I have two closets. I could clear one out for you. Ya know, if you wanted to leave some stuff here.”
His eyebrows popped up. “I do leave stuff here.”
“Yeah, but this way, they could actually have a place that’s not in the middle of the floor.”
“So I’ll shove them in the closet, but you don’t have to clear one out for me. I have a closet at my place. I don’t have enough shit to warrant having two.”
I stared up at the ceiling to avoid his gaze. “But what if you didn’t have your place anymore? It would save—”
I didn’t get another word out because his lips landed on mine. It was a short peck that I presumed was intended to take the sting out when he said, “I’m not moving in, Rhion.”
Blunt. And straight to the point. Pure Jude.
It still sucked. A lot.
“Right. Of course not. Forget I said anything,” I whispered, embarrassment pinking my cheeks.
“Not doing that, either. You put it on the table, and I fucking love that you want that, but the timing isn’t right.”
“Seriously, I get it. No big deal.” I started to roll away, but he shifted his body on top of mine to pin me to the mattress.
“You are quite possibly the most complex person I have ever met,” he stated.
Keeping up my halfhearted fight to get out from under him, I faked a laugh and shimmied to the side. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
He followed me with his upper body, making my efforts to escape futile. “Nope. Just a statement of fact. Every time I think I have you figured out, a new layer is revealed, taking me right back to square one.”
My frustration grew, because while he was using a gentle voice, not a single word of what he was saying sounded good. “What are you talking about?” I asked, bucking beneath him, trying to break free. “Is this because I didn’t tell you about Brianna?”
He didn’t budge, but his lips kept going. “I know you like shoes, reading, and cooking.” Suddenly, he caught the corner of the blanket and yanked it out from between us. His thick cock landed against my thigh as our naked bodies pressed together.
I gasped in anticipation, but he kept talking.
“I know you like fancy beer and the occasional glass of wine. You don’t look at the price tags while shopping for clothes, but you’ll balk at the price of boneless chicken breasts at the grocery store. You claim to like watching movies, but you spend most of it staring up at me.”
I eagerly opened my legs, and his swollen crown slid deliciously against my clit as his hips fell through.
My mouth gaped open as I arched off the bed.
“Yes,” I hissed, folding my arms around his shoulders to pull him closer.
His tongue touched just below my collarbone, sweeping out for a taste before his voice transformed into a deep, rasping whisper. “You like to be on top, but you come harder when I’m fucking you. You could kiss for days and never get tired of it. You whisper my name when you sleep. And, every single time I do something nice, you breathe that I’m real. And, Butterfly, it’s been months. I’ve touched every inch of your body with every inch of mine, yet I still feel like I have to beg, barter, and steal to get any kind of real information about you.”
“So it is about Brianna?” I huffed.
“This is about me not knowing you,” he replied at the same time the tip of his length pressed inside me, stealing the breath from my lungs—right along with my desire to have any further discussion.
That is until he stopped. Completely. Only the tiniest inch of him was nestled inside me as my body ached to be filled.
“Jude, please,” I begged, writhing beneath him.
He dipped his head to the side and nipped at my ear. “Found your birth control tonight while I was digging for floss in the bathroom.”
“And?” I drawled, rolling my hips in a failed attempt to take him deeper.
“And I realize I’ve gone through enough condoms over the last few weeks to justify buying stock, but, baby, I am not thrilled about a rubber being between us.”
Nipping at his lips, I squirmed, opening my legs wider. “Okay. Maybe we should remedy this now, then?”
Somehow, he magically managed to stay just out of my reach.
“How long you been on the pill?”
“Jude, come on. I want to feel you.”
He roughly raked his teeth over my shoulder. “How long?”
“Six weeks.”
He froze. “And I’m finding out now?”
“Jude,” I objected as he suddenly pushed off of me.
Flipping to his back, he let out a curse. “Jesus Christ.”
I slung my leg over his hips, but with a hand at my thigh, he prevented me from climbing on top.
I glared at him. “You’re pissed that I’m on birth control?”
“I’m pissed that I’m just finding out about it,” he clipped. “For fuck’s sake, Rhion, I feel like I don’t know dick about you. Sure. Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned things. But I’m far from knowing you, and I’m starting to feel like you are never going to let me in.”
“What are you talking about? Of course you know me,” I argued.
“No. I know the pieces you’ve given me. Beautiful pieces. Pieces I fucking love. But, if you want to take this relationship to the next level, I need more than that.”
My heart stopped and my nose started stinging as I squeaked. “Pieces you love?”
Had he not just halfway told me that he loved me, I would have laughed at the sight of tough guy Jude Levitt rolling his eyes. But, because he had just halfway told me that he loved me, I couldn’t focus on his impression of a sullen teenager.
He cupped the back of my neck and pulled me down to kiss my forehead. “You know I love you, but you gotta let me
in.”
Twisting my lips, I leaned away and frowned. “That has got to be the worst ‘I love you’ in the history of romance.”
His eyebrows popped up. “This isn’t romance, Rhion. This is real life.”
“The two things are not mutually exclusive. Take it back and I’ll give you a do-over later.”
“I’m not taking shit back. I love you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yeah, I fucking do.”
“Well, I don’t accept. You weren’t even smiling.”
All at once, he knifed up off the bed. His upper body crushed me as he landed on top of me. He dipped low so his face was close with mine. “Love rarely makes a man smile. Especially if said man is me and he has to deal with a crazy woman like you. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t burn the world down for you. Extinguish an entire species. And then place their ashes at your feet if it meant you’d smile. But I probably won’t be grinning while I do it.”
Oh. My. God.
He’d said that.
To me.
“Jude,” I breathed, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. “That was much better, by the way.”
“I’m glad you approve. But, regardless of how I say it, you know I love you. But swear to God, baby, I’m losing my mind trying to figure you out.”
I sniffled to keep the tears from spilling over. “What do you want to know?”
He tucked my hair behind my ear, allowing his fingers to linger at my cheek as he stared deep into my eyes and whispered, “Everything. But, more than that, I want you to give it to me because you trust me. I could ask you all the questions in the world, but it’s what you choose to give me on your own that I want the most.”
It wasn’t like I was hiding stuff from him. It’s just that we’d only been together for a few months. While I wasn’t sleeping with Johnson or Brianna, I’d been friends with them for years and was still learning new things every day.
“I’m twenty-six,” I announced.
“Know that, Butterfly.”
“Okay, well. It’s impossible for me to share twenty-six years’ worth of experiences with you in one night. Or even a few months. And, besides, not everything is meant to be heard. Some things are meant to be experienced. Like when I finally get to show you and Val my beach house in LA, where I used to make sand castles with my mom before she died.”
His face softened. “Right. I get that. But you’ve never even told me how she died. Or how that affected you.”
I screwed my eyes shut as my throat became thick with emotion. “You have my file.”
He placed an encouraging kiss to my lips. “Fuck your file, Rhion. I learned my lesson about trusting that thing when Brianna Talbot walked into your apartment.” Shifting beside me, he threaded his hand into my hair and stroked my temple with his thumb. “Tell me.”
“She fell off the balcony of my dad’s New York apartment,” I rushed out. “We think it was an accident. But I guess we’ll never know.”
I might have been a kid when it’d happened, but the pain of losing her was still as prominent as ever. Death, at six, was a very abstract idea. I distinctly remember the day of her funeral. My father had told me that morning that we were going to say goodbye to my mother. So I sat in my distraught father’s lap and stared at the doors to the church, waiting for her to show up. I was heartbroken as we drove away, because in my naivety, she hadn’t shown and I’d never gotten to say goodbye.
“And…” he prompted.
“And…you know the rest.”
“Please,” he whispered.
Swallowing hard, I relented. “She’d taken a lot of pills. Chased them with martinis. Dad and I were at ballet practice. Apollo was there when it happened. He was only four though. I’ll never forget the sound of my father yelling when the police came into the dance studio to tell him. I quit ballet the next day and never went back.”
I hadn’t realized that the tears had escaped before I felt the moisture sliding down my face.
“Was she a good mom?” he asked, wiping them away.
I bit my lip. “Not really.” I reached up and moved her diamond back and forth across the chain. “If you want the truth, she was a lot like Margaret. Selfish. Greedy. Narcissistic.” I laughed. “Dad had terrible taste in women. But she was the only mom I had.”
“Is that why you put up with Margaret’s shit? She reminds you of your mom?”
I shrugged. “A little, I guess. But, mainly, I do it for Katie.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s another one I’ve got a lot of questions about.”
I offered him a weak smile. “I see you’ve been talking to Johnson. He started working for Dad right about the time he and Margaret were getting a divorce. Johnson never got to know Katie when she wasn’t the enemy. But she’s not as bad as he makes her out to be.”
“How about you tell me who I should make her out to be, then? I know you love her. And I know she annoys the shit out of you. But that’s about it.”
I absently watched my finger trailing through the thin layer of hair covering his chest, trying to figure out the best way to explain the mythical creature known as Katie Spencer. “Katie is like a sweet, little lamb who was raised by a school of piranhas. She had to learn to fall in line or she became dinner. I’m not going to tell you she’s perfect. But she’s not evil, either. I’ve learned that people are all about perspective. When you first meet someone, your mind immediately makes a judgment call on whether they are a good person or not. Friend or foe. Hero or heel. But people have a million different layers. No one is all good. Or all bad. Not even Margaret. And especially not Katie.”
“See, Butterfly. That is exactly what I’m talking about. You just said a bunch of flowery words, but not a single one of them gave me any concrete information.”
I sighed. “Katie’s that friend who will borrow your most expensive pair of shoes without asking, but she’ll always return them.”
He smirked. “I didn’t take you for a woman who would loan out your precious shoes.”
I laughed and glided my finger up the back of his neck and over his scars. Quickly, I trailed them back down when a soft gasp escaped his lips.
“I’m not. But, for Katie, I’ll make an exception. She lived with me for fourteen months after the fire while I was recovering. I couldn’t even wipe myself when I went to the bathroom at first, but Katie did everything for me.”
His eyebrows drew together, and it made me laugh.
“Trust me. No one was more shocked than I was when I came home from the hospital to find her bags in my guest room. Pete hired me a nurse and left after two weeks. Sandy after three. But Katie? I could barely get rid of her.”
“Did you pay her?” he asked skeptically.
“No. And she never asked for a single penny. After the fact, when I finally got up and going, I allowed her to move into one of the apartments Dad left me so she didn’t have to go back to living with her mom.”
“Wow,” he breathed. “I had no idea.”
“Don’t get me wrong. She definitely has her flaws. But, at the end of the day, we’re both alone in the world. Her mom is extremely difficult, and she has to put up with a lot from Margaret. Katie’s like me: She just wants someone to love. A family to call her own. We don’t have a ton in common, so we don’t hang out much these days. But, if I reach out to her, she’s always there. No matter what.”
“Except for the last two months,” he teased.
“Except for the last two months,” I confirmed. “But, in her defense, I can hold a mean grudge. It was probably best for her to lay low until I had a chance to cool off.”
“You hold a mean grudge?” he asked, clearly unconvinced.
I nodded. “Currently, I’m mad at you for at least twelve different things. Including, but not limited to, not asking me to have unprotected sex with you or for my best friend’s last name. You know, Jude, I’m not the only one who needs to learn to open up. You don’t want to wear a condom? Tell
me. How the hell was I supposed to know you were ready for that? I went on birth control because I was ready. And I figured you’d say something when you were ready. And you want to know about my best friend? Ask me. I signed an NDA like a freaking secret squirrel when I first met Brianna, but everyone knows that your man is an exception.”
He smiled impossibly wide. “Ah, yes. The little-known boyfriend loophole.”
“And, in case you’re wondering, I will never ask you to extinguish an entire species for me. But I love you too. A lot.”
His smile fell and his body softened as he shoved his face in my neck and dragged me into a hug, but I didn’t allow the heated affection to slow me down. If Jude wanted me to let him in, I would—completely.
“And, since you already know I’m crazy, I guess I don’t have to hide the fact that I think I fell in love with you while I was still standing on that ledge.”
He inhaled deeply and whispered a pained, “Butterfly.”
“Please don’t ask me to pretend I didn’t,” I pleaded.
His fingers bit into the back of my shoulder as he squeezed me tighter. “You didn’t know me then.”
“No. But I do now. And everyone has to start falling in love somewhere.”
His lips moved up my neck, peppering kisses until he’d made it to my mouth, where he smiled. “This is yet another example of us living in different worlds. But I won’t ever make you pretend, Rhion. You can tell people it was love at first sight. I’ll tell people we met at a bar.”
I kissed him slow and wet. “My version’s better.”
“It usually is.” He winked. “I think that is the most you’ve ever said to me.”
I laughed. “I’m pretty sure it’s not.”
He swayed his head from side to side. “Okay, maybe not in words. But definitely in content.”
Smiling, I whispered, “I love you, J—” Then I screamed, “Jesus!” when my bedroom door swung open and Alex came walking in.
His massive body locked up when he caught sight of us. But, before he could back out, Jude had already launched himself to his feet, butt naked, crouched and ready to attack.
