“What did you say to her?”
“The same thing I always seem to say to her. The wrong thing.”
* * *
“I thought Noah’s team has a home game at the fire station today. Aren’t you going to go watch him?” Fannie’s mother asked on Saturday afternoon, as she washed a strainer full of fresh beets from the garden.
Not if I can avoid it.
“I want to finish my chores. Are there more clothespins? I need some to hang out this last load of laundry.” Fannie put the heavy hamper full of damp dresses and pants on the kitchen table.
“There are some in a package on the shelf above the washer.”
“I just missed seeing them. Danki.”
“I can hang those out. Go watch Noah’s game. I’m sure his whole family will be there. All the men say he’s a wunderbar pitcher, as good as the Englisch professional players.”
“I’ve heard that.” She wasn’t in any hurry to face Noah. First he’d said he wanted to kiss her, and then he said it wasn’t the right time. Her eagerness for his kiss had to be what changed his mind. He’d been repulsed by her lack of modesty.
She had certainly made a fool of herself. Standing with her eyes closed waiting for his kiss like a dope. He must have been laughing at her the whole time. In spite of telling herself not to fall for him, she had anyway.
“I’m sure Noah is modest about his talent, as any goot Amish man should be.”
Noah had his finer points. Fannie had to admit that. “When he pitched a no-hitter, he said it was because his team did a great job fielding the ball and kept the other team from getting on base.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Go to his game. I can hang out the laundry when I’m done with this.”
“He’ll play for nine innings, there’s no rush. I’ll hang these and wash the kitchen floor and then I’ll go. I promised you I’d be more help around the house and I meant it.”
“I admit I’m surprised at how much help you have been, child. Your father says you aren’t neglecting your barn chores, either.”
Fannie picked up the hamper. “Taking care of the horses isn’t a chore in my book, but I don’t think I realized how hard you and Betsy work.”
Glancing over her shoulder, her mother smiled. “Taking care of my home and my family is not a chore in my eyes. It’s a privilege to serve the Lord thus, for these are His greatest gifts to me.”
“I never looked at it that way.” Fannie always hated being inside when a beautiful day outdoors begged her to take one of the horses for a gallop across the fields. She assumed her mother had given up such pleasures for the drudgery of being a wife because it was expected. Was she truly happy in her role?
The front door opened and Fannie’s father rushed in. “Fannie, Willow has gone into labor. I knew you’d want to be with her until she gives birth.”
Fannie’s pulse surged. She had been with Willow’s mother when she was born and had helped raise the beautiful Standardbred mare. This was Willow’s first foal, and Fannie was hoping for a filly that would stay on the farm and become a broodmare instead of being sold.
As quickly as Fannie’s elation rose, it settled again. She had too much to do to spend the day in the barn. “Let me know what she has, Daed.”
A small frown creased his brow. “All right. I will come get you when her time is close.”
“She is going to watch Noah play ball,” her mother explained.
His frown vanished. “Ach, I reckon I knew the day would come when horses would take a backseat to a boyfriend. Came sooner than I was expecting.”
“Not for me, it didn’t,” her mother said, scrubbing away at the beets.
“It’s as it should be, I reckon,” he said with a wink for Fannie. “But I will miss our times together working the horses.”
“I’ll still be here. Noah and I don’t seem to be getting along that well.”
“Oh?” Her mother turned around. “Is this why you are dragging your feet to watch him play?”
“Had a quarrel, did you?” Her father’s sympathy was almost more than she could bear.
“Something like that.”
“Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong,” her mother said.
Tears pricked the back of Fannie’s eyes. “Why do you assume I’m the one in the wrong?”
Her mother came and put an arm around her. “Because I know what a temper you have. If the two of you won’t suit, so be it. But don’t throw away a chance at happiness when two simple words are all that is needed. Saying I’m sorry heals many hurts. If you wait because you think the other person must say it first, the wound grows out of proportion to the injury. Forgiveness heals the forgiver as well as the forgiven. Do you want to tell us what happened?”
Fannie shook her head. How could she admit she was upset because Noah hadn’t kissed her? He had offered to explain, but she had been too humiliated to listen to him.
“Seek him out and tell him what is troubling you. You won’t feel better until you do.”
Maybe her mother was right. Fannie nodded. “I’ll speak to Noah after his game tonight.”
Fannie hefted the laundry basket and went outside. Having made the decision to listen to Noah’s explanation didn’t make her any more eager to face him.
* * *
Noah considered the sign for a low inside pitch Walter was giving him. He nodded. It was a good call for the left-handed batter. Winding up, he checked the runner on first and threw with all his might. The batter swung, but the ball smacked into Walter’s glove untouched for a third strike. The runner on first made a dash for second base, but Walter fired a beeline throw to their shortstop, Simon. He tagged the runner out ending the fourth inning. The hometown crowd cheered loudly.
Noah jogged off the mound and checked the lawn chairs and quilts along the baselines on his way to the dugout. There was no sign of Fannie among the Amish men and women enjoying the game. He tried not to let his disappointment show. Clearly, she was still angry with him.
“Noah, you’re up,” Eric said, nodding toward the batter’s box.
After selecting his favorite bat from the group hanging on the fence, Noah took several practice swings and stepped up to the plate. A second later, pagers began going off around the field. Noah, along with the other firefighters present, tossed their equipment to anyone close and ran toward the fire station building, where the large double doors were going up as the siren overhead began to sound. Noah didn’t give the game another thought.
“We have a structure fire reported at 2391 Raintree Road,” Eric explained, as the men began pulling their fire gear over their ball uniforms.
Noah knew the address. It was an Amish home about five miles away. He prayed the family was safe.
“At least I don’t have to go pick anyone up,” Walter said, pulling on his coat. “Our crew is already here.”
John Miller, Joshua and Timothy rushed in. As married men, they no longer played for the team, but they always came to home games to cheer on their fellow firefighters.
As soon as everyone was geared up they climbed into the smaller truck with Walter behind the wheel. They pulled out behind the main engine and followed it out to the highway. When they turned the corner, Noah caught a glimpse of Fannie standing beside her cart in the parking lot. She raised a hand and waved.
He waved, too, and sat back with a sense of profound relief. She had come to see him play, after all. He couldn’t believe how happy that made him. When he could, he would find a chance to explain himself. If she would listen.
* * *
Fannie yawned. It was well after midnight as she sat on a bale of hay in the barn watching Willow’s new colt struggle to his feet. She jumped and pressed a hand to her heart when Noah sat down beside her. “You startled me.”
�
�Sorry. I was trying not to disturb them.” He nodded to the new mother and baby.
“How did you know I was out here?”
“I saw the light on, but thought it must be your father out here. So I threw some pebbles against your window. I picked the wrong one. Your father opened it and told me where you were.”
“You really threw pebbles against my window? Why?”
“That’s how a fellow gets a girl to sneak out late with him, isn’t it?”
It was true. Most Amish couples courted in secret after the parents had gone to bed, but she wished he had come over because he wanted to see her, not because it would make their false courtship more believable. “My folks will not doubt we are serious now.”
“I thought as much, after your daed opened the window. Fannie, I came to apologize to you.”
“That’s not necessary. I’m the one who stormed off in a fit of temper.”
“I think I gave you just cause. Can we talk about it?”
She stared at her feet. “Is there anything to say? I thought you were going to kiss me and you didn’t. My lack of modesty repulsed you.”
He lifted her chin with one finger, making her look at him. “Is that what you think? Nothing could be farther from the truth. I wanted to kiss you, Fannie.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
He clasped his hands together in his lap. “It didn’t seem right. We are only pretending to court. The man who kisses you should be a man who genuinely deserves that honor.”
“You kissed me once before.”
“I was young and impatient then. I wasn’t thinking about the right thing to do.”
“Did you...did you like kissing me?” She couldn’t believe she’d found the courage to ask him that.
“Very much. I like you Fannie. I do. You drive me nuts, but I like you. If you want to call this courtship off, I understand. You don’t have to worry about going to Florida and you have your chaperone now.”
“If we break up, won’t your parents expect you to end your rumspringa?”
“I can deal with that, if they do.”
“This was my idea. I will hold up my end of the bargain.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. And I’m sorry I rode off and left you yesterday. That was childish of me.”
“Actually, as stiff as I am from my one-way ride, I’m not sure I would have been able to walk if I had ridden back with you. Can we start over and be friends, Fannie?” He covered her hand with his.
The warmth of his touch spread through her body. “We can’t start over,” she said, “but we can be friends from now on out.”
“Goot. I’d like that. Have you named this young fellow?” He nodded toward the foal.
He still held her hand. She didn’t pull away. His touch was comforting. “Not yet. I’m waiting to see what kind of personality he has, first.”
“I’d call him Wobbles. Look at those long legs. He has no idea how to make them work.”
She grinned. “Wobbles wouldn’t be a very good name if you were trying to sell him as a buggy horse.”
“You’re right. Fancy Stepper would be a better name.” He let go of her and rubbed his hand over his face.
She gazed at him in the lantern light. “You look tired. Was it a bad fire?”
He nodded. “It was a shed, not the house, thank the Lord, but it took us a long time to put it out. The farmer had his winter store of firewood in it, and it was really close to his barn. It took all we had to keep it from spreading.”
“That’s a shame. I hope no one was hurt.”
“One of the neighbors that arrived before we did suffered some smoke inhalation and minor burns trying to toss out as much wood as he could. He and the farmer saved maybe a quarter of it.”
“What was the cause? Was it arson?” Her community had been devastated by a series of arson fires the previous fall. If not for the generosity of outsiders and English friends like Connie, many of those affected would have been ruined, as none of the Amish carried insurance. Having it was seen as doubting God’s protection and mercy.
“It wasn’t arson. One of the sons went to fetch his mother more wood for the cookstove. He accidentally knocked over his kerosene lamp.”
She glanced at the lantern glowing above their heads. “That’s why Daed only allows battery-operated lamps out here.”
“Same with my folks. I’m sure the family’s church will bring them enough wood to get through the winter and more. I know I’ll be taking some over.”
“That is one of the best things about being Amish—knowing no matter what tragedy befalls us, the community will rally around us and lighten our burden.”
“That’s true of the Amish, but also true of many Englisch folks. Besides our fire crews, all of the opposing team members followed us to the scene to help fight the fire tonight. They aren’t even from around here.”
“My dad says people are born good. Any evil that grows in them is because they weren’t shown the ways of goodness as they grew up.”
He nodded. “That’s why being a parent is such a great responsibility.”
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Do you hope to be a parent someday?”
“Sure. I see how it has changed my brothers. I see how happy and content they are. Maybe fulfilled is the word I’m looking for.”
“You don’t think they resent giving up their freedoms, even a little?”
He shook his head. “If they do, I’ve never seen a sign of it.”
She kept her eyes on the young colt nosing his mother for a meal. Somehow it was easier to talk to Noah in the quiet stable with the darkness held at bay by a single lantern. “Do you think your sisters-in-law are content, too?”
“I’ve never given it much thought. I don’t see why not. Gott has given them what most women seek. A man who loves them. Children to be loved in turn and a home where they can be happy together as a family. Wouldn’t you be content with that?”
Would she? “I’m not sure.”
“Why do you say that?”
“My aenti, my mother’s youngest sister, is only five years older than I am. We were close until she fell head over heels in love and married at eighteen. They moved away to Illinois to live with his family. We still exchange letters all the time.”
Fannie looked at Noah. “She isn’t happy in her marriage. The husband she loved so much isn’t kind or comforting. After three miscarriages, she fears they will never have children, and he blames her for that.”
“I’m sorry for your aunt. Her life must be difficult. She is fortunate to have you to console her. Fannie, we can’t know the reason Gott chooses some of us to suffer in this world. He has a plan far beyond our simple understanding.”
“I know that, but it worries me to see how easily love can blind us and lead us to mistakes. Connie loved the man she married, but he left her for another woman.”
“For every sad story of broken love, you can find dozens, hundreds of people who have endured and grown old together with unwavering love for one another. My grandparents, my parents, your parents. I imagine even your grandparents in Florida will tell you they still care for each other. Am I right?”
“Ja. Grossmammi says Grossdaadi has the same twinkle in his eyes as she saw the day they met.”
He tipped his head as he gazed at her. “I didn’t know I should be watching for twinkling eyes. I’ll keep that in mind from now on.”
She felt the heat rush to her cheeks at his scrutiny. “Will you be at the school frolic on Friday?”
“Sure. Will you?”
She shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.”
“Goot. I hope you come. It will do you good to get down from your horse and mingle with people for a change.”
“
I mingle.”
“But you’d rather be riding.”
“And you’d rather be playing ball.”
“Ah, that’s where I have the advantage. Someone will suggest we get up a ball game after the work is done at the school.”
She chuckled. “Someone like you.”
“Only if no one else suggests it first. I should be getting home. I just wanted to thank you for coming to my game tonight and explain about the other thing.”
“I’m sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion, and I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner to watch you pitch tonight.”
“There will be other chances to see my fastball in action.”
“I’m glad you stopped by.” She was, and she didn’t try to hide the fact. There was an ache in her heart because he wanted to be her friend and not something more, but she would learn to live with that.
He smiled. “I’m glad I did, too. It was nice to meet Fancy Stepper over there.”
The colt was getting accustomed to his feet. Feeling frisky, he tried a little jump that turned into a scramble to keep upright.
Noah and Fannie laughed at his antics. “Corker. I’m going to call him Corker,” she said.
“That’s a fine name for a horse with an attitude like his. Ja, it’s a goot name. Would you like to ride home from church with me tomorrow, Fannie?”
A swirl of happiness made her almost giddy, but she kept a calm face. “I’d like that very much.”
“Goot. So would I. Guten nacht, Fannie.”
“Good night, Noah.”
As he walked out into the dark, Fannie pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Noah hadn’t been repulsed by her behavior, as she had wrongly imagined. He had been thinking of her feelings, not of himself. By jumping to the wrong conclusion, she had done him a disservice and spent an entire day feeling miserable.
Now that she knew they could be friends, a load had been lifted from her shoulders. She didn’t have to worry about what to expect from him. His friendship was a fine gift and one she would cherish.
She didn’t pause to wonder why the prospect of seeing her friend again tomorrow filled her with such eagerness.
Their Pretend Amish Courtship Page 10
