by Roger Hurn
It was hard to tell if he was being completely honest, but I had the feeling that, even if DK knew more than he was telling, he wasn’t directly involved. He was the kind of bloke who didn’t take personal affronts kindly and, if he felt some rival bunch was stepping on his toes, then I’m pretty sure he would have dealt with them by sending in the heavy mob rather than a rookie PI with a limp. I decided to try a different tack.
‘Fair enough. So did anyone get a description of the kidnappers or the make and number plate of the kidnappers’ car?’
DK shook his head. ‘Apparently, the man who snatched the girl wore black and was wearing a scream face mask. The car, make unknown, was a dark blue colour with four doors, and its number plate was covered in mud, making it unreadable.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘So nothing of much use there I’m afraid.’
I nodded but didn’t say anything. Eye witness accounts are always crap anyway. I made a mental note to go to Heathrow and take a look at the CCTV footage of the car park. I knew the guy who ran security there and, although it would cost me a big drink, I was pretty sure he’d let me have a gander at the tapes. Right now though I needed a bit more background info on what was coming next.
‘So which members of your extended family am I going to meet at your Aunt’s house? And do you think any of them may have a reason to be involved in the kidnapping?’
DK pursed his lips and appeared to be giving my questions some thought. ‘Well, there will no doubt be an assorted collection of aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces but you’ll definitely be meeting Auntie Shukla.’ He gave a throaty little chuckle. ‘She is a formidable lady so mind your P’s and Q’s around her.’ He gave me an “I’m not joking” look and then continued with his run-down of the main players.
‘Vikram, the reluctant bridegroom, is her eldest son, so he’ll be there, as will Aisha, her daughter.’ For a split second DK’s smile actually reached his eyes. ‘Now Aisha is a charming girl and clever with it. Indeed, of all my many female cousins I do believe she is my favourite.’ He beamed for a moment then the smile faded as quickly as snow on a sunny day. ‘Then we have Vikram and Aisha’s two brothers, Garjan and Rakesh. They are pleasant enough young fellows, but their mother rather spoils them, I’m afraid, and that’s not something I approve of as, in my experience, spoiled boys are lazy, indolent and lacking in respect.’
I pricked up my ears at this. ‘So do you think these two are potential wrong ’uns?’
DK sniffed and shook his head dismissively. ‘No, because that would entail getting off their arses and actually doing something. And why would they bother to do that when all they have to do is lie back while their mother pours milk and honey into their mouths?’
I had the strongest feeling DK was not too enamoured of Garjan and Rakesh. But then he was an alpha male who, despite being married to a woman nobody ever saw, had no kids of his own and probably felt the lack of a son to bring up in his own image. So maybe that was clouding his judgement of the two lads.
But now DK said something that made me sit up and take notice.
‘And I expect Danvir will be there wringing his hands and generally being a pain in the backside.’ DK scowled, ‘To be perfectly frank with you, Ryan, the man is proving to be something of a disappointment to me. I thought he, and his connections, could prove advantageous to me in my business dealings, which is why I gave my blessing to this marriage and paid up for the student stuff, but now I’m beginning to think he’s something of a lame duck.’
‘In what way is he a lame duck?’
DK’s eyes narrowed. ‘A little bird has been whispering in my ear that he’s all mouth and no trousers.’
‘Really? And which little bird is that?’
DK waved his hand as if batting away my question. ‘Oh stop being so literal, Ryan. It’s just another of your delightful figures of speech. You know, I do so love the English language, it has so many colourful expressions and shades of meaning.’
Before I could reply, DK held up his hand. ‘Now I think we should both settle back and save our energies for what is to come. I need you to be as sharp as the proverbial tin tack when we arrive at my auntie’s. So let’s enjoy listening to some classical music on the superb sound system that Mercedes Benz have installed in this triumph of German engineering. Vorsprung durch Technik as they say.’
I didn’t bother pointing out that this slogan was Audi’s catchphrase. Nobody likes a smartarse and anyway, I really didn’t need to piss off my only client just as we were about to enter the lion’s den.
Chapter Four
The skinhead Polish driver pulled the Merc onto the driveway of a house that could have given Blenheim Palace a run for its money. It sat there like some Premiership footballer’s wet dream of a gaff, all mock Georgian architecture and more windows than you could shake a stick at. Even in the recession I reckon you wouldn’t get much change back out of ten million quid if you put in an offer for it. I was beginning to see why the kidnappers figured there were rich pickings to be had in snatching someone from this family.
DK strode up to the front door but it was opened before he could ring the bell. A small woman in a sari that radiated haute couture greeted us by putting her hands together and murmuring the word “Namaste”. She seemed pleased to see DK, but gave me a withering look that could have turned milk sour. Standing close behind her was a stunningly pretty young woman with a smile so bright for her cousin, DK, that you could use it to light up Wembley Stadium if the floodlights ever failed. Next to her was a guy with a face that, though almost as pretty as his sister’s, was beetle-browed and pinched with worry. Then there were two handsome but sulky looking lads in their early twenties. One had the buffed look of someone who spends too much time in the gym, while the other was already starting to run to fat. Finally, at the back of the bunch, was a sharp-suited middle-aged Indian guy with a snooty expression. I didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out that I was in the presence of Aunt Shukla, Aisha, Vikram, Garjan, Rakesh and Danvir.
DK introduced me as his esteemed friend – an ex-member of the elite Diplomatic Protection Group and now a first-rate private investigator who had graciously consented to come to the family’s aid in this, their darkest hour. The family in general, and Aunt Shukla in particular, seemed underwhelmed by DK’s gushing tribute, so I nodded at them all and did my best to look hard-nosed, flinty-eyed and ultra professional. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that my tough guy PI image was a bit undermined by the faint smell of onions that was still clinging to me.
Aunt Shukla ushered us all into a plush sitting room and ordered a Filipino maid to bring us tea. I would have preferred coffee, but nobody was interested in my drink of choice. With the exception of DK, the whole family looked at me in the same way they’d look at the bottom of their shoes if they thought they’d stepped in something left behind by a dog with an upset stomach. I decided it was time to assert myself.
‘Right, I want to start by saying you should immediately report this kidnapping to the police and let them deal with it. They …’
‘We have no wish to involve the police.’ Aunt Shukla’s voice was as chilly as the wind off the North Sea. ‘I thought my nephew had made you aware of this.’ It was a statement, not a question. ‘So, please do not waste time. Ask your questions, tell us what steps you will take to return Meena to us, and then go and do it. You will be well paid for your services – if you are successful.’
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t already agreed a fee with DK for getting involved in this mess, and now it seemed a bit late to start. But it didn’t make me feel confident of my ability to negotiate with a bunch of kidnappers if I couldn’t even sort out a daily rate plus expenses with a bloke who was supposed to be a mate. I was still trying to get the hang of this private investigator malarkey and not making a very good fist of it, but I reckoned it was better not to draw attention to the fact and ploughed on.
‘OK, on your heads be it. But, if it all goes pear-shaped, reme
mber I told you to go to the proper authorities.’
Everybody stared at me like I had just taken a dump on their carpet. DK cleared his throat. ‘No one will hold you personally responsible if things do not end happily, Ryan, but we are confident that you will be successful in this endeavour. You are after all a man of some experience in dealing with criminals, terrorists and others of that ilk. In fact, isn’t it true that in your time in the DPG you were the protector of not only the Prime Minister, but also the Royal Family?’
I shrugged. ‘Yes, I was assigned those duties but only as part of a team. I …’
DK held up his hand for silence. ‘Do not be so modest my friend. If you were good enough for the PM and Her Majesty, then you are certainly good enough for us. So, let us not dwell on the possibility of failure, but instead let us look forward to a successful conclusion of this dreadful matter.’ He looked at the others. ‘Are we all agreed?’
Everybody nodded even though no one looked particularly happy about it. I could see there was no point in arguing further so I got stuck in.
‘So who was at the airport to meet the bride-to-be?’
‘Her name is Meena. Please use it when you speak about her.’
Aunt Shukla was obviously reasserting her authority and she wasn’t going to cut me any slack. I smiled at her politely. ‘Of course, forgive me for being insensitive. But who was at Heathrow to meet Meena?’
‘I was,’ said Aisha. ‘We’d become friends on Facebook so we were excited about meeting each other for the first time. She had already become like a sister to me.’
This surprised me a bit. ‘What, you went to get her on your own?’
Aisha scrunched her face up. ‘Duh! Yes and why not? This is the UK in the twenty-first century. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but women are actually allowed out of doors without their male relatives riding shotgun on them these days.’
I felt my face colouring up. I was out of my depth culturally here and treading on eggshells. Plus, what bloke likes getting put down by a pretty girl? The ten-year-old boy inside me wanted to come right back at her with a smart remark about arranged marriages and women’s rights but, thankfully, my 30-year-old self knew better. I switched my attention to Garjan, Rakesh and Danvir.
‘So, none of you guys went along then? May I ask why?’
‘It’s a woman thing,’ muttered Rakesh and his brother nodded. ‘Yeah, we didn’t want to rain on their parade.’
I glanced at Danvir. He shrugged dismissively. ‘I was otherwise engaged.’
I carried on looking at him and let the silence stretch out.
‘I had business to attend to and anyway I felt Aisha was more than capable of collecting my niece and bringing her here.’
‘Only it didn’t turn out that way, did it?’
‘What! Are you blaming me for Meena’s kidnapping?’ Aisha’s face was a picture of fury – though I couldn’t help noticing that she still looked amazing.
I shook my head. ‘No, of course not. I’m just thinking that if the kidnappers knew you were meeting Meena on your own then that probably influenced their decision to snatch her in the car park.’
Aisha pulled a face. ‘How could they know that? They aren’t members of this family.’
‘Well, maybe not, but what about your hired help? I’m guessing the lady who served us tea isn’t the only domestic you’ve got. One of them could easily have supplied the kidnappers with that kind of inside information.’
‘Ryan makes a valid point.’
‘No, he doesn’t.’ Aisha glared at DK. ‘The domestics are precisely that – domestics. We only speak to them when we want something. They aren’t friends. We don’t share confidences with them.’
Even though Aisha was a stunner, she was fast losing her attraction for me. She sounded like a spoilt little madam.
‘Fair enough, but maybe that gets their goat. If they don’t feel any loyalty to the family, what’s to stop them selling information to the bad guys?’
Aisha shrugged. ‘Nothing I guess. But, like I just said, we don’t chatter to them so they’ve nothing of interest to sell.’
‘But they could’ve overheard something.’
Garjan laughed. ‘Not unless they speak Hindi.’
‘That’s right,’ added Rakesh. ‘If we’ve got something to say we don’t want the servants to hear we use Hindi.’
I was beginning to take a real dislike to the family. I was pretty sure they looked on me as a kind of jumped-up servant and it got right up my nose, so I switched my focus of attention to Meena’s uncle, Danvir.
‘OK, Danvir, tell me about Meena. What kind of a girl is she?’
He regarded me coldly. ‘The Goodahs are a highly esteemed Rajasthani family and Meena lives there in our ancestral home. She’s my brother’s child and I’ve only met her a few times. However, it goes without saying that she is an educated young woman of exemplary character who will make an excellent wife for Vikram.’ He paused and glowered at me. ‘Or she will just as soon as you stop bothering us with all these questions and actually go and find her and the men who took her.’
I was rapidly growing tired of the hostility I was getting from everybody, so I ignored him and turned to Vikram who’d said precisely nothing up until now. Actually, he seemed to be a bit distracted and not really listening to the conversation. He definitely looked like something was on his mind and I didn’t think it was his bride-to-be.
‘So, Vikram, what’s your take on all this?’
He gave a start and his eyelids fluttered nervously. ‘What?’
I shrugged. ‘Well, I know you haven’t met Meena, but you must have a view on why she was kidnapped.’
His grimaced and stared down at the floor. ‘No sorry, I don’t have a clue.’ Then his head snapped up and he looked straight at me. ‘And I really don’t care either.’ His mother gasped at this and she reached out her hand to touch his arm, but he pulled his arm away. ‘Sorry mummy-ji, but you never listen to me.’ Then he glared at me. ‘Obviously, I don’t want any harm to come to Meena but I don’t want to get married to her either and that’s the real reason why I faked the symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome.’
His mother’s eyes lit up. ‘So you are not ill? Oh thank goodness. I have prayed that you would be cured and now you have been.’
Vikram shook his head in exasperation. ‘Are you even listening to me now, mummy-ji? I never had ME, but I figured if I couldn’t travel out to India then you would all be forced to drop this stupid scheme – but no!’ He shook his fists in frustration. ‘I didn’t ask to get married and I certainly don’t want to get married to a woman I’ve never even met.’ He turned to his sister. ‘Look, you may think she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, Aisha, but, as far as I’m concerned, the kidnappers will be doing me a favour if they never give her back.’
There was a stunned silence, but before anyone recovered enough to say anything, Vikram’s mobile rang. He glanced at the screen. ‘I’ve got to take this,’ he muttered and then hurried out of the room.
‘Go after him, Aisha. He talks to you. Find out who it is. It may be the kidnappers.’
Aisha bowed her head meekly. ‘Yes mummy-ji.’
She ran out after her brother. I couldn’t help but notice she had the same kind of feline grace that DK had – only it looked way better on her. The truth is I’ve always had a thing for girls with huge dark eyes, coffee coloured skin and long black hair. So I have no idea why I ended up marrying Sarah, a ginger haired … no, sorry, a strawberry blonde with skin so pale it’s almost blue. But then my judgement on most things leaves a lot to be desired.
Danvir’s face was contorted with fury. ‘Your cousin is a charlatan,’ he hissed.
DK shushed him. ‘I admit this is a turn up for the books, my friend, but there’s no point in crying over spilt milk.’
An awkward silence descended on the room. DK shifted uneasily in his seat and Garjan and Rakesh studiously avoided making eye contact with anyo
ne. Danvir chewed his nails while Aunt Shukla looked as if somebody had slapped her with a wet kipper. It didn’t look like Aisha was coming back with Vikram any time soon and so I took it on myself to break the tension by giving the family a few tips on how to handle things when the kidnappers did eventually make contact. I cleared my throat to get their attention and then plunged straight in.
‘Listen, when the kidnappers get in touch the main thing is not to antagonise them. Agree to their demands and don’t try to be difficult or clever.’ This pearl of wisdom was aimed at Garjan, Rakesh and Danvir. I knew that DK would instinctively know to do the right thing. Then I looked directly at Aunt Shukla. ‘I’m presuming that you would rather pay whatever it takes to get Meena back rather than risk the kidnappers losing patience and doing something rash.’
She stared back at me. ‘Money is nothing. My daughter-in-law is everything.’
I smiled and nodded my head. I didn’t fancy my chances of tracking down the kidnappers and rescuing Meena so this was exactly what I wanted to hear.
‘Good. Now, when they phone do ask for some proof that she’s alive and well. But be humble. Do it in a non aggressive way.’
‘Of course we will,’ snarled Danvir. ‘Do you take us for idiots?’
I didn’t have the chance to say what I took them for because at that exact moment the house phone rang. Rakesh leapt across the room and grabbed it. He said hello and then listened intently. I made to go over and join him but he waved me away and turned his back.
‘Yes, yes, I understand. My name is Rakesh Kapoor and I have the authority to speak on behalf of the family.’ He said nothing more for a few moments. Then he nodded. ‘OK, we’ll do as you ask. The money’s no problem but it may take a day or two to raise that amount of cash. So please be patient and don’t hurt Meena, OK?’ He paused before adding. ‘Listen, can I speak to her? I just want to know she’s alive and well.’
I had to admit I was impressed. Rakesh was calm and totally not being the belligerent twat that I had expected him to be. He was silent for a second and then he gave his mobile number to whoever it was on the other phone. Then he hung up.
