by K. C. Wells
Del sighed. “Momma thought it was because you were trying to be more like me.”
“Well, I was… kinda.”
“Go back to your story. What happened next?”
“They obviously weren’t expecting me to fight them, and I ran in the confusion. Didn’t stop running till I saw a taxi cruising by. I went home,” he said simply.
“Did they hurt you?” Del asked quietly.
Jon shrugged. “I had bruises. I told Momma I’d gotten into a fight.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Del shouted.
“You weren’t around!” Jon gritted out, the words emerging as no more than a harsh whisper. His pulse was racing. “And it was hardly something I was gonna discuss over the phone. ‘Hey, guess what? I almost got fucking raped last night.’” The memories were as raw as ever.
Del’s hand was gentle on his arm. “I am so sorry you had to go through that on your own.”
Jon had ached to tell him. How many times had he picked up the phone, only to change his mind? “That decided me. If that was what being gay was like, they could shove it. Hell, I already knew I was nothing like those guys in the bar. They were relaxed, confident, sure of themselves…” His breathing calmed down a little. “So after one really scary close call, I stayed home. And that’s the way it continued for a while.”
“Were you happy? Playing it straight, I mean?”
Jon stared at him. “I wasn’t playing anything, gay or straight. And of course I wasn’t fucking happy. But I was too scared to be any different. Then when I reached my thirties, I started thinking. Should I try again? Maybe it was time to try something new. So I decided to get a tattoo.”
“Ah. You thought it would help.”
Jon nodded. “I saw so many guys with tattoos, I thought why not? I found a place that looked good, I liked the guy’s work, and then he came up with a design for my shoulder.”
Del let out another snort. “Wow. You got the bug, didn’t you?”
“It was more than that. He was gay…like, obviously gay. And from the first time I sat in his chair, he was flirting with me. We talked. Hell, we talked a lot. Do you know how long it takes to work on a tattoo?” Del chuckled. “Anyhow, he finished the design, I waited a couple of weeks, and then I went back. I kept going back, in fact, and he kept up the flirting—not that I responded. I didn’t dare. But… all that flirting was making me feel good, making me feel better about myself. A year or two went by, which isn’t surprising because you’ve seen how much work I had done, right? And Wayne became a friend.”
“I’m gonna guess here that something else happened.”
Jon sighed. “He invited me to his place one night. I thought it was just for a drink and maybe watch some TV. I wasn’t gonna say no to that. I was lonely and I felt safe with the guy. But… we got our wires crossed, I guess. He made a move, and I freaked out.” When Del’s breathing hitched, Jon hastened to add, “It was nothing like the first time. He just… took things a little too far, too fast. I got out of there. It took me a while to realize the problem was, we hadn’t been on the same page.” Wayne hadn’t acted maliciously. The look of surprise on his face when Jon ran…
“So, you went back in the closet.” Del’s eyes widened. “Did you ever tell Momma?”
“Hell no.”
Del cocked his head to one side. “Do you think she knew?”
It was a question Jon had asked himself frequently the past few years. “I’m not sure. Sometimes, I got the feeling she’d guessed, but she never said a word.”
“I think she might have known.” Del stared through the window. “It was her idea for you to go into business with me,” he said quietly.
Jon gaped. “You knew that?”
“Yeah. Except now I think we both got it wrong. I don’t think it was ever about business. My guess is, she wanted you around me, maybe in the hope you’d get enough confidence to admit the truth about yourself.” He smiled. “Maybe she thought I’d rub off on you.”
Now that Del said it, that made a lot of sense. Jon huffed. “Only one problem with that plan. The more time I spend around you, the more certain I am that I can never be like you.”
“Hey, why would you want to be?”
Kendis’s words from the other morning were right there in Jon’s head. ‘Who says you have to be like him? You’re you.’
Then Del stiffened. “Okay. You had a crappy experience, and yeah, I know that’s understating the awfulness of it, but if I try to think too deeply about that part, my blood starts boiling, so I’m not gonna dwell on that. I get that you felt scared and shamed at the time, truly I do. But not one goddamn word of what you’ve said tells me why.” His eyes blazed. “Why, Jon? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me at some point during the last sixteen years? Why not, when we’re living in the same fucking town? When we’re working together. Surely there had to be one fucking moment when you could’ve sat me down, looked me in the eye and said, ‘I’m gay’?”
“I just couldn’t, all right?” Jon threw his hands up in the air. “Why in the hell would I share that? So I could show you what a sad, pathetic loser I truly was? A man so scared to be himself, he hid from everybody, including the only family he had left in the world? I could never be like those guys in that bar. You ask me why? Christ, I already told you why. I am not like you. I could never be like you!”
Fuck, now he was crying. Jon wiped away the tears with a savage swipe of his hand. Then Del’s arms were around him, Del was holding him, and dear Lord, Del was crying too, the words pouring from his lips. Words like ‘sorry’, and ‘love you’. Jon fell to his knees on the hardwood floor, and Del went right with him, still holding him, cradling him, like he was the most previous thing ever.
They sat huddled together on the floor, Jon’s sobs ebbing away, Del’s breathing harsh in Jon’s ear.
“I’m sorry too,” Jon whispered. “It just… I kept everything inside. I had to. I never felt comfortable with anyone, probably because I wasn’t comfortable within myself. And the longer it went on, the harder it got to break the cycle. Because when it came down to it, I was the only one who could break it.” Saying it second time around was easier, not that he’d ever let Del know he wasn’t the first to hear those words. That would probably hurt him, and Jon figured he’d already hurt Del’s feelings enough for one day.
Del grabbed Jon’s hair and tugged until Jon was looking him in the eye. “You listen to me, Jon Walters. I fucking love you. I love your weird taste in music, your sarcasm, your huge, generous heart… I love all of you.” He smiled. “Especially the gay part.”
Jon had to laugh at that. “Yeah? Well, I love your gay parts too.” He grimaced. “Okay, that came out so wrong.” Del snorted.
Jon felt as wobbly as a newborn lamb. They sat for a moment like that, Del rubbing his arm, saying nothing, but that was fine. Jon figured they’d both said enough.
Del broke the comfortable silence. “I don’t know about you, but now I need a drink.” He got to his feet and held out a hand to Jon to haul him upright. Then Del went down the staircase, and Jon followed him. He walked into the kitchen and got another glass from the cabinet.
Jon was still shaking a little, but he felt lighter than he’d done in years.
Del walked over to the shelf and poured himself a drink. He gestured to Jon’s empty glass in his hand. “You want another?”
Jon shook his head. “I still gotta drive home, remember?” He had to keep a clear head. Del might not know it, but they weren’t done talking yet.
There were yet more secrets to be revealed.
Fuck it. Jon held out his glass. “I will have another. A little one.”
Del poured him a small measure, then handed him the glass before walking over to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting. Jon took the hint and sat in the chair facing him. Del studied the amber liquid in his own glass. “Can I ask you something?” Del asked quietly. “Why now? What happened to get you out of the closet again?”
/> Jon sighed. “Hey, I’d have gone on for years in the same rut, but something happened that I didn’t see coming. An’ I didn’t come out exactly—I was forced out. I didn’t plan on this.”
Del’s eyes widened. “Holy fuck. You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”
“Not exactly.” When Del gazed at him quizzically, Jon smiled. “Well, you found one guy who was a perfect fit. Apparently, I had to go one better.” Del frowned, and Jon sighed again. “I found two.”
He thought Del’s eyes were about to pop out of his head. “You found two gay guys in LaFollette? My God, your gaydar must be phenomenal.”
Jon chuckled. “I think I know what that means, and to be honest, I didn’t have to look all that far to find them.” His stomach clenched. C’mon, Del, you’re a smart cookie. Don’t make me spell it out.
Del stared at him blankly, and the moment when the penny dropped was all too visible. “You can’t be serious.” Jon simply stared at him. Del’s eyes were huge. “I mean, there have to be twenty years between you guys.”
Jon arched his eyebrows. “And there’s how many years between you and Taylor?”
“Yeah, but… he was twenty-six when we met.”
Jon nodded. “Twenty-six, not out… They’re both out. They’re goddamn mature for their age. They’ve both been through shit. They both know their own minds. Hell, who do you think did all the pursuing here? I was the one caught in the trap they set for me. And do you know what the bait was? Their sexy as fuck looks, their hugs, their kind words, their caring attitude, their sense of humor… They used every skill they had, and they got me. They hunted me down till I couldn’t resist them any longer.”
Del’s jaw dropped. “Oh my God,” he said softly.
“What?” Jon asked with a frown.
Del’s lips twitched. “I’m sitting here trying very hard not to imagine what happened when you finally caved.”
Jon laughed. “We didn’t get out of bed for two days.”
Del covered his ears. “Ew. Ew. I don’t need to hear this, okay?”
Jon guffawed. “An’ now you know how I felt standing outside your bathroom that day.” It didn’t take Del long to see the funny side, and soon they were both laughing.
Then his eyes widened. “Oh my God. When I called you the other morning. You weren’t watching porn, were you?”
Jon guffawed. “You ain’t got a leg to stand on. I’m just gonna remind you of a certain phone call, where you yelled ‘Jesus’ down my ear, then disconnected. Sound familiar?”
Del stilled. “Oh. Yeah. That.”
Jon folded his arms. “Mm-hmm. Because I don’t think for one second you were praying.” Damn, he liked having the upper hand for once.
Del leaned back and took a drink from his glass. “So… can I be practical for a second here?”
“I guess.”
“Where do you want this to go? What are you looking to get out of it?”
Jon gazed at him, perplexed. “What am I—it’s a relationship.”
Del regarded him with amusement. “Yeah, and as relationships go, it’s unorthodox.”
Okay, that was irritating as fuck. “So what if it is?”
Del held up one hand. “Don’t get me wrong. I will be one hundred percent supportive.”
Jon snorted. “Well thank fuck for that, because you’re sure not coming across as supportive.”
Del speared him with a look. “Would you agree that when it comes to all things gay, I might have just a tad more experience than you?”
“To quote Chaz—duh.”
Del nodded. “Okay. You have just gone from single and in the closet, to a three-way relationship. I’ve known a lot of guys in similar partnerships. Granted, a lot of them crashed and burned—”
Jon leaned back in his chair, his arms folded. “Still not seeing the supportive part here.” He was starting to get pissed.
Del leaned forward. “I am being supportive, believe me, but I’m also being realistic. Right now, you’re in the throes of puppy love, all dewy-eyed, lost in the moment—and having a hell of a lot of sex. What I’m saying is, you have to be a hundred percent sure this kind of relationship will work for you. Because if you have any doubts, don’t do it. Believe me, it can get awkward and complicated real fast.”
Jon glared at him. “You’re killing my buzz here.”
Del nodded again. “And sooner or later, that buzz is gonna wear off. It’s what’s left that will decide if the three of you are gonna survive as a thruple.”
“A what?”
“Thruple, ménage à trois, whatever the hell you want to call it. So I’m gonna repeat my first question. What are you looking to get out of this? Is it fun? No strings-attached sex? Or is it love, either the short or the long-term variety? You have to know before you go in what you want out of this. And that means all of you.”
Del’s words finally sank in. “Short-term love?”
Del sighed. “They’re how old? Eighteen and twenty? That’s awfully young to be settling down for life, even as a couple, let alone a threesome. You have to remember that, and that means you gotta leave them some wiggle room.”
He frowned. “Wiggle room?”
“Think of it as a Get Out of Jail Free card. They have to know that if they change their minds—hell, if any of you do—that it’s not gonna get ugly. You can just call it a day, no mess, no fuss.” Del softened his voice. “I know how that sounds. I’m trying to help you see things clearly.” Before Jon could interject, Del pressed on. “One of the things you’re going to have to consider is sex.”
Jon snorted. “That’s all they’re considering right now.”
Del nodded. “And what if they wanna fuck and you don’t? How are you gonna feel? We haven’t even touched on sleeping arrangements yet.” He cocked his head to one side. “Is it gonna be an open relationship? Will you be adding anyone else farther down the line?” Del looked him in the eye. “I know you, Jon. I know what kind of man you are. And right now you’re seeing things through rose-colored glasses.” His voice softened once more. “You see the three of you living happily ever after, right?”
Jon swallowed. “There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”
“Not a damn thing,” Del said with a smile. “I’m just trying to get you to see things without the glasses. If y’all are serious, you need to sit down and talk before you take another step.” He covered Jon’s hand with his own. “You know I’m right, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” The word came out as a sigh.
Del pushed back his chair, stood, walked around the table, and hauled Jon up into a hug. “Then go home and talk to your men,” he whispered. Del pulled back and gazed at Jon earnestly. “If you need me, you know where I am. Okay?”
“Okay.” Jon’s head was spinning. The conversation had sort of gone the way he thought it would, but had taken an entirely different turn.
One that left him with a lot of questions.
Then Del surprised the hell out of him by kissing his cheek. “And Jon?” Del smiled at him. “Congratulations.” When Jon frowned, Del beamed. “My little brother just came out. And all I can say is, wow, what an entrance.”
Jon finished his bourbon and put the glass on the table. “Well, it’s only the first day of a new year. I guess that’s as good a time as any to have such a conversation.”
Del nodded encouragingly. “I’m gonna be sitting here thinking positive thoughts, because despite all the tough love I just threw at you, I really want this to work out for you. All of you.”
Jon gave him a tight hug. “Give my regards to Taylor.”
“And say hi to the boys for me.” Del sighed. “I can’t keep on thinking of them as boys. Not after this. Say hi to your men for me. And bring them here soon?”
“I will.” Jon walked to the front door, his stomach churning. He knew Del was right, that there were practicalities to consider. He just didn’t want to consider them right now. He was enjoying the buzz way too much.
He’s right about that too. Sooner or later, the buzz would wear off. Jon wanted whatever remained to be something that would last.
I want us to survive.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jon let himself into the house and stood in the hallway, struck by the silence. “Hey,” he called out. When there was no answer, he went into the living room, to find a sheet of paper on the coffee table.
We went for a ride on the bike. Won’t be long.
He smiled. They hadn’t ventured out into the fresh air since Kendis had arrived Friday evening. Yeah, well, we were kinda busy. He walked into the kitchen to make coffee. The thought of a whiskey tempted him for all of two seconds, until he realized he needed a clear head, and he’d already had two belts of Jack.
We don’t have to talk about this now. It can wait, right?
Then he realized Del had nailed it. Life had a rosy glow to it right then, one which Jon did not want to spoil. And Del had also hit on the one issue that would matter most—their ages. They’re young, there’s no denyin’ it. Too young to want to be tied to someone my age. Okay, so right then life was all about the sex. The awesomeness of it, the exploration… Hell, Chaz and Kendis were thinking with their dicks 24/7. But there’s more to life than sex, right?
There was as far as Jon was concerned.
He caught the faint roar of Chaz’s bike, and hurried to set up the coffee machine. It was damn cold out here. As he switched it on, the door opened.
“You home?” Chaz yelled.
“In the kitchen,” Jon hollered. Seconds later a pair of cold hands snuck around him from behind, and an equally cold face pressed itself against his back. “Quit stealin’ my heat!”
Kendis chuckled. “But you’re so toasty.” Jon turned around and Kendis kissed him, a sweet, chaste kiss that made Jon forget his doubts, his fears, and concentrate on the man in his arms.
“Did you miss me?” he asked Kendis quietly. When Kendis didn’t reply, but simply met his gaze and nodded slowly, it sent a shiver down Jon’s back. Then Chaz was there, leaning in to kiss him, and Jon once more had his arms full.
