I need you to make a choice, Jasper. You either want to try and see where a relationship with me will go, or we are just friends. I need to know. This back and forth crap is not cutting it for me.
I click send before I change my mind, hoping he answers back quickly.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” Jason applauds. “I’ll admit, it was pretty badass.”
A smile sneaks out and I stare at my phone, waiting for a response. Twenty-five minutes pass with no word from Jasper.
“I’m getting kinda tired, is it ok if I spend the night? I can sleep on the floor.”
“As long as you’re out of here before my parents wake up in the morning, it’s fine. I don’t plan on sleeping much anyway. I might be driving to Jasper’s house to rip his face off if he doesn’t answer me back soon.”
“Come here,” Jason instructs. “I’m turning this thing off.” Holding the power button on the top of my phone, the screen turns black. “No matter what the answer is, it’s not going to be anything you can solve over texts. Tomorrow, you need to go see him and figure all this out.”
Jason is right, again. “Fine,” I mumble like an angry child. “Now, pick out a damn movie.”
Jason laughs and throws my feet off of his lap. “I can understand what Jasper sees in you,” he jokes. “You’re quite a pleasure to be around.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Then go home if you don’t like it.”
“Never, friend,” he says lying his head on my pillow. “I’m right where I want to be.”
I lie down beside him on my twin bed. The warmth of his body next to mine sends chills down my spine. Maybe it’s only because I’m pissed at Jasper, but there’s something incredibly intriguing about Jason that I’m finding hard to ignore.
“This one,” he says, flipping through the channels.
“Never heard of it,” I respond.
“Yeah, no one has. It’s probably awful. Let’s watch it.”
I reluctantly agree. “Fine.”
“Ah, such a joy to be in your company, Karissa.”
I roll over to face him. “Why are you here?” I ask.
He looks surprised and leans away from me. “What do you mean?”
“Why do you want to be here with me?”
He pushes himself up on his forearms, bends his elbows and rests his chin on his clasped fingers.
“Because of all the reasons you want to be with Jasper,” he explains, refusing to make eye contact.
I roll onto my back, pondering his words. Before I can digest them, he leans over and brushes his lips against mine. I jolt back. “What are you doing?”
“I’m kissing you. I thought that was pretty apparent.”
“Well, yeah, but why?” I ask.
“Um, because that’s what you do when you like someone,” Jason explains.
I am confused. “You like me?”
Jason rubs his face with his hand, “Yes, Karissa. I like you … I thought it was pretty obvious.”
I glance over to my phone sitting on the corner of my dresser wondering if Jasper has messaged me back. Unsure of what to do, I sit in silence.
“Do you want me to go?” Jason asks.
I remain silent.
“Karissa, do you want me to leave?” he asks again.
Remembering how Jasper left me last night to go spend time with Missy, I turn my focus back to Jason. Glancing down at his hands, I softly interlock my fingers with his.
I slide my body under his and smile. “No, friend.”
He shifts his weight down onto me and moves his hands under my shoulders. I wrap mine around his hips. My palms begin to sweat and my breathing increases.
Jason leans down and hesitantly kisses me, awaiting another rejection. My hand slides up his back and underneath his sweatshirt. His spine indents, and his muscles quiver from my touch.
Our passionate kiss ends and he rolls onto his side next to me.
“I can’t do this,” he admits.
“Um, I thought this is what you do when you like someone?” I flirt.
“I don’t want to get attached to you, and then you decide to go running off with Jasper. I need to know nothing is going to happen there. I don’t want to get hurt.”
As incredible as our kiss was, Jason is right. I owe it to everyone involved in our triangle to figure out the situation between Jasper and me.
Jason sits up and grabs my phone from the dresser, turns it on, and hands it to me. “Here,” he says, defeated. “I’m going to head out. Let me know what you decide.”
I can see the disappointment in his eyes as he slips out my window and into the darkness. I kick myself for hurting him, even if it was unintentional. As I’m contemplating jumping out my window and following him into the woods, my phone vibrates in my pocket.
Yes, we need to figure this out. I want to see you. Let’s talk tomorrow.
Chapter 12
Anticipation keeps me awake all night, waiting for the sun to rise. Millions of thoughts sprint through my mind like bullets ricocheting off steel, as I contemplate my relationship with Jason, and my potential relationship with Jasper. I travel back and forth between them weighing the pros and cons of each. My head is convinced that Jason is the right choice, but my heart disagrees.
As the sun peeks over the horizon, I gradually make my way to Hemlock Lake, turning back several times. My trembling hands release gallons of sweat onto the unsuspecting steering wheel. On the passenger seat, my cell phone remains black, with no texts from either of the guys. Convinced that the last 36 hours were just a dream, I pull over to the side of the road.
“Why are you calling me so early?” Dakota whines followed by an audible yawn.
“I need reassurance,” I demand.
“You and Jasper are meant to be together,” she states without even listening to my question.
“I kissed Jason last night,” I blurt out.
Suddenly, Dakota’s voice is crystal clear. “Tell me everything.”
I fill her in while staring at a corn field to my left. The tops of the stalks have just started to tassel, and the cobs near the road have been picked apart by white-tailed deer.
“What do I do?” I ask. “I’m a freakin’ mess.”
“Karissa,” she starts. “You need to go talk to Jasper. You owe him, and yourself, that much. Just see where it goes. Maybe it’ll give you the answer you’re looking for.”
I heed her advice and put the car in gear. “I’ll talk to you after.”
I pull into Hemlock and make my first left. Jasper’s bedroom window is open to allow the summer air to sift through. I park in my regular spot and force a deep breath into my lungs before wiping my sweat-soaked palms on my skirt.
To my right, the driveway is empty. I slide through the metal gate, easing it closed. Roxy stares out the front window, threatening to bark. I quickly hide behind the bushes. My phone vibrates in my back pocket.
I see you. Stop hiding and get in there. Dakota instructs.
I’m trying! I send back.
I shove my phone back in my pocket, and tiptoe to Jasper’s window. Creepily peeking inside, I notice his bed is empty and the blankets are disheveled. His stereo is playing his favorite band, and before I can look any further, Roxy’s nose is pressed against my thigh.
“Stalker!” Jasper yells from the doorway.
“Busted,” I mumble to myself.
Jasper leans against the siding and crosses his feet. His bare chest lifts as he takes a puff of his cigarette while shoving his lighter in the pocket of his blue-striped pajama pants.
“You wanna come inside?” he questions.
“In a minute,” I respond, walking over to him. Brushing my hand against his, I steal the lit cigarette from between his fingers and lift it to my mouth. Inhaling, I once again revel in the fact that his lips were just wrapped around the filter only a few seconds prior.
“You look hot,” he exclaims.
I take one more puff before flicking it into t
he gravel. A thick line of smoke rushes between my lips and into the leaves of the tree above us. “We need to talk.”
He nods his head while running his fingers through his hair with a look of uncertainty. “Let’s go inside.”
Once in his bedroom, he turns off the stereo and attempts to make his bed. “I can sit over here,” I direct, pointing to the bean bag chair in the corner.
Jasper grabs a hoodie from his closet, puts it on, and takes a seat. I’m glad he’s decided to cover up; it’ll make it easier for me to focus.
“So?” he asks. “What do you want to talk about?”
I lean forward on my seat and lock eyes with him. “Us.”
“What about us?” he asks, leaning back onto his elbows.
I’m not thrilled about his lack of interest. He’s making Jason look like the clear choice at the moment.
“Is there an us?” I ask. “Will there ever be an us? Or, are you over that?”
Jasper pushes himself forward, placing his elbows on his knees. Leaning toward me, his face turns serious. “You tell me,” he says.
Here is my chance at honesty. It may be my last opportunity to pour my heart out to him. I swallow any fear I have and take a chance on love.
“Jasper, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day we met. You’re on my mind constantly. I think that you and I have something that I’ve only read about in books. I never believed a passion like ours could really exist. But, I’m terrified of you. I’m terrified that you’ll lose interest with me quickly and that you’ll absolutely destroy me. And after the other night at Jason’s party, I’m worried about your intentions. I don’t just want to be some girl you sleep with. I want more than that.”
Jasper slides off the bed and walks over to me. Once at my feet, he kneels down, placing his palms on my bare thighs. My breathing intensifies and my heart beats uncontrollably.
“Karissa,” he starts.
Fear engulfs me. What if he turns me down? I just laid my entire heart on the line and he could easily say he doesn’t want any of that. What if he slept with Missy last night? I should’ve asked that first. Do I tell him I kissed Jason? My racing mind is forced to halt its momentum when his voice hits me.
“I’m intrigued by you. You’re unlike any girl I’ve ever met before and that scares me. I have feelings for you that I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling. I’m not a relationship kind of guy. I’ve never really been able to remain focused on one person for any length of time. That is, until I met you. I think about you all hours of the day. I’ve been in turmoil the last 36 hours not knowing where you were or what you were doing. I should’ve never left Jason’s party.”
“Then, why did you?” I wonder. “Were you pissed at me because I wouldn’t sleep with you? Because that’s what it felt like.”
“Not exactly,” he responds. “I was hurt, yeah. I was confused, too. I’ve never had an issue getting a girl to hook up with me. I’m usually the one that has to pull the brakes on the whole thing before it goes too far. I guess I’ve never been rejected before. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, so I took off.”
My wonder turns to anger. “Ran away and went to a party with Missy?”
Jasper sits on the carpet, his knees bent in front of him. He rests his arms over them and sets his chin on top. “Yes,” he answers, ashamed.
“Do you know who took me home?” I ask, ready to hurt him back.
“Jason,” he responds. “I saw him drop you off at Keith’s for your car.”
The house was dark, there’s no way he was home. “You were spying on me? How? You weren’t even home.”
“Actually, I was and I had to make sure you didn’t kiss him or something stupid like that.”
I stare down at my lap, unwilling to make eye contact. “I thought you were at that party with Missy.”
“I was,” he says. “For about five minutes before I realized I was making a mistake. My ride refused to drop me back at Jason’s so I had to walk home. I didn’t want you to know I was there, so I made sure to keep the house dark. When I saw headlights pull into Keith’s house, I went outside to investigate and saw it was Jason dropping you off. Why?”
“Um, because you ditched me!” I scold him.
“Why didn’t Keith bring you home?” he asks.
“What does it matter? I needed a ride home, and Jason was nice enough to give me one. Why do you even care?”
Jasper pulls his hood over his head. “Because I do, ok?”
Before reason has a chance to calm my anger, “Jason kissed me!” flies out of my mouth.
“No he didn’t, Riss. I watched you guys.”
“Last night,” I explain. “He showed up at my house. We watched a movie. He kissed me.”
Jasper rubs his face with his hand. I stand up, ready to leave, knowing he will be furious and probably never want to see me again.
His blue eyes are soft and his forehead is wrinkled with guilt. “It’s my fault,” he admits.
I’m confused. “How in the world is it your fault that Jason kissed me?” I wonder.
“If I wouldn’t have gotten mad at you and left the party, you wouldn’t have gotten a ride from Jason, and ultimately he wouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t blame him. Any guy who spends five minutes with you would want to kiss you.”
“I kissed him back,” I explain.
Jasper lies back, motionless on the carpet. His stomach lifts and falls rapidly as he stares at the ceiling fan.
I slide off my bean bag chair and onto the floor next to him. “Jasper, is this how it’s going to be with us? We hurt each other because we’re too afraid to be together?”
Jasper rolls onto his side and places his hand on my hip. His blue eyes squint, holding back emotion. Eyes so unbelievable perfect that they remind me of the sky on a cloudless day. They clutch a sort of mystery to them, like the waves of the ocean silently creeping toward the shore yet holding intense fury just under the breakers.
“No,” he says, leaning toward me. His soft breath tickles the nape of my neck. “I don’t ever want to hurt you again,” he whispers.
I lean into his embrace, and allow my lips to rest on the lobe of his ear. “I never want to hurt you again either, Jasper. I’m so sorry.”
His lips brush against my collar. His hand guides me until my back touches the carpet below. Lying over me, face to face, Jasper’s eyes turn serious. “I’m in, Riss. I’m all in.”
Finally, he gives me exactly what I need to hear. I stare into his eyes while running my hand through his hair and stopping at the base of his neck. Pulling him down toward me, I focus on his lips which are slightly open with heavy breaths escaping.
Jasper allows the weight of his body to rest on my waist. His pajama pants do very little at hiding what’s going on beneath them. Slowly, he leans down and his lips meet mine. I open them and breathe in the scent of stale cigarette. Smoke has never tasted so good. Jasper barely allows our lips to touch, taunting me with anticipation.
As he hovers over me, his left hand glides up my skirt pulling the side of my underwear down my thigh. I moan with approval, and lift my hips so he can pull the other side down to match.
“Are you ok with this?” he asks with a seriousness I’ve never seen before.
“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.
Jasper leans down and his lips finally meet mine. Fireworks explode between us. A jolt of electricity flies through my body causing a sense of euphoria throughout. My legs begin to shake uncontrollably. Jasper places his hand on my left thigh to hold it still.
“Relax,” he instructs as he moves his lips to my chest.
I grab his sweatshirt and pull him back up demanding his lips meet mine again. Pushing his hood down, I pull softly on his hair to grab his attention.
“What?” he asks.
I bite my lip. “You wanna be my boyfriend now?” I ask.
Jasper laughs. “Since the day we met, Riss.”
I release my hold on his
hair and allow him to return to my lips. I consent myself to get lost in the moment, and give in to Jasper’s desires knowing finally that my heart and my head are on exactly the same page.
Chapter 13
A few weeks have passed and my relationship with Jasper is nauseating to everyone around us. He’s been attentive and romantic; he’s more than I could have ever wished for.
“What are you doing Friday night?” Jasper asks while we lie on the hammock in his front yard.
“Probably hanging with you,” I wink.
“Good.”
I stop reading for a moment a look up at him. “Why?”
“Just keep that night free, ok?”
I scrutinize him with my eyes. “Ok,” I say hesitantly, wondering what he’s up to.
***
Friday morning arrives, and I’m obviously nervous. My phone rings on my nightstand, vibrating so intensely that it falls to the carpet.
“Hello?” I mumble.
“Hey, lady! I need your help today, you free?” Dakota chirps from the other end.
“I’m not sure,” I respond.
“Oh, do you have to check with your boyfriend if it’s ok for you to hang out with your best friend? Lame.”
“Oh, shut up. He has something planned for later I think. I just have to check on a time.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Dakota replies, annoyed.
I shoot a quick text to Jasper and he responds instantly.
“He doesn’t need me until this afternoon. I’ll be over in a little while. What exactly am I helping you with?” I wonder.
“I’ll explain when you get here.”
Throwing a change of clothes in my bag for my night with Jasper, I head over to Dakota’s. She’s awaiting my arrival on the front porch with a giant yellow envelope in her hands.
“What’s up, chica?” I ask as I walk toward her.
She refuses to answer me until I’m within whispering distance.
“I kinda did something,” she starts.
“Like, something illegal?” I ask.
She punches me on the bicep.
“Ouch!” I cry, wincing away in pain. Dakota is ridiculously strong for such a tiny girl.
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