by Karen Booth
When she got home, she whipped off her coat. Sitting in the car thinking about it had only made her that much more eager to put the idea to rest so she could curl up on the couch, turn on an old movie and slip into a vegetative state.
The instructions seemed simple enough—pee on the stick and wait. She did exactly that, studying the clock on her phone until the five minutes were up. Time to check.
Two blue lines.
She scrambled for the instructions, taking several moments before it sank in that she was reading the Spanish directions. She ruffled the paper to the other side. “Two blue lines, two blue lines,” she mumbled, scanning the page. Two blue lines. Pregnant.
Oh, no no no.
The room felt like it was spinning, while her head traveled in the opposite direction and twice as fast. Pregnant? I can’t be. She stared at the lines, but they only darkened the longer she looked at them, as if they were defying her to question the results. She consulted the directions again. A false negative is far more likely than a false positive.
What do I do? Who do I tell? Definitely not her mother. Her mother would freak out, and Anna was ready to freak out enough for a dozen people. She couldn’t call Melanie. She loved Melanie, but she would blab to Adam and that would be bad. Very, very bad. The only answer was Holly. Holly was her biggest ally at LangTel, and if she were being honest, the only female she ever did anything fun with, like going out for drinks.
Holly’s phone seemed to ring for an eternity. “Anna? You’re calling me from your cell? Why didn’t you just walk down to my office?”
“I’m at home. Can you talk without anyone hearing?”
“Two secs. Let me close my office door.” There was a rustle on the other end of the line. “Okay, talk. Wait. Did you hear from you-know-who?”
“No.” Anna rubbed her head. Good thing she’d bought that pain reliever. “I’m pregnant.” No reply came from the other end of the line. “Holly? Are you there?”
“I just saw you two hours ago. What in the heck happened after I threw away the blueberry muffin?”
“It wasn’t until you said that thing about PMS that I realized I’d completely skipped my period. So I came home and took a pregnancy test.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve come with you.”
“Because I was sure it was a stupid idea, that’s why.” It was worse than stupid. If she hadn’t done it, she could’ve been going about her normal miserable day. Now she had to go about her pregnant miserable day.
“Do you know who the father is?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“You weren’t together for much more than six weeks. How many times could you possibly have had sex?”
Anna nearly snorted at the question. You have no idea. She and Jacob had been like rabbits. There was no escaping their physical attraction. It had a life force all its own. It had been made even more carefree by the knowledge that she couldn’t get pregnant. Or so she thought. “Let’s just say that he has a very short recovery time.”
“No wonder you were so bummed out to break up with him.”
Anna sighed. She had indeed been sad to break up with him, although sex wasn’t the reason. She’d fallen in love with the big jerk. “He’s probably going to be the reason LangTel will go down the tubes. I couldn’t exactly look beyond that.” She could never forgive him for that. He not only knew exactly what her family meant to her, he’d known it all along.
“No, I suppose not.”
“So what do I do?” Anna hadn’t even thought beyond this phone call. Making plans was not in her skill set at the moment.
“You have to tell Jacob.”
“What am I supposed to do? Just waltz into his office and announce that I’m sorry that the last time I was there I had to tell him what a bastard he is, and by the way, I’m pregnant with your baby?”
“Think of it this way. It’ll be ten times more awkward when you run into him on the street a year from now and have to explain where you got your little Asian baby.”
A year from now. She might as well have been talking about the abominable snowman. Nothing seemed real anymore, especially not the future. Perhaps that was because she’d grown immune to all of it. Holly had a point, too. There would eventually be a baby to explain, to everyone. There’d be a baby bump before that. “I have to tell my family, too, don’t I?”
“At some point, yes. Nothing makes Christmas morning more uncomfortable than a baby nobody knew about.”
Anna laughed quietly. At last she had Holly around to lighten the mood. “You know what’s ridiculous about this situation? I should be happy right now. I should be jumping up and down in the streets. I really want to have a baby. You know, I went to a fertility doctor about it after my dad passed away.”
“Oh, honey. You did?”
“That’s when they told me that I had so much scar tissue from my appendectomy that it was impossible to conceive until I had it fixed. I never had a chance to have the surgery.”
“This is a miracle baby, Anna. I’m not exactly the sentimental type, but think about that. That’s pretty special. Maybe this was meant to be. For whatever reason, the universe decided that you need this baby.”
Tears sprouted in her eyes, just right out of nowhere. A miracle baby. “I don’t know what to think anymore, honestly, but maybe there is a reason this happened.”
“So when are you going to tell Jacob?”
“Can’t I wait until after I go to the doctor? Maybe wait until the end of the first trimester just in case something goes wrong? The doctor had said the scar tissue could make carrying a pregnancy difficult.”
“You have to tell Jacob, honey. No two ways about that. He deserves to know and he deserves to know now. Every bad thing he did in the past doesn’t change the fact that you and he made a child.”
Thirteen
Jacob was drowning in the dead quiet of his apartment, but he didn’t have the energy to go into the office. Life without Anna wasn’t getting any easier. If anything, it was getting harder.
He sat back in his office chair, rubbing at his stiff neck, feeling sore and achy. He’d been working out too much, not sleeping at all, and eating too little. Self-inflicted discomfort seemed only fitting considering the damage he’d done.
It’d been two weeks now, and each day felt as if it stretched on for eternity, a never-ending dirge of meetings and deals and money. He’d once lived on the adrenaline of it. Now it all felt empty. Every night before he went to bed, he looked at the engagement ring he’d bought for Anna. All of his pain, both physical and emotional, served as a reminder of what he was still holding out hope for—that he would stop the LangTel takeover and win her back.
Jacob’s phone vibrated on his desk. Did he even bother to look? Just another person wanting something from him, most likely, but he had to force himself to check. When he did, he stared at his phone in utter astonishment. Anna.
His heart did a double take, jerking into high gear. Why was she calling? Was it because of the Sunny Side deal? He didn’t want to pin his hopes on anything, but he really hoped she was calling for some other, more personal reason. “Hey,” he said, fumbling with the phone. Was that really the best he could come up with? He sounded like a teenaged boy.
“Hey,” she replied. Her voice was sweet, but distressed, echoing in his mind throughout the most awkward silence Jacob had ever endured.
“How are you?” he asked, deciding the course of polite conversation was the only one to take at this time. He wasn’t about to be defensive with her. Everything bad and ugly had already been said.
“I’ve been better. I need to talk to you and we probably shouldn’t do it over the phone. In fact, I know we shouldn’t.”
“Okay. Do you want to give me a hint?” Honestly, even if she wanted to come ov
er and yell at him some more, he would’ve agreed. He would’ve served refreshments. Anything to see her. Even if it would be painful. He was already hurting more than he could’ve ever imagined.
“Jacob, I just need to talk to you, okay? I can’t bring myself to say it over the phone.”
His heart went back to acting as if it didn’t know what sort of speed was advised. Had she decided she could forgive him? Could he really be that lucky? And how long would it last if he was? There was still one indisputable fact—somewhere in the world, a very big shark was circling LangTel, and Jacob had dumped the blood into the water. If she lost her dream job because of him, there would be no coming back from that. “Yes. Of course. I’ll come to you. Are you at the office?”
“Home.”
He frowned. Anna never missed work. Ever. Had she left her job? Another big blow-up with Adam? Neither of those things made sense. She’d made it clear this was between them. Maybe she really was ready to reconcile. Maybe she felt as he did, that the other things between them, although messy, didn’t usurp feelings. “I’m leaving right now.”
The entire car ride was a lesson in patience, his curiosity killing him and his hopes refusing to be tempered, however much he wanted them to go away. He couldn’t help it. He hoped she’d reconsidered.
Anna had left word with the doorman and Jacob took the elevator up to her floor, walking double-time down the hall to her apartment.
“Hi,” she said when she opened the door.
The vision of Anna hit him the way an avalanche throws a mountain of snow down to the foothills. Her cheeks were blanched and her eyes pink and puffy. She’d been crying. Whatever this was, it was bad. He filed in to her kitchen, immediately plunged back into the familiar comfort of being with Anna, the one that made him feel as though he never wanted to be anywhere else, even when she was standing before him with her arms crossed, leaving a barrier between them.
“I don’t want to make this any more of a big deal than it already is,” she said, sniffling. “I’m pregnant and you’re the only person who can be the father.”
“Pregnant?” He remained calm on the outside, but his mind raced so fast he didn’t know which way was up. His brain was a jumble of contradictory thoughts. A baby?
“Yes, Jacob. Pregnant.”
Was this some sort of trick? “But I thought you couldn’t get pregnant.”
“I thought the same thing. The doctor had said it was virtually impossible for me to conceive.”
“Virtually? So not completely impossible? Because you told me it was flat-out impossible.”
“Virtually, completely. Does it really make that big of a difference?” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe you have superhero sperm. I don’t know. Don’t assume this is my fault. And remember, we were both there. It’s not like I went and did this on my own.”
Superhero sperm. His male ego wasn’t about to argue that point. He started to say something else, to continue the argument, but one thing that had made him successful in business was his ability to accept facts and deal with problems, rather than burying his head in the sand. A pregnancy—a baby. That was a fact.
He’d told himself he would never have children. Not after the way his parents raised him—moving him from boarding school to boarding school, depending on his father’s opinion of whether or not Jacob was being challenged enough with his studies. His dad pushed and pushed. There was no other speed and there was no nurturing any skills beyond academic, except for maybe the years he’d been forced to play classical piano when what he’d really wanted to learn was how to play guitar.
Was it even in his DNA to be loving and caring the way a dad should be? His father had given him a mind for business and that was about it. Such was the legacy of Henry Lin—mold your child in your image and tell him hundreds of times that you expect him to stay that way. Jacob had done it for the most part. After all, he was exceptional at doing exactly what his father did— making money. He had homes and cars and bank accounts to prove it. He merely didn’t want to repeat his father’s mistake, which had been becoming a dad in the first place.
“Jacob? Are you even listening to me? Are you going to say something?” Anna asked.
He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’d never thought I would ever become a dad. This is just a lot to deal with at one time.”
Anna’s jaw dropped. “This is a lot for you to deal with? Why don’t you ask the person who had to pee on a plastic stick how she’s feeling about all of this?” She wrapped her sweater around her tightly. “I should’ve known better than to think that you would even care about this. You care about money and your pride and your stupid motorcycles and that’s about it. Obviously the man who decided it was perfectly fine to destroy my family wouldn’t care at all about the fact that he was going to be a dad. Goodbye, Jacob. Have a nice life. Don’t make me call the doorman and tell him to come up here.” She whipped around and rushed out of the room.
He chased her down the hall, grabbing her arm just outside her bedroom door. “Anna, stop.”
She turned, not making eye contact, her chest heaving. “Just let me go, Jacob. Just let me go.”
Her words, broken and desperate, gnawed at his heart. How could he let her go? He didn’t want to. He’d spent the last several weeks missing her, desperately. “I’m sorry. Truly.” The words about to roll off his tongue next, the ones about wanting to embrace her, wanting closeness with her just wouldn’t come out. His feelings about Anna hadn’t changed since the breakup, but being near her was a powerful reminder of how badly losing her had hurt in the first place. “Tell me what I can do.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t need you to do anything, okay? I’m a grown woman and I can handle this on my own. Obviously this is more than you’re equipped to deal with, so don’t worry about it. I’ll have plenty of support from my family. The baby and I will be fine.”
A vision materialized—Anna and a baby. The baby. Their baby. Could he go on with his everyday life knowing they were out there doing the same without him? And what kind of man would that make him? Not only no better than his father, he would be far worse. “No, Anna. You’re not going to handle this on your own. I will help you with whatever you and the baby need.”
“I don’t want you to do this out of some sense of obligation. That’s not what I want.”
“Well, of course that’s part of it. How can it not be? This is just as much my responsibility as it is yours. Just because you’re carrying the child doesn’t mean that I don’t need to share the burden equally.”
“Burden? Is that how you see this? Because if you’re going to use words like that, I can’t even have you around. I need support. My entire life has fallen apart in the last year. I lost my dad, I’ve probably lost my dream job, and don’t forget that my family’s corporation is in serious danger of being dismantled, in large part, thanks to you. How is this even going to work, Jacob? How will we ever find a happy medium when my family hates you and you hate them right back?”
When she had the nerve to be so blatant with their circumstances, it certainly did seem as though they were screwed. The weeks apart of wanting her back hadn’t changed any of it. “I don’t hate your family, Anna. Your brother and your family are not the same thing. I can see that much. I had very strong feelings for you. Much stronger than I ever anticipated. I told you I was in love with you and I meant it. That didn’t go away.”
“But it did go away. You lied to me.”
“I kept the truth from you. To protect you. I couldn’t put you in the middle of the mess I’d made. I don’t know why you can’t see that.”
“I don’t want to argue semantics. I’m just telling you how I feel. That hasn’t changed.”
“Okay. Fine. I get it. Regardless, I’m not going to walk away from you and this baby.” Had h
e really just said that? A baby. It was far too surreal. “I’m all-in.”
“You do realize this isn’t a card game. We’re not placing bets.”
“Of course I know that. I’m not an idiot.”
“And I need to know that you’re sure. This is an all-or-nothing proposition. You don’t get to change your mind later.”
“I’m not going to change my mind.”
“We don’t even know what’s going to happen. The doctor didn’t just tell me that I couldn’t conceive, he told me it would be nearly impossible for me to carry a pregnancy to term.”
How much more harsh reality could there be between them? Not much. “I understand. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m half of this and that means I will participate and be there for whatever you need.”
She sighed deeply and rewrapped her sweater around her waist, binding it to her body tightly. It was hard to believe there was a tiny person growing inside her—one half her, one half him.
“Just so we’re clear, this does not mean we’re back together,” she said resolutely. “We’ll have to work out the specifics when the time comes, but this partnership is about having a baby and that’s it.”
He fought the exasperated breath that wanted to leak out of him. He deserved this, the universe’s way of reminding him that every action brought a reaction. He’d done the wrong thing, and atoning for that apparently came in the form of partnering with the woman he loved while under direct orders that there would be no reconciliation. “Clearly, you’re calling the shots here.”
She looked down at the floor, and when her eyes returned to his, he could see exactly how scared she was. It brought back, with a vengeance, the all-too-familiar ache for her. “Well, if you want to be involved, you can start by coming with me to my first doctor’s appointment. Thursday. Ten a.m.”
Jacob had a huge meeting scheduled that morning—a deal he’d been working on for months. “Of course. I’ll be there.”
