by A. J. Pine
He leaned down to kiss her cheek, and her skin was warm to the touch, warmer than usual.
“You okay?” he asked. “The heat getting to you?”
She turned to face him, and her forehead was beaded with sweat.
“Maybe a little,” she said. “It was hotter than I thought it would be tonight.”
He nodded even though he thought the temperature had gone down a bit along with the sun.
“We’ll get you in the cool car soon. I just want to say good-bye to Willow after she wraps up. That okay with you?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Of course.” But then she swayed where she stood—and not the dancing kind of sway.
He caught her before she toppled over, sliding his arm beneath hers.
As if she knew, Willow caught his eye right as it happened, and he mouthed We need to go. Sorry.
She blew them both a kiss, and he made a mental note to call her later and fill her in. But first he had to get Jenna out of the heat and into the car.
“Hey,” he said, and Jenna tilted her gaze to meet his. “Are you sure you’re okay? Can you walk? I’ll catch up with Willow later. We’re going to head out behind the stage. That’s the quickest way to the car.” Willow had introduced them to the security crew on the way in, so it wouldn’t be a problem to sneak out an unofficial exit.
She scoffed. “I’m fine. Just a little hot. That’s all. See?” She pushed away from him and strode haughtily in the direction he’d pointed, so he shrugged and followed her.
Maybe she’d just been momentarily light-headed. Either way, it was best to get her cooled off and start heading home.
Since they’d long finished the water from the frozen yogurt shop, Colt grabbed a bottle from one of the food trucks that was still hanging around on the outskirts of the park. It was only a few minutes until they made it to the parking garage and then the car, but Jenna already looked worse as she leaned against the door, her cheeks flushed and her lips pale.
Colt unlocked the door and helped her inside, fastened her seatbelt, and then handed her the cold bottle of water.
“Drink this,” he said. “It’ll help.” At least he hoped it would.
In his line of work, Colt was well aware of the symptoms of heatstroke, and Jenna’s added up, all except for the sweating. The hot skin and lack of perspiration were the surefire signs.
He hopped into the driver’s seat, which was still pushed all the way back from their earlier activities. What a difference a few hours made.
He got the car running and turned on the air before adjusting his seat.
“Mmm,” she hummed as the air blew out from vents. It wasn’t yet cool, but at least it was something. “That feels nice.”
She’d barely sipped the water and was instead holding it against her neck while she closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the seat.
“Jenna,” he said. “You’re kind of worrying me. Maybe I should get you to a doctor.”
She shook her head. “I’m fine. Really.” She rubbed her hand up and down his thigh. “I just need to cool off and maybe take a little nap if that’s okay. You can play my music if you want,” she said groggily. “I’ve got that song, the one from the movie I was telling you about…”
She sighed and trailed off, leaning her head against the window.
Sleep was probably a good idea. Colt wasn’t a doctor, but everyone felt better after a little rest.
“You got it, Texas,” he said softly. “If there’s anything you need, though, you’ll let me know, right?”
She nodded and patted his knee before pulling her hand back to her own lap.
“Righty-o, cowboy,” she said and then drifted off.
Colt opted for no music at all during the ride but instead kept an ear out for Jenna, now and then pressing his palm to her cheek to see if she was still burning up.
She was.
They were twenty minutes outside Meadow Valley when she bolted upright in her seat.
“Pull over!” she cried. “OhmyGod Colt pull over, please!”
His heart rate sped up as he veered onto the shoulder of the highway and pretty much slammed on the brakes once they were free and clear from being rear-ended.
The car had barely come to a stop when Jenna threw open her door and flew out.
He wasn’t far behind when he found her squatting in the grass, her back to him and one hand held up in his direction as if for him to halt.
“I don’t want you to see me like this!” she called out, but then he heard her retch.
He couldn’t just leave her be. So he didn’t.
In seconds he was holding her hair and rubbing her back as she did what she needed to do.
“This isn’t from—you know—the gummy worms, is it?” he asked when she seemed to have emptied herself completely. He was only half kidding, because obviously something wasn’t sitting right.
She shook her head. “Food poisoning,” she said, her voice weak. “I had it once before. And if it’s anything like the last time, this is just the beginning.”
“But we all ate…” He stopped. “Willow and I had shawarma. You had fish tacos.” So much for him finally taking her out for some real food.
She responded with something between a whimper and a laugh. “Guess Luis doesn’t have any competition after all.”
She still wouldn’t turn to face him, but he pressed a palm to her cheek.
“Jesus, Jenna. You’re on fire. I think we need to go to the ER. You’re going to need fluids.”
She nodded. “Can you get me a napkin or something? Please? And maybe the water?”
“Yeah. Of course.” Colt ran back to the car and grabbed what she needed. He waited a few paces back while she cleaned herself up, then helped her back into the car.
“I’m sorry,” she said weakly. “We didn’t even get to say good-bye to Willow.”
“It’s okay,” he said, getting the vehicle back on the road and grabbing her hand with his. “All that matters is you right now, okay?”
She nodded, and he put the pedal to the metal. The hospital was only two exits from where they were, and all he could think about was how much he hated seeing her suffer and what he wouldn’t do to fix it. What he wouldn’t do for this woman. Period.
They barely made it into the waiting room before Jenna was sick again, this time in a hospital version of those lovely bags you find on airplanes the woman behind the registration desk had handed her.
“Can you fill out her paperwork, sir?” she asked Colt, and he nodded. “Good. We have an open exam room we can take her to right now, and you can do it there.”
He followed nervously as a health care assistant pushed Jenna in a wheelchair to the designated room. Once there, he began scribbling on the forms at breakneck speed, as if filling it out faster meant she’d be better faster.
“Middle name?” he asked as she lay with her eyes squeezed shut on the exam table.
“Beatrice,” she said with a small groan. “It was my grandmother’s name.”
Her reaction made him smile. His Jenna was still there, regardless of the pain she was in.
“Insurance?” he asked.
“In my purse,” she said, pointing to where it still hung across her torso.
He filled in the pertinent information and then got to the medical history.
“Any allergies to medication?” he asked.
“No.”
“To latex?” he added, and she shook her head.
“Up to date on vaccinations?”
“I think,” she said. “Maybe. I don’t know. Say yes.”
She bolted up, hand on her stomach, but then blew out a relieved breath.
“False alarm,” she said, lying back down and closing her eyes again. “But my head is throbbing and my stomach is churning, and I’d really like to get off this ride.”
“Soon, Texas. I promise,” he said. “Date of your last menstrual period? Wow. Can’t remember the last time I asked a woman that.�
�� He laughed and waited for her to remember the date, ready to write it down.
“Don’t get it anymore,” she said. “Full hysterectomy. Six years ago. And if there’s a part about past surgeries, you can add my tonsils when I was a kid.”
His hand froze with the pen still resting above the box that read No, and something—no, everything—inside him sank as low as it could possibly go.
A second later, Jenna’s eyes flew open, and she pushed herself up to sitting.
“Colt…” was all she said because she must have seen it in his eyes. In one stupid hospital intake questionnaire, he’d gone from man in love to man who’d gotten the rug pulled out from under him. Again.
And then the doctor walked in, followed by a nurse rolling an IV over to the side of Jenna’s bed, blocking her from his view.
Chapter Twenty
Jenna woke with a start in a strange bed in an equally strange room. It took her several seconds to get her bearings, but the tube in her arm and the man sleeping in the chair next to her bed gave her the clues she needed to piece it all together.
Willow’s concert.
Fish tacos.
Food poisoning.
Colt finding out before she had a chance to properly tell him.
He was still here, though. That meant something, right?
Last night her fever had spiked to 104 degrees before finally breaking sometime around 3 a.m. The time between the ER and being admitted was a haze. This morning, even though she felt like a train had hit her, backed up, and hit her again for good measure, she still felt a million times better than when they’d arrived the night before.
“Hey,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “Are you awake?”
His long body looked anything but comfortable in the cramped chair, and when he shifted at her words, he did so with a groan. He blinked and straightened, then rolled his neck to either side. His stubble now looked like the start of a beard, and dark circles rimmed his usually vibrant brown eyes.
“I’m not sure who looks worse,” she said, attempting to make light of what she knew would soon be a heavy, heavy situation. “You or me.”
“How do you feel?” he asked, his tone still full of warmth but also something else she didn’t recognize.
“Both like hell and a hell of a lot better, if that makes any sense,” she said.
He nodded once.
“My phone is dead,” he said flatly. “I’ll go check the time.”
He rose from the chair with a quick, painful glance in her direction, rolled his neck one more time, and then strode out of the room. He was back a minute later with a cup full of ice chips.
“It’s six in the morning,” he said. “Nurse said you can try these, see if you can keep them down.”
He handed her the cup.
“Thank you,” she said. “Not just for this.”
He moved past her bed and to the window that looked out onto the parking lot, and she popped an ice chip into her mouth. She couldn’t remember anything ever tasting so good.
“Can we talk?” she asked. “About last night? About what I meant to tell you in a much better way than—”
“Not now, Jenna. Not here,” he said, spinning to face her. The words weren’t cruel or angry. They weren’t anything, and somehow that scared her more than if he’d been mad.
“So, what? I get discharged, head back to the ranch, and we have a big blowout there?”
He ran his hand through his hair. He looked so tired, so defeated, and it clicked. It clicked so hard Jenna swore she actually heard something snap.
“This was only supposed to be a fling,” she said, hating the words as they came out of her mouth. “We weren’t supposed to—we agreed that…” She shook her head, realizing that she hadn’t done anything wrong here. Neither of them had. The situation just—sucked. But they could get past it, couldn’t they? “You know what? Screw what we decided,” she said. “I know how I feel, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same, which means we should be able to figure this out.”
“Jenna,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please. Not now. Not when you’re—”
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. Her head swam, but only for a couple of seconds, and then she felt like she was standing on solid ground. She made sure her gown was closed in the back then did her best to stand tall and unwavering—in front of the IV bag to which she was connected.
“There,” she said. “We’ve both got equal footing here. No one has home-court advantage, so to speak. So out with it. You want a family, and I can’t give you one, and that makes you angry.”
“Please,” he said again, and the pain in his voice gutted her.
“Admit it,” she countered, still pushing because the only way out of this for either of them was through. “You’re angry. You feel duped or misled or…”
“Jenna, I’m begging you. I don’t want to do this here. Not before I know you’re okay.”
Because they weren’t going to survive this. He wanted her to be okay before he ended what they never should have started.
“No,” she said, her throat tight. “We’re almost out of time as it is.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw, and he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Fine,” he said, starting to pace. “You want to know everything, Jenna? Here it is. I lost my family. I spent years of my life feeling like I was nothing more than a burden or a meal ticket to whoever took me in. I could have continued down the dark path I was on as a teen, but instead I found Ben and Sam. I found Willow again. And I found—” He shook his head and let out a bitter laugh. “I found a girl I thought was the love of my life—until she told me she didn’t want to have kids. Turns out, though, that she just didn’t want them with me.”
His voice broke on the last word, and Colt cleared his throat, then inhaled deeply through his nose.
“Oh God, Colt,” she said, her own voice shaking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“And I didn’t know you couldn’t…” He trailed off, unable to even say the words.
“Couldn’t have a family of my own,” she said flatly.
“I’m in love with you, Jenna. I know that wasn’t the plan, but there it is. I fell for you, and maybe if I’d have known…”
Tears burned the corners of her eyes, and her cheeks suddenly flamed with anger. “It wasn’t yours to know,” she said. “I didn’t owe you that information.”
Colt flinched, his eyes wide. “Jenna…I didn’t say…I didn’t mean—”
But she was on fire now. She couldn’t stop.
“If you’d have known when you met me that I couldn’t have children, you’d have made sure you didn’t fall for me, because someone like me couldn’t possibly be enough, right?”
Her pulse raced, and the room started to spin, so she lowered herself onto the side of the bed.
Colt stopped in front of her and dropped to a squat, his hand on her knees.
She sucked in a breath, not prepared for how she’d still react to his touch.
“Jenna,” he said softly. “I’m just trying to take this all in. Can you maybe cut me a little slack? It’s a lot to realize you’re in love with someone and—all this at the same time. I don’t know what the right words are here.”
The right words would be that she was enough. That despite all the possible directions her life could have gone when she was younger, everything she was today was enough.
But it wasn’t fair to ask him for that. It wasn’t fair to ask him to give up his future for her. So she’d sacrifice their hearts for both their good.
“You should go,” she finally said. “I can call someone to pick me up.” Her throat was tight and her chest ached and she just needed this to be done. There was no need to prolong the pain.
“Jenna, I’m not just going to leave you here.”
She wrapped her hands around his, and then squeezed them, and gently pushed them off her knees.
“Please?” she said, unabl
e to hide the tremor in her voice. “I think that would be easiest. For both of us.”
He hung his head, shaking it from side to side.
“Colt,” she said. “Now I’m begging you.”
He rose to his full height and crossed his arms, and Jenna hated that even now she wished he was wrapping them around her instead.
“So that’s it, then? I don’t get to say anything else?” he asked.
“Are you going to say that you were just kidding? That you don’t want someone who can give you the family you’ve always wanted? I’m not faulting you for that. But I can’t stand the look in your eyes right now that tells me that even if you do love me, it’s not enough.” She’d already lost her heart to him, so there was nothing left to lose by putting it all out there, blunt and clear so there were no more misunderstandings.
“Jenna,” he said, but he hesitated first. And that hesitation was all she needed.
“Good-bye, Colt.” She swiped away the tears that were falling freely from both eyes.
He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it.
“Good-bye,” she said again, barely holding it together.
He let out a long, shaky breath, and then strode out the door.
“I loved you too,” she said out loud, not sure if he was still close enough to hear. But at least it was out there.
She dropped her head into her hands, alone in a hospital room in a town that had almost felt like it could one day be home, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Everything the past two weeks had been for what? To prove to herself that she could relive the life she’d lost?
Hanging on to the past was getting her nowhere.
She pulled the journal from Jack out of her bag and opened it to the one page she’d used, her list, and ripped it out.
Then she crumpled it up and tossed it onto the table next to her hospital bed.
Jenna was done looking backward. She was done thinking it was selfish of her to want more than she already had.
She deserved a happily ever after instead of just a happy for now.
It just wouldn’t include Colt Morgan.
An hour later she was released, but before she could attempt a ride share so as not to bother anyone back at the ranch, Barbara Ann, Sam’s mother, showed up at her hospital room.
