by Deanna Kent
“Look down, Ophelia! Everyone’s waiting for us!” Oscar exclaimed. “I bet the FFBI committee is surprised we got the diamond! And with only eight minutes to spare!”
The earth got closer and closer, and Ophelia coached Oscar on his landing pose. “This is important, Oscar. Right when you touch the ground, turn your left side away from the cameras, then smile. Ready, set, SMILE!” They hit the patch of grass together, but Oscar lost his balance and rolled into some nearby shrubs.
Ophelia landed perfectly (she did, after all, have many years of practice), and her grin was as bright as any gem she’d ever nabbed.
Ophelia looked around and wasn’t disappointed with the efforts of the FFBI celebration committee. Because it was the fifth-year anniversary of the big competition, the party was fancy to the next level. The grounds were magnificent. She wanted to sprint to the stage and claim her prize but held back and strutted slowly up the aisle so she could take it all in.
“Good morning! Pink punch for you?” A server offered her a diamond-shaped glass.
“Don’t mind if I do.” She smiled. “What lovely mew-sic.” She paused as a troupe of talented mew-sicians played in front of her.
A party host fluttered by. “Did you get your swag bag yet? Don’t miss out on the sparkle!”
“I make it my mission to never miss any sparkle.” Ophelia noted that some of the greatest cat burglars in the world were there (and dressed to the nines). Right before she got to the stage, Ophelia stopped to fix her fur. She took a deep breath. She was ready.
“Excuse me, excuse me!” A short chap with odd facial features and plenty of accessories blocked the red-carpeted stairs.
Ophelia raised a perfect eyebrow at him. “You want to take the diamond? I already did that!” She winked.
“Hee-hee! Yes. Of course, I don’t mean take it. The FFBI requires that I authenticate it. You know, to make sure it’s not fake. After I give the committee the word that it’s the real deal, you’ll be presented with your well-deserved Purr-fect Heist trophy.”
Ophelia opened up her bag and handed him the jewel. “Careful. It’s heavy!”
He held it in both hands. “It’s lovely! Again, congratulations. I’ll be right back!”
“Keep your focus sharp and your claws sharper.”
—Ophelia von Hairball V
16
FIN
With an admirable amount of drama, Oscar flopped onto the ground, and his tail slashed back and forth in frustration. His frantic movements caused his S.P.I.T. to fill with bubbles. “After all that! You just handed the diamond to your conniving cousin! He’s going to win!”
“Wow! Nice fin-flips,” Ophelia complimented him. “So theatrical! Have you ever thought of a career on the stage?”
“Aren’t you upset?” he barked. “Think about what he’s DONE! Pierre stole your mail! He fishnapped me! He made you SWIM! And now the rotten scoundrel is going to take your PRIZE—your FAME!!”
Ophelia crossed her paws and watched as the gemologist (aka Pierre) tripped up the stairs and (accidentally) mopped the floor with his massive eyebrow.
“It’s too much! I can’t watch!” Oscar piped up. He held his fins over his S.P.I.T.
“Ah, but you must watch,” she assured him. “In fact, let’s get closer.”
Once Pierre made it to the middle of the stage, he handed the gem to the real FFBI authenticator. Ophelia walked calmly toward the stage, and the crowd quieted as it sensed an infamous rivalry was about to come to a delightfully tense confrontation. It would be such a scandal if Pierre took the prize this year! Oscar followed Ophelia to the bottom of the stairs, where they stood together to watch.
Pierre’s eyes caught Ophelia’s and he shook with fury. “You!” he hissed. “What did you do?!”
Everyone onstage turned to see who Pierre was talking to. As if surprised by the attention, Ophelia gave a little wave. “Oh, hello,” she purred. “I do believe I have the real Himalayan diamond here.”
She walked up the stairs and held the magnificent gem above her head for the world to see. (She made sure the light was shining through it to produce beautiful rainbows on her face.) The real gemologist took out his loupe and studied the gem. With his nod, there were more flashbulbs and the crowd went wild. It was a divine moment—indeed, almost as divine as the one and only Ophelia von Hairball V.
“Ophelia von Hairball V of Burglaria! We present to you the FFBI’s fifth Annual Purr-fect Heist trophy. Speech!”
With an air of confidence and in a regal pose she held for all the cameras to capture, Ophelia stood at the podium with Oscar by her side. “Thank you so much. It’s tough to be a cat burglar with class these days. And yet, despite all the obstacles I face”—she looked to Oscar—“the obstacles we face … we somehow figure things out in fabulous ways. Although I normally work alone, I would like to say thank-you to all my associates and especially my inventor, Oscar Fishgerald Gold.”
Beside her, Oscar beamed.
After all the flashbulbs died down, Oscar was blinking furiously. “Remind me to spray my S.P.I.T. with antiglare solution.” He looked up at his feline paw-rtner in crime. “Ophelia, thank you for the recognition. One question, though.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “How did you get a second diamond?”
“A great burglar is always prepared, my fine fish. I had a decoy diamond the whole time. Why do you think I was so insistent on taking my bag off the garbage barge?”
“Where will you put your newest gem?” Oscar asked.
“Sadly, it’s a bit heavy to wear. Perhaps I’ll put it in the kitchen for a while—maybe in the fruit bowl—before I return it to the Mew-seum.”
“So …” He looked at her hopefully. “Remember how you said I could have a manicure if you took me on a heist? Stealing the diamond back from Pierre totally counts. But since I don’t have claws, will you promise to take me on the next adventure instead? What is our next adventure?”
“Our next adventure? I personally need a very long nap,” Ophelia said.
“I was thinking we could partner up on another heist really soon?”
There was an awkward pause. “Oscar, I value your talents. You’re inventive, and your fashion sense is divine. But you do understand that you’re never coming on a mission with me ever again, don’t you?”
“What? Why? Coming where? Where are you going next? Because if it’s Switzerland, I’m in! I’ve been practicing my ski moves. I’ll make P.U.G. a custom snowboard and we can all go….”
“How many times do I have to tell you, cat? P.U.G. doesn’t run on batteries. It’s solar-powered. If you want to stop the robo-dog, you’ll have to steal the sun.”
“Don’t tempt me, fish.” She winked at him.
All the way back to Ophelia’s lair, from the basket of a very fancy hot-air balloon, Oscar pretended he was on a ski hill, his little fins jumping over imaginary moguls. Ophelia managed to ignore him and enjoyed a catnap.
“Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But if you’re me, you always win.”
—Ophelia von Hairball V
EPILOGUE
FFBI CAT BURGLAR TIP: The world is filled with claw-some surprises. You never know where you might find the purr-fect pair of gloves, a lovely smile, new shoes, or even an unlikely sidekick for an unexpected adventure.
LOOK FOR THE NEXT MISSION!
Ophelia von Hairball V of Burglaria
---------- in -----------
COMING IN 2019!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
“Neil! Wake up!” This series was born in the middle of the night with a ridiculous question about a goldfish. It was the wrong question, but the answer morphed into a bunch of unexpected stuff, like a multitude of Ophelia and Oscar sketches on sticky notes all over the house and countless hours of writing while sitting on the bleachers of many (stinky) middle school basketball courts. This journey has been an unwavering commitment to what-ifs and whimsy, and we couldn’t have done it alone.
For Sam, Ma
x, Zach, and Jake—we want you to know that even though we sometimes have our heads in made-up worlds, we love the real-life world with you the best. For our family and friends—we’re so happy you let us (and our overactive imaginations) take up space in your lives. And for librarians everywhere—especially Sharon Bede and Sherry Nasedkin—thank you for being the unsung heroes and tour guides to endless worlds.
Thank you to our supersavvy agent, the one-and-only Gemma Cooper of the Bent Agency. We’re so lucky to have your brains, instinct, and love of goldfish backing us. To Erin Stein—our brilliant, fabulous, claw-some editor/publisher at Macmillan’s bold Imprint—your insight and feedback make this series (and us!) so much better. Gemma and Erin, the gratitude we have for you both (and your incredible teams) is grand and everlasting.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR & ILLUSTRATOR
DEANNA KENT and NEIL HOOSON have worked on books, brand and marketing campaigns, and interactive experiences. Deanna loves twinkle-lights, black licorice, and Edna Mode, and she may be the only person on the planet who says “teamwork makes the dream work” without a hint of sarcasm. Neil is king of a Les Paul guitar, makes killer enchiladas, and really wants aliens to land in his backyard. By far, their greatest creative challenge is raising four (very busy, very amazing) boys. Snazzy Cat Capers is their first chapter book series. You can sign up for author updates here.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
FUR-WORD
1 REBEL WITH SOME (LOVELY) CLAWS
2 CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FUR
3 P.U.G. & PRICKLES
4 A PURR-FECT STORM
5 PAWS-ITIVELY PREPARED
6 FIN-VENTOR ON THE MOVE
7 A SERIES OF UN-FUR-TUNATE EVENTS
8 NOT A-MEWS-ED
9 SEA YOU LATER
10 PLANS FUR-LORN
11 MEW, MEW, MEW-SEUM
12 CAT-CH ME IF YOU CAN
13 TIP THE SCALES
14 GOLD-FIN-GER
15 CRIMINAL MEWS-TERMIND
16 FIN
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR & ILLUSTRATOR
Copyright
A part of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
SNAZZY CAT CAPERS. Copyright © 2018 by GrumpyFish Creative, Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America by LSC Communications, Harrisonburg, Virginia.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018936703
eISBN 978-1-250-14342-6
Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension. 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].
Illustrations by Neil Hooson
Imprint logo designed by Amanda Spielman
First edition, 2018
mackids.com
FFBI Official Bulletin
Attention, cat burglars: Book thievery is not deemed honorable by the Furry Feline Burglary Institute. Those who do not comply will be cursed with catnip shortages and dog breath.
