Every once in a while, I’d suggest that she try something on— like a slinky red dress being modeled by one of the mannequins that would have looked killer on her— but she just tsk tsked at me, unwilling to be distracted from the task at hand.
At a beauty store, Jody rummaged through eyeshadows and lipsticks and lotions while I walked around picking things up and putting them down, completely baffled. Why were women curling their eyelashes with things that looked like torture devices? What did women need with primer? When I thought about primer, I thought about painting walls, not faces. The most surprising thing to me, however, was the price tags attached to some of those items. People were paying eighty dollars for two fluid ounces of a product that claimed it could turn back time on their sunspots and wrinkles? I was dubious.
A woman could do whatever she wanted with her own face, but one of the things I liked so much about Jody was how confident and comfortable she seemed in her skin. She barely wore makeup, dressed in a way that complimented her curves without being too fussy, and let her wavy hair do what it wanted. She was natural and not afraid to get her hands dirty. Blame it on being a small-town boy that grew up around a bunch of farmers, but I liked that she knew how to work the land and take care of the earth. I’d much rather have a woman that could plow a field than a woman that knew how to wield an eyeliner pen.
When she grabbed my arm so that I could supply my credit card at the cash register, I was relieved to see that the damage was minimal. “It’s hard to find makeup products that are cruelty-free. I thought I’d introduce your sister to brands that don’t test on animals.”
“You’re not playing around with the activism, are you?”
She shook her head. “Nope. Now I just have to write to the cruelty-free companies that are still using packaging that’s not biodegradable.”
I steered Jody away before she noticed the shop girl’s condescending eye roll.
By the time we made it back to my car, our arms were loaded down with spoils: a fleece-lined pullover, a pair of leggings, dangly silver earrings, a couple of shirts, and some nail polish and eyeshadow in subtle shades. Thinking that Amy could probably use comfort as she continued to heal, I’d also bought a journal and a cozy matching flannel pajama set.
Lucky for me, most of clothing Jody picked out had been plucked from the sales rack.
“Thanks for your help today,” I said, reaching over the emergency break to squeeze Jody’s thigh. “Amy’s going to love what you picked out.”
“She’s lucky to have a brother like you, even though I’m pretty sure she’s not going to know it for a while.”
“And why’s that?”
“She’s right around the age where boys are going to come calling soon, and something tells me you’re going to make it your job to scare them all away.”
“If any of them are as interested in her as I am in you, they’ll be persistent,” I said, urging myself to get up the courage to finally lean over and claim her mouth the way I’d wanted to all day. The more engrossed she’d become in her mission, the more I could observe her: the sway of her hips, how she spoke to strangers, the way she filled her cheeks with air when she was mid-decision. The thing my eyes had reverted to again and again was her plump bottom lip. I had to know how it tasted, how soft it was.
My resolve to kiss her came just a second too late.
A wintery mix of slushy rain and hail came barreling down from out of nowhere, pinging against her windshield with such violence I was afraid that one of the icy balls might crack the glass.
“Shit,” she uttered, jamming her key in the ignition and turning. “Looks like I better hurry up and get us out of here.”
“There’s a parking deck right around the corner. We could hide out there for a while so you don’t end up with any hail damage.”
She shook her head, easing the car into drive. “I’m more worried about getting the two of us home safely. I can’t drive on snow or ice to save my life and something tells me that if we wait, some of the slush that’s coming down is going to freeze.”
I did my best to conceal my disappointment, my dreams of fogging up her Honda by getting hot and heavy in the back seat all dashed. “You’re probably right.”
I kept quiet on the way home. Jody drove hunched over the steering wheel, squinting to see where the lines were on the road through the slush. On the coast, no one knew how to handle winter weather. It happened so infrequently that our transportation office never seemed to have road salt or plows prepped at the right times. I did my best not to grab at the side door in panic every time I was sure we were going to skid into something, not wanting to make her any more nervous than she already was. I sent up a silent prayer of gratitude when my building was finally in sight.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked. “I’m a little nervous about you driving any further on your own.”
“I would, but it’s only about a mile and I have to get back to studying for Spanish. At this rate, the statistical likelihood of my flunking that exam seems much higher than the likelihood I crash between here and my apartment.”
After witnessing the way she abused her brakes I was inclined to argue, but it was clear she’d made up her mind. I watched her peel away, holding my breath as she fishtailed out of my parking lot. At least she’d promised to text me once she got home safe.
It wasn’t until later that night that I realized Amy’s gifts were still sitting in Jody’s trunk.
13
My friends back in Norlina dunked on me constantly for my decision not to date growing up. They’d joke that I didn’t have game, that I was afraid of any girl that wasn’t my mom or a teacher, that I had something to hide. Some days, they’d suggest I wasn’t into chicks. Other days, they’d suggest girls wouldn’t be satisfied by what God gave me.
None of those things were the truth.
My brother, sister, and I all had three different fathers. Each of the guys was good to my mom in the beginning while they were getting what they wanted. They’d bring roses and chocolates, take her to the steakhouse the next town over, tell her she was beautiful. Each of the guys eventually disappeared, usually right around the time they discovered a baby was on the way.
As accomplished and whip-smart as my mother was, love was the one thing that always dimmed her judgement.
Having three baby daddies in a small town like ours meant that she was always fodder for the town gossip mill. People liked to speculate and implicate and belittle. They were just smart enough not to do it to her face. Since the women of town were busy bodies, they knew mom had served as a Lieutenant General. She could bark loud, operate a machine gun, lift more than twice her body weight, and probably do pushups in her sleep. They waited until she was safely out of earshot to drag her name through the mud. Not only did she have the power to do some serious damage, she also had the power to ban them from the only restaurant worth a damn for miles. Where else would they go after church for Sunday supper or to get their PTA events catered?
My mom knew she was a town joke. She was just classier than her attackers, turning the other cheek and focusing on her family.
Growing up, I’d told myself that until I could be a man that was worthy of the mantle of husband and father, there was no use in bothering to date. I didn’t want to be a worthless piece of shit like my father had been. I didn’t want to break someone’s heart or ruin their reputation. More than that, I certainly didn’t want to help create a life just to walk away from it.
I’d always assumed the day I decided to date would come after I finished college and had the means to support a family.
Life doesn’t turn out the way we think it will, though. Soon, I was going to be my sister’s parental guardian and the family’s breadwinner. It seemed like enough of a reason to adjust the strict rules that I’d made for myself. That, and the way I felt every time Jody Daniels looked at me. My heart would swell, my pulse would race, and something inside me shifted into some kind of protective and p
ossessive caveman.
Mine. She had to be mine. I wanted to know what her perfume smelled like on my pillow, what she looked like in one of my shirts, if she snored, how she’d get along with my little sister. I wanted all of it. Even the things other people complained about like bedhead and morning breath.
Jody was a loyal friend, a pool shark, a woman comfortable enough with silence that she could just be instead of jabbering incessantly about things that weren’t important. She’d gotten the stamp of approval— unsolicited— from everyone at my church from the sweet elderly ladies to the minister. After doing some mild Googling, I’d found out that she’d even won an award from the school chancellor for her efforts to make our campus more sustainable. At every football game, she gathered a group together to clean up the area where people tailgated, making sure that the litter they found was sorted between the trash and recyclable materials.
I’d never met a woman like that. Most of the college girls I knew spent game day making sure their nail polish and eyeshadow was perfectly coordinated with their college team apparel. While there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with that, it didn’t do anything for me. Jody, on the other hand, did. I liked her so much I’d gladly join one of her cleanup crews and pick up empty Bud Light cans for hours.
Jody had me transfixed. Sprung. Shook. Spellbound. Whipped. Choose any emasculating word you wish. Any and all those descriptions would fit.
One minute, I was texting her with a new excuse to get together. The next, I was deleting what I’d just typed before I could hit send, afraid I’d come across like an overly enthusiastic pup. I had to be suave.
The line between playing it cool and playing games was one I found hard to walk. Games were for assholes that used manipulation as a tactic to advance their interests. It’s why I’d laid all my cards on the table at the coffee shop despite how vulnerable that made me feel, my intentions and emotions laid bare.
I was thinking about her face that night, how she’d paused to consider my words before agreeing to take a leap with me, when I heard her voice.
She slid into the cafeteria booth behind mine and was talking to someone that was obviously male. I was afraid that if I interrupted her chat to say hello, I’d look like I was stalking her around campus. I also didn’t feel comfortable sitting and listening like some kind of fly on the wall when she didn’t realize I was in earshot.
Trying to do the right thing, I threw my laptop in my bag and got up to leave. While I was double checking one of the pockets to make sure I had my wallet, I heard a snippet of conversation that eviscerated me.
“Jody, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You should just come home with me for Christmas. My parents love you enough that they’ll even let you stay in my room with me instead of making you sleep on the couch.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“What are you afraid of? That I’ll try to corner you under the mistletoe?”
I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed for the gym, not bothering to grab my peanut butter protein shake. Something told me I wasn’t going to be able to stomach it.
14
I was double checking my work on the final project for my Structural Steel Design class when I heard someone knocking at my door. I threw a quick look at the clock. It was nearly ten and I wasn’t expecting anyone. The last time something like this had happened, it was because mom had surprised me by ordering a pizza during exams and having it delivered to my door. Now that she wasn’t around to do that, I highly doubted I was in for the same kind of surprise.
I sucked in my bottom lip and took a deep breath through my nose to steady myself. Man, I missed my mom. Staying busy with end of semester deadlines made it easier but being disappointed over my luck with Jody had me feeling raw. Here I thought we’d hit it off, and she was planning to go home with some other guy. If she was going to spend Christmas Eve in a bed that wasn’t hers, I wanted it to be mine.
I hope the other guy looked like an elf. Or better yet, Rudolph.
I yelled at the door just loud enough that the person on the other side could hear me, but hopefully not loud enough to wake my neighbors.
“I don’t want whatever you’re selling. Bugger off.”
“Open up! It’s Jody.”
Jody with the gorgeous blonde hair and the Cheshire grin and the mission to save the world.
Jody that was going to be warm and cozy over Christmas with someone else while I listened to Elvis sing depressing songs about being blue.
I opened the door and gestured for her to come in, not bothering to put on a shirt or offer her a seat. Not offering her anything.
Part of me hoped she’d notice my six-pack, the v-lines snaking down into my sweats, and be impressed. That she would find herself in my spot, wanting something she wasn’t going to have.
“I know you’ve got that massive project to turn in tomorrow morning, and I’ve got my worst test, so I thought we could both use some luck,” she said. Jody stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I wanted what was coming next— the kiss I’d craved for days— but I couldn’t let it happen. Instead, I untangled myself from her embrace and stepped away, squaring my shoulders and my jaw. I wouldn’t melt. I wouldn’t soften.
“Isn’t there someone else you should be kissing instead? Maybe underneath the mistletoe?”
Confusion contorted her perfect features. I almost bought it, but I remembered all of the times I’d held my tongue when mom believed someone she had no reason to trust. If I let Jody convince me she was really into me, that she wasn’t seeing someone else, that would make me every bit as easily duped as mom had been.
“You’re too smart to play dumb.”
I left her standing in my living room and stalked back to the bedroom, closing the door with a curt click behind me. I leaned my ear against the wall. Waited. Listened.
It was a good five minutes before she eventually let herself out.
When she finally did, I felt ashamed.
I’d hoped she’d follow me into my room, fling open the door, throw a fit. Maybe push me against the wall in another attempt to land that kiss.
For everything I’d told myself about not playing games, here I was, setting her up for a test that wasn’t on any syllabus. Worse, I was angry she’d failed.
* * *
By Thursday afternoon, I was finished with exams. That meant I had two options. I could stay in my apartment for another week until my lease was up, shirking responsibility while I still had a chance, or I could pack my things and head back to Norlina to get a head start on my new life.
If Jody was still around, the decision would have been a no brainer. I’d have stayed here so that we could make gingerbread houses, watch Christmas movies curled up together on the couch, and maybe go caroling with the other college students from church. Or at least, that’s what I imagined she’d want to do. I’d never had a girlfriend, much less a girlfriend during the holiday season. Everything that I knew about romance had been lifted directly from the countless chick flicks mom had made me endure during our weekly family movie nights growing up.
I’d have gladly sat through a lifetime of Katherine Heigl movies and kettle corn if it meant I could spend time with mom again.
Sans Jody, staying in my apartment meant I’d probably just binge watch a lot of shitty action movies and eat a pile of frozen pizzas so that I could avoid the cafeteria and the possibility of another chance encounter with the girl I was trying desperately not to think about.
I’d messaged Sawyer to see if he wanted to get together to play pool or hit the bar, but between his piles of grading and hanging out with Isabella, he didn’t have time for me. He’d been more tactful than that, but the message was clear.
Practicing minimalism in a furnished apartment meant that packing wasn’t as big of an ordeal as it seemed to be for other people. That said, it still sucked. I turned my frustration into productivity, blasting Tool and Five Finger Death Punch while I chucked
my life into paper boxes. I’d already sold back my textbooks, so most of what I had was clothing and kitchen supplies.
Then I cleaned, scouring every surface with harsh chemicals and bleach. If Jody had been there, I imagined she’d scold me for not using products from green companies. That just made me scrub harder, face red above the fumes. After thinking through what her arguments would be—the dangers of volatile organic compounds and how they’d ruin air quality— I opened a window despite the December cold.
The only thing I still needed to do before going home was pick up Amy’s Christmas gifts. I’d tried contacting Jody, but she’d blocked me everywhere. I couldn’t call, couldn’t email, couldn’t send a message on Facebook. The only option I didn’t attempt was simply showing up at her apartment. Something told me she wouldn’t have answered the door even if I’d bothered.
I remembered more or less what the gifts had been. I could just order similar items on Amazon. It would be a waste of money, but it was still better than having to see Jody again and feeling like my chest had been ripped open.
15
Having my heart broken by Andrew Fairthcloth was one thing. Being rejected out of nowhere by Jessup Rice was another. As soon as I opened my heart to the possibility of starting something with someone that seemed genuine and good, the door was slammed in my face. Literally.
Exams gave me focus. I scraped by in Spanish with a B- thanks to my professor being generous with her grading, and solid As in everything else.
Each night, I had dinner with the girls. To make life easier on whoever was hosting, we rotated houses.
Wednesday night at Latosha’s, I’d kept my frustrations about Jessup to myself, mostly because I didn’t want to steal the attention away from her and Iman. They both pulled up the listings for the places they’d move after the holidays on Latosha’s computer, clicking through pictures room by room as they told us how they planned to decorate each area of their condos. They also sent out a group text with their new addresses, making us promise to both visit and write. Old school. “I want snail mail, none of that half-assed email bullshit.”
Carolina Christmas Kiss: A Vixens In Love Novella Page 8
