I couldn’t remember.
Was that why I felt this terrible, gnawing sense of loss? I let out a low, feral growl that reverberated off the cave walls.
The fall from the skies had ripped my mind into pieces, turning me into this.
When she came into view at the mouth of the cave, all the pain seemed to dissipate from my body. I rushed for her, grabbing her by the back of her neck, by her waist. I pressed my body against hers. Her beauty shocked me. Surely, she was divine as well—a goddess with full lips and high cheekbones and blue hair the color of the heavens.
She looked up at me, a small smile on her lips. “There you are,” she whispered.
The voice sounded familiar, like a distant song in my mind. Her arms were around my neck like she wanted me, and I never wanted to leave her. That void within me started to fill with a warmth. I was hungry for her, greedy for all of her.
My need to taste her gripped my mind. But her body was covered, and I needed to see it. Her dress was a thin fabric, easy to tear. I ripped the front open, exposing her perfect breasts, then I tore it off her hips. The lace underneath was even more delicate, and I ripped it in a single motion. I wasn’t entirely sure who she was, but I was sure she was mine, and I wanted to see all of her.
She was naked, and she pressed her body against me. I kissed her deeply, and her tongue swept against mine. That was it; she was my universe.
As she cupped the side of my face, my name came back to me—Salem.
She was moving against me, as hungry for me as I was for her. I pushed her up against the cave wall and lifted her legs around me. I wanted to fill her, and as I tasted her neck—a hint of salt on her skin—I remembered her name. Aenor.
We were Salem and Aenor, and we were all that was. I slid into her, and she gripped my hair, gasping. She was heaven.
We were the beginning and the end, and our love was eternal. This was where I belonged.
* * *
Aenor lay on top of me on the cave floor, catching her breath. I stroked her hair, delighted by the feel of her heart beating against my chest.
“You came back,” she said.
“I needed to see you.” I was shocked to hear that I could speak again, then certain that it was Aenor who’d already started to civilize me.
She looked up at me from under her dark eyelashes. “You know I didn’t mean what I said about you being a monster.”
“I know.”
“What about the divine order?” she asked. “What about being a god, Salem?”
I sighed, and it all started rushing back to me. The words, meaning. Why I was here. “For tens of thousands of years, I believed in one destiny. One goal. I wanted to become a god again.”
I paused as the rush of memories flooded my mind.
“When I first fell, it was as if my soul was ripped out of my body. I had an emptiness I couldn’t fill. After the wretched winter hag cursed me, I only became worse.” I stroked Aenor’s hair. It had grown a little tangled in the salty air, but I liked it that way. Wild. Imperfect. That was how I liked her.
“And what made you decide it would be better this time?” Aenor asked.
“I was incomplete because I hadn’t met you yet. All this time, I didn’t know what my real destiny was. I didn't know that you could make me feel again, that you could help turn me into the person I was supposed to be. As long as I feel whole, I’m not a beast. And you already changed me. I was stupid to think I could live without you—even as a god, even in the heavens—because I can’t. Leaving you was ripping my soul out all over again. It was falling again… but worse this time, because it was my own idiot fault.”
Her smile lit up her face. “But what about the divine order?”
“The gods are insane,” I said.
“What makes you say that? Your mom seemed totally normal to me, with her lion and tendency to leave buckets of blood behind.”
I smiled. “Just to be clear, I still loathe everything apart from you.”
She nodded. “Of course. Except your cat, and your cognac. And the colors of the sun when it sets, and the dawn chorus of birds, and twilight over the sea, and Ossian—”
“You’ve made your point, Aenor,” I said quietly.
She was right. I did like those things—but I’d come back for only one reason, and that was her.
I stroked her hair again. “So, Queen Aenor. Will I be your consort in Nova Ys?”
“No, my dear. I’m afraid you’re supposed to be dead, after I slit your throat. We’ll need a new plan.”
47
Aenor
Twilight spread its ginger mantle over the sky, and I sat beneath my Cornish oak. I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of home. The days were growing shorter now, the air crisp with frost, and I pulled my wool coat tighter. Pretty soon, I’d have to give up my tree-sitting habit for a few months.
Ossian had grown bored of Nova Ys and returned to his home, but Gina had stuck around with me. She had declared a complete and utter lack of interest in returning to the human world. Who could blame her? With me around, she didn’t need to worry about money anymore.
I snuck a glance behind me, making sure there were no errant farmers or shopkeepers around. Today had been a litany of disputes about regulating the cost of silk and a controversy over boar-hunting boundaries in the eastern forest. I’d longed for the day to end.
Especially since the King of Mag Mell was coming for me. As darkness fell, I glimpsed his winged form in the sky, and I smiled.
I loved this—being at home in Nova Ys, getting nightly visits from my mate. But it couldn’t last this way. As long as I was sneaking around with Salem, I was betraying everyone in Nova Ys.
Salem swooped down, landing at the edge of the cliff. He looked perfect, as usual—dressed in a sleek black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath, his sword resting at his hip. His wings disappeared behind him, and his eyes danced with mischief as he looked at me. “I’ve come to defile the Queen of Nova Ys.”
I smiled up at him. “Come sit next to me. Tell me about your day.”
He slid down by my side, and I was delighted to see that his hair had been ruffled in the wind. So rare to see a hair out of place on him, but I liked seeing sides of him that no one else did.
“My day was entertaining.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. His heart beat against me. “We hung King Tethra’s body from the city gates, then threw a gala in the Court of Silks to celebrate. I suspect it turned into an orgy after I left. I wished you’d been there.”
“They’re not angry about me killing Richelle?”
“No, Aenor. They loathed Richelle. A puritanical ruler never wins the love of her people.”
“Ah, right.” I paused before beginning the spiel I’d practiced in my mind many times over the course of the day. “Salem… I can’t keep seeing you like this, sneaking around.”
He went rigid against me. “Many women have said that to me before, but never before did I care.”
“I just mean the sneaking part. It occurred to me that I’ve become exactly what the stories said. I’m sneaking around to have sex with a beautiful man and betraying my kingdom in the process. I am a lust-filled traitor.”
“And I like you that way. What are you proposing?”
“I’m proposing that I leave Nova Ys. At least as its sovereign. I can come back to visit.”
I felt him relax. “You don’t want to rule?”
I shook my head. “No, not at all. Honestly… being queen is a lot of paperwork, as it turns out. I have no experience in the relevant areas. The magistrates can’t stand me because I took their jobs, and they are completely right, because they should keep doing them. I serve basically no purpose here.
“And I understand now—Mama was into her spectacles. Sacrifices, executions. That was her role. It was all theater. She created threats and put on a big show of vanquishing them, and it must have been exciting for everyone. But that’s not me, and it’s peaceful here without all t
hat.”
“You said you thought this was your home. I don’t want to take you from your home a second time.”
“And I want to come here and walk around the fields or sit by the cliffs, but I don’t need to rule Nova Ys.”
“Ahh. And what would you like to do? What is Aenor Dahut destined for, then?”
“I think I’m good at fighting bad guys. Killing dirtbags. That kind of thing.”
A smile played on his lips. “Well, Aenor. We have plenty of dirtbags in Mag Mell. The king included, though you’ll have to find other ways to control me besides ending my life.”
“I think that can be arranged. I’ll have you on your knees before me every night, attending to my needs.”
“I am at your command.” He kissed my neck, and heat bloomed in my core.
I ran my fingers through his hair, messing it up some more. “I think I should join you in Mag Mell. All I need is you.”
He kissed my throat again, tongue moving over my skin.
“And Gina, obviously,” I added. “And Ossian, because I’ve grown attached.”
“Fine.” Another kiss on my neck.
“And a Cornish oak by the seashore. Crooked, like this one.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
“I’d like to bake.”
A sly smile. “Are you still listing things?”
I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “A balcony to watch the sunset, because I’ve grown attached to that as well. It’s your best time of day. And Elvis records, hula hoops, and roller skates.”
“You’re absurd.”
“As are you, but we’re stuck with each other now. Because if I didn’t have you, I’d lose my mind. Without you, the night sky won’t let me sleep, and the dawn doesn’t give me dreams, and I would become absolutely deranged.”
“We can’t have that. You might be giving up your royal title here, but I am at your command.”
I frowned at him. “Your mom said you thought I was a dumb animal.”
“She’s the goddess of slaughter and massacres. She doesn’t have great people skills. But in any case, I wouldn’t take it to heart, Aenor. I happen to love animals.”
I smacked his arm, and his smile deepened.
He leaned in and kissed me deeply, pulling me close against him. Already, I was thinking of spending every night with him in Mag Mell, and the promise that he would be at my command held a particularly vibrant allure. Oh, the things I would command him to do…
He pressed his forehead against mine, and I saw it for a moment—a flash of everything he’d given up for me. The celestial light, the twilight magic spreading through the clouds, the starlight rolling over the universe, the divine power.
But when I opened my eyes, I saw him washed in the same radiance, the same heavenly light. Because here we were, twisted and flawed, in our own sort of heaven.
* * *
Thank you for reading. This was the final book in the series.
If you want to read more about Aenor, she appears in the Shadow Fae series, in book four. This is a linked series.
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Also by C.N. Crawford
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Author note on mythology
Celtic, Irish, and Breton Mythology
Island of Ys and Dahut: Ys came from Cornish mythology via Brittany in France. When Cornish settlers moved to Brittany, they brought their legends with them. And in one such legend, an island of Ys ended up sunk to the bottom of the ocean. The disaster was blamed on Dahut, Princess of Meriadoc, who somehow ruined everything by shagging too many men. You know how women can wreck civilization with their wanton behavior. Her mother was Malgven, and her ancestor was King Caradoc of Cornwall.
Mag Mell A mythical realm from Irish mythology. It was described like heaven—a realm of pleasure for the select few. You could get there only through death or bravery. King Tethra was the god of darkness and death who ruled the land.
Beira: Originally known as Cailleach Bheur, goddess of winter in Irish Mythology. The myths describe her as being a giant with one eye, white hair, and rusty teeth. Also she has dark blue skin. She was supposed to live on Ben Nevis.
Israel Mythology and real Locations
Acre (Akko): It’s a city in Northern Israel that has existed for at least five thousand years. There is a crusader castle there from one thousand years ago. Nick and I visited it last year, and it inspired the Sea Fae fortress.
Gehenna: It’s a valley in Jerusalem, outside the city walls, also known as the Valley of Hinnom. The legend is that people once sacrificed their children there to a pagan god, and that they used drums to drown out the children’s screams. Outside the walls of Jerusalem, it was where the cursed were buried, or literally thrown over the city walls. It was full of rubbish, rotting animal bodies and was often on fire. In some versions of the Bible, this neighborhood name was the word for “hell,” and this place name came to mean eternal punishment. It was supposedly where Judas hanged himself.
Salem: Salem was the god of Twilight in Canaanite mythology, and he gave his name to Jerusalem (also Salem, Massachusetts). He was also known as Shalim or Shalem. He was the evening star, with a twin named Shahar who was the morning star. Lucifer was also known as “the morning star,” and as “Lightbringer,” and I thought this connection was interesting. In medieval churches, the windows depicting hell or Lucifer were placed in the western side to catch the wild light at dusk. So Salem’s character was inspired by this dusk light. The mother of Salem and Shahar is thought to be Anat, goddess of war, someone who is super into winnowing her enemies.
London:
Wormwood is a real street in London, and connected to the London wall. Wormwood is also mentioned repeatedly in the Bible as something bitter and unpleasant, and in the old world it was associated with curses, destitution and catastrophes. It’s mentioned in Revelations as the name of a star that falls from the heavens at the end of the world.
Acknowledgments
Thanks to my supportive family, and to Michael Omer for reading and critiquing the book’s several drafts. Thanks to Nick for his feedback and enthusiasm.
Genevra Black and Arran McNichol are my fabulous editors for this book.
Thanks to my advanced reader team for their help, and to C.N. Crawford’s Coven on Facebook!
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