"You'll do what Jedi Knights seem to do best," she said.
He studied her for a second. "Which is?"
"Get into trouble, of course," she said. Despite her nervousness, she forced a smile.
He smiled in return, glad that her mood had lightened. "I'd just as happily settle for a quiet life somewhere. There's a lot left to think about. A lifetime or two's worth, in fact."
"It could get lonely."
"It could indeed." He thought it nothing more than a flip comment until his gaze met hers. Suddenly he found it hard to look away.
"Jacen?" Mara's voice from his comlink snapped him out of it.
"Yeah," he said, straightening. "I'm here."
"Ten seconds," she said. "I'll disarm the outer hatch when the umbilical is pressurized."
A moment later a dull thud echoed through the hull as the Imperial transport sealed an umbilical to attach the two craft. Pressure readings on the far side of the air lock rose steadily once the noise died away. Less than a minute later, Jacen heard a gentle hiss as the air lock broke its seal and swung open.
He glanced at Danni. Her face was set in a determined mask, with no sign of the vulnerability he had sensed a moment before. But she tensed noticeably as three people in Imperial uniform stepped through the air lock. The one in the lead, a solidly built woman in her forties with black hair bound tightly into a bun, Jacen assumed to be Captain Yage, with the two male officers following close behind, their blaster rifles at the ready, her bodyguards.
"Welcome aboard Jade Shadow," Jacen said pleasantly, stepping forward. He introduced himself and Danni, keeping his hands respectfully behind his back at all times. Yage bowed perfunctorily to each of them in turn, but made no effort to introduce her male companions. "We'd like to thank you for your assistance back there."
"Not at all," the captain said. "I have never been fond of time-wasting bureaucracyparticularly from the likes of officious idiots like Keten." She smiled tightly. "That's off the record, of course."
"Of course." Jacen waved the guests through to the common area, where Mara and Luke stood, ready to greet them. Off to one side stood Saba and Tekli. Jacen noted the way Yage's bodyguards started in alarm at the sight of the enormous Barabel, their rifles rising slightly. Yage was startled also, he was sure, but she was professional enough to suppress any sign of her surprise. Saba rumbled slightly in her throat, and the troopers lowered their weapons.
Yage inclined her head politely to the two nonhumans when introduced, but quickly returned her attention to Luke and Mara.
"So at last I meet the legendary Skywalkers," she said, stepping forward to shake their hands. "I've certainly heard a lot about you."
"All untrue, I'm sure," Mara said pleasantly. "I hope not. Gilad speaks very highly of you both." "I don't suppose you've heard if Grand Admiral Pel-laeon has returned from Bastion," Luke said.
A shadow seemed to pass across Captain Yage's face. "I'm afraid that Fleet Intelligence is in disarray following the Yuuzhan Vong's attack."
"Have you learned anything more about how the enemy managed to do so much damage so quickly?"
"I already know why. We were taken disgracefully off guard by the attack. Our spies had reported that the fleet approaching us was headed for Nirauan, not here at all, but I guess our spies weren't as reliable as we'd thought. Even so, we should have been ready. Anyone with half a brain should have seen the flaw in the reasoning that, if we hadn't been attacked yet, we were unlikely to be attacked at all. Our refusal to join with the rest of the galaxy in resisting didn't make us safe. That type of logic didn't work for the Hutts, so why should it have worked for us?"
"It seems to me," Mara said, "that you're paying the price for the council's lack of foresight."
"Perhaps now the Moffs will see reason," Jacen added. .
Yage half turned to look at him. "You think so? You've already seen what Moff Flennic thinks of you. He might try to resist the Yuuzhan Vong, but he'll never join the people who took the Empire away from him." She looked at each of them in turn, her gaze finally coming to rest on Luke. "That's why you're here, isn't it? To try again to get us to join you. We already have a treaty. What more do you want?"
"Ideally," Luke said, "we'd like the Empire to become part of the Galactic Alliancebut that's one for our respective legal representatives to argue out. For now we'd simply like us to agree to help each other before we continue on with"
"We can fight well enough without your help," Yage quickly pointed out. She may have been more courteous and diplomatic than Keten, but she still carried the Imperial pride. "We're ready for them now."
"You won't get far using your existing techniques," Mara said. "Our greatest minds have been working on a way to counterattack using the yammosks that make the Yuuzhan Vong so hard to beat. We can give you those techniques"
"In exchange for what?" the captain interrupted, a slight suspicion gently curling the corners of her mouth.
"Absolutely nothing," Luke said. "I'm not a diplomat, Captain. I'm a Jedi, I stand for life and peace, and I would never hold anything back for the sake of political point scoring. I'd rather get about the business of saving lives."
A thrill went through Jacen at his uncle and former teacher's words. They rang true to the new philosophy of the Force that he was trying to determine. Captain Yage, however, was not as easily impressed, and raised a skeptical eyebrow at the Jedi Master.
"Don't Yuuzhan Vong lives count to you, Jedi?" she asked.
Luke didn't recoil from her response. "The Yuuzhan Vong are the aggressors, and our help won't guarantee their defeat. What you do with this information is up to you."
"To be honest, Skywalker, if it was up to me, I'd use it quite happily," she said. "But things will be grim without Gilad to champion your cause. The hard-liners will always believe that the Empire in its glory days could have withstood the invaders with ease, and that your weakening of our strength has led directly to our destruction. If destroyed we must be, then we will go down with pride." Her voice was steeped in bitterness. "The last refugees from Bastion arrived some time ago. We're not expecting any more. If Gilad had survived, I'm sure he would have been here by now. With that in mind, you might be better off assuming that he won't be here to help you."
The mood in Jade Shadow turned instantly grim. "Then we shall need to make alternative plans," Luke said. "We'll need to talk to Flennic, even if he's not prepared to listen to us. Can you get us to him without turning us over to the likes of Keten?"
She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I can try," she said. "With Gilad out of the way, the anti-Galactic Alliance forces will be in ascendance. Add to that the fact that the Moff Council will be in tatters after the attacks on Bastion and Muunilinst, and you'll see why I hesitate to guarantee you anything at the" She stopped as her comlink buzzed. "Excuse me."
Captain Yage turned away to take the call, exchanging a few simple words with the person on the other end. Before she had finished talking, before he had even seen her face, Jacen knew something was wrong. He could sense a powerful emotion radiating from her.
"What's gone wrong?" he asked when she clipped the comlink back on her belt.
"That was my second in command on Widowmaker," she said. "A shuttle just made it from Bastion containing injured ferried from Chimaera." Her troubled eyes met Luke's. "Gilad was on board."
"That's good news, isn't it?" Jacen said.
She shook her head. "Not really," she said. "He's in a coma, and he's not expected to live."
Anakin's mother came to see Tahiri the day before the Millennium Falcon was due to leave on its mission to patch up the communications gaps in Galactic Alliance space. Jacen and the others had left two days earlier, leaving a surprising hole in Tahiri's life. Since she'd learned that she had been intended for that mission, she felt as though she had let everyone down. She wasn't doing much to help the war effort by huddling in Master Cilghal's infirmary, that was for sure. Jaina came when she could, but she was too bu
sy organizing Twin Suns' departure to be wasting time with the sick. Anakin's sister had said it was not a problem, and that she didn't mind taking time out to visit Tahiri, but Tahiri felt guilty nonetheless for inconveniencing her. She had caused Jaina enough trouble as it was.
So when the Mon Calamari nurse announced that Princess Leia herself had dropped by to visit, Tahiri was more than a little surprisedas well as embarrassed.
"How are you feeling?" Anakin's mother pulled up a seat and sat close to the edge of Tahiri's bed. Mon Cal's sun was setting, sending brilliant colors through the window and across the middle-aged stateswoman. There were many lines on her face, but they came from laughter and kindness and compassion. It was easy to see why Han Solo loved her. She was still very much a beautiful woman, with her eyes being her most outstanding feature. And whenever Tahiri looked into those eyes, she felt she could see Anakin staring back at her.
"I'm fine, thank you," Tahiri lied, blinking back the tears that were welling up. Leia narrowed her eyes in friendly accusation. Tahiri relented with a smile. "Okay," she said. "It's true that I have seen better days. I'll admit that much. But I'm just more tired than anything else. Even the small trip to see Jade Shadow off kind of took it out of me." She shrugged. "Other than that, I think I'm doing all right."
"There's no rush," Leia said. "The important thing is that you get well. Cilghal tells me that you've put on weight, which is good news. She believes that your weight loss constitutes the total of your physical symptoms. Once you think you're ready, you're free to leave." She paused, allowing space for Tahiri to speak. When nothing was said after a few seconds, Leia asked, "Do you think you're ready?"
Tahiri didn't know how to answer. She knew that she could get up and walk out of the door anytime she wanted, but she didn't know what would happen after. The dreams hadn't stopped; if anything they'd become worse. If she left now, they would gnaw at her as they had before, and before she knew it she would be back in the infirmary again, still unable to explain to everyone just what was happening to her.
She didn't want to leave; she felt safe here. But she also couldn't stay forever. The infirmary was for sick people, and she was
What? What was she, exactly? She didn't know, and that was the problem.
Leia placed a hand on her arm, and Tahiri realized that she still hadn't replied to the question.
"I want you with us when we leave," Leia said softly.
Tahiri felt herself recoil in surprise. "You can't be serious."
Leia frowned. "Why Wouldn't I be?"
Tahiri struggled for the words that would help make sense of everything that was happening in her head, but none were forthcoming. So she made excuses instead. "I'm not a very good pilot," she said. "Or a politician!"
"But you are a Jedi Knight, Tahiri," said Leia. "And that is something else entirely."
"You have Jaina," Tahiri pointed out.
"Who is also a colonel, and has other responsibilities."
Tahiri didn't know what to say. You're a Jedi Knight. The words didn't sound right, didn't feel right, and that only renewed her guilt and reinforced her belief that she had betrayed her friends. Worse, she had betrayed the memory of Anakin.
Had he ever felt such self-doubts? she wondered.
It was unlikely. None of the Solos seemed to be burdened with such a weakness. They always knew exactly who they were and what they were doing. They were the most focused people she had ever met. The most sure of themselves.
Except for Jacen. He had doubts. She knew that he was still wrestling with his relationship with the Force and the council that Luke Skywalker had formed. Perhaps she should have spoken to him while she'd had the chance. But it was too late now. He was in a completely
different part of the galaxy, and who knew when he was coming back?
"We all have doubts about ourselves, sometimes," Leia said, and Tahiri was appalled to realize that she had fallen silent again. "It's part of what makes us sentient beings, Tahiri. Doubt makes us examine ourselves and all that we do. And without the ability to do that, we become nothing short of monsters. I had doubts when I joine d the Rebellion, all those years ago, and I had doubts when I married Han. But it's unlikely that "Grand Moff Tarkin had doubts about destroying Alderaan." She paused for a moment, reflectively. "Don't be ashamed of doubt, Tahiri; it's a perfectly acceptable feeling."
Tahiri was surprised to see tears sparkling in Leia's brown eyes, although whether they were for her destroyed home, she couldn't be sure. Then Leia reached out a hand and placed it over Tahiri's.
"I think," Leia said, "that you need the chance to find out who you are, Tahiri Veila, and I'd like to give that chance to you. What do you say?"
A chance to find out who she was . . . For a moment, Tahiri froze, wondering what Jacen had told his mother. Was this some kind of game? But when she looked into Leia's eyes, all she saw was softness and sympathy. There were no games. This was real.
You will always be family to us, Jacen had written. The notion of family tugged strongly at her. Her parents had been killed in a raid by Sand People on Tatooine when she was a toddler. She was taken in by Tusken Raiders and raised by Sliven, who had died not long after she had been taken to the Jedi academy. She had no one else in the universe, except
No, she told herself, forcing down the darkness that rose like a tide inside her. I will not think these thoughts!
So she nodded. "Thank you," she said, forcing a smile. "And I'll try not to be too much of a burden on you all."
Leia smiled back and squeezed her hand. "You will be an asset, Tahiri. More than you realize."
Some of Leia's warmth stayed with Tahiri after she had gone, but not for long. Night had fallen, and there was a slight chill to the air stealing through the open viewport. Tahiri closed it and curled under the covers, shivering. The scars on her forehead were aching, as though a vise was tightening around her skull. She sensed someone else in the room with her, but was too afraid to lift her head and look.
If I ignore her, she told herself, maybe she'll just go away.
"Tell me more," Nom Anor said. He stared across at I'pan sitting opposite him, the light from the fire flickering on his haggard features.
I'pan nodded eagerly and did as he was told. "As they near the end of their quest, the Shamed One Vua Ra-puung and the Jeedai Anakin Solo are stopped by another group of warriorsthis one even larger than the one before. This group once served under Rapuung himself, before he was Shamed. They challenge Rapuung and question why he is consorting with an infidel.
" 'I have nothing to be redeemed for,' Rapuung tells them proudly.
" 'We know your claims,' the warriors respond.
" 'You believe me cursed by the gods?'
" 'Whatever you are, whether cursed or not, you have clearly gone mad. You fight with an infidel against your own kind!'
"Now, Rapuung can understand why these warriors would think him gone madhe would have surely felt the same had he seen another warrior fighting against
him with an infidel at their side! But his circumstances allow him no choice; this is his only way to fight for the truth.
"So, Rapuung challenges the warriors to defeat him alone, without the Jeedai at his side, so that he may prove his worthiness."
Nom Anor narrowed his eyes. "But did you not say before that he had no amphistaff?"
I'pan nodded, standing to give his retelling more impact, his arms gesturing with theatrical flair. " Take up a weapon, Rapuung,' the warriors insist. 'Do not make us kill an unarmed man.'
"But Rapuung is determined. 'I have triumphed thus far without weapons,' he says. 'If the gods hated me so, would they have allowed this?'
"The warriors have no good answer to this, nor to his skill in battle, and, with the Jeedai's blessing, Vua Rapuung defeats them single-handedly."
Nom Anor listened with the same rapt attentiveness as the others in the small fugitive group, huddling around the heat radiating from the fire. In the story, which took place
on the captured world Yavin 4, Vua Rapuung was supposedly Shamed by the gods and therefore his implants wouldn't take. Believing that he had in fact been betrayed by his former lover, the shaper Mezhan Kwaad, he sought revenge on her. Along the way, he came across the Jedi Anakin Solo who assisted him in his quest, teaching Rapuung the Jedi heresy as he went. Initially reluctant, the Shamed One had been converted, much to the horror of those who had once known him. Even the Shamed Ones didn't defy the gods.
What happened next was quite unknown to Nom Anor, even though he had studied the events that had taken place on Yavin 4 in some detail, analyzing the details of a quite different heresy that of the shaper Nen Yim, who had also been stationed there. She, along with Mezhan Kwaad, the same woman in I'pan's story, had been trying to bend the mind of a young Jedi girl over to the ways of the Yuuzhan Vong. Ultimately, the experiment had failed, and both Mezhan Kwaad and Commander Tsaak Vootuh had been killed in the girl's escape. Nom Anor knew all this; he had seen recordings of some of the events I'pan was relating; he had even met the Jedi Anakin Solo briefly while in the Yag'Dhul system. His spies had brought word of various versions of this story circulating through the lower castes. But he had never heard anything like the rest of the story that I'pan was relating to the attentive group.
"Go on," said Niiriit Esh, the former warrior who governed the small band of underground dwellers that Nom Anor had come to call his companions.
I'pan crouched down again to take up his tale, every eye present fixed unflinchingly upon him as they waited for him to continue. He was a good storyteller, and was clearly in his element relating the adventures of Vua Ra-puung and the Jedi.
"On the landing ramp of the ship that would take them to safety, Commander Vootuh and shaper Mezhan Kwaad are forced to confront Vua Rapuung and the Jeedai," he went on. "Out of respect for what he once was, Rapuung demands that he be allowed to question his former lover in order to clear his name.
" 'I see no 'Vua Rapuung,' Commander Vootuh says. 'Only a Shamed One who does not know his place.'
" 'It is not I who is Shamed,' Rapuung replies. 'Do as the Jeedai says, and know the truth.'
Star Wars - The New Jedi Order - Force Heretic I - Remnant - Book 17 Page 12
