After five minutes of pacing and tugging on my hair enough to go bald, Wren arrives. He has a sad, regretful smile on his lips and the embarrassment keeps pulling me under.
“I’m sorry about that.” He unlocks the car and comes around the front to open the door for me. I climb in and wait for him to get in the driver’s side.
“No need to apologize. This is your job. I shouldn’t be meddling with your work.”
“Carson, what almost happened back there—”
“Can’t happen again.” His face falls before he plasters on a hardened mask and nods in acceptance.
“I understand. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.” He backs out of the driveway and heads onto the road. My heart hurts knowing I have to put an end to this, whatever this is or could’ve been. We can only have a working relationship. Nothing more. I have a daughter to think about. I can’t jump into any kind of relationship without thinking of her first.
“You didn’t.” I sigh and turn to face him. I might as well let it all out. “I like you, Wren. Probably more than I should and that scares me. I’ve gone through a hell of a lot in my life and I can’t just jump from relationship to relationship without thinking of the consequences. I have a daughter to consider. I can’t just leave the house when I want, date who I want, sleep around. I can’t introduce strangers to my daughter without thinking they might leave her after she gets attached. She and I…we’ve already lost too much. And you have to understand—while I do like you, I can’t ask you for that kind of commitment when we barely know each other. I can’t have some fun, flirty fling. I have too much to consider.”
I’m tugging on the ends of my hair when his hand reaches out to stop me. “I get it, Carson, but here’s the thing: you already discounted me without talking to me first. I’ve never been a playboy. I haven’t had a relationship in years because I’ve been married to my work. You’re the first person who’s caught my eye in as many years, believe it or not. I like you too and I’m willing to try. I’d like to take you on a proper date and we’ll take things as slow as you need. We can start as friends first and see what happens—no expectations. What do you say?”
A mental pro and con list begins to form in my head and it’s like a tennis match, volleying back and forth between why I should and shouldn’t give him a shot. Eventually, I nod and allow myself to smile and feel hope.
“Don’t let me down, Wren.”
I can’t handle any more disappointment.
Eighteen
Wren
Where do you take a woman on the first date to get to know her but also convince her you’re serious about her? It’s a weird dynamic to overcome, but I’m willing to give it a shot. Something about Carson makes me want to try with her for the first time ever.
I may have told her we could start as friends to appease her nerves, but that’s a load of bull. I don’t want to simply be her friend.
“What the hell is that?” Ethan appears over my shoulder as I’m researching first date ideas like a teenage, pussy-whipped sap.
Shit. I exit out of my web search in a reactionary and futile attempt to keep my plans private despite knowing Ethan already saw what I’m doing.
“Does Wren Valenti have a date?” He gasps and I spin in my chair with my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose. I’ll never hear the end of this. “A few months ago you wanted nothing to do with women and all of a sudden you’re dating? Who is she? She must have a magic pussy.”
“I wouldn’t know. It’s a first date. We haven’t slept together.”
“Did you meet online? Christian Mingle? eHarmony? You’re a little old for Tinder, man, that would just be creepy.”
I ignore him and get back to work. I’ve been distracted lately. I need to get back on track. But that was the last thing I should’ve done.
“No fucking way, man. Does this have anything to do with the client you took over for Tom? It can’t be a coincidence that you take on his hot, young client and suddenly you’re back on the dating scene. Yo, Humphrey is gonna flip. You know that’s against policy.”
If you’re that concerned about it, why are you yelling? “Shut the hell up, man. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s as good as a confession.
“Watch your back, Wren. You don’t want to lose everything for a girl you barely know.” He heads back to his desk, giving me space and time to think.
I admittedly forgot that dating clients is against company policy, which makes this situation more complicated than ever. But Carson and I agreed to take things slow, to start off as friends and go from there. Maybe I’ll have to live up to my empty promise after all.
I allow myself to get lost in my work which helps the time pass quickly. By the end of my shift, all my work is finished and I have a solid first date planned. Now I just need to find a date that works for her.
Wren: I have our first date all planned. When can I take you on it?
Carson: I thought we were starting as friends.
Wren: We are. It’s a friends date. Very casual.
She takes her time responding to me and I fear I scared her off already. I just need the opportunity to get to know her. She’s enthralled me and yet she has no idea how captivating she is.
It’s not until I’m back in my car, leaving the office when my phone vibrates again in my pocket.
Carson: My parents will watch Ava Saturday night.
Wren: Looking forward to seeing you then.
҉ ҉ ҉
I walk out the door with a bouquet of daisies because they scream ‘friendship’ more than standard roses do. At six on the dot, I knock on Carson’s door and wait. I hear her shout, ‘Coming!’ and then more rustling behind the door.
When the apartment door opens, I suck in a sharp breath. Carson stands before me, looking like a goddess and nothing at all like someone who wants to remain just friends.
“Is this okay? I didn’t know what to wear.” She’s wearing a light blue, spaghetti-strap dress with buttons running from top to bottom. It lands just above her knees and she has tan sandals on her feet. Her black hair is wavy down her back, pulled away from her face and showcasing her bright blue eyes made bluer from her dress. She’s fucking gorgeous.
“You look amazing.” I have to clear my throat and then I remember I have flowers for her. “Here, these are for you.” Her pale cheeks flush and her pink lips pull into a smile.
“Thank you. Let me put them in water.” I step into her apartment and look around the space. It’s cute and feminine, with baby dolls strewn throughout. There’s a few packing boxes around the room, likely accounting for why the space is mostly barren.
I walk around the space while Carson digs for a vase, and stumble upon a picture of her with a red-headed guy. This must be her ex. The picture of their daughter beside it shows how much Ava looks like her father.
“Ready to go?” Carson’s voice wavers with nerves once she sees me staring at the photos.
“Yeah, let’s go.” I allow her to lead the way, keeping a respectable distance for our non-date.
“Where are we going, anyway?” she asks as I help her into my Subaru.
“You’ll see.”
We drive for a little while to the marina and I’m just now wondering if she gets seasick. Maybe I should’ve asked her that before planning this date.
“Are we having dinner on the pier?”
I park the car with a smirk on my face. “Not exactly.”
We walk down the boardwalk toward a kiosk where I get our two VIP passes to board The Spirit of Wilmington. We’ll eat dinner on the boat while we sail down Cape Fear and at the end of the night we’ll watch fireworks over the river.
“You planned all this for me?” She’s both shy and stunned which I find charming.
“Of course. What are friends for?”
“Well, thank you. It’s very thoughtful.”
“I figured you could use a night of fun for a change, with people your own age, anyway.” She laughs a
nd the sound makes me smile.
“You’re right. Thank you.”
We get on the boat and are taken to our seats. We’re on the top deck inside, looking out onto the water. The buffet has a wide spread of fruit, salad, chicken, shrimp, potatoes, pasta, and more desserts than I can name. The alcohol is unlimited, though I don’t plan to drink much considering I drove, but I hope Carson has a good time.
During dinner, a DJ turns on the music and as a slow song starts, I can’t help but imagine holding her close and dancing with her.
“Care to dance?” I ask once we’ve finished eating.
“Is that what friends would do?”
“Of course. I’ll keep my hands strictly in the friends’ zone. I promise.” I stand and she takes my hand. I lead her onto the floor and pull her close. Just because I swore I’d behave doesn’t mean I can’t toe the line a little bit.
We slowly turn in a circle as we sway side to side and with every shift, my hand inches lower. My pinkies graze the top of her ass and she pulls her head back with her eyebrows up to her crown.
“Hand check, Mr. Valenti.” Her tone is joking, but I comply regardless.
“Yes, ma’am.” It’s a tug of war between us. She keeps me in line, but I retaliate by pulling her tighter into me. Our bodies align perfectly, all her tempting parts rubbing against mine in a very not-friend kind of way.
I inhale the smell of her shampoo mixed with her perfume. Everything about her is light and floral. Her persona screams happy and bright despite knowing how dark her life has been.
I squeeze her hips, the motion telling her I want to do so much more than just dance with her. I don’t want to keep pretending, playing like we’re friends when the attraction between us is intoxicating.
“Wren.” Her voice is tortured, a desperate plea for something we can’t begin to desire.
I pull back to look into her eyes and they’re simultaneously begging me for more and pleading for me to pump the breaks.
“What do you want from me, Carson? I’m not going to cross the line unless you ask me to. I won’t give you a reason to push me away when we haven’t even begun.” My voice is a mere whisper and the song changes to something upbeat but we don’t stop swaying.
Carson’s spent her life sacrificing for her daughter; it’s time she thought about what she wants. More than that, she needs to take it with no apologies. It’s her turn to get whatever she wants, no matter how small.
“I want…I want you to kiss me, Wren.”
Without missing a beat, I plant a kiss on her lips. I start slow, careful not to spook her, but she’s the one that turns demanding. Her fingers tangle in my hair, tugging roughly on the strands. I grip her waist, hunger fueling me. I can’t control the desire coursing through my veins like a tidal wave crashing down on an unsuspecting city.
After several minutes pass and a few people clearing their throats, we part. I see lust in her blue eyes and maybe a dash of embarrassment. But best of all, I don’t see any regret.
And dammit, I can’t wait to do that again.
Nineteen
Carson
How do I go from needing space and wanting to take things slowly to begging this gorgeous man to kiss me? I thought if I dared to ask for one kiss that I’d become consumed with guilt and regret. But…I’m not. As I look into Wren’s eyes, I see nothing but hope and desire. I feel calm and happy.
Which scares me, and I know that’s ironic, that happiness could bring me pain in any sense. But I haven’t wanted anything or anyone this much in years.
“What are you thinking?” His eyes search mine and I don’t want him to doubt me.
I smile and probably blush. “I’m thinking I want to do that again.”
“I think I can handle that.” He kisses me once more, a quick kiss, longer than a peck but shorter than our last impromptu make-out session.
“Let’s go find somewhere to watch the fireworks.” He leads me outside and we walk over to the opposite side of the boat to find a seat. There’s a bench at the front of the boat that we’re lucky to find unoccupied. We sit and the breeze picks up. Goosebumps pebble on my arms and I attempt to rub them away.
“Come here.” Wren opens his arm and tucks me under to keep me warm. It’s a natural gesture and I fit into his side like a missing puzzle piece.
The fireworks mesmerize me, like I’m watching them through my daughter’s eyes. The colors and the booms, the different designs flying through the sky. This date has surpassed all of my expectations and Wren was right—I needed a night out with another adult.
“Thank you for tonight.”
“It’s been my pleasure.” We’re facing each other, our mouths separated by a single breath. His gaze flickers from my eyes to my lips and back.
When we kiss, it’s electric. The spark from our connection awakens my nerves, traveling down my arms and back and settling in my core. The fiery burn of desire is addicting. It’s a shiver I haven’t felt in way too long; one I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel again.
As the night comes to a close, I become abundantly aware that I’m not ready for our date to end. We get off the boat and there’s a gelato stand down the pier.
I cock my head toward the stand and smile. “My treat?”
We walk hand in hand down the pier. This is one thing I love about this city in the summer. It’s after ten at night and there are bars and live music and ice cream stands still open. I’m lucky I got to grow up and live here my entire life.
Wren orders mint flavored and I stick with chocolate. We sit on a bench and talk and eat until I yawn and ruin the moment.
“Come on, sleepyhead. Let’s get you home.”
“Being a mom is hard work. I need to pick Ava up first thing in the morning. One day you’ll see what it’s like.” My mouth drops open in embarrassment. I don’t want him to think I meant he’ll know what it’s like with Ava in particular. “Well, I mean—” I stumble over my correction and he stops me.
“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever know what it’s like to be a mom, in particular.” He laughs and I’m relieved the mood is restored.
We drive home in easy silence with classic rock playing on low. It’s late and he walks me to my door like a gentleman. Part of me wants to be a normal girl and invite him in, but I know I can’t do that. It’s too soon and the thought of bringing him into the bed I shared with Maddox is too much. Plus, I’m ready to crash.
“I had an amazing night tonight.”
“So did I.”
The silence from the lengthy pause is deafening. “I’d invite you in, but…”
“No, I don’t want to come in. I mean, I do. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen. I still want to take things slow. I—” He exhales and runs a hand through his hair and I think it’s cute how nervous he is. “Carson, would you want to go on a second date with me?”
I smile and nod. “I’d love to.”
We kiss and I don’t want to part, but when we do, I’m left wanting more. “Goodnight, Carson.”
“Goodnight, Wren.”
I close the door behind me and when I crawl into bed, I fall asleep with a genuine smile plastered on my face for the first time in years.
҉ ҉ ҉
“Hey, Mom.”
I step into her house the following day to pick up my daughter. My mom is always excited to see me, but there’s a part of her that still can’t mask the worry in her gaze. Today, though, she seems a little more optimistic, likely because of my date.
“Hi, sweetheart. How was your date?” She hugs me and I follow her inside. On the table is a spread of breakfast foods, the obnoxious type of spread you see on TV shows when no one actually eats.
Ava spots me and jumps off of her chair to run over to me. I love this part of our relationship, how close we are right now. I hope we stay like this, like we grow up into a Lorelai and Rory type of best friendship but without the falling out.
“Mommy! Grandma made me special pancakes.” I hope she’s t
alking chocolate chips and not marijuana.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup! They had pink sprinkles on top and so much chocolate.” I can tell from the amount smeared on her cheek.
“Go finish eating and clean up.” I kiss her head and she listens because I have the perfect daughter.
Flynn walks down the steps and joins her niece at the table. Though my sister would never admit it, she loves Ava. Her eyes brighten when she sees her and she talks to her in a normal voice, not a “baby” voice. She’s just too hardened and still stuck in her rebellious teenage phase to admit she likes the kid.
“Hey, Sis,” I call to her and she offers me a look hovering between boredom and annoyance.
“Hey.” She nibbles on a piece of bacon before filling a cup up with fruit and retreating back to her room.
Flynn is about to turn eighteen and should be heading off to college, but she decided she didn’t want to waste her time earning a degree. I don’t know what she plans to do with her life, but the past few years have been rough on my parents. Flynn’s always getting into trouble, starting fights, shoplifting, screwing around—the list goes on.
My mom only wants what’s best for her kids, which means she stipulated that Flynn can skip out on college but she has to live at home. My parents paid for my apartment with Maddox, and once Ava was born, I was given my trust fund. Otherwise, I’d have to wait until I was twenty-five just like my siblings—or until we got married.
My parents pay for my brother’s school and apartment on campus because he’s at college. But Flynn made her choices. I just wish she wasn’t such a bitch about them. Our parents don’t deserve her contempt.
“Has Lucas been home lately? I know Ava misses him.” My brother has the sweetest relationship with his niece. Things weren’t always smooth sailing with us, but he bonded with Maddox and now he’s trying to keep a big part in Ava’s life, too. I love the relationship they share and I know my daughter idolizes him.
Selfless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 1) Page 9
