“I am too. I miss him still, every day, and I wish things were different. But…I wanted you to know it all. I have a lot of baggage and a lot of issues accompanying it. I’m starting to like you a lot and I want to give in to my feelings, but I’m scared and it’s not just me that I have to think about anymore. If you’re going to be in my life, I need you to get used to Ava and her to get used to you. Even—” I stop talking, unsure if I should admit the feelings lying on my tongue, but I wanted to be honest with him. “Even you being here, in this space I shared with him, it’s weird and I have to get used to it. But I also can’t deny that I like having you here.” I push a strand of hair behind my ear and grab my glass, waiting for him to respond.
“I like you, Carson, and you gave me a lot to think about tonight, but I’m not scared of your baggage. I want it. I welcome it. Being here tonight with you and Ava, it’s all I’ve wanted in my life. I’m envious of my baby sister and the family she has. I want it too and I’m willing to see where this goes and taking it as slow as you need.”
“I know I’ve been giving you mixed signals and I’m sorry. I just needed to figure this out.”
“You don’t ever need to apologize and you don’t have anything to be sorry about. Carson, you’re the most selfless person I’ve ever met. You took care of your ex when he was sick and you were, what, nineteen? Then you gave up everything to care for your daughter. You put everyone before yourself. It’s admirable. You’re strong and independent and you’ve created an amazing life for yourself despite it all. And I want to be a part of it.” His eyes flick between meeting my gaze and down to my lips. I lean in before I give myself a chance to overthink it, and I kiss him. He tastes like wine and desire.
I stop him for one second, long enough to place my glass and the picture frame on the table, and then I pull him back to me. I lean back, allowing his weight to hover over me on the couch. Something, likely a Barbie, is digging into my back and my daughter is right down the hall, but I ignore everything to focus on the kind, caring man kissing me.
My hands brace themselves on his strong biceps, dragging along the muscles from his arms and shoulders. His hand, the one not supporting his weight, lightly rests on my hip. It’s tentative, feathery. When that same hand inches upward, sneaking under by shirt, whether on purpose or by accident, I freeze with panic. I stop kissing him back and he pulls away to regard me, figuring out what happened.
“I’m sorry.” His eyes are full of apology and my heart tears in two knowing I can’t give him what he wants. I’m not ready.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry. Um, it’s getting pretty late, anyway.”
He gets the hint. I wish he could stay, but he can’t.
“Right. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” I’ve made him unsure of himself and I’m kicking myself for it. I nod, promising to reach out to him tomorrow.
I walk him out and when he leans down to kiss me, I give him my cheek. I can’t trust myself not to maul him in the doorway and my heart can’t take another hit. I’m sure his ego can’t either.
I watch him walk away, a hand running through his hair and down to knead the back of his neck. He doesn’t turn around to see if I’m watching him go. He just leaves.
Twenty-Five
Wren
“How’s the new girlfriend?” Ethan sits on the edge of my desk, blocking my view of one of my never-ending projects on my computer.
I can’t tell him everything going on in Carson’s life—it’s not my story to tell. I also can’t tell him that I’m being a real dick, pushing her when she’s not ready. The other night on her couch, I moved things too fast. Right after she told me about her dead ex. Who the fuck does that? I’m such a prick.
And as for that word—girlfriend—are we officially dating? I’m not seeing anyone else and I doubt she is, but we never talked about it. Is that something we still need to talk about or is it implied? God, dating at thirty is fucking weird.
“Things are good.”
“Things are good? Come on man, spill.” He wiggles his eyebrows to make his point and I want to punch him in his smug face. Not everything is about sex, but if I tell him that, he’ll call me a fucking pansy.
“There’s nothing to spill, man. She’s cool. I like her.” I’m about to call myself a fucking pansy, Christ.
“Wren, can you come here for a second?” Humphrey calls me into his office and I glare at Ethan, as if our boss somehow knows I’m dating one of my clients.
I close the door and sit down in one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. I remain cool on the outside, not letting this meeting affect me, but I’m still unnerved sitting in my boss’ office.
“I stopped by the Fletcher property today, just to see the progress. I know it’s hard taking over someone else’s project and I wanted to see how it was going.”
I’m unsettled. If things were going well he wouldn’t have called me into his office. “What’s going on?”
“The crew was going to call you, but since I was already there, I said I’d pass the message along. I’m sure you heard about Hurricane Jackson coming up the coast.”
“I thought it was a tropical storm and turning south?” I don’t like where this is going.
“The path has changed and it’s been upgraded to a category one. Best case scenario, it fizzles out before it hits the coast, but we can’t be sure. The crew has to take precaution. They’re boarding up the place to prevent as much damage as possible.”
Sonofabitch. This is the last thing she needs right now. “How long will this push back construction?”
“We have no way of knowing until after the storm hits, but you might want to prepare the client for this setback.” He dismisses me and I head back out to my desk where Ethan is still sitting, waiting for me. Does he ever work?
“What’d boss man say?” He’s texting someone, a hook up probably, not bothering to look up when I approach. I hover over him, waiting for him to move his ass out of my chair.
“Carson’s house is being pushed back because of the hurricane heading toward the coast.”
“No shit man. How long?” I shrug. “Well, on the plus side, your friend Fletcher can just stay with you until the storm passes, right? You can bunker down, keep her nice and safe.” I don’t know how he manages to make a hurricane sound dirty, but he does. Douchebag.
As if on cue, my boss comes out of his office. “Fletcher, as in your client, Wren? You know relationships with clients are prohibited. I don’t think you want to lose your job, so I know I don’t have to worry about that,” Humphrey jokes, slapping me on the back for being such a good workaholic. “You, on the other hand…” I have a feeling both partners watch Ethan like hawks. He’s never been quiet about his sexual prowess, client or not.
My best friend and boss walk away together, likely toward the accounting offices where Ethan works. I pick up my phone, ready to call Carson, but I think better of it. I think this news needs to be delivered in person, no matter how awkward or tense things are between us at the moment. I pull out my phone and shoot off a text, praying she at least answers me.
Wren: Dinner tonight? I can cook.
Carson: Can you cook at my place? Ava’s pretty picky.
Wren: Send me a menu and I’ll pick everything up. I’ll see you tonight.
I can’t focus on work for the rest of the day, and instead, spend my time researching the trends in the upcoming storm. I’m nervous to talk to Carson later, and the longer I watch the radar, the more stressed I get. I bail on work early and head to the grocery store to prepare for dinner tonight. I was told to pick up ingredients for tacos because they’re another one of Ava’s favorites.
I grab all the ingredients, grabbing both hard and soft shells because I wasn’t given a direction one way or another. After purchasing the necessities, I’m hit with the reminder of the promise I made to Ava last time I saw her.
I need to find a red-haired doll stat.
I’d call Carson and ask her, but I want it
to be a surprise. I want to prove to her that I’m ready to be a part of her life and Ava’s too.
Thirty minutes later, I knock on the apartment door, my arms full of bags. “Come in, let me help you.”
“Oh, not that bag.” She tries to take it from me, but I don’t let her. I carry everything in and place it on the counter. I hear the little feet barreling down the hall toward me. She screeches and I lean down in time to catch her in my arms.
“Wren!” She hugs me and I squeeze her right back.
“I have a surprise for you.” I stand up and grab the bag I wouldn’t let Carson take from me. I pull a doll out of the bag with red hair and freckles, just like the girl standing in front of me.
I hand her the doll and she screams into my ear. I’m surprised they haven’t had noise complaints with the decibels this tiny child can produce.
“I guess you like it?” I look up to Carson who’s smiling from ear to ear.
“Sweetheart, what do you say?”
“Thank you, Wren! I love it!” She runs back off to her room, cradling the toy to her chest the entire way.
“That was sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I wanted to.” I glance over my shoulder, ensuring that the little girl isn’t coming out of her room anytime soon. I lean over and place a chaste kiss on Carson’s lips before removing all the ingredients from the bags and starting dinner.
I place the beef in the pan on the stove to brown and work on cutting up the onion and tomato. I’m avoiding what needs to be said. I can’t tell her the truth at dinner with her daughter sitting there, which means I have to break the news to her now. And it’s not going to be fun.
“There’s something I need to talk to you about; that’s why I wanted to come over tonight.” I can sense that my admission instantly unnerves her and I only hope it’s not as serious as my boss is making it out to be. “Have you heard about Hurricane Jackson?”
“I heard there was a possibility, but my parents didn’t seem too concerned. Should we be?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but the crew working on your house is taking precaution.” I wait for the realization to sink in. “They’re boarding it up and stopping until the storm passes.”
“How long will that take? Will the house still be finished on time?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. We won’t know until after the hurricane hits.”
“I only have the apartment until the end of the year. If it’s not done in time, I don’t know what I’ll do.” Which means she has to be out of here in less than five months. That’s cutting it close even without this setback.
I’m about to open my mouth and say something stupid, but Ava calls her from the other room.
Saved by the kid.
Twenty-Six
Carson
I pack a bag for Ava and me after dinner and we head to my parents’ house to brace for the storm. It’s been bumped up to a category two, and although it’s not the worst storm we’ve seen, I don’t want to risk it. My parents are more prepared and able to deal with this type of thing anyway.
I walk through the front door carrying our luggage as Ava bounds ahead of me carrying her new doll. My parents hug her and she screams with excitement about how this is going to be one big sleepover.
“Is that a new doll? She looks just like you.” My mom brushes a hand over her granddaughter’s hair, smiling lovingly at her.
“Yup. Momma’s boyfriend got her for me.” With that, she skips away, leaving me blushing in the foyer.
“He’s met Ava? I guess it’s serious.”
I shrug, not wanting to get into the details.
I hug both of my parents and my dad grabs my luggage, taking it to our respective rooms. When I see my brother come down the steps, I’m glad my parents have a five bedroom house to fit us all.
“Luke, what’re you doing here?” I’m surprised my daughter hasn’t found him yet or she’d already be latched onto him.
“Campus shut down for the storm. I thought I’d come spend time with my favorite family.”
I roll my eyes and sniff, smelling skunk.
“You better not smoke with Ava being here.”
“Relax, Mom, I left my stash at school.” I pull him in because as crazy as it seems, sometimes I miss living at home in the craziness with my siblings.
“How’re you doing, Sis?” Lucas has been there for me since everything with Maddox happened. After telling Maddox first, I called Lucas to tell him because I was too scared to go to my parents.
“For once I can say everything is good and mean it.”
He throws an arm over my shoulders and we walk to the living room together. “Who is he and when do I get to meet him?” I laugh though I feel shy. “I’m serious. I need to approve of this new guy.” My brother got along with Maddox well and now he’s close with Ava. He’s grown up these last few years, despite not wanting to kick his pot habit.
“I think that’s my line as the older sister.”
“Please, you won’t have to worry about me settling down for a long time.”
My retort is on the tip of my tongue when the she-devil herself appears.
“Hey, Sis,” I greet her.
My relationship with Flynn has always been rocky and she’s never been afraid to hide her contempt for me or anyone. We’re polar opposites and most people are surprised to find out we’re related. Not because we don’t look alike because aside from her slightly tanner complexion, we do. But because our attitudes toward life are so vastly different. She thinks the world is hers to do with what she wants and doesn’t care who she barrels over to get there.
“Hey. Did you bring the twerp here too or leave her behind?”
“She’s bouncing around here somewhere with Mom.”
She rolls her eyes and heads toward the kitchen, likely to grab a beer that she’s not legally allowed to drink. But since she’s my dad’s favorite, she could get away with murder. I just wish she cared more about having a closer relationship with her niece despite her and I not having one.
“So, how’s school going?” I talk to Lucas for a while as the news stays on in the background. Flynn pops in eventually, to tell us she’s leaving for her friend’s house, which I have to adamantly remind her there’s a hurricane outside. She storms off throwing a tantrum that could rival one of Ava’s.
“God, what is her problem? Are things with you and her any better than how she treats me?” Flynn has always believed our parents favor me, especially since I gave them a grandkid. But my little sister would have to be blind to believe anyone but her is our dad’s favorite. It’s so obvious.
“Well, Mom said she’s going to a new therapist soon. She’s still threatening her into going, but something’s gotta give, right?” My sister has been in and out of therapy for a couple of years because of her incidents at school and in general, but nothing seems to help. More often than not, the therapist flat out refuses to work with her after a single session. I think this will be her fifth or sixth therapist.
“Mommy, can I bake cookies with grandma?” My daughter links her fingers, begging me to say yes.
“Of course, sweetie. But you have to give me a hug first,” I call before she bolts away. She slams into me and I squeeze her.
No one ever believes how fast time flies with kids. Sure, you get told all the time, but you don’t believe it until you experience it firsthand. I can still remember how tiny she was in the NICU when she was born and now she’s a whole person. It’s scary. So, I make her hug me as often as possible to cherish those small moments with her.
Lucas and I watch her run to the kitchen just as pellets of rain begin to fall on the roof. The storm is coming.
“How about we play a game?” I offer, always in the mood for scrabble or monopoly, much to my family’s dismay.
“How about a betting game instead?” My brother is always devious, wanting to place bets to embarrass me. If he gets any more fanatical about it, I’m afraid
he’ll end up having a gambling problem.
“What did you have in mind?” I already know where this is going.
“If I win, you let me meet your boyfriend. If you win, you can set me up on a date.” I’ve been trying to get him to go out with Meghan for years. I think they’d be a good fit, though neither will admit it.
“Deal. What’re we playing?” His smile is concerning. He grabs a piece of paper off the coffee table and jots something on it. I know this game. We used to play it all the time as kids.
“Be right back.” He heads toward the kitchen and when he returns, he has various alcohols overflowing in his arms. I’m already nervous. He places everything down and then holds a finger up and disappears once more.
What the hell is he doing?
This time when he enters the room I have to stop my jaw from hitting the floor. Our sister walks behind him, already looking bored. And yet, I’m glad he convinced her to join us, though I’m sure it’s just for the drinks.
“New game. We’ll come back to the bet later. Let’s play Who’s Most Likely.” Lucas is so college and Flynn will do anything for a beer. I’m about to get shitfaced in four seconds because I have no doubt those two will team up on me.
“Fine, but since it’s your game, I’m starting.” I think it over for a second because either one of these two could get in trouble, but I don’t want to scare Flynn away yet. “Okay. Who’s most likely to get arrested?”
On the count of three, we point. Flynn and I point to Lucas while he points to Flynn. Rules are rules and our brother has to drink.
Luke lost, so he goes next. “Who’s most likely to screw someone they shouldn’t?” This time, Flynn loses, though I hate to think about my baby sister doing any screwing.
We go around in a circle, drinking and laughing. Flynn gives me small insults such as “Who’s most likely to be a teen mom?” Clearly, she forgot I was twenty when I had Ava and there’s still time for her to get knocked up.
Selfless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 1) Page 12
