Her expression saddens me, but I don’t say anything, choosing to love this baby entirely without thinking of the little one we will never know.
“I bet Flame is a monster to live with now that the baby is here. He’s probably obsessive and bossy, huh?”
She rolls her eyes and giggles, losing the haunted look while I cuddle the now sleepy baby and take in his scent. Oh, I love baby smell, and no matter the race, all babies just have this warm, milky smell that makes me want one.
Darn it.
“So bossy. He comes home after midnight and still insists on being up with me so that he can watch me feed Micky. It’s so sweet and weird that I almost slapped him last night and put sleeping pills in his beer.”
We giggle together, and I finally roll my eyes, kiss Micky’s sleeping head, and hand him over to Barbie. God, babies make us all idiots.
“I’m glad you’re home now but what about the attacks and—”
“Dude, we moved into his parents’ place for the foreseeable future because he won’t leave me alone for a second. His parents think he’s as crazy as I do, but I get it. He can’t lose us after…anyway,” she says, swallowing. “This is the first time he’s let me out of the house to see you, and only because I have a kickass new body guard with me, thanks Barb, and because he knows that Bear got Nick to put two enforcers outside your place twenty-four seven.”
I snort, rolling my own eyes now because the man is just such a worrywart. I am armed at all times now with an ankle gun that shoots dead, and I have a panic button that Bear personally attaches to my waist band before he leaves the house. Not to mention that I don’t leave the house without one of his goons falling all over me.
“I get it. I’m in the same boat, but at least I don’t have to live with Nick and Prissy doing the things we do at night.”
She giggles and blushes, and I recall what Bear said and blush myself.
“Do they really…you know…to heal your…?”
Barbie laughs, hard, and Gretchen’s eyes twinkle with a light that makes me groan.
“I haven’t had my period since the night I got mated to Flame.”
“Oh my God! Does this mean…?” I whoop and jump up to do a happy dance when it hits me that Bear’s…fluids have taken away something that was the bane of my existence.
God, if human women knew that a male can cure the flow, I am so sure this place would be bombarded with groupies. Rock on!
“And it feels soooo good.”
“I bet. No six-week period, no pads as big as diapers to keep it from running down your legs. And no waiting period before you can get back on that horse, I mean wolf.”
“I would have died. I need my male; he makes me feel secure and safe and that closeness is part of who we are as a pair. It was hard at first though,” she admits, tearing up. “I know I shouldn’t bring Mikhaila up because it’s gloomy, but Flame and I both want you to know that we will never forget what you did for us all. You saved us.”
My own eyes go wet and once again guilt engulfs me.
“I should have run faster. Maybe if I had there would have been time.”
“Oh no, no Meek. No. The doctors already told me that she must have been stillborn before. Remember I told you about the scan? The reason they didn’t pick her up is because there was no heartbeat. It’s rare for us to lose young, but it does happen if the first conception is a male. They’re too strong to sustain with another female young. This was not your fault, it was just nature,” she says softly, squeezing my hands in her own.
“Oh Gretch, that sucks, hun. I am so sorry.”
“Me too, but this isn’t the end. There will be other young, and maybe one day I’ll have my little girl. Now! Stop being a weepy wench and tell me about Bear. I almost died when Flame told me how crazy Bear went when he saw you in those woods. It’s so romantic.”
I snort and roll my eyes.
“I don’t know about that. We’re on a trial period right now because I don’t just want to jump into things without thinking them through. I need some time to trust him.”
“But you’re having sex, right?” Barbie asks, as her eyes round with horror. “Please tell me you’re having sex. Sex is important.”
“Of course. Hell, do I look like I’m made of stone? The man had me on my back about two seconds after he brought me home. It was…unbelievable. Even better than the first time.”
“Oh yeah. Males just get better the more it happens. I swear to God, the first time I was with Flame I passed out halfway through because I just couldn’t handle the overload. Once I was up though and my body knew what to expect it took us six days of constant sex before he was ready to re-join the real world. Literally, he locked us into the house and didn’t do anything but fuck me, bathe me, and feed me.”
I laugh at her dreamy expression but sober when the weight of everything slams into me again. I haven’t forgotten that phone call before the girls showed up, and dammit, I don’t know what to do.
Maybe a bit of girl talk will give me an idea of what I should think instead of emotion clouding my response.
“Why the face?”
“I got off the phone with my mother’s care home just before you guys got here.”
“Oh no! Oh Mika, is she okay? Jules was telling me before she left that your mom wasn’t doing well, and her spirit is broken. Oh honey, she isn’t…?”
“No Gretch, she’s fine. Actually, she’s doing better than fine because as it turns out that idiot of mine went down to the place and spoke with her and even got her to laugh. She hasn’t so much as blinked in years and he walks in there, pays for her care, and does something I was sure would never be possible.”
And I am jealous!
Of course, I’m jealous. Listen people, if the woman who gave me life, the woman who tried to shoot me—ugh, that really happened—can’t come back for me, why did she for Bear?
“But that’s great! See, he does love you.”
“Gretchen, he hasn’t said it once, so don’t get your panties in a bind. He cares about me, and I know we can have more if we keep going, maybe, but the point is not that he hasn’t been sweet lately, it’s that he’s a sneaky idiot who is being so freaking nice I don’t know how to reconcile him to the man I first met. That guy didn’t give a shit if he fried my brain to a pulp and left me dead on the sidewalk. This guy is so out of character; he paid the home and didn’t say a word.”
“And that is good! That means that he wants to take care of you without rubbing it in your face. Flame does that kinda stuff all the time because to these males it’s not about showing everyone they’re good mates; it’s about being good mates for their female,” she says softly, her eyes fierce.
“Yeah, but now I don’t know what to think. I just wanted some time.”
“Time? Mika you’re going to live till you’re almost—if not—two hundred years old, babe, you have a fucking boatload of time. What you need is to forgive him for his behavior and move on to what you have now. He’s an ass, and we all agree. Shit, Flame clocked him a good one the day after he got engaged to that whore bot. But he’s not engaged now.”
“Because my golden triangle ruined him for other woman!”
“Oh pfft! Males don’t feel that way unless they want to,” Barb discounts, placing the baby on the sofa amidst a barricade of cushions before pulling a bottle of wine from her bag and three glasses.
“What the hell is in there?” I ask, peering down at her bag with a smile.
“Everything a girl needs, and today we need wine. Here Gretch, you can have a glass because the young just ate and it’ll burn off by the time he wakes up. Now, as for the whole sex thing, males can screw without a second thought and not feel anything, even with their Fated, just ask Logan.”
Mouth falling open, I gape as she giggles and hands us all a glass of ruby red wine. Gretchen takes a huge gulp and grins when I blink rapidly.
“He slept with Hannah?”
“Oh yes. Right after the
first time she broke up with Bear because his dad refused to let them mate. As Alpha, he can deny a match if it’s not Fated. It pissed her off and she got so drunk she didn’t care who she was with. Logan did it to show her she meant nothing to him, and boy oh boy, that cheesed her off. She ran back to Bear the very next week after waiting for Logan’s scent to leave her,” she says smugly.
I am still shocked, blinking like an owl while Gretchen and Barbie laugh.
“Did he know?”
“Oh sure! Logan told him and then asked him what the whole point is if she’s not that good in bed. Bear hit him, and then they made up, but I think that changed things for them because Bear never really tried all that hard to mate her after that. Then you arrived, and hallelujah, he saw the light.”
“I don’t get why he was with her though,” I admit, swallowing some wine with jealousy eating at me.
“Eh, he hates losing control that male. Flame once told me that Bear stopped believing in mating when his uncle Flint killed his own mate.”
“What!”
I sputter, licking wine off my chin and stare, my mind stuck on the word kill. Mates don’t kill each other. Hell, not even mates who aren’t real mates would ever go that far.
“It’s true. Jess fell pregnant, but her line had what we call the problems. They were all just a little kookoo, if you know what I mean. She took it in her head that it was a bad omen to fall pregnant even when they used protection and was never the same. She really lost it after she had the young, and Flint caught her trying to hurt him. He ran her out of the house, but she snuck back in and well, she wasn’t going to stop, we all know that. He tossed her out of a window when he found her in the nursery with a knife.”
“Good God, I didn’t know shifters could be crazy.”
“Oh yeah,” Gretchen says matter of factly. “My Aunt Marsh twice removed was a fruit cake. The good kind though. They say it happens every few generations. Some thinks it’s a natural culling thing, as if nature is weeding out the herd.”
“So she died?”
“She broke her neck when she fell. Nick ruled it defense of the young, and Flint spent four months in the cells, almost feral as a result. Losing a mate is not easy on males, but sometimes they make it through. He mated a great little fox shifter two years later, and she adores his son Matthew.”
Well, that is just…something. I am relieved there’s a happy ending there, but come on, that is just grim.
“Bear was never the same. He adored that female and couldn’t reconcile what she had done. He saw it as a control thing, and he hasn’t lost it since. He is always in control, and with Hannah he could be. He loved her as a friend, and she didn’t force him to feel anything. It was an arrangement that worked well until you showed up. Then Miss Thang started showing her true colors, and Bear did not like that. I can’t tell you how many times I heard that asshole telling her friends that Bear refused to talk to her for days if she was mean to you.”
“He did?”
“Uh huh. Why one time I was in the store and I heard her from the other aisle telling him that she wasn’t going to settle for half of him. Then he yelled that she knew the score and stormed off. A few weeks later they broke up and the rest is history. Logan’s happy. He says he’s never seen Bear so lighthearted, and even Prissy told me that he’s different. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up because that male is one satisfied customer.”
My sigh is long and loud, almost angry because I am not doing a thing. I’m just here.
“Well fine, but it’s getting ridiculous. I can’t even leave the house.”
“Honey, the male is not going to feel secure until they find the males who hurt you and me, so just accept that and don’t dwell. On that subject, at least the invasions have stopped for now.”
“Yeah but Gretchen, that doesn’t mean they won’t come back and Bear refuses to talk to me about Jules because he says he doesn’t want me involved.”
That frustrates me because I am involved. I almost died keeping that secret, and here I am, worried out of my mind and he’s being a, well a “bear” about it.
“Well, I say he’s right, and I don’t think you should get yourself involved in any of it. Mika, the male is obviously not happy about the fact that his female got the shit beat out of her protecting his sister. He shouldn’t have to choose who is more important in that equation, but if it comes down to it, you’re more important than Jules. It’s best for him to separate you right now so that he can do his job, as a mate and an enforcer.”
I get it, so I don’t argue, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t like it. Jules is my friend and yeah, she hasn’t been there for me lately, but I can’t just forget her now that everything is fine. Where is she? Is she in danger? When is she coming back?
I had the idea a while back to set her up with Logan, but how can I do that if she isn’t here? And I want to talk to her about this, this trial period I have going. It’s confusing, and I don’t really get good advice from Gretchen, who is in love and sees only love, or Barbie, who is so positive I keep checking her ass out to see if she shits rainbows.
“Anyway, enough talk about that. I need to get out of here to deliver to Bess, and I can’t do that if those men are out there.”
“Why don’t you just ask one to do it for you?” Barb asks.
I give her a look that speaks whole sentences and grunt when she keeps blinking innocently.
“Bear won’t let me deliver because he says I don’t need a job and he’s crapping himself about me wanting to earn money. There. Now do you get it?”
They share a look, and I know I just opened a can of anacondas.
Chapter Twenty
Meek
This week sucks donkey balls. Fetid, sweaty, unhygienic, and rotting donkey balls, I think, as I push the cart through the store at a snail’s pace and try to forget that I am bored out of my skull.
No, in case you were wondering, I did not get to make that delivery, but I am blessed in the fact that Barbie is a whirlwind who doesn’t answer to anyone and I paid her a small fee in homemade lotion to do it for me.
With my orders taken care of and my creams made, I officially do not have one thing to do. The house is spotless. I have vacuumed twice just to alleviate the boredom.
The pantry is stocked, and even Prissy doesn’t have anything new to report, so our phone conversations last about a minute, if that. It’s just slow, creeping time that is broken up only when Gretchen calls to complain that her kid puked in her mouth when she was holding him up in the air.
Totally disgusting, but right now I would give just about anything to have that kinda excitement in my life.
Oh, and I am sexually frustrated because Bear has been working so much that when he gets home he passes out on the couch before his shoes are off.
Picture what that’s like and then see me standing in front of his prone form, nude and contemplating just using him for a split second. Sick! I seriously considered it until I remember the Law and Order: Special Victims episode I watched one night while waiting up. I fell asleep around three when I realized he wasn’t going to come home.
Okay, so see, this is why I don’t do relationships. I am now officially suspicious and totally not happy that the man I…am with…is not at home, and when he does come home, he doesn’t so much as touch me. Sexually.
He kisses me, but that is about it.
My alarm bells are ringing loudly, as are my emotions because I want to trust Bear, I do, but where the hell is he all the time? Surely he can’t be this busy?
Nick told me last night that he’s already started cutting down on hours because he called in another pack who is picking up the slack. Everyone’s tempers are frayed, they’re overworked, and families are not doing well the longer the tension mounts.
Nick is under a lot of pressure, something Prissy is not happy with because it’s leaving her alone a lot, not that she is ever truly alone with the guards he put on her.
Bear at least only saddled me with two. Two males, who hardly speak and grunt and follow me around. But at least I am out of the house. This morning, I was so mad I yelled at him until he gave me this one concession. I need air. I need to see people, even if those people are assholes to me most of the time.
And how sad is it that I came here to have an argument with Bronwyn? Damn, I missed that bitch.
Pushing the cart around aimlessly I stare at the shelves, reading the labels to drag the time out because I really don’t need anything since Bear already ordered the groceries and had them delivered.
“He’s not going to mate you.”
I turn at the sound of that sneer and come face to face with Hannah, her china doll appearance and perfectly styled hair getting on my nerves with just one look.
“Oh give it a rest,” I mutter, going to pass by her because surely I can do something better than talk to a bitter woman who is still smarting because her break up still hurts.
She grabs my arm, her nails digging into the flesh painfully, and stops me, her face so filled with anger I feel a frisson of fear before anger takes over.
“Get your paws off me right now.”
“He’s not going to mate you! He’s too good to get himself stuck with a human who can’t shift and doesn’t understand the first thing about what he needs. Sooner or later the novelty is going to wear off and he’ll come crawling back to me to fulfill the promise he made to me years ago.”
Her anger is something I don’t think I have ever seen before, and this is coming from a woman who could smell the anger on a man who beat me and used a whip on me.
I should go, get out of here and not cause a scene. Bear won’t like it, and you know what, I don’t need shit from anyone because of this woman.
People are already staring, their ears perked up when I grab her fingers and squeeze, gaining my freedom only when I feel her knuckle pop and she cries out.
Greyriver Shifters Page 22
