“Maybe she couldn’t stand to lose him. You know, you hate her for being who she is, and I get that. She liked to tease me the most when I was younger because I’m the only bear mix in a family with cat and wolf, but she never did it when we were alone. As for Bear, the guy didn’t do right by her either. Think about that,” he says.
I have, and while I agree, I can’t blame the guy all that much, at least my dislike for Hannah won’t let me and that may be unfair, but it is what it is.
“She got what she deserved. Look at the way she treated Mika.”
“Mika is a big girl, Logan, and she isn’t innocent of all of it. She was no nicer to Hannah than Hannah was to her. She sneered too. Her and Jules would make jokes and laugh at her behind her back, and Prissy wasn’t exactly the most welcoming presence either. One day she liked Hannah and treated her like a daughter, and the next she hated her. That can’t be easy for anyone to reconcile, even Hannah,” he points out.
“I don’t give a shit. She’s in the drunk tank until her ass learns a lesson, and then I don’t want to see her face for a long time.”
“Yeah, well, let’s hope the next time she goes on a bender someone else gets the call.” He snorts, making me grit my teeth.
Fucking female has decided to live her rebellious teenage days in the last two months, and it’s fucking embarrassing having to be associated with her. She drinks, dresses like she’s selling her body, and even takes prescription painkillers like they’re candy. Of course, those are of the shifter variety since most human meds don’t work on us, so I know exactly what they do.
Why she needs them is a mystery, but I guess when you’re a spoiled brat who’s bored with life, drugs and booze isn’t a surprise.
“The next time she gets brought in I’m sticking her in a cell with Lync.
# # # #
Hannah
“Pain.”
“Yeah Lync, I know, okay,” I say and sigh, pushing my back to the corner and using the wet washrag to clean myself as best I can, considering all I have to work with is a sink, cold water, and this rag with a sliver of soap.
I hate smelling bad and can’t stand the state of my hair after three days of confinement that has seen me talking to a crazy person who is actually quite sweet if you forget that he’s a feral animal who’d rip my throat out if he could.
I feel gritty and sticky despite the air conditioning that Nick pumps into the cells to keep prisoners—namely Lync—comfortable. Not that I am complaining or anything because it’s been bliss.
I sleep, talk to Lync, which I will never tell a soul, and eat food that I know Prissy Silverton made because it is great. Well, I eat the part she doesn’t spit in at least, which is mostly the foods I don’t like, or yeah, the foods she thinks I don’t like.
With my senses, I can pick up those kinds of things, and I bet she just enjoys knowing that I know she’s spitting in everything she thinks I love.
For my part, I am just grateful to eat during confinement, something that my own family doesn’t do for me when I am in trouble. Something that is the least of my worries when I’m in trouble, I think with dark amusement, my eyes narrowing when a shaft of pain shoots through my right leg, the ache returning now that I can’t shift and run to stave off the pain.
The pain is the result of a break I suffered years ago that never healed right, an injury that forever changed me and will never heal or stop hurting.
The pain reminds me of why I am who I am and why I can never go back or undo the things that even I regret sometimes. It’s my talisman against myself, my haven when I start thinking I can feel and be happy.
It reminds me that life is not some happy ending, where a female gets to choose love and live happily ever after with theme music playing in the background while the credits roll.
“Pain,” Lync whines again, this time more clearly since Nick came down this morning and rolled back the doors, exposing the bars of the secondary door to give us more of a view.
He didn’t bother to speak to me, so I don’t know why he did that out of the blue, but my guess would be that Logan asked him to. Just another little dig to torture me, as if Lync’s howling last night and the previous night’s weren’t enough.
What those assholes don’t know, is that I enjoyed it, and even howled along with him, using his howl to cover the screams I let out and set free after months of keeping it all in.
Talk about a free therapy session, I think, giggling when I recalled Lync’s minute pause before continuing, as if even in his polluted mind he was shocked.
I was too, at first. Until it made me feel…free.
“Pain.”
“Pain,” I acknowledge, peering over at him through the bars from my sprawl on the cot, my eyes taking in the way his torn pants mold to his legs.
The male is a lot thinner than he once was, way back when in a time when we were all friends and I was freer than I am now. As a pureblood, I was allowed to play with Bear, Lync, and some of the other children, my parents assuming that I listened to their rules, when in fact I was cavorting with anyone and everyone Bear allowed into our little group.
The Kilter brothers were a favorite of mine, Banner being my ultimate playmate, because at that age, he didn’t hold prejudice like some and never made me pay for my parents’ purist views.
When I got older and they became stricter, I’d have to act that way, be that way, say things that hurt my little heart until I got the message.
Mixed breeds are not my friends, not my class, and I had better remember that.
It hurt like hell losing Banner’s friendship and earning Logan’s hate, and even worse, I lost that innocence that every little girl carries around most of her life.
Love? Love doesn’t exist, or if it does, you have to earn it and work and steal it and hoard it. I did that with Bear, my only loyal confidante and made him swear never to leave me.
And he tried to keep that promise, I suppose, for a while at least. Should have known everyone lies.
“Pain,” Lync whines, his growl coming out sad and desperate, as if he can’t stand it anymore.
“Yes, Lync. Pain. But it’ll be okay, buddy, I promise. It’s the pain that tells you you’re still alive,” I whisper, my eyes tearing up when he hunches and sniffs at the air to scent me again.
“Cry.”
I am crying, although not one tear slips free. They never will because I taught myself a long time ago never to allow that.
What use are the tears when they get no mercy? All they do is show how weak you are, how breakable, and I swore I would never break. Never.
“You shouldn’t cry, you know. It doesn’t change anything or make them stop hurting you. It only makes them hurt you more. What am I saying? Your tormenters are gone. What do you have to whine about, huh? You get to stay in here, where no one bothers you or tells you whom you should be. I wish I could do that.”
He grunts, peering closer, and I swear to God I see intelligence and awareness in his gaze, the blue so dark I feel my spine shudder when his head dips, almost as if he’s nodding.
“Yeah, you know. But fuck them, right? They betrayed you, Lync. They don’t deserve your love and loyalty. You should just chill, man, just let all that bullshit nature dictates go and stop being feral. I bet you want to go outside, shift, and run through the woods all the way to Whitefish Lake. Maybe catch a rabbit or two and roll around in the grass and leaves. Feel the wind on your pelt and taste the wild breeze.”
“Run.”
“Yeah, run. Sometimes I want to run too, you know. Just shift and run and never look back. I want to never change back, just be a wolf and let my animal take over. I bet they’d never find me then, Lync. I bet they’d go crazy looking for me and suffer the not-knowing, but me, I’d be free. No more beatings or starvation, no more locking me in my room. Maybe if I ran, I wouldn’t have to know what they’re planning and feel so shitty about it,” I sigh.
Lync’s head tilts questioningly, or at least that�
�s what I tell myself, and I sit up to walk over to the bars where I sit cross legged and sigh again.
“They want to remove the Alpha and have more control of the pack. Daddy says it’s not right having the laws change and all this Fated crap clouding the integrity of the bloodlines,” I say in parrot fashion, my mouth twisting when he growls.
“I agree, but hey, what do I know, right? Anyway, it’s not as if I can do anything, so why do I even care? The council will do what they want to do, and it doesn’t matter what I know and don’t know. Although, if they ever found out that I can hear them discussing this stuff through the air vent that leads from his study to the basement, he’d beat me senseless.”
Lync growls again, as if he doesn’t like the thought of me being beaten and I smile at my fanciful thoughts, pretending that he does care or understand and that I am not alone in here.
“It’s rough, man, real rough. You know, a few nights before I got myself landed in here again, my brothers watched and laughed while Daddy took a whip to me. Old bastard. He thought it hurt, but I’ll tell you a secret, Lync, I don’t feel it anymore. But I’ve saved money, lots of money, and I finally have enough to buy my own house in town.”
He tilts his head again, and I giggle.
God, I must be nuts to tell myself he’s hearing me, but that is exactly what I need right now, so who cares that I lie to myself. Right now, it’s what I need.
“Oh yeah. I told poor Bear that Daddy cut my allowance, but the truth is he didn’t. I just needed to save that money, and I knew they’d be suspicious if I stopped shopping and showing the town how spoiled and privileged I am. I felt bad for taking Bear’s money, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know. It’s not as if it will pauper Bear, and anyway, the extra he allowed me to study online, and now I can do freelance style work for that human magazine. They pay well enough that I can live after I buy a place. All I need to do now is get up enough courage to do it,” I say, sighing because that is the hardest part.
To leave my family, unmated and living alone, will be a major shame to them. Not that I care exactly, but after years of being conditioned it’s not exactly easy to throw it all out the window and stop caring.
I do love them after all. They’re my family. Unfortunately, I don’t know what will happen if I do this. It scares me to do anything with the attacks that were going on just a few months ago, but I keep telling myself that I will be okay, that I am strong and nothing bad will happen to me.
I think.
“Ever since Bear broke off the engagement, they’ve been talking about mating me to one of the Banes brothers.” I shudder. “I agree! They’re disgusting, but try telling that to my parents.”
Lync huffs, the sound a dangerous puff of air, and I pretend that he’s telling me he agrees. Everyone knows the Banes family are purists, who wouldn’t hesitate to kill any mixed blood if the law allowed. For my part, I don’t care much what they think or do, as long as I don’t have to get stuck mated to one of the pigs.
“You remember them, huh? Well, they’re still that bad, if not worse. And my parents want a union now that I’m not with Bear anymore. Not that I’m going to do it, mind you. Those males do not take care of their females properly, and I refuse to give up all the creature comforts just to make my parents happy.”
He dips his head, and while I want to keep talking about me, because let’s face it, that’s my favorite subject, I take Logan’s criticisms to heart and change the subject.
“I remember just before Luna ran away with Nolan. Did you really want to mate her, even knowing she didn’t love you or was it just the instinct?” I ask, scrunching my brow when he huffs and his face takes on what I imagine is a scowl.
“No? Come on, Lync. I can’t guess here, man. I’m not psychic anymore,” I say, laughing when he grunts.
Once upon a time, when I was in my early teens and still undamaged, I started developing the ability to hear people’s thoughts if I concentrated very hard.
It wasn’t developed by any means, but if I worked at it, I could hear Bear thinking about females’ boobs or get a glimpse of the way Logan felt about me. Man, talk about loathing.
I hid it at first, my fear of the unknown so great I was convinced I was a freak thanks to Mom and Dad’s reaction to the abilities some shifters displayed.
Prejudice runs deep in my clan and learning that they despise any and all who have what they call afflictions was hard. I learned fast to hide it, and eventually, I starved it so much that it just died and went away, the little light crumbling under my greater need not to veer from the norm that was expected.
Now I can’t do it at all, though honestly, if I had been smarter when I was young, I would have cultivated it and used it to warn myself before something bad happened. I’d certainly never have been surprised the day my dad lost his temper and beat me so badly, breaking my leg.
I’d have known that he’d tie me up and laugh while I screamed and fought the healing, and I would have known that he’d intended for the break to heal badly as a reminder never to shame him again.
“Sorrow.”
Lync’s voice intrudes on my thoughts, and I sigh, looking back at him with a sad smile.
“I know you must have hurt when they left, when they died. It sucks, Lync.”
“Anger.”
“Yes. You deserve the anger. I’m angry, too.”
“Freedom.”
The spate of words is shocking because I know this male hasn’t spoken in years and he is believed to be senseless with the feral fever, but I push away the shock and smile, nodding because I want to keep talking and I want, in some way, to know that I was here for him and did something no one else could do.
Maybe that will mean I am not so bad. Even if I know I am.
“You want freedom while I would give so much to stay down here, where no one can find me. We’re a pair, you and me, Lync, we’re a pair,” I say, smiling sadly.
“Did I ever tell you how sorry I was about what happened? I was. I didn’t believe that you would hurt anyone, and I still don’t believe you need to be locked away. But hey, what do I know? Tell me, would you just start killing people indiscriminately? If so, could I add a few to the list?” I ask, laughing at my own dark thoughts.
My list is hella long and maybe a little sketchy because I am still angry at so many people. God, it would be really great to have this male doing my evil bidding.
“Sad.”
I don’t know if he means me or him, but I console myself with the thought that no one else will know, no matter who he’s referring to. For me, I’d die before showing anyone weakness, and for poor Lync, well, it doesn’t really matter how he feels, does it, since he’s still gonna be batshit crazy and no one ever really speaks to him anyway.
“You and me, buddy. You and me.”
Chapter Four
Hannah
The slap hits me before the door is even closed, and despite my best intentions, I am knocked from me feet, my hip screaming when it slams into the marble of the foyer, where I land and lay panting, fighting against the urge to show any pain.
“You are a disgrace!” Dad yells, his face filled with dark fury when I get to my feet and lift my chin, keeping my head held high despite the dizziness that winks through my vision.
Brig and Blain are both present, as is my mother, who is standing in the doorway to the parlor, her face blank of expression as she stares at me. At one time in my life, she would have comforted me and begged me not to make Daddy angry, her tears making me feel guilty and promise not to do it ever again.
When it became clear that I was never going to come up to snuff, she stopped coming to my room and instead left me to care for myself, her eyes dry and lifeless whenever they fell on me, as if I’d killed whatever love she felt for me.
“You would dare to land yourself in the holding cells again when I expressly told you this family cannot afford scandal right now!” he rages, backhanding me this time.
Christ, I should have gone on a bender and attacked someone instead of coming home, I think, sniffing when blood starts trickling out of my nose and onto my lip.
I should have done anything to get locked up again instead of coming here when I knew he’d be pissed. But then what? It’s not as if they’ll keep locking me up. Eventually the enforcers will lose interest, and with the crimes piling up against me, he’d kill me if I kept going.
No, this is the only true solution.
If I have to take a beating for causing him embarrassment and making the council question his suitability, then so be it.
It’s just a few slaps, right?
“I apologize, Father,” I say, my voice flat and expressionless when I answer, something I know infuriates him.
My brothers don’t move, not even when Daddy grabs me by the hair and starts dragging me behind him, the strength of his grip so great I feel a chunk of hair pull free of my scalp.
I don’t’ bother to cry out though, not when I know it will only make him harder, crueler, as he relishes my pain. I know where he’s taking me, and despite my best efforts, my heart starts slamming against my ribs, the thought of being locked away in the dark making my chest tight with terror.
I hate the dark. I hate being trapped down there, where it’s so devoid of light not even my shifter vision can stave off the darkness. More, I hate the smell of the dirt floor under my feet and the way the bugs get onto me despite my snarls and growls of fury.
Daddy pulls me, unresisting until he gets to the basement door and throws me down without another thought, my body tumbling and hitting the stairs as the door closes, shutting off all light.
Now I do whimper, biting my lip so hard I taste blood. I hit the floor, my body screaming in pain and scramble up to scuttle to my usual spot where I’ve built a little mound of dirt that keeps the bugs from reaching me too soon.
Greyriver Shifters Page 27
