She shrugs. “Like I said child, no one knows what he does with them but I’m guessing it isn’t anything pleasant. And he’s a madman...as crazy as they come, he don’t need no reason.”
This coming from the queen of the crazies....kind of funny.
“So you give shelter to the ones that get away?” I say.
She nods and shoos the tall woman away who’s trying to refill her cup.
“The ones we can help. If they are lucky enough to escape…to find their way to us. They are always young’uns...that much we do know. Most of the time there isn’t anything we can do for them...they pass on quickly to meet their gods. But sometimes, if they’re strong enough we can nurse them back to health...physically anyways. Mentally...well we aren’t sure if they can’t remember what has happened to them or they choose not to remember the horrors they have endured.”
It’s starting to make sense to me now....some of it anyways. Why he sent his men into the sand lands. He was looking for new bloods. And he takes the young’uns on the off chance they may be what he is looking for or at least more fodder for his experiments. I desperately hope Tater is right and my kin were sold off as slaves or put to work in the iron mines. It would be a much better fate then becoming a diseased mad creature. Just that thought alone fills me with despair but I push it down deep. I cain’t think of that, not now, not with everything else I have heard. What the old woman is saying...what she is telling me, it’s overwhelming and the weight of it crushes me. But there is one more thing I need to know.
“What exactly is a new blood? What exactly do you believe I am?” I whisper to her and all my fears, my frustrations, my anxieties...it all comes out in that one burning question. It’s like she understands my inner turmoil, my need to know, and she leaves her chair and hobbles to my side. Taking my hand in her wrinkled one she stares at me fiercely.
“You, my child, are hope. A new blood, born of the land, chosen by the gods, able to heal and purify and repair all that has been destroyed. Our world...what the settlers did to it with their wars and their plagues, it was left in ruins. Our kind nearly wiped out, unable to survive in what was left after The Shift. But then the gods made the new bloods. Stronger, better beings then us, able to withstand this harsh world....thrive in it almost. You and your kind are the reason we still exist. It is said that your Chi...the power that comes from within, it is a part of the gods themselves. You are a symbol of all that is pure and good and that is why the Prezedant fears and reveres your kind so. You can heal this world and bring back the light to everything he has worked so hard to keep in darkness, for in that lies his power over the people.”
I stare into her feverish eyes and for a moment she has me truly convinced I am something special. That I could be the one to bear truth to their prophecy. Then a harsh laugh from Jax breaks her spell.
“That’s a load of mule shite if I ever heard it. Tara may be a new blood, but she’s just a mutie with a different name. A bit stronger than most, and a lot more irritating, but a mutie all the same. She’s no earth healer and no symbol of ‘pure goodness’ anymore then I am.”
“And yet you follow her willingly and without coercion.” She don’t take her eyes off of me but her words are directed towards Jax. “That in itself speaks volumes boy. You are a true believer....you just don’t know it yet.”
“I know that you are one crazy old bast....”
“Jax!” Tater interjects smoothly. “I think it’s time we thanked Orakel for her hospitality and her words of wisdom, but I think we should be on our way. Get back above ground. I think it would make us all feel much better.”
I can hear Jax whispering to Tater about Orakels sanity but like her, I pay no heed. I still have questions and this old lady standing in front of me is the only one right now who has the answers I seek.
“Jax is right,” I say to her. “I’m not any healer. I have done things...things I cain’t explain...things that terrify me to no end.... but I ain’t got no control over ‘em. How am I supposed to do these things you people believe I am capable of? I don’t know how to fix or heal anything. I don’t think I’m the one you are waiting for Orakel.”
She smiles at me then and in her eyes I see the sparkling reflection of the dozens of lit torches ‘round us and it gives them an almost unearthly glow.
“Don’t rush it child...it will come. We have been awaiting the arrival of a true new blood for many years. Some had even given up believing that your kind would ever appear again...but yet here you are, in the flesh. The prophecy will be fulfilled and the darkness will be defeated, of that I have no doubt.” She stops talking and looks over at my companions, studying them for a bit with her piercing eyes, her head tilted to the side as if she was listening to something that the rest of us could not hear. Finally she gives a slight nod and leans in to whisper in my ear words that make my stomach drop. A numbness seeps over me and a foul taste fills my mouth.
“True followers they may be child, but be careful with who you share your secrets ...one of the three will betray you greatly. It will be so.”
Littlepass
Betrayal! That’s all I have been able to think about....all that has occupied my mind ever since we had left the city of iron bones and Orakel’s whispered words. Days of watching my companions, wondering if her warning of betrayal was true. Wondering if any of what she said had been true. Sometimes I feel more confused than ever from what Orakel had told me. Her explanation of what I was expected to be, of what I was expected to do....well it left me with more questions than answers. Did she truly believe I could do as their prophecy said? Or was it all just a bunch of hokum like Jax believed? Talbert and Beanie seemed to think there was truth to it. They had wanted to accompany us on our travel to Littlepass, insisting that the mistress of light needed their protection, much to the dismay of the others. I don’t know who had protested the loudest, Finn, Jax or Tater, but I had politely refused their protection and said our goodbyes. They had been truly disappointed at my refusal but thankfully they had heeded me. The one thing I did not need was more craziness in my life.
I sit staring at our campfire, keeping watch over the others as they sleep, Cat at my side. I can feel her purring with pleasure as I scratch her ears and head, her fur still holding the warmth of the day’s heat. I lift her paw to have a look at her injuries. They were healing quite nicely... whatever Orakel had given us to treat them had worked well. I had that to thank her for at least.
I drop Cat’s paw and turn my attention back to staring at the low campfire, my mind wandering again. If Orakel’s calculations were correct we would be upon Littlepass in the early morning. I ain’t quite sure how I feel about that. Littlepass meant finding Lily and Lily meant answers, and by the gods I had a lot of questions. But it also meant the end of the journey...for them at least. No more Finn or Cat or Tater...or Jax. I would have to say my goodbyes to this motley little crew of travelers. It don’t sit well.
And did I truly want to hear those answers Lily supposedly had for me? Was I ready to hear what she had to say? Maybe the only question I needed to ask...the only question that I needed to know the answer to was how do I find Ben? That was the most important thing right now....wasn’t it? That was the whole point of my journey...the whole point of finding Lily, to help me get my kin back. The rest of it...of them, didn’t matter. And if Orakel was to be believed, one of them would betray me anyway so why should I be worrying about any of this?
More confused than ever, I lift my flower from inside my tunic and hold its warmth to my lips. Shizen Ben...if there was ever a time when I needed to talk to you...for you to tell me everything was going to be okay, well, now would be that time.
“I will find you Ben,” I whisper against my flower as if doing so would help my promise to reach his ears across the distance separating us, where ever he may be. I can feel the tears prickling at the corner of my eyes as a great feeling of loneliness and self pity threatens to overwhelm me.
“You okay?�
�� The unexpected voice confuses me and for a split second I believe it to be Ben. Then the shadowy figure moves into the fire light and I drop my flower back inside my tunic and turn my head so Jax don’t see my moment of weakness.
“Aye,” I say gruffly as he sits cross legged on the other side of Cat.
“Well why you talking to yourself then,” he says.
“I wasn’t talking ....” I start to protest but realize he had caught me red handed so I change the subject, snapping at him irritably.
“Why are you up? It ain’t time for your watch yet.”
He shrugs, staring into the low flames of the fire, and running his hand through Cats fur like I had been doing. Cat arches her back with pleasure, accepting his touch. Accepting him. When had this happened? When had Cat accepted him as one of us?
“Can’t sleep,” he says, not seeming to notice my displeasure at Cat’s behavior.
“I keep dreaming about those crazy bastards we just left behind. Especially that tall thin one...”
He gives an exaggerated shiver. “I’ll have night terrors for years.”
I don’t want to but I find my lips twitching in amusement at his words.
“Truly? She was the one who scared you? I kinda think she was sweet on you. I think Sky maybe has some competition,” I say.
“Ha ha…not funny new blood…not at all,” he says scowling at me. “Besides, you’re one to talk. The way Talbert was following you around like a love sick young’un….I thought he was gonna cry when you turned down his offer to take us to Littlepass. I think you broke his heart.”
What the…? Was Jax actually teasing me? Did he actually have a sense of humor?
“You wanna hear something weirder?” I say, going with it and grinning at him. “Just before we left he gave me that creepy skull from ‘round his neck. Said it would bring me good luck. I was gonna throw it away but….who knows…maybe it will.”
Jax raises his brows in surprise.
“You kept it?” he says.
“Aye…it’s in my slingbag,” I say.
“Well that’s just creepy as hell. Sure wasn’t good luck for the poor animal it came from. Best be careful about that though. Some may take that sort of thing to be a betrothal gift. Missus Talbert….has a nice ring to it don’t you think?”
“Bite your tongue,” I say, giving a mock shudder of horror. “Now I’m gonna have night terrors.”
He gives a low chuckle as I hand him a tin cup of the root tea I had hanging over the fire.
“Here, even though it serves you right now to have night terrors...this will help you sleep.”
He nods a thanks and sips carefully at the hot liquid. We sit quietly for a bit, just enjoying the tea and the peacefulness of the night. It was almost nice. But then Orakels words snake their way into my thoughts again. Is Jax the one Orakel spoke of? Would he be the one to betray me? Stop it! I scold myself. Stop raising doubt. She was just a crazy old lady...besides Jax was about to part ways with us....didn’t matter. I would never see him again so how could he betray me?
“Why are you here Jax?” I ask the question that had been eating at me ever since his unexpected arrival in the dead city. He looks at me....confused.
“I told you I can’t sleep...”
“No I mean why did you follow us? Why are you taking us to Littlepass? And don’t give me the story ‘bout an owed debt. You should be home in Gray Valley with your ma and Sky, getting ready for your wedded ceremony. Living a normal life. Why are you here...with us?”
After his earlier teasing I ain’t expecting the harsh snort he gives me at my question.
“Normal life...is that what you think we have in Gray Valley? No such thing. Breaking our backs working the dead soil....praying to the gods to get enough harvest to pay our taxes so the Army don’t punish us. Hiding the extra meat or grain we have managed to horde away so our families can make it through to the next season without starving. Living in fear for the children....wondering if at any moment they will be taken away from us by that madman. Fearing to have children of your own. Is that what you call normal?”
He runs a hand through his hair, a gesture I have come to realize he did when most agitated. I want to tell him I’m sorry. I’m sorry to have brought it up...I hadn’t realized but he goes on talking.
“Hell...I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to get away from that. To get away from Sky....her talk of our betrothal....her talk of a family. How can I disappoint her....?” he sighs a little.
“Maybe I’m here because of Finn. I kinda see a little bit of me in him...a lost lonely little kid wondering why things had to happen but trying to deal in the best way he can. You know what he asked me the other day?” I shake my head at his question. “He wanted to know did I think my pa and his pa were hunting and fishing together in the afterlife. Having adventures...friends like him and me.”
I laugh a little at this. That was such a Finn thing to say. Jax unexpectedly looks up at my laughter, his eyes burning feverishly from the fire light, and the laughter dies on my lips.
“Or maybe I’m here because of you. Ma was right...you remind me of Jenna so much. Maybe in some strange way I believe that by helping you I can make it up to my sister....make up for failing her. I stood aside and let her die....I watched it all happen and I didn’t do anything! Maybe I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. I owe you that much...”
He trails off wordlessly and drops his gaze. However I had expected Jax to answer my question it was not with such brutal honesty. I am speechless at his words. Tongue tied as always, unable to express how I feel at his admission. Was he saying that he cared about us? That he truly cared what happened to us? To me? I should be thanking him for his honest answers…telling him how grateful I was for his help...but all I do is show how uncomfortable I am by saying,
“I ain’t Jenna, Jax.”
He laughs, but there ain’t no humor in it.
“No....you are much more irritating and annoying and a damn sight more mule headed. Trust me that much I do know.”
I shake my head at him.
“No...you don’t get it. I don’t want you helping us ‘cause you think you owe me something Jax. What happened was out of your control...you don’t owe it to Jenna and you sure as hell don’t owe it to me. Your debt is paid Jax.”
He looks at me, confused.
“Your debt is paid,” I say again. “Not only did you help us back at the iron city but we made it to Littlepass...alive and well, just like you promised. Thank you for all you’ve done but you may as well make your way back to Gray Valley in the morning. Gods speed on your safe return home.”
For some reason his admission is scaring me and I respond in the only way I know how....change the subject and make it less personal. The old expression passes my lips automatically and I hold my hand out to him in a goodwill gesture. He looks down at my outstretched hand, ignoring it as his eyes come to rest on my face again, and I can see the disbelief in them.
“Really? That’s how it’s going to be? You ask me a question and I answer it in the most soul bearing way I can and you want to shake my hand? You’re a real waterfall of emotion you know that Tara,” he says, and I know sarcasm when I hear it.
“Why you gotta be such a jackass?” I snap at him angrily, pulling my hand away. “Why cain’t you just accept my thanks graciously and be on your way in the morning?”
“Okay....fine, if it makes you feel any better then I graciously accept your thanks,” he says, but I snort at him.
“Too late. You cain’t say that now ‘cause I know you don’t mean it.”
“Aye, I do,” he says.
“No you don’t,” I say. “You’re just repeating what I said.”
He stares at me for a bit, then shakes his head like he don’t quite understand me.
“Whatever….and just to be clear I won’t be leaving for Gray Valley tomorrow.”
This catches me off guard. I was not expecting that.
“Wh
y not?”
“Because I promised Finn I would stay with you all until you found Lily,” he says, flatly.
I stare at him over Cat’s head, ignoring her grinding against my hand to get me to scratch her ears again.
“Why would you do such a thing? I don’t know how long it’s gonna take us to find Lily…could be days…weeks.”
“I’m aware of that,” he says taking a sip of his tea.
“Well why would you promise the boy such a thing?” I say.
“Because he asked me too,” Jax says.
Jax was staying with us ‘cause Finn asked him too? When did the boy ask such a thing from him? And more importantly why? Why would he want Jax to stay around? We don’t need Jax around…all he did was cause confusion….especially as far as I was concerned. I cain’t even believe Finn would ask him to do such a thing.
“There ain’t no need for you to stay,” I say shortly. He gives a harsh little laugh at my words.
“Do you even realize what you are asking the boy to do tomorrow? Have you even discussed how he feels about leaving Cat?” At the mention of her name the beast looks up at Jax and licks his hand.
“He loves this beast more than anything else he has left in the world and you are asking him to just desert her….and who knows for how long. Do you even know how he feels about that? Do you even care? Cause I do. Or is the thought of Ben the only thing that occupies that selfish mind of yours?”
Now he’s gone too far!
“Of course I know what I’m asking him to do but it ain’t like he’s got a choice,” I hiss at him angrily. “He knows he cain’t take Cat into Littlepass. I told him that from the start…and he still insisted on coming with me. She’s a devil cat for crying out loud…a wild animal. Ain’t like she don’t know how to fend for herself. He’ll get over her eventually…” I trail off realizing that I said too much. Jax is looking at me through narrowed eyes.
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