‘So do I.’ The words were soft but he heard them, hugged her and tilted her head back so she stared up at him. ‘I shouldn’t but I do.’
Phillip looked at her steadily. ‘Of course I want to know what’s behind it all. I would not be human if I didn’t wonder why a young lady of the ton chose to reinvent herself as a person in trade, even someone very elegant and as successful as you. Plus, hide her identity for all these years. However, it’s your decision whether to trust me with the story.’ He understood she wouldn’t have done such a thing without good reason but it stung that she hadn’t thought him trustworthy enough to confide in. ‘I suspect my sister knows it all?’
Belinda nodded. ‘And Lady L.’
That did surprise him. Elise Lakenby was kindly, sprightly and not a person to be mistaken for someone with no interest in the world around her. Even so, he hadn’t thought her capable of such deception. Mind you, he ruminated, there was a never to be underestimated steely core of integrity in her, which not all people noticed or understood.
‘My godmother?’ Stupid question. What other Lady L is there?
‘And Clarissa’s. Yes, the very same. She was a great friend of my mother and never approved of my father, which is one reason she helped, I think. She was one of the bright stars of my growing up. If it hadn’t been for Clarissa, your father and Lady L, once my mama died, I have no idea what I would have done. My life would have been bleak indeed.’
‘I confess I’m…’ he hesitated ‘…unhappy you felt you couldn’t tell me everything.’
‘I daren’t. Remember I hadn’t seen you for years until you turned up with Bloody Rosemary.’ Belinda smiled. ‘To see you with her was enough to turn me away from saying anything at all. It didn’t say much for your judgement of character.’
‘I suppose I deserved that,’ Phillip said ruefully. ‘However, one’s true self doesn’t change.’
‘But I don’t and didn’t know your true self from before,’ Belinda argued. ‘Not really. Oh I yearned for you with all the longings a schoolgirl could muster, trusted you because I’d seen how you behaved towards your family, but you were with her. Now, yes I wouldn’t hesitate to confide in you and ask for your help, but before? Sorry.’
Why did he think she wasn’t quite being honest? Phillip had long learned to believe his instincts over such things. He also knew when not to press for the truth. This was one of those times.
‘I’ll listen to whatever you want to say,’ he said slowly. ‘However, in comfort maybe?’
Belinda looked around as if she’d only just noticed where they were. She gave a short, shocked gasp and tried to draw away.
‘I didn’t mean out of my arms,’ Phillip said gently, but in a tone he hoped she understood brooked no argument. ‘I thought perhaps sitting down.’ With you on my knee. He didn’t give Belinda time to voice an objection, but lifted her into his arms.
She squeaked and he laughed. ‘A squeak not a quack? You’ve been holding out on me in more ways than I thought. That is two animal sounds you can make.’
‘That squeak was not an animal sound,’ Belinda pointed out as he sat down and she began to wriggle. His cock responded to the stimulus. “It was me.”
‘Stay still for the love of God,’ he groaned the words out.
‘You’re bony.’
‘Well that’s one way of describing it. And if you don’t stop wriggling we’ll both be affected by my bones.’
* * *
Belinda looked at him in puzzlement, felt whatever bone it was get bigger and push towards the cleft between the two globes of her rear, and all of a sudden understood what he meant. She stopped moving and held herself rigid.
‘Maybe I should get up.’ She tried to get a purchase on the floor with the tips of her toes, without much success. To do that she would have to wriggle again, and to be honest, Belinda admitted to herself she quite liked the evidence of how he felt towards her as his pego stroked her rear.
‘Maybe you should stay where you are and tell me why you feel happy to do so.’
She could do that. She hoped.
Belinda tried not to wriggle again, but it was difficult when she knew what the results could be. Besides, the way Phillip was so determined not to seduce her, even to experience his staff stroking her in such a non-threatening and gentle manner was better than nothing.
‘What did you mean, we would both be affected by your bones?’ Belinda was sure he’d said no to most things unless they wed.
‘To put it crudely, my dear, if you wriggle and I lose control and spill, we will both need a change of clothes. Easy for you, not so for me, so for the love of God, desist.’
‘You could take your clothes off,’ Belinda suggested, with a wink and a laugh. ‘Just in case.’
Phillip shook his head with a wry smile.
‘Minx, no I could not. Now either tell me what you want to share or I might as well leave you. There is only so much provocation a man can take.’
‘And then give in?’
‘No, then spank your rear.’
She was sure not only were her cheeks as red as the cushions on the long window seat behind them, but also her expression would be one that mimicked a codfish. Belinda spluttered a few times and opened and shut her mouth without uttering a word.
‘You wouldn’t.’ Was that what rakes did?
‘No? Do you want to wager on that?’
‘No, thank you. So, my story,’ Belinda said hastily. ‘My mama died, I was sent away to school, where I was lucky enough to meet Clarissa and be absorbed into the love and friendship of your family. You were rarely around, and when you were, we were the giggling schoolgirls you avoided like the plague.’
‘I was at Eton and Oxford. Girls were pests to be avoided.’
‘As you say. It seemed my father was happy not to have to bother about me until I became old enough to help him with…’ She stopped and bit her lip. This would be the tricky bit. To show why she had to leave her papa’s household without revealing all of his perfidy. ‘Running his household.’
‘I don’t remember that. Surely it would have been noted and remarked upon?’
‘Well, no.’ Here came the tricky part. ‘You see, evidently I caught the eye of a…a gentleman who wanted to marry me even before I came out.’
‘Not much of a gentleman then,’ Phillip said dryly. ‘Who was it?’
She took a deep breath, and waited for the fallout. ‘A Mr Featherstonehaugh. In trade. I said no, which makes it ironic that I am now in trade myself.’
‘Feather…’ Phillip said musingly. ‘Feath… Good Lord not that fat old fogey with more money than most of us and the habits of a pig? The one who has, to date, buried five wives? That one?’
‘That one.’ She shuddered. ‘Five wives? Good grief, I’m sure it was only three then. I had never met him in person to talk to, but he had seen me, and well…’ She closed her eyes and tried not to remember the little piggy eyes and the frankly lecherous look on his face when she encountered him in the hall of her home. Belinda hadn’t bothered to curtsey; she’d ducked his outstretched hand, turned and made her escape up the stairs. His mocking laughter followed her. Once out of his sight, she’d fled into her room, and locked the door behind her. Even the memory of that episode made her feel dirty. Belinda forced herself not to scrub her hands together or wipe them on her gown. Phillip was much too astute not to know why she did such a thing.
‘He must be, what, forty years older than you?’
‘At least, but my papa was adamant. It was, in his eyes, the ideal answer. Wash his hands of me and well…I imagine—no let me be honest—I know there was money involved, which would be to my father’s gain. I couldn’t countenance it, so I ran.’
‘To Lady L?’
Belinda nodded. ‘I knew the first person he would make enquiries of would be Clarissa, so I could not go and ask her or your papa for help. Plus, I wasn’t sure what your papa’s reaction would be. I was after all preparing to defy my pa
rent.’
‘He would have supported you.’ Phillip sounded very sure.
‘Would he? I didn’t dare risk it, whereas I was certain Lady L would be on my side. Luckily, or providentially, for some reason I’d never mentioned to my father how well I knew Lady L. He never thought to enquire about me there.’ She swallowed heavily. Her throat was dry and her stomach churned as she remembered those first few weeks, when every unknown sound made her jump and pale. Lady L had noticed her reactions to the tiniest thing, given her a pistol and taught her to shoot.
‘And then you became Madame Belle.’
‘Not just like that, no. Lady L was determined we plotted and planned until she was certain it would work. I lost weight, improved my complexion, had a decent hairstyle created to suit me and honed the skills needed in my craft. It was six months before I appeared in London as Madame Belle. For the first time in my life I was in charge of my own destiny and I vowed from then on it would always be so. Never would I be beholden to a male for my continued wellbeing, and I haven’t.’
‘And I spoiled it all.’ Phillip sounded thoroughly disgusted with himself. ‘Well not the beholden bit. My vow to you is what is yours, stays yours.’
She ignored the latter part of his statement. After all those words were easily said and just as easily ignored. She just couldn’t take that risk.
‘No, do not say that. Plus we both know it was bound to happen at some point.’ Belinda gave into temptation and kissed the pulse that beat erratically in Phillip’s neck.
It jumped and he groaned. ‘Belle, for the love of God…’
‘But Rotten Rosemary still hasn’t remembered who I am,’ Belinda went on hurriedly. Even if it did seem as if it was only a matter of time.
Phillip cleared his throat. ‘And if she does? What then? Your father can still take over your life.’
‘He can try. However, I’m of age and I’m no longer that green girl of all those years ago. And I’m well able to hold my own.’ I hope. ‘Lud, after all that I need a drink. And you?’
‘I’ll get them.’ Phillip stood up and deposited Belinda on the chaise. ‘Ma belle…’ he sighed ‘…I vow you will always be ma belle to me. Ma belle, promise me this. That if I can help you will call me. At any time. I’m here for you.’
‘Thank you.’ She daren’t say yes. She couldn’t involve Phillip in whatever might happen. Her father was vindictive, and Phillip was already seen as a rake. Mud would stick.
Phillip handed her a drink and sat next to her. ‘What next?’
I wait. ‘I carry on as normal. I have clients to see. A Lady Frampton I understand, for one.’ It hurt that she still had another of his ladies to design for.
‘Ah yes, the lovely Louisa. Tomorrow at two, I believe. We’ll be here.’
‘I’m sure you will,’ Belinda muttered under her breath. She would not react and throw a tantrum however much she wanted to.
Phillip chuckled. ‘You know how to stop these visits.’
‘I can not marry you.’ Oh how she wished she could.
‘Will not.’
‘And that.’ Even if she did, would he give up his mistresses? Wasn’t it the norm not to? It would nigh on kill her. Better to remain as she was even if every day she died a little more inside.
Oh Lud, I should join Mrs Siddons on the stage.
Phillip tossed back the remains of the whisky, stood up and bowed over her hand, without adding the usual kiss and hold gesture. ‘Then, ma belle, until the morrow. Take care.’
He left the room.
Belinda waited until she heard the street door shut behind him and burst into tears. Bloody man.
‘Are you sure my eyes aren’t puffy?’ Belinda asked the following afternoon. Tippen had come across her the previous evening, commented somewhat acerbically about stubborn men and even more stubborn women, and then proceeded to mother her. Eventually, after Belinda had dissuaded Tippen from going after Phillip to ask what on earth he was thinking about, upsetting Belinda at such a time, Tippen had taken charge, hustled her to bed, made a posset and generally cossetted her.
It was, Belinda realised, an experience she hadn’t had since her mother had died. Lady L helped her in every way possible but even she would admit she wasn’t a motherly type. Clarissa was like a sister. Tippen, however, seemed to be able to slip into whatever role was needed.
‘You look perfect. The cucumber water worked a treat, and that gown will make you the envy of the woman.’ The gown in question was an understated appliquéd heavy linen, in rainbow hues. Not at all conventional, but conventional wasn’t expected in anything designed and created by Madame Belle. ‘To say nothing of threatening to break his pego in two as he perks up too fast for comfort.’ There was no need to say whom Tippen spoke about.
Belinda shook her head in mock despair. ‘Tippen, how could you?’
‘Very easily.’ The door knocker was addressed heavily and then the bell echoed throughout the building. Tippen stood up, and Belinda held her back.
‘We have a doorman now, remember?’ Phillip had been as good as his word, and not one but three burly men had presented themselves at her door early that morning. One explained, somewhat apologetically, he’d kept guard all night, but hadn’t wanted to disturb her. His lordship had told them that she and her premises were to have a round-the-clock guard and they were it. The men were cheerful, loyal to Phillip, and now they said, her shadow.
‘Who is down there? Will I ever remember who is who?’ Belinda hadn’t been quite herself to pay enough attention and decide who was Redding, who Fairley and who was Darke.
‘Redding. The redhead.’
Belinda blinked. ‘Oh well that’s one I should remember.’
‘You’ll remember them all. Fairley is fair, and Darke, dark.’
Belinda stared at her and Tippen bit her lips. ‘I swear it’s true. Even I couldn’t make it up, and they are adamant that they really are named such. I couldn’t believe it myself, but it is so.’
‘F…oh Lud.’ Belinda shook her head and smiled for the first time that day. ‘Do we get a Baldock who is bald?’
Tippen was spared answering her by a knock on the salon door.
She grinned at Belinda, and mouthed, ‘Chin up and make him squirm.’ Belinda gave a quiet laugh and stood up to greet her client.
The lady entered the room with, of course, Phillip holding her arm and behaving the ever-attentive lover.
‘My lady, my lord.’ Belinda was determined to acquit herself with disciplined correctness if it killed her. If it hadn’t been for the lack of what Tippen called spice between the couple in front of her, she would have despaired. They were cooing like the turtle doves at Sinton. However, on close inspection, she thought Tippen’s description of the way the couple behaved towards each other fit perfectly.
‘Welcome. My lady, Tippen will help you disrobe and put the toile on for me to work from.’ She turned to Phillip who leaned against the wall and stared at her with an expression barely short of insolence. It didn’t reach his eyes, which held a bleak expression. ‘My lord, there are refreshments in the ante room beyond, and also a selection of periodicals.’ Belinda thought he’d probably read them all, but she still intended to offer him the opportunity. Please accept. It will get you out of my sight.
Phillip smiled at her. The smile of a predator ready to pounce. ‘Ah, but then I wouldn’t see you at work. How could I resist such an experience?’
‘How could you not?’ Belinda retorted waspishly. ‘As it will be no different from last time. Or indeed the three times before that.’
‘Ah, but there you are wrong, Madame.’
Oh how scrupulously polite. She had to once more rein in her temper.
‘This time,’ he continued, still with that unnerving and unpleasant look on his face, ‘I’m with the lovely Lady Louisa. I will stay here. Just in case my lady needs my advice, or admiration.’
Belinda wanted to scream. Instead she smiled, and bobbed her head.
&n
bsp; ‘It is of course your prerogative.’
‘Oh it is.’ He paused. ‘And my money.’
As if she could forget it.
Chapter Eight
Was he cruel to tease and taunt her like that?
Perhaps, but at least seeing that she responded in the way she did, with cool and contained determination that he could tell was hard fought for, gave him hope.
There was no time to say more before his latest partner in crime, Lady Louisa, appeared dressed in something he thought resembled a hessian sack, albeit slightly shaped.
Phillip let a slow breath and he was damned sure a predatory expression crossed his face. Lady Louisa Frampton narrowed her eyes in warning. He ignored her. This was purely to rile Belinda, and he’d make sure she knew it.
‘My love, I don’t think that will make you my belle of the ball.’ Phillip inwardly winced as Belinda paled at his use of her sobriquet, and immediately felt ashamed of himself. There was teasing and there was cruelty. That had verged on the latter.
His companion obviously thought so as well for she put her hand up in the air, and then pointed at him. ‘Stop that now.’
He pulled himself together. ‘You are as ever correct, my dear. You would surpass every one whatever you wore. And “Dressed by Belle”, well even the veriest nobody couldn’t fail to notice you.’ Phillip turned his head away from Belinda and glared at Louisa so she wouldn’t dare challenge him again. This was a dangerous game he was playing. Except to him it was no game, it was his future he gambled with.
Belinda cleared her throat and the two protagonists jumped and looked in her direction enquiringly. Her eyes were suspiciously bright, and her cheeks flushed. ‘If you give me one moment, my lady, my lord, I will fetch the ribbons I wish to use.’ Belinda left the room at a rapid pace. The door swung shut behind her with a thump that rattled the delicate china figurines in the wall cabinet.
‘Phillip, my lord, are you sure about this?’ Louisa asked in an urgent undertone. ‘She is lovely and you have upset her. Why?’
He shrugged, and strove not to appear embarrassed. ‘Louisa, she is my life, and I want her, only her. She will not accept that. Hell, she will not accept me, and I need to stay close to her.’
The Rake's Unveiling of Lady Belle Page 12
