by D. M. Turner
“It’s none of your business.” The gravelly, husky sound of his voice sent a shiver through her. Entirely the wrong kind.
Desire coiled deep inside.
She balled her fists against the urge to trace the lines of his cheekbones and jaw with her fingertips to soothe him. Okay, maybe it was just an excuse to touch him. You gotta be kidding. He’s acting all weird and temperamental about a kitchen, and I find it attractive?
The green in his eyes expanded and intensified, and his nostrils flared.
He knows…. How humiliating. Without dropping her gaze in surrender, Sophia side-stepped to go around him and return to the guestroom. Let him stew. He deserved it for being a jerk.
Ian caught her arm in a surprisingly gentle grip and halted her retreat. Then he froze, tension tightening every visible muscle and making his breaths come short and shallow.
She waited to see what he would say or do, her heart pounding in her ears and making her slightly dizzy.
The wait was little more than a moment in time but felt like an insanity-inducing eternity as rage warred in his gaze with something else entirely.
Finally, he pulled her closer, cupped the back of her head, and captured her mouth with his.
In a flash, arousal replaced anger in the scent that filled her nose when she could even catch a breath.
The need for surrender weakened her own anger and the resolve to go back to her room. You can’t give in. You just… can’t…. She groaned. Of their own accord, her arms slipped around his waist, her fingers splaying on the warm skin of his muscular back. Her knees trembled, threatening to drop her to his feet.
* * *
Even as he gathered Sophia against him, Ian groaned. Confirmed. He was out of his ever-loving mind. This woman kept invading his space. She challenged him every time he turned around. Still, he wanted to hold on and never let go.
She hadn’t changed her mind about leaving as far as he knew. She’d committed to staying until the threat posed by Farley Brimfield and his pack had passed. Then what? She’d leave and go where? He might never see her again.
Sophia shifted against him, as though trying to slip away.
Ian growled deep in his chest and tightened his hold, deepening a kiss that would hardly let him breathe. Heat suffused him.
He couldn’t let her go. Somehow, he had to convince her to stay. For good.
There’s some reason I’m supposed to make her go…. He couldn’t recall what it was. One thing definitely had to change though.
Ian broke contact and raised his head slightly, putting only centimeters between them, breathing heavily.
Her eyes remained closed for a couple of seconds then opened to stare up at him, dazed and out of focus. The fact he’d done that, not to mention made her bones go limp, sent a thrill through him. He’d found one sure way to silence arguments, and what a way to channel anger….
A chuckle caught in his throat. He waited for her to straighten and tension to restore strength to her muscles before releasing her and taking a step back.
Sophia’s gaze locked on him, annoyance replacing passion. “You’re laughing at me.”
“No.” He half-grinned. “I just realized why Brett and Kelly like to argue so much at times.”
A frown tightened her face. Clearly the thought didn’t amuse her as much as it had him.
“We can’t go on like this,” he said softly. “Living as we are.”
She looked away, toward the boxes on the breakfast bar. “I know. Once this threat is past… once Brimfield is dealt with… I’ll go.”
“No!” His hackles rose.
Her gaze jerked to his, her eyes wide.
Ian reined in the wolf’s need to pounce and restrain. She already thought he was too bossy. Predatory behavior wouldn’t improve her opinion. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“You said it yourself, we can’t continue living like this. What other choice do I have but to leave?”
He swallowed a surge of fear and forced the words out. “Marry me.”
“What?” Her eyes widened even more.
“Be my mate.” Oh, Lord, did I really just say that? Too late to take it back now. He forced himself to breathe slow, deep, and steady.
Sophia turned away and wrapped her arms around herself. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll destroy what’s left of me,” she whispered so softly he almost missed it.
“No, I won’t. I don’t want that.”
“You say that right this moment, but your words and actions have already declared something else.” A long sigh escaped, then she faced him. Watery eyes rose to look at him. “I’ve lost everything since I was Turned. I thought I could hold on to my humanity and all that meant, but I couldn’t. I lost my friends, my career, and my home. I don’t belong anywhere anymore. I’ve only got one thing left, and you want to strip it from me.”
Ian frowned. “What are you talking about? I don’t want to take anything from you. I want to give you a pack, a family, a home. A place to belong, just like you said you wanted.”
“Those are yours. Not mine.” A tear escaped. “Ian, cooking… baking are part of who I am. My love of all things food is all I have left of my life, of all the things I’ve worked for. You want to bar me from the kitchen and take that away. I can’t—” She lowered her gaze, took a deep breath, and looked at him again. “If I marry you, then what? What will I do here besides be another piece of furniture?”
He blinked. “You’d be my mate. You could do whatever you desire.”
“Except work in the kitchen, right?” Sophia smiled, the sadness behind it breaking something inside him. With a shake of her head, the bitter smile faded. “I’ll stay out of the kitchen for the rest of my time here. When Brimfield is dealt with and the pack is safe, I’ll leave.” She exited the kitchen and disappeared through the entrance to the hallway.
Ian watched her go. Were they really at an impasse because of a kitchen? Could it possibly be that… stupid? His gaze traveled the spotless room, pausing on the stove. How many meals had he prepared there over the years? How many times before that had he sat at the breakfast bar and watched Alison cook, teasing her about her aversion to raw meat?
She’d chosen the layout and original design of that room. It was part of her. The placement of each appliance, though they’d been updated over the years to stainless steel. White laminate countertops had been replaced with white granite several years earlier, out of necessity. Off-white paint on what bits of wall were visible had remained. The dark-red hickory cabinets were original, though they had been refinished a time or two. He could still clearly see her there sometimes.
He leaned back against the counter and rubbed a hand over his face. Then, because he didn’t know what else to do, he slid down the front of the cabinet and sat on the floor, knees drawn partway up. What was the answer?
Ian wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there when familiar footfalls on the staircase on the other side of the wall between the kitchen and the guest wing alerted him that his son was up. He climbed to his feet and glanced at the clock.
The sun wouldn’t be up for a couple of hours. Marriage and fatherhood hadn’t changed Colin’s morning routine, apparently.
“Dad? What are you doing up already?” Colin leaned his elbows on the breakfast bar then slid onto one of the stools. He took a deep breath through his nose.
“Long story,” he grumbled.
“Wow, that smells good.” His son’s gaze fell on the cake sitting on the counter across the room. “Graham’s going to be in heaven. Did Sophia make it?”
“Yes.”
“Cool.” Colin nodded and smiled. “I’m really glad you let her use the kitchen.”
Ian stilled, barely breathing. Had his conversation with Sophia carried upstairs? “Why?”
“When we were here on Sunday, she told Tanya that working with food helps her deal with stress. She loves to cook and bake, even if she’s just making food for others
.” He chuckled. “She said if she ever had to stop, it’d probably kill her. Can you imagine anything so goofy?”
“No. No, I can’t,” he muttered. Regret wove through him.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
Ian sighed and met his son’s gaze. “I’m fine. At least, I will be when my life returns to some semblance of normal.” If that ever happens.
Colin nodded, his expression troubled. “I wish we knew what to expect and when. The waiting will drive most of us nuts, I think.”
“Hopefully Carlos and Max will find something to narrow down the time frame at least. I’m not sure we’ll know most of the variables until events unfold.”
A baby cried in the distance.
The younger man cocked his head to listen. Then he smiled. “That’s not Duncan. It’s odd being in a house with other little ones.”
“It’s good to have children in the house again.” Ian half-smiled. “Aren’t you and Tanya up for guard duty in an hour or so?”
Colin nodded. “I’m letting her sleep as long as I can. She was up in the middle of the night with Duncan.”
“Was he fussy?”
“Yeah. I think he senses the tension in the household.”
“Children can be like that sometimes.”
“I noticed you’ll be standing guard with Sophia this evening, possibly earlier if David and O’Neil aren’t back.” His son grinned slyly. “Is that your doing or hers? Working together, I mean.”
“Brett’s, I believe. He made the schedule.”
“You two seem to have gotten very close in a short amount of time.”
“Don’t kid yourself. She’s leaving as soon as this passes.”
The wolf buried inside him growled.
Ian gritted his teeth. It doesn’t matter what I want. She’s leaving.
But you know how to change that! You can convince her to stay.
“Dad?”
He snapped his gaze to his son. “Yeah?”
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’ll be fine.” Ian turned to face the sink and put himself to work making coffee. Not all the wolves drank it, since they got no kick from the caffeine, but some of them enjoyed the flavor and the habit from their pre-Turn days. “You probably should wake Tanya. A long, hot shower should help wake her up.”
Colin chuckled. “Yeah, I probably should’ve asked Brett to put us into a different time slot. Either that, or have her work with him. She’s gonna be grumpy. Would serve the old man right to have to deal with her when he’s the reason she’s awake.”
Despite the melancholy hanging over him, Ian laughed softly.
Footsteps trotted up the stairs and faded.
Chapter 22
A creak behind Ian turned his head. Brett settled on one of the bar stools, yawning wide and stretching with a grimace.
Ian smiled. “Was that Adam I heard?”
“Yeah. Kelly’s feeding him. No doubt Hope will want to eat next.” Brett put his head down on the breakfast bar. “I may never get a solid night sleep again.”
He laughed. “That’s called parenthood. Don’t worry. The disrupted nights will pass. Eventually. Mostly.”
His friend raised his head to study Ian through one barely open eye. “Is that supposed to be encouraging?”
“Sure.” He shrugged and leaned against the counter behind him. “Don’t you remember how it was with Colin?”
“I remember you, me, and Graham taking turns being up with him through nights and days for almost a year after Alison died.” He shook his head, crossed his arms in front of him on the counter, and dropped his forehead onto them. “That was three adults and one small child. How are we going to manage two infants with two adults?”
“Don’t you mean three adults?” Had Sophia been right about Clara?
Brett lifted his head and sighed. “I’m not sure Clara will be much help.”
“You don’t think she’ll survive?”
“Kelly is determined to pull her through, but….” He frowned. “You know that fighting spirit Sophia showed that first morning?”
“Yeah.” Ian frowned, trying to follow his friend’s train of thought.
“Clara has no fight. Not even a hint.” Brett scowled. “In fact, I think the last fight she possessed was exhausted getting Hope here.”
“Give her time. Maybe Hope will give her renewed courage and a sense of purpose.” He shrugged. “Colin did the same for me. You know how that came about.” Brett had been the one to prod him with a reminder that his son needed him. If not for that, he would’ve followed his wife in death because of the overwhelming sorrow.
Ian lowered his gaze to stare at a worn spot on the tile floor. None of it had been replaced since he and Alison had built the house. She’d liked that tile. He closed his eyes.
It was for the best that Sophia had rebuffed him. He’d already lost Marie and Alison. He didn’t need such grief again.
“You’re mighty melancholy this morning, old friend.”
Ian glanced up, straight into Brett’s speculative blue eyes. “The burden is heavier than ever, I’m afraid.” He turned to stare out the window over the sink. The sky lightened with the coming of the sun though it wouldn’t rise for well over an hour still. “I never wanted any of this. To be alpha. To be responsible for so many lives.”
“I know. That’s part of the reason you’re so good at it. You understand the weight on your shoulders and put the needs of others first.”
“Good?” He cocked his head then shook it. “No. I’m not. If I was, I’d be better able to protect my people.”
“You’re doing everything possible to protect everyone.”
“Am I?” He turned around to face his friend. “Sophia found us. Clara found us. That agent found us. They prove I’ve failed. Our sanctuary isn’t as safe as I’d deluded myself into believing.” He lowered his head and sighed. “I’m tired, Brett. I’m tired of living in fear of what I’ll become if I don’t remain vigilant or keep myself separate from the battles being waged to keep the pack safe. I’m tired of pacing the halls of this house in silence day after day.”
“Sophia can fix that.” Brett grinned slightly.
“No, she can’t.” Ian shook his head. “I asked her to marry me. She said no.”
“Did she say why?”
“She thinks I’ll destroy her.”
“What?” Brett scowled then shook his head like he hadn’t heard right. “How…? Why…?”
Ian lifted his hands to indicate the entirety of the kitchen. “Look at this room. What do you see?”
“Uh… a kitchen.” Confusion touched his face.
“Look closer.”
Brett studied their surroundings. “Paint that needs refreshing. Tile that could use replacement.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure what you expect me to see.”
“Do you ever see Alison here?”
“Of course not. She’s dead, Ian. Long dead.”
“I know, but I still see her sometimes. The images are only in my mind, but for those moments, it’s like she’s standing right here. Cooking at the stove. Rooting around in the refrigerator or freezer. I see her. I hear her voice. I can almost smell her at times.”
Brett scratched his chin. “She’s gone, Ian. For good. What does this have to do with Sophia refusing to marry you?”
Ian grimaced and pointed to the cake on the counter. “I caught her in here baking.”
“So? Chefs do things like that.”
“I got angry, told her she wasn’t permitted in here.”
“What?” His friend blinked, and his mouth hung open. After a long moment, it snapped shut. “Kelly, Tanya, and Donna have worked in here over the past couple of years. You haven’t had a problem with that, have you?”
“No.”
“Then why do that to Sophia? What makes her different?”
Ian lowered his gaze to the floor, unable to look his friend in the eyes as he confessed. “They weren’t trying to replace Alison.”
“Neither is she.”
“For me, she is.”
“That’s really what this is about, isn’t it? You have feelings for Sophia. That scares you, so you growled, snapped, and bit at her.” Brett got to his feet, rounded the breakfast bar, and closed the distance, stopping about three feet away to cross his arms over his chest. “How could you do that to her? She’s innocent in this. Are you truly that afraid to love again? That you would lash out at an innocent?”
Sophia would leave. Grief rose up like the acrid smoke of a raging forest fire, choking him. Ian closed his eyes against the threat of tears. “It’s better that she goes.”
“Why?”
He clenched his teeth.
“Why, Ian?” The man’s tone turned hard as steel. A reminder that, if he chose, he could be alpha almost as readily as Ian.
“I can’t protect the pack. I can’t protect her.” He shook his head. “And I can’t go through that sorrow again.” The battle with tears lost, Ian lifted his head and met his friend’s gaze. “Sometimes I long for the days when it was just you and me. Traveling. Camping. Running and hunting at will. Off grid. Non-existent as far as the government was concerned. No responsibilities.”
“That was a different time.” Brett sighed. “The world has changed since then. We’ve changed, as have our lives.” He laughed softly. “Truth be told, sometimes I think that’s why so few wolves survive as long as you and I have. All the change. It’s emotionally exhausting to keep up.”
Ian nodded. “Yeah.” Real confession time. “The past few months… from time to time… I’ve considered going into the woods and not coming out. Just… letting go.”
“You haven’t said anything.”
“I figured you had enough to worry about with Kelly’s pregnancy. You didn’t need to know I was wallowing in self-pity.” He cocked a brow. “That is what you’d call it, is it not?”
“Probably.”
“I have good days and bad days. Sometimes more bad than good. It’s not so bad when everyone’s around.” He winced. “Except for now, with this threat hanging over us. We could lose people in this fight.”
