by Whitney G.
“Who was it? Erica? Adriane?”
“Amber,” I said. “We did it at her place Sunday afternoon while her parents were at a BBQ.”
“How classy.”
“We did it more than once, too.”
“You’re lying! There’s no way…”
“Oh, young and unworldly, Ari…When thou hast experienced the wonder of the body, thou shall be able to effortlessly relate to the need and insatiability of bodily desires.”
“So you do pay attention in Literature class?” She laughed and placed a wrapped brownie onto my chest. “I knew she was a pedophile…”
“She’s only three years older than us.”
“Whatever…” She rolled her eyes. “Who else knows?”
“No one.” I hadn’t told any of my guy friends yet—Josh was still serving out a suspension for skipping school last week, so Ari was my first call.
“What did it feel like?” she asked.
“Apple pie.”
“I’m being serious.” She rolled over on her side. “What did it feel like?”
“Good.” I swallowed. “Really, really good…But…”
“But what?”
“You know how in all those dumbass chick-flicks you make me watch, when the actors have sex and they look into each other’s eyes and act like their world has just changed forever?”
“Yeah?”
“It wasn’t like that at all.”
“Really?”
“Really…” I shrugged. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s like the best feeling ever in life—especially when I first thrust inside of her and felt how tight her—”
“Ugh. Please spare me the grisly details…”
“Okay, okay.” I laughed and turned on my side to face her. “It’s really, really amazing, Ari. But if it’s supposed to be anything like the movies, then I must be missing something.”
“Or, maybe you did it wrong?”
“No.” I laughed harder. “I definitely didn’t do it wrong.”
“What about in the pornos then? Was it anything like that?”
“You watch porn? Since when?”
“Since…a while ago.” She pulled out her phone. “PornMD.com.”
“No, no, no.” I took her phone and shook my head. “You have to use pornhub.com. It links to all the best sites, and its way better organized.” I typed up the website. “What category do you normally watch? Amateur?”
“Hardcore, actually.”
“You’re kidding me...”
“I’m not.” She looked genuine. “We watched a ton of them at Lisa Jane’s party last month. I watch them like twice a week now. I think I might be addicted.”
“A virgin addicted to porn?” I rolled my eyes. “I think I’ve heard it all now. You’re just going through a phase.”
She scooted close to me as I hit play on a video: “Double D Lila Gets Pounded by Huge Cock.”
“Of all the videos you could’ve picked…” She sighed.
“This was under the hardcore category, thank you very much.” I turned up the volume.
Onscreen, there was no attempt to even create a storyline. The blond model stripped out of her white T-shirt and spread her legs atop a desk as a guy wearing a “Vitamin D” shirt stroked his cock a few times.
“Can’t wait to pound that pussy, babe,” he said, winking at the camera. “You have such a beautiful and slick pussy.”
Ari and I laughed.
Vitamin D grabbed Lila’s hips and bent her over a chair, slapping her ass a few times before slipping his cock inside of her.
“Do you think her boobs are real?” Ari tilted her head to the side as Lila’s breasts bounced up and down, as Vitamin D pounded into her again and again.
“Nope. They’re silicone. See how the skin around the boob doesn’t move? How they keep their perfect too-good-to-be-true shape? It’s definitely silicone.”
“That is hands-down, the worst explanation I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s the truth. Next time you take a shower just jump up and down in the mirror and compare how your boobs—what little you have of them anyway, move compared to hers.”
“I’ll definitely let you know. What about her butt?”
“Arizona! Carter!” Her mom called up the steps and I exited the site, handing the phone back to Arizona. “Both of you come down here and help me put up the groceries! And yes, Carter, you’re required to help since you eat your fair share of them every week!”
I rolled out of bed and pulled her up.
“Okay, wait. I have a confession,” Ari said, crossing her arms. “I’m insanely jealous that you had sex before me. There. I said it.”
“I’d be jealous, too.” I laughed. “But you want that whole Prince Charming-stars-in-your-eyes fantasy for your first time, remember?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Just keep watching porn until you find the right guy in real life, and you better tell me when it happens.”
“I will.” She opened the door. “Always.”
“But if it doesn’t happen, I can always give you a sympathy fuck…That’s what a true best friend would do.”
She slapped the back of my head and pushed me out of the room. “If we ever did sleep together, I would be the one giving you a sympathy fuck…”
Track 8. Both of Us (4:21)
For the past few years, I’ve honestly tried my hardest to land a female best friend: Somebody I could get my nails done with, somebody I could talk to while obsessively discussing every detail of a date gone bad, and somebody I could point out a hot guy to and say, “Hey…I wonder how big his cock is…” with no judgment whatsoever.
Yet, every time I tried, one of three things happened:
1) The trial-BFF wanted to bring Carter everywhere with us just to get close to him, not me.
2) She was only using me for something school-related. (I still felt violated by trial BFF Carla, who apparently only wanted to be my study partner because I brought home-baked snacks to every all-nighter… “No snacks, no friendship”)
3) She turned out to be Nicole, the girl who was currently standing in front of my full-length mirror.
Dressed in a thin white dress that stopped mid-thigh and left little to the imagination, she was flat ironing her hair for the umpteenth time, making sure it was absolutely perfect…for a house party.
We’d met in one of my business classes last year, and I thought it was such a good sign since we had the same boring major in common. Until she dropped out a month later and told me, “I was only taking that class to get close to that football player. Did you know he’s going pro in the fall?”
Still, I clung to our fast-flame friendship—texting her small bits about my life, asking for hers in return. We did meet up to get our nails done every other weekend, and she never did judge me when I said, “I wonder how big his cock is…” because she wondered, too. But that’s where her potential BFF qualities ended.
Even though she was nice and gave pretty sound advice from time to time, she was always flaking on me at the very last minute, always meeting some new guy she “had to experience.” If we hung out for something other than nails or drinks, that usually just meant parties. No studying. No late night obsessive chats about guys. (I mean, although I could tell Carter anything and everything, I still wanted someone who could better relate from a female point of view).
“Why am I still trying?” I muttered under my breath.
“What’s that, Arizona?” Nicole set down the flat iron.
“Nothing. We should probably leave soon, though. There isn’t much parking at their place.”
“Oh…” She looked over her shoulder. “You’re ready to go and you’re wearing that?”
I looked down at my pink tank top and khaki colored shorts. “Yeah. Why?”
“It’s a party, Ari.”
“A house party. There’s no need to dress up like it’s a real club.”
“I couldn’t disagree with you more,” s
he said, walking over to my closet. “You’ve got way too many good options in here to show up looking like a hillbilly.”
“Are you aware that your pink thong is showing through your dress right now? What little of a dress you have on, anyway?”
“Duh! That’s the point!” She laughed and pulled a short red dress from my closet. “This is perfect.”
“The last time I wore that, I was a freshman. I highly doubt that I could fit that tonight.”
“Let’s hope you can’t!” She tossed it to me. “The tighter the better.”
Holding back my words, I shut myself in the bathroom and took off my original outfit. I pulled the four year old dress over my head and smiled when it actually fit. (Well, if I sucked in my stomach a little.)
“How’s this?” I stepped out for her approval. “Better?”
“A hundred times better…And it’ll be two hundred times better when you let me do your hair and make-up. God, Ari! No makeup before going to a party? House party or not, you can’t be serious…”
I bit my tongue once more and sat on the edge of the bed, letting her turn me into her personal Barbie. She dusted my eyelids with a shimmering shade of pink, plucked a few errant eyebrow hairs, and coated my lips in a deep, sultry red that complemented my dress.
She even somehow managed to use enough frizz control on my hair that she pulled it into a gorgeous high bun that sat perfectly centered on the top of my head.
“Wow…” I said, almost not recognizing myself in the mirror. “You’re so good—no you’re absolutely phenomenal with makeup, Nicole. Why haven’t you ever pursued cosmetology?”
“Because if I pursue cosmetology, I won’t meet any future athletes or CEOs in those classes.” She laughed and hit the lights. “Let’s go.”
It took us over forty minutes to locate a decent parking spot when we arrived. It seemed as if Josh had invited every person he’d come into contact with because cars were hugging nearly every available space for five blocks down.
Ever the rebel, Nicole parked her car in the driveway of the house next to Carter’s.
“What?” she asked, shrugging. “I left them plenty of space to park right next to me, and they’re probably in bed anyway.”
“Right…” I got out of the car. “You’re not going to ditch me for some random guy tonight, are you?”
“Why would I? And why do you always ask me that?”
“Because you always ditch me for some random guy.”
“It’s never intentional.” She smiled. “I plan on making sure we both have a good time tonight, so no, I will definitely not be ditching you.”
I won’t hold my breath…
“Five dollars ladies,” the guy said as we approached the front door. “It’s free if you’re entering the wet T-shirt contest.”
The guy standing next to him, a guy I’d seen here with Josh plenty of times before, laughed. “Arizona and her friend don’t have to pay to get in. They’re good…”
With that, the guy opened the door and let us into the party.
My jaw dropped the second I stepped inside. The house was now completely unrecognizable.
Dancing bodies packed the sparsely furnished living room and hallways; the kitchen had been converted into a wet bar where people were taking shots back to back, and tons of shimmering green and blue streamers were hanging from the ceiling.
As Nicole and I pushed our way through the crowd, I could hear people in the backyard chanting—counting down from ten.
Taking my hand, Nicole pulled me in that direction, out into the warm summer air.
“Whoa…” she said, looking impressed. “This is one hell of a party...”
I couldn’t agree more. The backyard was even more impressive than the inside. Those massive tiki torches were burning bright, standing in a huge semi-circle that spanned the entire yard. To the left, a guy dressed as a referee was calling on volunteers to battle inside a retractable pool of red Jell-O.
To the right, there was a makeshift dance floor with a separate D.J., and behind him there was a collection of bright yellow Slip N Slides that a group of bikini clad partiers were using to their full advantage.
We made our way down the deck’s steps and walked past the Jell-O pool, over to a table of flashing neon lights that read, “BAR.”
“What can I make for you ladies tonight?” The bartender asked. “The special tonight is three dollar Jell-O shots, but I’ll give a two dollar discount if you lift up your shirts right now and flash me.”
“You wish.” Nicole laughed. “We’ll take four shots of vodka. Each.”
“Sounds good.” He tapped the table with his fingers “That’ll be thirty two dollars.”
“Wait!” Josh rushed over, moving behind the bar. “Wait. You can’t charge Arizona.”
“Who’s Arizona?”
“That one.” He pointed his finger at me and narrowed his eyes. “She’s my roommate’s number one.”
“So?”
“So, in exchange for him agreeing to let us throw this little party here…” Josh returned the dollar bills to Nicole. “She and her friend don’t have to pay for any of their drinks tonight.”
The guy shrugged and made the drinks while Nicole gave me a high five.
“Tell me, Josh.” I crossed my arms. “Did you do that out of the kindness of your heart or were you forced?”
“I was forced. If it was up to me, I’d charge your ass triple.”
“I’ll be sure to drink all night then.”
“Right…” He smiled and playfully pushed my shoulder. “I’ve got four of my guys running safety rides all night. Let me know if you and your friend get too drunk to drive.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.” He stepped back, slowly looking me up and down with his eyebrow raised. He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he settled with a “See you later” and walked away.
“Thank you very, very much!” Nicole winked at the bartender as he handed her a tray of red cups. “Let’s go sit over there, Ari.”
I followed her to a small wooden bench, and she set the drinks between us.
“Make sure you tell Carter I said thank you,” she said. “Once again, your friendship with him comes in handy at just the right moment…Now, to take full advantage of your discount, we’ll need to drink all of these back to back and then we’ve got to do four more.”
“Eight shots within the same hour? Are you insane?”
“Not at all.” She handed me a shot. “Live a little, Ari. Since you’re not having sex and god knows the next time that’ll happen for you, you might as well experience something in life that feels good. Alcohol would be more than a great start.”
I tossed back two shots and winced, clenching my teeth together as the liquid burned my throat.
She handed me the other two cups, and as if she could read what was on my mind, she put up her hands in a fake surrender. “No, I’m not going to attempt to drive back tonight. We’ll catch a safety ride at the end and I’ll get my car tomorrow.”
“Great.” I finished off my shots and held my hand over my chest until the searing sensation went away.
“Ready for the next set?” Nicole asked, standing up.
“Oh, no. I have an early date with that guy Chris I told you about tomorrow, so I really shouldn’t drink that much. ”
“If I was Carter, I’m sure you’d happily agree to drink more with me right now...”
“If you were Carter, you’d know that I’m a super-lightweight.”
“Well, thank god I’m not him, huh?” She pulled me up and tugged me over to the bar again. This time, instead of sitting down to drink the next set, we drank them in front of the bartender, and he even joined us for two of them.
By the time the eighth one had entered my bloodstream, I was feeling loose and overly happy. And I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I ordered even more alcohol. Now unable to resist Nicole’s whines of “But everything is FREE!” I downed sev
eral mixed drinks, nameless concoctions, and at some point, I was pretty sure I drank a shot straight out of her cleavage.
Shit…
“Slip N’ Slide time!” Nicole yelled, pulling me across the yard.
“Yesssss…” I slurred, trying my hardest to walk in a straight line. “Slip…Slip N’ Slide time…”
“Come on, Ari! Stop dragging your feet!”
“I’m not…I’m not dragging…” I stopped. “Whoa….” The ground was rotating beneath my feet and I was pretty sure the blades of grass were trying to jump up and cut me.
“Ari?”
“I think I need…to sit…too many drinks.”
“Nah! You’ll be good once you hit the water!” She linked her arm in mine and practically herded me to the line.
“Ladies first.” The only guy standing in front of us turned around. “You two can go ahead.”
“Thank you very much.” Nicole batted her eyes. “Okay. You first, Queen Lightweight.”
I took a step forward, kicking at a dandelion that was dancing on the ground. I tried to find my balance, staring straight ahead at the massive yellow tarp.
“You just run and lunge for it…” the guy said behind me. “You also have to yell ‘EPIC’ as you slide. Josh’s rules not mine.”
“If I do this,” I said to Nicole, still trying to find my balance. “Can we sit down after?”
“Right after.”
“Okay….” I slowly kicked off my sandals and made a run for the tarp, yelling “EPIC” as my body hit the plastic and slid faster than ever.
When I reached the end of it, I could feel a sudden blast of cold water being tossed onto me.
“Epic with a capital E!” The frat guys above me shouted. Before I could yell at them and ask what the hell they were doing, I looked over to the other tarp and realized that they were throwing buckets of water on everyone who did it.
Laughing, I let them help me up and waited for Nicole to take her turn. Of course, to garner as much attention as possible, she took off her dress—exposing a bikini that barely covered her Double D breasts, before taking the plunge.
The guys at the end shouted in loud appreciation as she stood up and adjusted her top.
