by Lisa Suzanne
She giggles. “No. He’s American. But he has picked up some British-isms that I totally tease him about.”
I hate how light she is when she talks about him. I hate that I hate him and I don’t even know him. I hate that she doesn’t seem so light and airy when she’s talking to me. I want to inspire that same sort of reaction in her, but I fear everything I do creates the exact opposite effect.
I wonder if it’s because there’s something between them, but I’m not really in a position to ask considering the things she has seen me do on national television.
But it hurts to know she’s having such a great time with another man...a man who isn’t me. A man who makes her happy. Maybe even a man who calls her name at one in the morning when we’re on the phone.
And maybe they’re just friends...but maybe that’s a whole lot worse considering the way my last serious relationship ended—when the girl I fell for chose the best friend who was right in front of her the whole time over me. The whole reason I sleep with “anything that moves,” as Brody likes to say...not that he’s any better.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asks, thankfully changing the subject before I say something stupid.
I nod. “Of course. Anything.” I don’t want to sound as desperate as I do.
“Are you doing okay?”
My brows draw in as I meet her eyes. “With the show?”
“With everything. I know it’s been a taxing couple weeks, and you’re just...not you. The fun-loving lady charmer has become this dark, brooding guy I hardly recognize. You’re sitting up in your room while there’s a party going on downstairs in your honor.”
I sigh. “When Eden picked Danny and not me, it didn’t matter that I wasn’t in love with her. It was the same goddamn heartbreak I felt when Vickie cheated on me and when Piper chose another man over me. It was the same thing all over again, the same hurt and the same disappointment. But it wasn’t just me who felt the disappointment this time. I let everyone down. Brody, Kane, Adam, Rascal...and especially you.” I sit up a little and reach for her hand. To my surprise, she lets me take it. I lace my fingers through hers. “I never want to disappoint you.”
She blinks and turns her gaze to our linked hands and then her eyes slowly move back up to mine.
Neither of us says anything for a few beats, and then she pulls her hand away, breaking the moment. “You didn’t disappoint me because you didn’t win, Dax. I pushed you into doing something you didn’t really want to do. I convinced you it would be good. I never wanted you to get hurt in the end, and I’m sorry that’s how it panned out.”
I want to tell her. I want to confess. I want to take her in my arms and make her forget about whoever the fuck this Archie guy is. “You know what hurts even worse?” I ask as I draw in a deep breath.
“What?” she asks softly.
Just as I open my mouth to tell her something along the lines of how much it hurts to be in love with someone who you’re not supposed to be in love with, someone who works for you and with you and pushes you into going on dating shows to find love with someone else, there’s a knock at my door.
And a voice…decidedly male.
“Kylie?”
A voice that sounds similar to the one I heard over the phone one night at one in the morning.
We stare at each other for a silent beat, but then the moment’s broken.
“Come on in,” she yells, her eyes still on mine. She doesn’t move them, in fact, until the door opens and some dude who looks like he works out too much steps into my room.
“You must be Dax,” he says.
I nod. “Archie, I assume?”
“Good guess. Kylie’s told me so much about you.”
I glance at Kylie, who appears to be glaring daggers at macho man Archie.
“Like what?” I ask.
“Okay, all right, that’s enough,” Kylie says, leaping off the bed and pushing Archie toward the door. “I’ll see you later, Dax,” she says, and I can’t help but wonder if she told Archie all about the best parts of me or the worst.
26
The rest of the weekend is packed full with gigs, practice, and meetings as we finalize everything before we leave for the tour on Thursday. Kylie’s busy wearing the hat of our manager as she confirms every last detail of the tour, calling hotels for reservations and touching base with Vail’s manager to ensure there’s parking for our bus and our trucks of equipment.
The tour kicks off in Chicago, and we leave Thursday morning to bus it there. Our first gig as the openers for a chart-topping, world-renowned band is Saturday. Part of me is nervous as fuck about this tour—not to perform, because that’s something I love, but because of what it all means. This single tour could make or break our band. It could lead us to a record deal with Ashmark, or it could prove that we’re frauds who’ll never make it in the big leagues.
Despite the nerves, though, I’m looking forward to a change of scenery and a change of pace. I’m excited to travel the country with my four closest friends, but knowing Kylie will be there seems to be putting a damper on things.
I want to move forward and move on with my life. I can’t fall for my manager. It’s too goddamn complicated.
And every time I start to get close to her, she seems to pull back. Every time I open my mouth to confess that I’ve fallen in love with her, I realize how much I can’t.
If she loves me back, then what? We date, I fuck it up somehow like I always do, and she runs to some other guy? Then where does that leave the band?
And if she doesn’t love me back, then what? She knows how I feel and it isn’t reciprocated, so we have a strained relationship? Again, where does that leave the band?
When the fuck did life get so complicated with these fucking feelings I never wanted?
Monday night finds me in a dressing room with Shayna. Jarrod is nowhere to be seen, which is fine by me. I might hit that fucker in the jaw if I see him again.
I’m not excited to be here tonight filming the reunion show, but it’s my final obligation with this franchise for the season.
I’m ushered out of the dressing room and backstage. I hear Melanie introduce Jonathan Crosby and Anthony Ventura first, and I stand backstage with Shayna behind me as Mel talks with the two of them for a few minutes.
And then Danny saunters up beside me. “Hey, man,” he says.
I glance over at him, and my glance turns quickly into a glare. I don’t greet him back, and he glances at Shayna before he leans in toward me and whispers. “Dude, I’m sorry. They made me spill it.”
“Who did?”
“Jarrod. I didn’t want to talk shit about you, but they coerced me into doing it.”
“They coerced you?” I whisper back.
“That’s enough, you two,” Shayna says behind me. “Save the drama for filming. When you’re called out, you go right to the seats by Mel. Danny, you take the chair closest to Mel. Don’t stop and talk to the women. You’ll have time to talk during the reunion, and you’re both invited to the after party if you want to attend.”
I sigh. I have no idea what the hell Jarrod could’ve said to him that would’ve encouraged him to admit the scandalous details of my relationships, but the episode is airing right now, so I don’t even get to watch him do it.
Melanie calls us out to the stage. “And the stars of our show, Danny Fisher and Dax Hunter!”
We walk out, all smiles as our confusing little encounter backstage is buried...for now.
Melanie sits at a desk like a late-night talk show host. Two chairs sit to her right, and across the stage from that setup I see the ten women who competed for the two of us. They’re sitting in a single row on stools, and they’re in the order they were eliminated from left to right. I wave at the women, but most of them are ignoring me as they focus on Danny.
Fuck. This isn’t going to be pretty.
Melanie congratulates Danny first on winning and rather than asking him how he and Eden are getting along si
nce the show ended, she turns toward the women. “I’m going to start by opening up the floor for your questions.”
My heart races as I know exactly the question someone here will certainly ask.
Amber speaks first. “I have a question for you, Melanie. Is it true you slept with Dax?”
I hold in a laugh as Melanie turns three shades of red.
“A lot of rumors abound, and I’d like to clear the air,” Melanie says.
Oh God, this should be good.
“It’s true that Dax and I shared some intimate moments,” she admits, and I cut her off.
“An intimate moment,” I say, holding up one finger. “One. And if I may, I’d like to add that it was purely done as a ratings boost. This network owns Melanie Werther, and they paid her handsomely to get me into her bed.”
“So you’re saying you didn’t want to be there?” Eden asks. She folds her arms over her chest. She looks pissed.
I shake my head and glance at Melanie. “I wasn’t expecting to end up there, but when someone like Melanie directs your car to her house and pays your driver to come pick you up in the morning, you do what you do. She’s a beautiful woman, but what happened between us was a mistake that I regret.”
A collective gasp rises up from the women.
“Do you regret what happened with Poppy, too?” Amber asks.
Poppy just grins. She’s maybe the woman least likely to be embarrassed by whatever answer comes out of my mouth.
I shrug. “I don’t regret it. An important part of a relationship is sexual compatibility, and since Poppy and I were dating, there was nothing wrong with what we did. Except maybe I’d have chosen somewhere nicer than a bathroom, but our time was so limited together that it just sort of happened.”
“I have a question,” Eden says, raising her hand. “And it’s for Danny. Danny, is there something you wanted to say?”
He looks sheepishly at Eden. “Thank you,” he says to her, and then he looks at Nicole. “Nicole, you and I connected on a deeper level than I was expecting in all this. You were sent home too early, and if I would’ve had my say, you would’ve made it to the end. I want to be with you. If you watched back any of this show, you can clearly see how I fell for you in the short time we got to know one another. I ended up with Eden because it’s how the cards fell, but we talked about it. She connected more with Dax than me, anyway, but she was hurt when she found out about Dax and the other women, so she lashed out by choosing me.”
“Why’d she find out about me and the other women in the first place?” I ask snidely—before Nicole can give her answer.
“They would’ve seen it when they got home, anyway,” Danny says.
“But why’d you tell them?” I press.
He sighs and glances around like he’s about to say something that might get him into trouble. He says it anyway. “This network has a contract with the Cubs. I was always going to be the winner in the end.”
I’m certain it’ll be cut on the editing room floor, but that simple confession makes me feel a whole lot better. My jaw drops as the truth hits me square in the face. Maybe I gave them the material to make myself look like a douchebag, but they would’ve found a way to make Danny look like the golden boy regardless of who was sitting across from him. They were the ones who held the power all along—not either of us.
Shayna walks out. “Thank God I nixed Jarrod’s idea to do this shit live and in front of an audience. Melanie, we’ll take Q and A from the ladies at the end.” She hands a sheet of paper to Mel. “Read from here and we’ll edit what we can.”
Melanie glances down at the paper in front of her. “Are we rolling?” she asks Shayna, who nods in response.
Melanie reads the first question. “Watching back the episodes clearly shows that Danny let the girls in while Dax always had a bit of a wall up. Dax, why was it so hard for you to open up to the women?”
I clear my throat and go for honesty. Maybe it’ll endear me to the viewers after the things I did.
Kylie’s never going to see this, anyway, and neither will the guys in the band—not that it matters since half of them already know about my secret feelings for Kylie. We’ll be on tour, too busy to watch some dumb television show. “I have feelings for someone not on the show. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, which made it difficult to open up to anyone here.”
Melanie’s brows draw together. “Why’d you come on the show if you had feelings for someone else?”
I shrug. “The feelings aren’t reciprocated.”
“And you know this because...” she prompts.
“Because she’s the one who signed me up for this show.” I shoot Melanie a tight smile. “That made it pretty obvious she’d never see me the way I see her.”
“See? As in still see, even after all this?” She sweeps her hand in the direction of the women.
“Still see, yes.” I nod. “I think I’m in love with her. I developed real feelings for some of the women here, but the truth is that my heart belongs to someone else. I came here hoping I’d be able to get over her.”
“Is that why you were intimate with a contestant?” she asks with a raised brow.
“I tried to get past my feelings for her. I tried to tuck them away and pretend they don’t matter, but the more I pretended, the stronger my feelings for her became.”
“Well, Dax, I think we can all agree that whoever she is, she’s a lucky lady,” Melanie says. “If she doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, I’m sure any number of women in our audience will be waiting on your doorstep.”
I attempt a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes.
She turns to Danny. “Tell us what’s been going on with you since the show wrapped.”
He stands and walks to the middle of the stage. “Nicole, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Nicole’s brows furrow and she nods. She meets him halfway, and he leans down to kiss her. “I never thought I’d find my other half on some reality television show, but I did.” He kneels down and pulls something out of his pocket, and every single girl in the room squeals. “I love you, and I want to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?”
Nicole covers her mouth with her hands for a beat, and then she smiles as she wipes away a tear. “Yes.”
I want to roll my eyes. I want to sit here and say it’s all fake.
But I believe it worked for them, and I wish them all the best. What they’ve found together is priceless, and it’s something we all deserve...something I never thought I wanted until I looked into the glowing brown eyes of the woman I’m not supposed to want.
But I do want it, and I want it with her. I remember Brody’s fears before I went on the show that I might find someone the way Danny did—but what neither of us knew at the time was that I’d already found her. She’s right in front of me, but I’ve been too much of a coward to take a chance on what we could have together.
After the tour.
I’ll wait the two months until this tour wraps, and then I’ll make my confession about my feelings. It’ll give me the assurance that I’m not fucking anything up on this tour that means so much to our band. It’ll give me the security to know that she’ll be there with us every step of the way in some of the most important moments of MFB’s career.
Once the tour’s over and we’re not living in a four hundred square foot bus three inches away from each other anymore, I’ll make my confession. If that means she doesn’t want to work for us anymore, well, at least I already have Kane and Brody’s support.
I’ll use the tour to prove I’m good enough for her—that I don’t need a different woman in my bed every night because there’s only one woman I want there.
I guess that means the good behavior starts now.
27
It’s been a whirlwind few days, but I’m packed for two months and ready to board the bus I’ll be sharing with my four best friends and the woman I’m pretending is just our manager.
Brody’s parents dr
op Brody and me off at the bus lot, and it feels exactly like we’ve stepped back ten years and they’re dropping us off for summer camp. Rascal and Adam pull up a few minutes later with Bree, and Sierra’s car pulls up last carrying Kane and Kylie.
I avoid making eye contact with Kylie, but if I’m supposed to be acting like nothing’s different, I’m doing it all wrong. I’d usually give her shit of some kind—her bags are too big or she packed like a girl or something.
But I can’t think of anything to say—no reason to tease her today. She’s perfect, and my stupid lovesick brain doesn’t know how to act around her anymore.
This is going to be a long ass two months full of ups and downs.
A burly man steps off the bus and greets all of us with a nod of his head. “I’m Pete. I’ll be your driver for the tour,” he says.
We each introduce ourselves, Brody’s parents say something to him about taking care of their boys, and Adam and Bree embrace while Kane and Sierra say their goodbyes. Instead of watching them, I grab my overnight bag, yell goodbye to Brody’s parents, and hop up onto the bus. First one on gets first pick of beds, and this bus seems like a pretty sweet deal. I claim the bottom bunk in the back on the left—not because I don’t want a top bunk but because I know the four other guys will want one more than I do, and also I’m not fifteen anymore and I don’t care about sleeping on the top bunk. Oh, and it’s more convenient if I have a woman in there with me to be on the bottom so she doesn’t fall out.
Except I won’t have a woman in there with me this time around.
The bunk in front of mine is claimed by Pete, who will typically be driving when I’m sleeping in my bunk—an extra layer of privacy for me seems like a win.
Vail’s footing the bill for the bus, which runs close to a grand a day between the lease and the fuel. It has eight bunks—two tops and two bottoms on the left, two tops and two bottoms on the right. There’s six of us, plus the driver, so we’ll have one empty bunk which we’ve offered to Vail’s crew if they need an extra spot.
