Although he felt his heart tearing out of his chest, Gib forced himself to step back, to let her go. “You’re right. It would never work.” Watching her was killing him, though. Being this close and knowing that he couldn’t have her, that he was already making a mess of the life she was struggling so hard to juggle—
He couldn’t stand it. He, Gib Douglas, the guy who always had an answer, had none. Did he desert his team, give up everything he’d spent most of his life working for? Or did he ask her to become part of his life, yet settle for half the attention she deserved?
Maybe she’d been right the first time, to leave him. Maybe she’d seen what he hadn’t.
“I—” He shook his head. He saw no way out for them, so even as his heart ached and he longed to shake off all logic and simply take her, kiss her, love her until she and he forgot everything else—
She was looking at him with eyes dark from pain.
And she’d betrayed him once before. He still didn’t know why.
So he seized upon the only thing that had made sense in his life: his work. He had to get out of here. Had to get away from her and the shambles she made of his resolve.
“I have to go back to Charlotte for a few days. There’s some PR that has to be done before the new season starts.” That wasn’t a lie, except in the timing. “I’ll be back, though, before Christmas. You’ll tell the kids?”
Her face was a study in emotions—sorrow, fury, misery, relief. “Don’t come back, Gib.” Her voice was a haunted whisper. “It will be too hard on them. I’ll make your excuses. Just don’t come back. We don’t need you.”
She hugged herself as she said it, and he knew it was a lie. Maybe she didn’t need him, but she needed something. He would get out of here and gather his thoughts, away from the punch of her presence, the unbearable lure she couldn’t help casting. He would figure out a way to help that would make up for some of what he couldn’t give her.
“Dulcie—” I’m sorry, he started to say, but she wouldn’t let him.
Instead, she turned her back and pulled out a stack of bowls from the cabinet, set them beside the plates. “Just go, Gib. Please.” The line of her slender shoulders was so vulnerable, his resolve nearly broke.
He would love her until the day he died.
And if he truly loved her, he had to prove it.
He had to let her go.
“Son, I need to bring something over before Christmas morning,” James Gallagher said.
“Sure thing,” Jackson answered. “Something that needs hiding?”
“Yes, and I could use some help figuring out how to wrap them.”
“You struck out with me, I’m sorry to say, but Vee is great at that stuff.”
“This is pretty challenging. It’s saddles for the kids.”
“Which kids?”
“All of them. I know Ben has his own, but he’s outgrown it. He’s going to be as tall as his dad.”
Jackson didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing those words. He’d missed most of Ben’s life during the years he’d been lost to his family, his only goal to build an empire and demonstrate to the man on the other end of the phone that he could be more than a rancher, despite what his father wanted for him. The differences between them had been far more than a bone of contention between them—they had resulted in Jackson being banished, leaving town before he’d known Veronica was pregnant with their child.
The child his old buddy David Butler had raised. Because Jackson had dropped off the map.
“I’m sure he’ll like that, as will Abby and Beth.” The twin girls were David’s biological children, but in one of those odd twists of fate, now that David was dead, Jackson was raising his girls as David had raised Jackson’s son. He just hoped he could do half the job his buddy had done, but the magic ingredient was still in their lives: their mother Veronica, the girl he’d loved and lost…and was soul-deep grateful every day he had managed to marry one year ago. He’d mended his wrecked relationship with his dad, as well.
So if Beth was the only twin who really liked horses while Abby was already a shoe diva in training, still they adored their adopted grandfather and would be thrilled.
“Got Eric one, too,” James said of the boy Jackson’s sister Rissa had adopted after he’d been orphaned by a neglectful mother.
“I know he’ll be over the moon.” Eric and his new grandfather had taken to each other as if born to be family.
“Didn’t want to leave little Samantha out, either. Eric might be less pleased.” James chuckled.
Jackson had to join in. Samantha was the housekeeper Celia’s daughter and Eric’s constant companion, as well as diehard foe. “That’s great, Dad.”
“I got smaller ones for the new grandkids. They might not be so hard to wrap.”
Jackson’s eyebrows rose. “Dad, you do remember that JJ and Rosie aren’t quite ready to crawl, right? And my little twins can’t even sit up yet?” Cameron Calhoun and Penelope Clarissa, known as Cam and Nellie, were Jackson’s newest children, born to Veronica and him not quite three months ago.
“I couldn’t leave them out.”
Jackson shook his head as he smiled.
“Besides, it’s never too early to start a child riding. I had you in the saddle when you were younger than JJ and Rosie, and you were riding on your own by the time you were three. Rissa, too.” He sighed. “Penny could have been doing the same, but she was never as horse-crazy as Rissa.”
“She had her nose stuck in a book.” Jackson’s twin knew how ride like the rest of them, but his father’s princess had gotten a pass. Rissa, however, had been all tomboy even before their mother had died. “She’s a good rider, though.”
His father snorted. “When you can get her out of those stilettos.” But his tone revealed his deep affection for his elder daughter.
“Rissa put us all in the shade.”
“That she did. She rides as though she and the horse are one. And I never saw a better trainer. Don’t think the horse she can’t heal exists.” His father was silent for a moment. “I know the baby saddles are beyond them right now, but I just…in case something happens, I wanted them to know their grandpa gave them their first.”
Jackson sobered immediately. “Are you feeling okay, Dad?”
“Oh, you know how it is—well, you don’t, but you will. I’m feeling my age. Got a hip that doesn’t want to work when I get up in the morning, and aches and pains anyone has as they age.” He went silent again. “I miss my Mary. She’s been on my mind a lot lately.”
Jackson was torn. After so many years of estrangement, he wasn’t anywhere near ready to lose his father, but he also knew that James had never looked at another woman in the twenty-plus years since Jackson’s mother had died. He’d always called her God’s angel come to earth, and Jackson couldn’t disagree. There was never a mother so devoted, so warm and welcoming to her family and anyone they cared about.
Except his own Veronica, he thought. She had taken every dark corner of his soul and filled it with the blessing of her love.
“Now that I have Vee, I think I understand better how it must have been for you, Dad. And I didn’t help.” His mom had been gone since his senior year of high school, and they’d all been so lost without the glue that had held them all together. In a short amount of time, he’d been banished, Penny had left for college and then-thirteen-year-old Rissa had been alone with a man who was operating, Jackson understood now, with most of his heart gone.
“My family is a blessing, and your mama wouldn’t be proud of how I neglected all of you for so long. I’ve got some making up to do before I’m fit to meet her again.” The longing for that day was clear in every syllable, and Jackson’s heart seized.
“You’re not that old, Dad. We could all—” He cleared his throat. “I could use your wise counsel for a while yet. The babies are my first experience with fatherhood from the ground up.”
“Well, now, don’t let an old man get maudlin. And d
on’t you worry. You’re already twice the father I ever was, with all your children. I admire how you turned out, and I know I had little to do with it.”
“That’s not true. Mom taught us about affection, yes, but you showed us all how to be steady and strong.” His voice seized, and he heard his dad noisily clear his throat.
“We better watch out now, or we’re gonna wind up on Oprah or something.”
“She’s been wanting to interview me.” Jackson found a smile. “Maybe you could do it with me,” he teased, knowing his father would rather be boiled in oil than spill his guts on national television. “She’s got her own channel, you know. It could be repeated over and over again.”
“You might be bigger than me, son, but I’m meaner. Let’s don’t get too big for your britches now.” Humor steadied his father’s voice.
“Dad, thanks for being willing to come over here for Christmas breakfast. I know you’d rather do it at the ranch.”
“I just have myself to get up and Celia and Samantha to bring along. You’ve got five kids to wrangle. It only makes sense.” The whole clan would be at their house, though Bridger couldn’t stay long because he’d have his barbecue to watch over all morning. The entire family would be heading into town after they exchanged gifts, so they could pitch in to help Scarlett and Ruby.
“Well, we still appreciate it. Need some help loading up the saddles?”
“Nah. I got them in a trailer already. You just tell me when to bring them.”
“I’ll talk to Vee and see where she thinks would work best to stash them. Thanks, Dad.”
“Thank you, son.”
After so many years of estrangement between them, this new closeness was a true gift. While he understood his father’s longing for his Mary, Jackson couldn’t help but hope he’d have plenty of time with him yet.
Chapter Four
“Gib?”
He missed the kids, missed his aunt and uncle.
Missed Dulcie. How in hell had it come to this?
“Gib, where are you?” Ex-model Alexandra Craig waved one exquisitely-manicured hand in front of his face.
“What?”
She frowned. “Are you all right? You haven’t been yourself all night. You’re getting funny looks from the sponsors. This is a Christmas party, after all. It’s supposed to be a happy time.”
Gib jerked his thoughts back to the present, the glittering ballroom. The Davis Motorsports party was a premiere event, and everyone here, himself included, was decked out accordingly. “Sorry, just thinking. I’m fine.”
One perfect eyebrow arched, and she smiled, reaching up to straighten his tie. “Mm-hmm. Just dandy. That’s why you’ve been scowling at the floor for the last hour.”
Gib grimaced. “Busted.” She deserved better. They’d dated on and off for several months, and she’d put up with his crazy schedule when few women would. She was a class act, and he was acting like a jerk, mooning over the impossible.
Suddenly, he chuckled at the thought of how most people would compare the gorgeous blonde to a tiny house and a small brunette knee-deep in children.
“What?” Alex smiled back, and at the moment, a camera flashed, something he seldom noticed anymore.
“Nothing. I just—”
“Gib,” she interrupted. “Something’s wrong, and I can smell woman troubles all over it.” She touched his face, and another flash erupted. Her smile was bittersweet. “Who is she? You’ve never once worried over me like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m a big girl. You’re the marrying type, Gib Douglas, and I always knew that.”
“I am not,” he protested.
“You are, and you always were. I knew this day would come. I just wanted to have the fun however long it lasted.” She shrugged. “It’s my loss that I’m not a white picket fence kind of girl. So—” She led him over to a table, perched on a chair and crossed one long, elegant leg over the other. “Sit down and tell Sister Alexandra all about it.”
Gib frowned. Shook his head. Sighed. “It doesn’t matter. There’s no way it can work.”
Both eyebrows rose. “This, from the championship crew chief? Honey, now you’ve got me worried.” She leaned forward. “Spill it, big boy.”
Gib sank against his chair. “Her name is Dulcie.”
“Where’s man?” Bobby asked for the thousandth time. “Gib.” He held up his cherished race car.
“That’s very good, sweetheart,” Dulcie said. “You remembered his name.” She wasn’t going to battle over a three-year-old calling him Mr. Douglas. She had no energy for battles these days, not when her nights were filled with memories of his touch, his smile, and her waking hours were spent trying to forget him.
“Mommy, I want to wear my pink shirt to school tomorrow,” said Lily.
“You’ve worn it every day this week,” chided Andre.
“I love it,” she responded. “I love Gib.”
“He doesn’t love us,” Andre responded. “He left.”
“He does so!” Lily’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t you say that! You’re a big jerk!”
“Lily, you apologize to Andre this minute,” Dulcie ordered. Then she stared down Andre. “And you stop tormenting your sister.”
“But—” Andre’s expression was stricken. Lily raced out of the room crying. Bobby clutched at Dulcie for reassurance.
Dulcie had the urge to cry herself.
Just then, Torie peered from her room, where she’d closeted herself after school daily since Gib left. She didn’t have to say a word for Dulcie to know that she might be older than the others, but she didn’t understand Gib’s sudden absence any better. Her hero had dumped them all, as far as Torie was concerned.
The situation wasn’t Gib’s fault, not really. She was the one who’d sent him away, however sensible a solution it was, and she owed Torie a better explanation than the one she’d given.
“Would you help me get them to bed, sweetheart?” Dulcie asked.
Torie shrugged. “Sure.” Not a single argument from her most strong-willed child. Dulcie must look worse than she realized.
After what felt like hours, the younger three were bathed and in bed, and Dulcie was waiting for Torie to finish her shower, then they would talk. As she waited, Dulcie was too nervous to tackle the homework that needed grading, so she grabbed the newspaper she seldom had time to do more than skim. She dodged the sports section, even though there wouldn’t be much on NASCAR this time of year, and rejected any thought of the front section, since she’d had all the bad news she could handle. She went for the lifestyle pages, hoping for a nice bit of fluff.
And her heart fell to her feet.
If she’d needed confirmation that she’d made the right decision about Gib, here it was. Gib in a suit looking devastatingly handsome at some fancy gathering, a gorgeous, buxom blonde caressing his cheek.
And Gib gazing into the woman’s eyes. Smiling.
Dulcie snapped the section shut while her heart thudded and her stomach clenched with misery. It doesn’t matter, she told herself. He was never for me. She blinked furiously to dispel the sting of tears.
Then she just had to look once again.
“Mom? Are you all right?”
Dulcie folded the paper with a snap and buried that section beneath the others, so Torie wouldn’t see. “I’m fine, honey. Just fine.”
“You miss him, too, don’t you?”
Dulcie considered asking who, but she wasn’t in the habit of lying to her daughter.
Except, of course, about one very basic issue.
“A little.” At Torie’s skeptic glance, Dulcie amended. “Okay, more than a little, but it doesn’t matter, Torie. Gib has a very different life, one in which we don’t fit. He travels all the time, and he’s chosen not to have a family, which is his right.” Talking forcefully to convince her daughter as much as herself, she continued. “He and I were close when we were young, but we were just kids. People grow
apart. Someday you’ll understand.” She locked eyes with her daughter. “He’ll always be special to me, but our worlds don’t mesh, and that’s okay. But never doubt that he cares about you, about all of you. He was sorry to have to leave.”
“But I don’t understand. If you love someone, how can you stop? And even if he has to go back to the team, why couldn’t he stay for Christmas? He likes it here, and Mom, he’s lonely, I can tell.” Torie’s eyes glistened. “I don’t like to think about him being alone at Christmas.”
Dulcie could too readily remember the longing she’d seen when he’d been buried in children. The happiness that shone from his face when he was answering questions or horsing around or simply sitting on the floor watching them play.
She should have remembered that before she told him not to come back. But how could she risk her children getting any closer to him? The inevitable heartbreak would only be worse.
“He’s a grown man, honey, and he has a whole life in Charlotte. I’m sure he has lots of friends. He’ll be fine.” The reassurances rang hollow in her ears.
Torie’s jaw got that stubborn jut that was pure Gib Douglas, and the sight of it made Dulcie want to laugh and cry both. “I think you’re wrong, Mom. We should call him. Invite him to spend Christmas with us.”
“He has his aunt and uncle, sweetheart.”
“They could come, too.” Once Torie got an idea in her head, she was immovable.
Dulcie tried a feint. “I don’t know how to reach him, and anyway, Torie, drop it. He’s gone, and that’s that.” The crushed look on Torie’s face made Dulcie want to take it all back, but she didn’t dare. Prolonging her daughter’s hopes would only hurt her more. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Sometimes life just isn’t fair. Now, you need to get to bed. Next to last day of school tomorrow, and we’ve got Lily’s program tomorrow night. Gonna be a long day, so get some sleep, you hear?”
Torie’s hug was half-hearted, but Dulcie understood and didn’t press.
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