by Louise Bay
“Of course,” I said. Never had I been incapable of controlling myself with a woman. What was happening to me? Had I just ruined everything with an uncharacteristic lack of self-discipline?
I was an idiot.
I stood as she began packing away the backgammon. I wanted to help. “I’ll do—”
“Jesus, don’t you get it?” Her jaw was tight and her words sharp. “This is my job. My livelihood, my way of looking after my brother. This is not your fault—I was weak, it was my decision to be . . . pulled under by . . . but please don’t make this worse. Pretend you have a call and go.”
“Very well.” I turned to head back inside, my whole body itching from her words that seemed to press into my skin and burn. Weak? Pulled under? What had passed between us last night had been so much more than sex, certainly more than lust taking over and pulling her under. She’d felt it too, hadn’t she?
But I didn’t say a word. Skylar catching us in an intimate moment had been my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have touched Avery in public. I understood what this job meant to her, how losing it would be catastrophic for her family. I deserved her anger and I couldn’t dilute or erase it.
Not yet.
Avery
It was my job to make things right for people, from billionaires to my brother and everyone in between. I was used to solving guests’ problems and ensuring my stewardesses, the chef, the captain, my dad and anyone else in my orbit was happy. I just had to do it for myself this time.
I slid the backgammon case back into the sideboard, straightened my skirt, and headed to the galley. I exhaled just before I went in. I hoped to God Skylar hadn’t mentioned what she’d seen to anyone. If she’d kept it to herself then there was a chance this situation was salvageable.
Skylar sat at the banquette, flicking through a magazine, while Neill chopped vegetables. If she’d told Neill, surely they’d still be talking about it.
“Can I talk to you in the laundry room?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light and breezy, as if I wanted to catch up about towels and mops rather than discuss the real possibility of me losing my job.
Without looking at me, Skylar closed her magazine and shuffled off the bench.
“Where’s August?” I asked.
“Napping. She’s on break.”
I nodded. I’d been lucky that Skylar had caught us and not August, who I’d chastised several times at the beginning of the charter for even talking about hooking up with a hot guest or mentioning how handsome Hayden was.
I was such a hypocrite.
Skylar shut the door to the laundry room behind us. Despite there being only one guest on the yacht, the washers and dryers were constantly in use and provided the soundproofing we were going to need for this conversation.
“What are you doing?” Skylar asked, her eyes wide as she stepped toward me.
I pressed my fingers against my temples, as if I were trying to stop my brain from exploding. “Did you tell anyone about what you saw?”
She jumped up to sit on one of the washers. “Of course I didn’t but, Avery, what the fuck?”
My body sagged and I leaned back against the dryer. Maybe this was still containable. “I’m sorry, I just—”
“Don’t be sorry. Tell me what’s going on. Is he . . . pressuring you?”
My eyes darted up to meet hers. “No, of course not. I mean, he would never . . .”
“When did it start?” she asked.
Did it sound stupid to say as soon as I laid eyes on him? At least that’s where the kernel of desire had been born—for me. “Last night was the first time . . .” The first time I’d let myself acknowledge all the things I was feeling, the first time I’d forgotten to fight the attraction I had to him.
“Got physical? This hasn’t been going on the whole charter?”
I reached behind and leveraged myself up to sit on the opposite dryer. “We’ve never . . . not on the boat.”
She drew back. “But you have slept with him?”
There was no point in denying it. “Last night.”
She let out an exhale. “That’s where you were last night. Eric said he’d seen you with some ginger guy.”
“It wasn’t planned. We ran into each other . . .”
Skylar rolled her eyes.
“I’m serious. I went to the Greek theater to do the whole tourist thing. I had no idea he’d be there. But, I can’t say I wasn’t attracted to him before that.”
Silence sat heavily between us. She had no reason to trust what I was saying. I’d broken the golden rule and crossed the line with a guest, putting my job and everyone’s tip at risk. “You didn’t tell anyone?”
“No, I wanted to speak to you first. But I’m not going to have to tell anyone if he touches you like that again in public—”
“I know. I think he was trying to be nice or something.” At least I hoped that was all it had been. I wasn’t sure if he’d just been thoughtless or selfish when he’d touched me when I’d just asked him not to. Both, maybe. As much as he might be a moral millionaire, he was still used to getting everything he wanted. He still snapped his fingers and expected people to jump.
“Is it worth risking your career over a one-night stand?”
That was the question. Last night I had felt as though whatever was between us was worth risking everything for, but today? Although we hadn’t discussed it, whatever was between us hadn’t felt fleeting. “It didn’t feel like it was a one-night thing.” But what else could it be? We lived in different countries, had different priorities. I couldn’t maintain a relationship with a yachtie who had the same lifestyle as me. What hope did I have that things would work out with Hayden Wolf? “I just really like him.”
“Well of course. He’s gorgeous and rich—”
I scrunched up my nose. “It’s not about that.”
Skylar sighed and tipped her head back, skeptical. “Seriously. This could get you fired. It’s reckless. It’s just not you.”
“I know.” It was out of character. My family’s security was everything to me. “It’s just he’s a really good guy and we’ve ended up spending time together and—” Physical desire would have been easier to resist but Hayden’s kindness, his passion for what he did, the way he talked about his brother. Every time I learned something new about him, I liked him more.
“So what? Are you going to have an affair with this guy?”
I looked away, so the anxiety that churned in my stomach didn’t show on my face. An affair seemed so crass. What had happened between us shouldn’t have a label that applied to anyone else. It should have its own box, its own atmosphere, it was so different, so special.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It’s only been a few hours since . . . I haven’t had time to think.”
Skylar slid off the washer. “I don’t want to see you fuck up your career so some bored, rich dude can get his rocks off, however hot he might be.”
How could I explain that what she was describing wasn’t what had happened between Hayden and me? We’d shared things. Connected. Hadn’t we?
“Look, I won’t say anything to anyone,” she said.
I hadn’t asked her to keep my secret, but I still felt equal measures of relief and guilt as she spoke.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble. I like you and Moss would have a fit. He’d fire you in a nanosecond. But if August or Eric or someone else was to find you . . .” Yachting could be bitchy and there were plenty of second stewardesses who would have taken the opportunity to bury me. I was lucky Skylar was standing in front of me and not one of the countless other, more ambitious girls I’d worked with.
“I know. I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t plan it.” I hated breaking the rules, but I especially hated pulling Skylar into this mess.
“I can’t imagine you did. You’re always so careful about everything. So . . .”
My stomach churned. She was right. Hayden had me making decisions that were against my nature, against my bet
ter judgement. What was I thinking? I’d gotten away with it this time. I hoped. But the only way to ensure no one else found out was to put a stop to things. “I should be clear with him that nothing else is going to happen between us.” I hated the sound of the words as they left my lips.
“Maybe. I just know that the road you’re on at the moment seems to be signposted trouble,” she said.
I was so used to having as much in my life nailed down as possible, so used to being focused, to following the rules, that continuing to break them didn’t seem realistic. But the alternative of never being with Hayden again seemed unbearable. It was as if someone had opened the curtains in a dark room and shown me I’d been missing daylight this whole time. It was too heartbreaking to shut those curtains right away. But Skylar was right. This sunlight—Hayden and everything he brought with him—could burn, corrode, and ultimately destroy my entire world. And in four weeks he’d be gone anyway. What was I doing?
Skylar opened her arms to give me a hug and I slid off the dryer into her grasp. “Whatever you decide, be careful. We’re in close quarters and people are pretty good at sensing chemistry. You only need people to suspect something for things to get difficult for you.”
The sensible decision was to put a stop to whatever had started between Hayden and me. Things had gone too far already, and it wasn’t as if we were going to ride off into the sunset. It was ridiculous to think it might be the beginning of something. In four weeks, the charter would finish, Hayden would go back to London and I’d continue with the season here. Where did that leave us? And if there was nothing beyond these next four weeks then surely losing my way of supporting my family couldn’t be worth it. However painful it would be, I needed to redraw the line in the sand before I lost everything. I had to end whatever there was between us.
Twenty-Five
Hayden
I should be fucking delighted. My phone call with the lawyers had ended. Negotiations were productive and we were ahead of schedule, but all I could think of was the way Avery had looked at me as she’d packed up the game—equal parts devastation, capability and determination. She’d lost all of the softness and vulnerability that I uncovered when we were alone together and her expression when I left her had rusty, sharp edges that pierced my gut.
I needed to keep distracted. I grabbed the satellite phone from my desk and punched in Landon’s number.
“Everything okay?” he answered.
“I’m getting impatient about finding this leak. You’ve been on it weeks now.”
“Feel free to hire someone else, you dick. If you want this job done properly, then you’re going to have to be patient.”
I knew my brother was the best, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. “I just don’t understand what’s taking so long. Have you been investigating Cannon too?”
“No. We’ve just been fucking around drinking beer and chewing the fat.”
I knew I was being unreasonable, but I was annoyed that I’d been careless with Avery. I prided myself on my self-control. Why the hell hadn’t I been able to resist touching her?
“Sounds like you need a shag,” Landon said.
I nearly told him I’d gotten plenty last night but held back. It would be my normal exchange with Landon, but for some reason I didn’t want to describe what had happened as a shag. Sure, I’d released a lot of pent-up frustration and it had been a phenomenal night but—it wasn’t just a shag.
“Whatever. You’re the man-whore.”
Landon chuckled. “Yeah, that’s right. You’re a born-again virgin.”
Although I liked to fuck regularly, I was a little more discreet than Landon. I was also very clear about my intentions—or lack thereof—before any clothes came off.
But I couldn’t remember making any such intentions clear last night. Probably because for the first time since I could remember, I wasn’t certain there was a clear boundary or end point to describe.
“Whatever. Stop obsessing over my sex life and tell me where we’re at in uncovering the leak.”
“We’re focusing on Gerald, your financial controller, and Anita. I’ve called in a favor from a mate in Cayman and I’m due to hear back in a couple of days. Hopefully we can take a look at what’s in his account. And we’re tapping his phones—home, office and mobiles—he’s not spoken to anyone who isn’t his wife or his kids.”
“And is Anita in the clear?”
“Not until I can find out why she has a spare six figures in a newly opened bank account. I’m warning you that it’s not good news that we’ve not uncovered a rational explanation quickly, but we’re working on it.”
I’d feel better once she was ruled out. There was no way it could be Anita. She was loyal and had access to everything I did. If Cannon had her, they had everything.
“You’ve got to get your head around the idea that it might be your assistant. I don’t know why you are so convinced it couldn’t be her when she’s the obvious person Cannon would target if they wanted someone on the inside of your business.”
Landon was telling me everything I didn’t want to know. Anita potentially being the leak wouldn’t just be disastrous because she had access to everything in my office. It was also because I’d never thought to doubt her. I’d never taken any precautions to keep anything sensitive from her. Professionally I’d been an open book as far as Anita was concerned. If I’d been complacent that made me culpable. And I wasn’t sure what was worse—having no faith in my own judgement of people or potentially being part of my own downfall.
“Look, you’ve not found anything yet. You never know. It could be because there is no leak.” I’d been racking my brains for another way Cannon could have found out about every deal. “Maybe there’s another way that Cannon are stealing every deal from under me.”
“Right,” Landon responded, the word coming out stretched and sarcastic.
“I mean it. Look, they’ve got nothing since I left my mobile and laptop back in London. Maybe they’d done something with some malware or something.”
“I’ve had your devices thoroughly examined. There’s nothing there, not even on your desktop in your home study.”
“How the hell did you get into—never mind. Couldn’t it be that kind of malware that disappears after a certain duration?”
“Like the Mission Impossible message, you mean?”
If I didn’t know my brother far better than I wanted to, in that moment, I would have thought I was on to something. “Fuck you.”
He chuckled. “Seriously. We need to drop in a red herring. Something juicy that will tempt anyone who’s trying to lie low.”
“Like what? I’ve asked people to get information memorandums. That should have drawn someone out.”
“Maybe you need to up the ante. Make an offer.”
“Make an offer? On what?”
“I don’t know. A company. You need to take it up a step. Whoever is selling you out isn’t biting on the crumbs we’re feeding them. We need to throw them a nice, fat, juicy steak.”
“I can’t just make an offer on anything—it would have to make sense. The numbers would have to stack up or it wouldn’t be credible. And I don’t want to withdraw an offer for no apparent reason. My word is fucking important in this business.”
“Jesus. None of this is my problem.”
“And who would I let into the loop anyway? To get Gerald in the loop the circle would have to be pretty wide.”
“At this point, it will be our quickest option.”
I fisted my hand, then spread my fingers wide as I inhaled. It felt as if this would be the final battle, but I hoped there was no losing side. I didn’t want to find the leak in my senior team. I wanted there to be another explanation. I didn’t want to have been wrong about any of them because it meant my judgement was off—that I had to question every decision I’d ever made.
“Okay. It will take me a week or so.” I’d need to find a process to jump into. Maybe I’d go back to the insurer i
n Mexico that Gerald had run numbers for. I didn’t want to be in Mexico, but at least it was a transaction that wasn’t being run out of the City, so if I withdrew without explanation my reputation wouldn’t suffer. I’d find a way. “I’ll keep you posted.”
“And make sure next time you call me, you’ve gotten a shag.”
“You going to arrange for me to have company? A security-cleared escort?”
“I always suspected you paid for it.” Landon chuckled.
“Fuck you. I’m stuck on a yacht in the middle of the fucking sea. Alone,” I said.
“You’ve always got an excuse for your complete lack of game.”
“Go find me the fucking leak. And try to stay out of trouble while you’re doing it.” I hung up and tossed the phone on the desk. Speaking to Landon more often than normal was nice. I made a mental note to suggest we resume our regular squash game when I got back to London, which led to thoughts of getting home, sweaty, spent and then dragging Avery into the shower with me and fucking her until neither of us could stand.
Except Avery wouldn’t be in London with me. She’d be on another charter with other guests who would make ridiculous demands of her and treat her like the help. My jaw clenched. Would she visit me in London? I could fly in, but she rarely got time off. However ready I was to get back to London, I knew that Avery Walker would be difficult to walk away from. Impossible to forget. Women like Avery came along once in a lifetime and I needed to figure something out before my cruise around the Mediterranean was over.
I checked my watch. It was past midnight and it had been hours since Avery had gone to speak to Skylar. I was growing impatient. I wanted to see her.
From what I could make out, most of the crew seemed to finish up around eleven and I’d expected Avery to come down to tell me what had happened with Skylar. I was about to go back up to the main deck when a rap on my office door jolted me upright. I strode across the space and yanked the door open. Avery slid inside, and I closed and locked the door.
Reading people’s body language had been invaluable to me during the course of my career. I could tell when people were bluffing, when they were under pressure, when I’d surprised them. It was part of the reason I’d found it so difficult to believe I had a leak in my top team. They were people I knew well, people I thought I could read.
