As a writer, I have used the word “breakthrough” my entire career, but I never had any idea what that word really meant until this minute. I feel the pain, the grief, the regret and the pressure building inside of me and under this relentless barrage of feelings I emotionally explode over Mark’s lap. My sobs soak the bedspread. I let out a long howl that carries all the sound of all my pain. I go on in this state of suspended animation, crying and out of control, my body bouncing on the bed as I drive my fists down over and over into the mattress.
I feel something lifting me, almost like an angel, and the solidness of Mark’s arms as he puts my head on his chest and lets me cry into him. I slowly regain my ability to breathe and speak normally.
“You’re not spanking me anymore?” I say, unsure how he got from under me to holding me so quickly.
“I quit about ten minutes ago. This has all been you.”
“I…I…”
“Shhhhh,” Mark consoles me. He whispers softly. “You did well, Julia. You did so well.”
I stay there in his arms for a while feeling spent, empty. Then longing takes the place of the pain and I begin kissing him. First I plant small kisses on his chest and the lean up to kiss him, my hand reaching down to find his member and rub it through his pants.
“I need you,” I say urgently. Suddenly the fire from my behind has moved between my legs and tripled.
“I’m here,” he says still in his soothing, consoling tone.
“I need you in me,” I growl seductively. He smiles and begins to undo his pants, eventually standing up to remove them, knowing every second without his touch was like torture. I confessed, “I feel so empty.”
“You’ve just lost a lot of emotional weight,” he advises as he gets back into bed. I turned over to embrace him and land on red sore rear. He rubs my bottom and then turns me to the side. Kissing me and running his cock up and down the inside of my lips, he can see me trying to draw him into my body.
“Please,” I say again, kissing him deeply.
“There’s no way to do this that isn’t going to feel like I’m spanking you again,” he tells me, trying to gently enter.
“Then spank me, spank me hard and fast and… oh… just… do it!” I laugh, wrapping my arms around him. With that, he plunges into me like a wild caged animal, his cock diving into my ready and needing center. He pushes and surges in me, the spanking having prolonged his arousal as well.
At first his thrusts are measured, a gentle push in and quick pull out. But his lust overcomes his concern and soon his balls are slapping against my red backside. I remember the secure feeling of being over his lap, the thrusts repeating that experience only so much more intense and internal. My body grips and pulls at him urging him on, wanting him all the way in me.
His hand leaves my hip and travels between us, finding my clit and massaging it in rhythm with his thrusts. Suddenly every nerve ending in my body is unquenchable and overwhelmed at the same time. I move my hips with him, pulling and slamming my body down on him and the tension builds in my body. Soon I am ready and I dig my fingers into his back, letting go again.
This time it is pure pleasure instead of tears. I seem to be floating underneath him, awash in a sort of thick cloud of bliss when I feel his body tighten and his load fill me inside. I attempt to turn over, but as soon as the covers hit my bottom I know it’s not the best idea.
“Lay on your tummy,” Mark says. He gets some lotion and rubs it in, soothing and comforting me. He starts telling me about how I will feel better tomorrow and the sting won’t last and some other thing but I don’t really hear it. My muscles are loose, my body is well used and my soul feels clean and free. For the first time in years, I fall into a deep, satisfying sleep.
Chapter 5
“Dad, I’m here,” I say as soon as my father’s eyes open slightly. He smiles. It is like natural sunlight to my soul. I smile back with the widest grin imaginable. “I’m having a great day.”
I see his mouth move and think he is saying, “Good.” It’s hard to tell. They think the cancer may be spread to his brain or affected his language center. I’m not sure. What I am sure about is that since the night of my “release” session over Mark’s lap, I feel so much better and Dad has been more awake and happy as well.
I’ve kept busy the past few days. Janice got Kevin to agree to go to the office last night and work on setting up the reverse connection that will let us get the records from Blake, Mark has been working on the rejoinder and getting things in order and I’ve been collecting a time line and all the evidence I have about the scope of events and payments at Lynx. I can’t wait for Janice to call tonight and tell me what she discovered and what evidence she was able to get today.
“Mark’s doing great, Dad,” I tell him as his eyes begin to close again. I shift and feel just a slight twinge on my bottom, the memory of my safety and vulnerability over his lap filling me with peace once more. “I’m falling for him in a major way. It could be something serious someday. So don’t worry about me anymore. I’m gonna be okay.”
“I love you,” he mouths to me. It’s the one phrase that’s easy to tell.
“I love you too, Daddy,” I say back loudly. When he falls asleep I head home and start making myself a salad. I keep checking my phone to see if it’s on because Janice should have called by now. In fact, they were supposed to check out the system last night – so an update is really overdue. I haven’t heard much from Mark either. I begin to pace. I know my need to be in control has to change, but for right now – the silence is killing me.
I give up and call Janice. She answers on the first ring.
“I was just about to call you,” she says without bothering to say hello.
“I’m going crazy! What is the hold-up?”
“I just needed to sit down for a minute and have a drink. Then calling you was next on my list.”
“Drink? List? What’s going on? What did Kevin find out?”
“Well,” Janice begins. I feel the hesitation in her voice. Something’s wrong.
“If you tell me ‘there’s good news and bad news’, I’m gonna jump off a bridge!” I blurt. I’m so tired of everyone tiptoeing around things.
“Okay, I won’t.” She replies. “There’s only bad news.”
“What?”
“Kevin spent hours on the system last night. He says there is no way to set up a reverse. Apparently the network has a tripwire automatic responder code in the registry.”
“I don’t speak geek.”
“Me neither,” she laughs. “I’m reading this from a post-it note. He had to write it down. Anyway, what it means is that if we make any changes to the network a signal goes straight to Blake. Kevin was able to print-screen the software and registry codes that prove Blake has our system feeding into his, but that was all Kevin could do.”
“So, we can’t get Blake’s transaction records? That is bad news.”
“It gets worse.”
“How could it possibly get worse?” I ask her. I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but I have to get a clear picture of what’s happening with Lynx.
“Today was our last day at Lynx.”
My heart sinks to my stomach which is turning into a huge knot. Did we mistake the deadline? Is it done? My life’s investment is gone? This can’t be happening. I’ve been through so much and worked so hard.
“What do you mean it’s your last day? I still have a week left to file a rejoinder. Mark is working his ass off to get the legal documents ready!”
“Blake called a meeting for ten minutes to five tonight. Valerie James was there as well. I gave her the T-list but I don’t think she bought it. She took one look at it, shrugged and put it in her folder.”
“Get back to the meeting, what happened?” Geez, how I hate being so separated from the action.
“So Blake the Snake and Valerie James are standing there and they call us together and say they are proud to announce the future of Lynx. T
hey say because of our lease in the building, the office is staying where it is, and there will be a new section editor moving into your office.”
“Section editor? Why would Lynx need a section editor unless…” I start to realize what’s going to happen to my baby. “Oh god, Janice.”
“Yep – Starting in two weeks Lynx is going to be renamed ‘The Source’ and be the investigative section of Ladies World. She wants to print one big and several small articles a month with Lynx’s ‘signature style’. She gave everyone a big speech about welcoming us to the staff of Ladies World’s newest and most exciting venture.”
“The Source? Where did she get that? The back of a bar napkin? We’ve got to stop this.”
“Wait, it’s worse. Blake says they are going to publicly reveal the change next week after Lynx is legally a part of Ladies World, but as a reward for our hard work and to help them make the transition, everyone at the magazine – the custodian, reporters, interns, and me – are being give two weeks off with pay. We were told that when we left tonight, doors will be closed, locks will be changed, and a whole new computer system, logo and everything will be put in.”
“He’s shutting the place down, and pushing everyone out. He doesn’t want to risk anyone getting information in or out until after my time to file is over.”
“Seems that way, Julia. I’m sorry. I’m not ‘on the inside’ anymore. There is no inside. But, if you or Mark find a way I can help, let me know. I talked to the staff. Everyone agreed to wait until it’s really true and the time to file is over, and then most plan to quit.”
“I gotta go,” I say, my voice trembling as the first tears start to form. I hang up without even a goodbye. Janice will understand. I sit down on the couch and stare at the stacks of documents from the lawyer. It’s over. It’s really over. My job. My pride. My Lynx. It’s all gone.
I pick up my keys in a haze and head to the car. Mark needs to know what’s happened, and I need to be to be held by Mark.
~~~
Driving to Mark’s my mind shakes out of its haze and anger takes the place of shock. Why would Blake shut down and lock everyone out? He must have been tipped off. We still have a week before the filing deadline and that’s a lot of time to work. But how did he know? My mind instantly goes to Mark. Maybe’s he’s been stringing me on all along. But, I can’t think that, and I don’t want to believe it’s true.
“Miss Conway?” the doorman asks, wondering why the cleaning woman is showing up at 9 o’clock at night.
“Mr. Stone called for me to come. Apparently he made quite a mess in the kitchen and now isn’t sure how to clean the specialty stove up without scratching it. Can you believe that crap? I’m like ‘Really, Mr. Stone?” But you know how it is with these folks.” I hope the lie is enough not to cause suspicion. I’m so mad about Blake I don’t even really have to act upset. And since I doubt we are going to save Lynx anyway, what do I have left to lose.
I step off the elevator and see Mark lying on the couch with the TV on mute talking on the phone. He jumps up when I see him like he’s been caught with his hand down his pants.
“You won’t fucking believe this!” I shout.
“HEY! Julia. Wow. What…um…what are you doing here?” He asks, putting his hand over the receiver. “I need to let you go. Someone’s on the other line. No, No…I will talk to you later.” Mark gets off the phone and runs around the couch to where I’m standing.
“Who was that?” I demand as if it is any of my business. Mark puts his hand on his hip, clearly agitated by my unexpected presence.
“You should call, Julia,” he says severely. “I might actually have other interests besides you. Lynx might have run your whole life but it doesn’t run mine.”
“Oh, I’m an interest? Is that all I am?” I need to calm down. This is not a good way to start this discussion.
“No, of course not,” Mark sits down. “But this is my home, and I do have other things besides Lynx to handle. Now tell me why you are here.”
“You won’t have to worry handling Lynx very much longer,” I say glumly. I start to hold back the tears, but I also remember the lesson of the spanking. Holding things in is what got me to this point. My voice quakes and a tear starts to fall.
“What’s happened?” He asks gently.
I explain all that Janice told me. The tripwire thing, the shutting everyone out, and the section of Ladies world all add building blocks to the huge stone wall between us and our goal. He nods as he listens and then gets up to think.
“I didn’t know what to do when I heard it, Mark.” I confess. “I started blaming you in my head.”
“Me? I didn’t have anything to do with this,” Mark chuckles, shaking his head. The tone of his voice sets me off again. It’s like he’s saying, ‘Julia, you idiot.”
“Of course you did, Mark. Someone tipped off Blake that we were looking. Maybe your little fiasco in his office was not as smooth as you thought. Maybe Valerie James found out you were snooping through her company’s files at work. Maybe your IT person gave Blake a freaking full account of you interviewing him about the program. You act like you’re so perfect but more and more I am starting to see this as your fuckup. You just don’t want to admit it.”
“This wasn’t my fuckup,” Mark responds, his jaw locking and his posture clearly showing his unhappiness even though his tone retains the same volume and control. “This is just an unexpected turn of events and we will overcome it.”
“Well, if it wasn’t a mistake, maybe it was on purpose. Maybe you’ve been working with Blake all along and this whole thing was just to keep me busy and waste my time until the month had passed.”
BAM! Mark slams his hand on the coffee table and I jump.
“I have had it, Julia. I’m done. I’m done with you. I’m done with Lynx. I’m done. Go figure this out yourself, and good luck to you.” He points as the door. “And be aware tomorrow I am telling the doorman that Lucy Conway was fired!”
“Wait,” I say, stunned by his reaction and realizing I’ve been a lot less than grateful or giving to Mark. “I’m sorry. Don’t give up on me, Mark. I need you. I need you to help me with Lynx. I need you to help me…well…with me.”
“I’m sorry, too. I don’t mean to threaten. I just…” Mark shakes his head and lets out a big sigh. His eyes are so beautiful, and sad. “I am tired of being accused every time something doesn’t go your way. I know trust is a huge issue, but you’ve got to get around it. I am not helping Blake or Val and I don’t ever intend to betray you to them. I don’t control the world, Julia. I just control how I respond to it.”
“I know, I know,” I nod in agreement. He’s right, of course. “But now, more than ever, we need a response.”
I turn and lean back as he puts his arms around me. I regain my sense of security, comfort and hope in his embrace. He hugs me tightly and starts ruminating quietly about the situation.
“I’ve got my own notes from when Lynx was my account, the affidavit from Howard, Janice’s print-out from your IT guy, the bank records I snagged from Intrend, the info from Val’s office and some memo’s—”
“Intrend? Memo’s? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been doing a little more than sitting on my hands and planning your retirement from journalism, Julia. I’ve had investigators doing a lot of extra chores.” He says, squinting his eyes just enough to tell me that’s all the info I am getting about that.
“Is it enough?”
“If it’s all we have, we will use it and try. But, it’s all circumstantial. The judge might give you an extension but the moment we ask for it Blake will burn those records. He’s only keeping them now so he knows how to lie and not get caught. He has to know what he did in order to know how to frame it. We need to get that folder.”
Mark hugs me tighter, his hands running up and down my arms.
“We need to get in Blake’s office and we are running out of time. The good news is the closer the deadlin
e gets, the cockier Blake gets. Still, if he is closing down Lynx you can bet he isn’t going to let anyone waltz around through his office – especially me.”
Suddenly, he blinks and smiles. He has an idea, I can tell. But I’m in no way prepared for what comes out of his mouth next.
“Do you trust me?”
“Um…Of course, I…well…,” I struggle and realize submission means giving him my honesty, not just my body. “I am trying to trust you. I trust you most of the time.”
“But, you’re open to trusting me?”
“Yes,” I laugh with one of those maniacal giggles that says I no longer have any idea what we are talking about.
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