by Finn, Emilia
“Here, in this apartment building?” Our eyes meet. “Well, I live here. Duh.”
“No. Here in this staircase,” she snaps. “I was doing fine without you, Jay. In fact, I was doing fine in this building before you moved in, too. I remember the good old days when I didn’t know my neighbors, and I could take a shower and not worry that a thug would let himself in whenever he damn well pleases.”
“Are you inviting me in while you shower?” We step onto the third floor and continue up. “Because I was being one of those new-age jerks where we don’t wander into an occupied bathroom without permission, but if you’re saying the option is there…” I meet her eyes and lick my lips. “I’d die to see you wet and naked, babe. I haven’t touched a woman in too fuckin’ long, so if you’re offering…”
“I’m not.” We turn onto my floor. “You can stop here. I’m fine on my own.”
Tilting my head to the side, I mock her. “But you can’t move all three boxes on your own. How could you possibly trust me not to peek inside while you take that one up?”
Her eyes glitter with rage. They do that so often when I’m around, but every time, I see the hunger in them, too. She wants me as much as I want her; she just refuses to slum with the thug. “I hate you for making it so I can’t trust you.”
“Au contraire, babe. I’ve had access to your apartment this whole time, and trust me, it was a hardship, because I know what your body looks like in a leotard. I haven’t snuck into your bed once; that says willpower of a fuckin’ saint. That says you can trust me with your life.”
Soph wears tight jeans like always and a black leather jacket with a high collar. Her long hair is tied up in a bun on the top of her head; you can take the ballerina out of the dance studio, but you can’t take the ballerina out of the girl. Her bag hangs over her side like usual, and keys hang from her left hand.
Rolling her eyes, she continues up the final flight and shows me her ass. “I’m so glad you’re a new-age jerk and don’t rape women while they sleep. That’ll help keep my nightmares away.”
“Well shit, you just had to go and make everything serious, huh?” Jogging up the stairs, I catch up with a frown. “I’m playing with you, Soph. I’m trying to get you to smile once in a while, but then you throw words like rape around and ruin my buzz. I don’t rape women; I don’t force or hurt. In fact, I respect the hell outta women, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tell a crude joke every now and then and hope to make you smile.”
We stop at her door. For a moment, she leans her box against the wall and fumbles with her keys, but with a huff, she turns and dumps the box on top of my pile. “You wanna be my pack horse? Work for it.” She pushes her key into the lock and opens her front door. For the first time in her life, she steps back and waves me through.
The heat hits me first. It’s like a sauna, but in the best way. Climbing the stairs with thirty pounds of paperwork kept me warm, but this place is just… I give a happy sigh and turn. “Marry me, Soph.” I wait for her eyes to meet mine. “I thought I had a thing for blondes. There’s this one chick back home, and she has an identical twin sister, but then I found this beautiful brunette who lives upstairs, and she’s got heat! Please let me move in with you.”
“No. Put the boxes by my desk, will you?”
Chuckling, I turn and dump the load on the floor beside her messy desk. The screens are switched off, but papers litter the surface, and post-its are stuck everywhere.
“Umm…” She trails off until I turn and give her my attention. “I’m sorry for throwing around mean words out there.” Peeling her coat off and hanging it by the door, she turns back to me with her phone in hand and something akin to exhaustion in her eyes. “I’ve had a shitty day. A shitty week. Geez.” She runs a shaky hand over her face. “I’ve had a shitty decade. So I took it out on you. I haven’t been the kindest person to you since we met, it’s just…” She blows out a long breath. “I don’t get a choice. I don’t have time for men.”
Stepping forward, I don’t stop again until my boots touch hers and her neck has to bend to keep my eyes in focus. “Can I help you, Soph? My week is kinda wide open with nothing to do, so maybe whatever is hurting you can be offloaded to me. I can help.”
She scoffs and turns her head away. “No. You can’t help me. I have all the help I need. Honestly? I just need more time, or a machine to take me back in time to fix shit.” Her long lashes flutter closed, like she’s just too tired to cope. “You’ve never raped a woman before, right?” They open again and bore into mine. “Would you hurt a woman, Jay? If she said no, would you accept that and leave her be?”
“I’ve never touched any woman who didn’t give her permission first, I swear. I’ve partied hard; I’ve fucked in questionable places, under questionable circumstances. I’ve fucked while high, and I’ve fucked women who were high, too, so that might say something about consent…” It baffles me that I actually care about her opinion. That I care about my shitty past and the list of women I’ve spent time with.
It bothers me that my past might affect my present in ways I didn’t expect. I’m here for Kane, but standing this close to Sophia makes me reconsider everything… He’s my priority, but… the sadness in her eyes does things to my cold heart. “The fact we weren’t always sober might hurt you. But I’ve never taken anything that wasn’t offered up. I promise.”
“What do you want with me?” When I bring my hand up to cup her jaw, she leans into it and closes her eyes. “What do you want, Jay? Why me? Why can’t you leave me alone?”
Because you’re beautiful. Because you’re intriguing. Because you told me no and made me realize just now that I’m chasing you when you already laid down your answer…
I’m an asshole.
“I just want companionship.” When she lifts a questioning brow, I add truthfully, “I want to touch you so desperately, I might explode, and if you gave me the go ahead, I wouldn’t be able to stop until I wore us both out. I have twenty-two hours to fill every single day, and fuck if I don’t wanna fill them with you. But if I had to choose between touching you and knowing you, I’d choose the companionship.”
“You…” Her eyes snap wide. “Really?” She folds her arms to create space between us, because each time she takes a breath, I fill the space she was in. “I’m just your neighbor, Jay. I’m just a random girl in a sea of random girls. If it’s a dancer fetish you’ve got going on, you could find a billion of those around, too. So give it to me straight and don’t waste my time.”
Bending my neck, I come closer until our noses almost touch. “Why are you so against knowing me, Sophia Solomon? I’m just a random man in a sea of random men. Why are you so adamant on hating me?”
“I don’t hate you, but I’m not willing to waste my time either.”
I pull back and hold a hand to my heart. “Ouch.”
“You wouldn’t choose a life of celibacy for me, right? If I never wanted to give it up, would you still be here in a week? A month? A year? You think I didn’t notice the parade of women who came to your door since you moved in? You need women like you need oxygen, and even a pretty dancer will lose her appeal once you’re horny and haven’t been laid in a few weeks. Any pussy will do, right?”
“Do you have a problem with sex in general? Is it a religious thing? A promise you made someone? Are you scared? Are you a virgin? Were you…” And then it hits me. Like a fucking sledge hammer to the solar plexus. “Were you abused, Soph? Has a man taken something from you without your permission?”
Images of her crying out while a man forces himself on her enrages me. The thought that she would have screamed, she would have kicked and hit, scratched and screamed to be let free, but he took it anyway… It makes my blood boil. “Is he still alive? Do you know how to find him right now?”
“No.” Drawing in a long breath, her chest expands until she lets it out again. “It’s not what you think. Nobody has raped me. Nobody has touched me without my permission.”
Relief. Sweet, pure relief makes my body slump. Running a thumb over her bottom lip, I smile when she leans into it. “Thank God, because I might’ve died inside if you’d said yes.” Cupping her jaw, I pull her face up until our eyes meet. “Tell me what’s hurting you, babe. Tell me why the thought of me and you together scares you. I swear, sex is one of the single most pleasurable experiences in the world. When you get to connect with someone until you’re one person for a moment…” My cock aches behind my zipper and presses against her belly. “Jesus, Soph. Can you imagine what it would feel like if I touched you? Because I can. I can imagine it really fuckin’ clearly. I’m at a point that I’d beg if you said I had to.”
“Don’t beg,” she huffs. “And no, I’m not a virgin. I’m not against sex for religious reasons. I’m not against sex at all; I just don’t think you and I can be compatible.”
“Why not?” I slide my left hand over her shoulder, down her side until my thumb slides along her breast, then down to her ribs. Pulling her in, I smile when our chests touch and her breath comes out in tiny pants. “I bet we’d fit.”
“I’m sure we would,” she laughs without humor. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t feel good. I’m not saying you wouldn’t blow my mind.” Her eyes meet mine. “I see you here, Jay. I see you right in front of me. You think I don’t notice your body? Your broad shoulders, or the smirk that promises heartache? You think you get the exclusivity of noticing the other person, and you’re the only one who’s hungry for time in bed to relieve some of the pressure?”
“I kinda did think that.” My laugh comes out in almost silence. “I thought you didn’t see me at all.”
“I go to bed alone at night. I hear your stupid tennis ball thumping against your ceiling; you think I don’t want you? Of course I do! You think I haven’t watched you bring other girls into this building and imagined it was me? You might not have noticed me living here, Jay, but I noticed you from the start.”
“So why not take what I’m offering? I’m standing right here with a throbbing cock and a big fat yes coming out of my mouth. I could fill you up in ways you’ve never known.” I lean in closer until my lips brush the top of her cheekbone. “I could make you scream, the good scream.” I smile when she shivers. “I could make you weep, but I swear, any tears you cry for me would be tears of joy.”
Because I’m not scared of rejection, I bring my hand up and start unzipping my coat.
“I could be in you thirty seconds from now. It would be that easy.” One-handed, I shuck my coat away and tug her shirt out of her jeans. “I’d fill you up, feed the hunger that thumps in your panties. You’re wet for me, aren’t you? Did you stay up here, think of me, and touch yourself?”
“No.”
I glide my nipping lips along her cheekbone and thrill in the slam of her heart against my chest. “Liar. I’m standing right here, Soph. Get naked with me; I promise I won’t leave you hanging.”
“No!” She tries to shove me back. “It’s not that easy!”
I toss my coat to the floor and start on my shirt. “It is that easy. We’re standing right here. I’m saying yes!” Opening my shirt, I leave it loose and smile when her eyes drop to my stomach. I have scars, so many fucking scars, and each one tells a story I’m not unproud of. “I promise I won’t tease you tomorrow. You know you want me.” I slide my hand under her top and stroke her firm stomach. She has a six pack and legitimate ridges where her abs contrast against her skin. Sliding my hand over her silky smooth flesh, I bring my lips back and go for broke. My tongue slides over her lip and forces her eyes closed.
I have to be gentle. Despite my insistence, I have to take it slow.
“Just say yes and put us both out of our misery.”
“No!” Pushing back, she grunts when I keep her top in my hand and she has to yank herself free. “Wanting you and having you are two different things, Jay.” Her cheeks are flushed, her breath fast and choppy. “You’re like dessert; just because I want it doesn’t mean I should have it.”
“But dessert is a treat.” Prowling forward, I force her back until she slams against the front door and her hands touch my bare stomach. I don’t stop until my thigh is nestled between her jeans, her heat permeating the denim and her breath on my tongue. “We’re allowed to treat ourselves sometimes. Otherwise, what’s the point? Why are we here if all we do is work and sleep?”
“I’m too busy for you!” She throws a hand toward the stack of boxes. “I have people depending on me. I have so much work to do, I barely have time to sleep. I’m exhausted, because, unlike you, the rest of us need more than two hours a night. I have things to do, and I’m doing it. I’m working, but the whole time, you’re in the back of my mind trying to make me laugh. You think you’re not charming? You are! You want me to admit I think you’re sexy? I do! But you’re a dangerous distraction, and I’m at a point in my career that I need to focus.”
I lean against her until she’s forced to wear me all over. My bare chest presses against her hands. My lips skim her cheekbone and forehead. She can’t escape me, just like she can’t escape her attraction. “Just before I moved here, something kinda big happened in my life. People I loved died; my world changed; my entire reality was pushed through a wood chipper, and out the other side came this guy you see now. I know better than anyone that life is short. I know what it’s like to think your mission is the most important thing in the world. Whatever you’re so twisted about right now, and I doubt it’s customer service complaints, it’ll still be there tomorrow. You’re so tired, you have bags under your eyes. You’re so wrung out, you’re finally screwing up and letting me in.”
“I’m not letting you in,” she growls. “I’m asking you to leave.”
“And yet, your pussy throbs against my thigh. I feel you, Soph. I know what you need that’ll help you sleep deeply tonight, so tomorrow, you can tackle your work with a fresh head.”
“You wanna fuck me tonight for your own selfish reasons,” she snaps. “Don’t sugarcoat your bullshit now that you’re this close.” She tries to shove me back, grunts when I don’t move an inch, then meets my eyes with an inferno raging in hers. “Don’t come at me with lies about how I’ll sleep better.”
“I’m not lying. And I’m not saying I don’t wanna fuck you. It’s mutual, babe. You want me; I want you. You need a night off, and I need a night with you. Why the fuck can’t that be enough for now?”
“Because…” Floundering, she searches for something, anything. “You don’t sell fridges!”
Laughing, I nip at her jaw. “Not tonight I don’t. Tonight, I’m all yours.” Fast as a whip, I pull her shirt up and chuckle when my move surprises her. Tugging it over her head, I toss it to the floor and grin at her purple bra and smooth skin. “I don’t do anything tonight, and you don’t do anything. Tonight, we’re just Jay and Sophia, and we’re having dessert.”
“People need me to do my job! My work is more than you think.”
“Well, I have time off. So how about we do our thing tonight, then I help you with your thing tomorrow. It’ll be like you didn’t step down for a single second.”
“You’re so fucking casual about responsibility,” she huffs. “That’s why I don’t want you.” Fast and skilled, she ducks out from between me and the door and rushes away.
Turning, I lick my lips and study her bare belly, the neat hair falling in wispy strands from her bun, her tight jeans. She’s long and lean. Barely a handful of breast, but I’m not a greedy man. I’ll take whatever she’s willing to give.
“I don’t want you,” she continues, “because you don’t even know what my job is; you don’t know who’s relying on me, but you brush it off anyway.”
“Well, how about this? You don’t lie to me about your work, and then I might take it more seriously.”
“You lie about your work!” She throws her hands up when I stalk closer. “You lied straight to my face about selling fridges.”
I roll my eyes and keep moving f
orward. “I’d hardly call it a lie if everyone knows it’s not true.” Striking out, I throw my arm around her hips and pull her in until we slam together. Lifting her, because she weighs so little, I bring her up until I have to look up into her eyes and her tits are almost in line with my mouth. “Just admit you’re allowed to rest for an hour. Let me make your world a little less shitty, then we’ll eat and I’ll help you with your problems.”
“No.”
“Okay, how about you admit you’re allowed to rest for an hour, let me make your world a little less shitty, then I’ll leave and you can work on your own problems without spilling the beans to me.”
Her eyes flash, and despite herself, her lips pull up into a small grin. “I don’t wanna.”
Triumphantly, I chuckle and walk us across the room toward her massive bed. “It’s hardly a lie if everyone knows you’re bullshitting, Sophia Solomon.” Stopping at the edge of the bed, I use one arm to hold her up, and the other hand to drag her face toward mine until our lips clash and her startled cry fills my lungs. Instead of fighting me, she relaxes, bends her spine and tucks her legs around my hips so she’s secure. She knocks my beanie to the floor, drags her tongue over my lips, then slides it inside my mouth until I can’t breathe.
“Tell me you’re not a victim, Soph. Do I have to be gentle? Slow? Tell me where the line is.”
“Not a victim. Not scared. You’re okay.”
“Where’s the line?”
“There’s no line.” Panting, she scratches the back of my neck and bites my bottom lip. “I like sex. I’ve never been hurt like that.”
“Thank God.” Dropping her to the bed, I climb on before she finishes bouncing. Sliding one leg between her thighs, I don’t stop moving until my thigh touches her pussy and the heat reveals her truths. “You want me so much, Sophia. I fucking knew I was right.”
“Shush.” She grabs the back of my head and pulls me down until our lips clash again. As always, she’s a contradiction; I thought I was going to have to be gentle, but she bites hard enough to make me hiss. I thought I’d have to take it slow, but she goes to work on my jeans, popping the button and sliding her hand in until I throw my head back on a roar. Shucking my jeans down with her feet, she fists my cock and squeezes so hard, I want to explode.
