by Lois Richer
“That was my dream once.” She laughed harshly. “My children were going to have the same wonderful childhood that I once had. Well, you know what? It isn’t wonderful. My kids aren’t getting any great and noble life. They’re getting a hand-to-mouth existence with a mother who can’t even read the newspaper without bursting into tears.” She saw the pain on his face and relented just a little, reaching out to touch his hand.
“I do love you, Grady. Very much, but I’m worn-out with trying to make a go of this place. I have to leave, to get a new perspective on things. I need a chance to prove to myself that I can be like other single mothers and support my family properly. I have to be worthy to myself before I can be worthy to you.”
“And how long will that take? Six months, a year? What? I want to have a family, Maggie. And I want you there with me.”
His disgruntled look made her smile. “Grady, I’m not going completely out of your life. Calgary isn’t that far away. You can come and see us anytime. In fact, the girls would be upset if you didn’t.”
“They’re going to be even more upset when they find out what you have planned.”
Resolve straightened her backbone and Maggie got up from her chair. “I can’t help that. I have to do what I think is best. For all of us. And with all that’s happened, I think God is directing me away from the farm. I don’t know what’s in store, but I’m willing to find out. No, please—” she held up one hand “—I don’t want to argue anymore. This is something that has to happen. If we’re meant to be together, God will lead us that way. You just have to have faith.”
He snorted, slamming his hat on his head. “That’s rich, coming from you. You don’t have the courage of your convictions, my dearest Maggie. God brought us together. He put the love in my heart for you. And He did the same for you, only you’re too chicken to hang around and find out what could grow out of that.” He stomped across the floor and out the door, only to reappear seconds later.
“I’m buying this farm, Maggie McCarthy. I don’t care what the price is, I’ll pay whatever you want. And you can go searching for greener grass in the place you think is the answer to all your problems. But when the day comes that you realize that this is where you belong, I’ll be sitting right here.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her thoroughly.
“I’m not giving up on you, Margaret Mary. So go, run to the city. Try and find your perfect life. And when it’s all said and done, I’ll still be here. Waiting. Because I love you too much to just let you go.”
His dark brown eyes were liquid as they slid over her face, his fingers gentle as they brushed over her hair. Then, lips tightened, he was gone.
Chapter Fifteen
Maggie glared at the store clock, desperately willing it to move. When had time ever dragged like this? She flipped through the swatches of fabric she’d chosen for tomorrow’s appointment and mentally chastised herself. At least she had a job. What did it matter if the customers chose the patterns and combinations and all she got to do was stitch them up? The money from this little quilting shop was hard to beat for someone with no previous job experience. The hours were certainly regular.
It’s boring, a voice in the back of her head announced, laughing. There’s no creativity in this stifling little room. You can’t even step outside and breathe in some fresh air. The smell of diesel penetrated the air vents, testament to the bus stop outside the door. And Grady’s not here. Maggie shoved the thought away and stitched a little longer on the gaudy pink-and-purple squares that her last client had selected for her daughter’s wedding quilt.
Eventually the clock hands reached five o’clock and Maggie gathered her purse and coat and locked up. Her bus had just left, so she decided to walk a couple of blocks and catch the next one at the station down the road.
“I know I’m living in dreamland again,” she told herself, peering into the big show windows with their displays of gorgeous silks in vibrant autumn hues. They were far beyond her price range, of course, and she couldn’t afford the fabric, even if she sewed them herself. But it was fun to look, wasn’t it?
“I’m doing all right,” she’d said to Gloria Stampford last night on the phone. “The girls are fairly settled in their new schools and I’ve got a nine-to-five job.” Which isn’t the least bit glamorous, she wanted to add, but didn’t.
The allure of the city had quickly lost its shine once Maggie realized how expensive everything was going to be. The rent on their tiny apartment took a huge bite out of her paycheck. The car wasn’t working properly, which was probably good since parking near her work cost a fortune. Instead, she took the bus and got home two and a half hours after the girls. She had latchkey children, Maggie suddenly realized with a pang.
But all of that was bearable, or would have been. If only she didn’t miss Grady so much. She wanted to talk to him about Keeley’s rebellious streak and Katy’s propensity to talk to anyone she met. She wished she could sit with him over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, once the girls had gone to bed, and discuss her rather eccentric boss.
“You wanted to be independent,” she muttered. “Don’t go mooning over everything now.” The truth was, she admitted privately, she missed his arm around her shoulder, his kisses, his laugh.
“Lady, are you gonna get on this thing, or study it for another half hour?”
Maggie came to and found the driver of the city bus glaring at her. “Sorry,” she murmured, and climbed on, lugging up the steep stairs the few groceries she’d picked up at noon. She almost fell flat on her face when he jerked away from the curb and lurched into rush-hour traffic, but her fingers grasped the metal pole and she managed to stay upright The bus was full, of course, and there was no place to sit down. Weary beyond belief, arms aching from clinging to the strap, she climbed off at her stop aeons later and trudged up the street toward what was now home.
“Hi, Mom.” Katy glanced up from the phone, greeting Maggie when she walked in. “I’m talking to Grady. Don’t worry. He called me.” Katy shook her head at her mother’s warning look and turned back to the phone. “No, I can’t go to the basketball practice when Mom’s working and there’s nobody to take me. I sure wish I could have my bike to ride around on, but there’s no place to keep it at night, and people steal things. Mrs. Eversham in 108 got her lock picked.”
Maggie stood upright in front of the fridge, tension racing through her. She hadn’t heard of any break-in.
“Nah, they didn’t even get it. Mrs. Eversham’s got this really yappy dog, you see, and it set up a racket. She called the police.” Katy stopped for a second, her forehead wrinkled. “Yeah, me and Keeley are real careful. Did you feed Laddie today? How is he?…Really?…You think they miss me?…I miss them, too.”
A soft glow of happiness covered her daughter’s generally sulky face and Maggie turned away as frustration overrode her. She wiped it away as Katy bellowed, “Mom! Grady wants to talk to you.”
Maggie picked up the phone, every nerve in her body waiting to hear that familiar deep tone rumbling over the line.
“Maggie, are you all right? You’re late tonight.” He stopped when he realized what this implied. “I phone the girls quite often,” he said at last. “I guess I’ve gotten to know your schedule.”
“That’s very kind of you, Grady,” she muttered stiffly, furious yet relieved that he was keeping such close track of the girls. “How is everything?” She could hear hammering in the background and wondered who else was there.
“Everything here is fine,” he said brusquely. “I’m having a few things done before the snow flies.” There was a gap in the conversation then—a long, drawn-out silence that Maggie had no desire to break. Grady, it seemed was not so hesitant.
“When are you coming home, Maggie?” he asked quietly. “I miss you and the girls. The house is so quiet, I’m back in the camper just so I don’t feel so lonely.” He waited, and when she didn’t say anything, continued on a harsher tone. “You’ve been there almost a month.
Haven’t you proven your independence yet?” There was a sting in his voice that touched a nerve.
“Grady, we’ve barely settled in. We’re managing, but it’s been a change for all of us.”
“Yeah, I know,” he grated. “Keeley’s been in the principal’s office three times, and now she’s sneaking out at lunchtime to meet a boy from the high school.”
“What?” Maggie stared at her daughter’s back where it sat hunched over the computer. “I, I, uh, I’m dealing with it,” she mumbled at last.
“Sure you are. Like you’re dealing with Katy’s F in math?” His voice was full of frustration. “Why won’t you come home? I love you, Maggie! Why is that so bad?”
“It’s not bad at all,” she whispered, fingering the ring he’d insisted she keep on the chain around her neck. So she wouldn’t forget him, he’d said. As if she could! “It’s just that I have to do this, Grady. I have to stand on my own two feet here. I need to prove something to myself.”
“Well, you’re hurting all of us while you prove it,” he ground out bitterly.
Maggie bit her lip to keep from crying out at the unfairness of it all. Why, God, she prayed silently. Why is it always so hard for me?
“You are at least coming home tomorrow for Thanksgiving, aren’t you? After work? Your mother told me she’d asked you.” His voice was calmer now, resigned almost.
“I—I’m not sure,” she stammered, thinking of the strange noise the car had made last week on an outing to the zoo.
“Maggie, your parents are expecting you. They want to see you and the girls. They’ve missed you!”
“I’ve missed them, too,” she murmured.
“If you don’t come, I’ll come and get you,” he warned angrily. His voice dropped as he spoke again. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that it’s been so long and I miss you so much. And the girls. Please, say you’ll come for Thanksgiving?”
“All right, if it means so much. But if you’ve missed us to that extent, why didn’t you come for a visit? You know where we live, you moved our stuff here.”
“There’s nothing I’d like better than to drive in and see you all. We could go out for dinner. Maybe see a movie.” His voice fell, the enthusiasm draining away. “But I can’t get away. I’ve tried, believe me. But something always comes up.”
Funny, Maggie frowned. He didn’t sound very regretful.
“I know you’ll think I’m nosey, but I’m still going to ask. Maggie, are you still standing on the promises of God?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she lied, staring at her hands.
“I mean, are you certain that you’re in the will of God? Have you really thought this out? Are you sure you’re not making your own desires into your version of God’s will?” His voice was soft, but the jab of guilt it dealt to her heart was not.
“What makes you qualified to judge me and my choices? Who are you to try and run my life, to make my decisions for me? Who are you to question me, Grady O’Toole?”
His voice was low and filled with sadness. “I’m the man who loves you, Maggie.”
Tears formed in her eyes at the tenderness of those words, and she drew a shaky breath.
“I’m not trying to take over your life or tell you what to do. I’m not even asking you to come back—not if you don’t want to.”
Maggie pressed her fist into her mouth as if to staunch the pain. “Well, what are you trying to say then?”
“I’m just asking you to look into your heart and figure out if you really want to deny what God has given us—a second chance to love. I don’t care about the past, Maggie. I don’t care what could have or should have happened. I just want what’s best for you and the girls. I want you to be happy. Are you happy, Maggie?”
On the other end of the line, Grady listened for an answer. When it didn’t come, he quietly closed his cell phone. Behind him the hammers and saws resounded through the house as workmen tore out the old, water-ruined ceiling and installed a new dropped one. The aroma of freshly cut cedar permeated the house as the tongue-and-groove boards were fitted together in Maggie’s studio. He’d had the skylights and east bank of windows specially installed so she could work in as much natural light as possible in her special room.
And it was Maggie’s room. In fact, the whole house cried out for her presence. What did it matter that he changed the interior? She was still as much a part of this place as she’d always been. Would she ever come home?
“Lord, you know how much I miss her.” Grady ambled down to the creek as he prayed, thrilled once more with the peace he’d found here. “And I do believe that it’s Your plan for us to be together. So Lord, whatever it takes, that’s what I’m prepared to do. If you want me to move to the city, I’ll go.” The word came out on a whoosh of desperation. “If you want me to go back to Shaughnessy’s and restart the company, I’ll do that. I’ve learned a lot here, Lord, and I could apply it to the markets.”
He picked a cattail that had fallen over, its head top heavy and unwieldy, but his eyes were on the creek, remembering two small girls and their giggles of laughter.
“I don’t understand Your ways, Lord.” He stared at the serene sky and considered the vastness of it. “But you are God and it’s not up to me to ask why. I’m nothing compared to Your majesty and power.” Grady remembered the scripture he’d read that morning.
“Who gives intuition and instinct? Who is wise enough to number all the clouds? Who can tilt the water jars of heaven, when everything is dust and clouds?”
Another verse penetrated his brain. “God is not a man…nor a son of man, that He should change his mind.”
“I’m like Job, God,” Grady groaned, embarrassed at his lack of trust. “I have demanded answers too many times. You owe no one anything. Everything under heaven is Yours. This situation with Maggie is beyond my understanding and yet, You can use even this. Show me what to do and I’ll do it.”
The words came as if someone had spoken them in his ear. Finish the work. What I have planned, that will I do.
As Grady got up and strode back up the hill, he felt rejuvenated, renewed. Somehow God would handle this. And nothing any woman could do, even one as determined as Maggie, would stop God from completing His work.
Maggie shut off the alarm with a groan, reminding herself to speak to the super about the incessant parties next door. It had been well after three before she’d fallen asleep last night, and she had to get up before seven to get to work on time.
“Katy! Keeley!” She rumpled their sleepy heads and pressed a kiss to each cheek. “Time to get up and get ready for school.” The girls groaned and rolled over, and Maggie took the opportunity to slip in and out of the shower. “Come on, girls. It’s getting late.”
Maggie sipped her coffee as she scanned the newspaper. The headlines didn’t catch her eye, but the photo did. It was an old one of Grady. He looked younger in it, but not happier. Quickly she scanned the write-up and gasped.
Local entrepreneur Gradin O’Toole may lose everything in his bid to outfox his lovely ex-wife, Fiona Spenser, who has announced her intention to file another suit. This time the claim is against O’Toole’s trust fund, gifted to him by the late oil tycoon, Harrison Fellows. Mr. Fellows claimed in his will that Grady O’Toole was the most honest broker he’d ever known and insisted on bequeathing his fortune to the Calgary businessman. The money has been tied up in litigation and now Ms. Spenser claims that the fund was improperly obtained when Mr. O’Toole prevailed upon the ailing magnate to adjust his will. Mr. O’Toole could not be reached for comment, but his legal counsel has issued a statement denying all claims.
Maggie couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d let him buy the farm, glibly accepted that Grady was able to take over her mortgage and other debts! She’d let him blow his precious resources on that farm when she knew the place would only cost more money. And now he was going to lose whatever security he had—and all because of her and her determination t
o get away.
Why hadn’t he told her about it?
The answer was clear. Grady’s love was selfless. He wanted her to be happy. And was she?
Maggie glanced around the dinky apartment and grimaced. Yes she had a job that freed her at a set time each day, and they were near all the amenities. The little bit of money left after the farm debt was paid off she’d squirreled away for the girls’ future educations. She was free of the farm.
And yet she had lost much more than she gained, Maggie realized. Gone was the relaxing cup of coffee in the sunshine whenever you needed a break. Fifteen-minute coffee breaks didn’t allow for lazing in the sun and dreaming of the future. The people she’d met at the neighborhood church were friendly, but Maggie missed her lifelong chums and the knowledge that her friends would drop in whenever they got a free moment.
Her children came home to an empty apartment now and although she insisted they call her the minute they came in, there never seemed to be a second to lazily discuss their day while they played outside. The rules for surviving the massive city school terrified Maggie—knives, guns, drugs. It was all so much closer now.
But most of all, Maggie missed Grady. She missed knowing he was there to talk to, share her day with and discuss the girls. She missed his reassuring hugs and warm kisses. This terrible loneliness in a city full of people was the worst thing of all. Maggie picked up her Bible and let it fall open to Matthew, staring down at the words.
“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
“Mom? Aren’t we having breakfast? And you’re going to miss your bus if you don’t hurry.”
Maggie glanced up into Keeley’s worried face, the words ringing through her head with bright clarity. This was her child and she wanted the very best for her. But what if she was wrong? What if moving the children away from Grady and the farm wasn’t the best?
