by Cathryn Fox
With the world closing in on me, my mind goes over everything, from our time in the closet in high school, to when he came to my bedroom the other night telling me he needed to be seen with the right kind of people. Blood drains to my toes as I consider the two word answer he gave me this morning, and I can’t forget how we always went out of town for meals, and he hid me behind his big body every time we ran into someone at Wolf House. Is he embarrassed by me? My God, he must be. How could I have been so wrong about him? Was I nothing more than an easy lay, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks to have a little fun with, finish what he started back in that closet?
Was I nothing to him? Was he simply slumming?
As all sets of eyes stare at me, a couple with worry, a few with venom, I turn to Chelsea and spit out, “Yeah, you’re perfect for each other.”
25
Christian
“Are you fucking serious?” With my nerves on edge, I pace back and forth in my bedroom, my phone in my hand. I keep glancing at it, but have yet to receive a response from Maize, which is making me a little—or a lot—insane. This isn’t like her, and that has my brain running in a million different directions, none of them good.
“Yeah, okay, I get it.” Linc leans forward and braces his elbows on his knees. “I’m a dick.”
“Dude.”
His head lifts, and I take in the dark circles around his eyes. My heart pinches, because I know he’s hurting. Steph did a number on him and I don’t want to beat him up over this, not when he’s so down.
“I know…I slept with Chelsea, and I’m one hundred percent sure she thought I was you.” He groans and I shake my head. I can’t believe the giggling I heard last night was Chelsea, in bed with my best friend. I went with the theory that Linc had some girl on speakerphone, or that he was watching porn on his phone. I had no idea there was an actual girl in my room. What the hell was she thinking? Oh, probably that by sleeping with her again, I’d remember how good we were together, and ask her to marry me? But we weren’t good together. Ever. Not like Maize and I are. Fuck, why isn’t she answering me?
“I went with it anyway.” He rubs at his sleepy eyes. “Hey, I did say I’d run interference, didn’t I?” He grins, but it looks more like a cringe. “That’s really taking one for the team.”
“She must have known it was you come morning, right?” I ask and pace to my window to look out, check to make sure her car isn’t on the street and she’s still lurking somewhere in this house. My search comes up empty. “I can’t have her thinking it was me.”
“Yeah, she left quickly. Probably got one look at this handsome face,” he says and scrubs his chin. “And bolted after she realized she wasn’t in bed with you.”
“You sure?” Nervousness swells inside me.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” He reaches for his phone. “Christ, I can ask her if you want.”
I give a hard shake of my head as Linc looks at me through one eye, like it’s too painful to open both with a hangover. “Let’s just let it be. If she comes around, we’ll talk about it.” I check my phone again. Why the hell isn’t Maize responding? She better not be out with that Ryan Reynolds lookalike. I take a couple fast breaths to calm myself down. I really didn’t like the way he touched her the day I dropped her off. It makes me wonder if he’s been in love with the girl next door all this time. “I thought she went home last night.”
He pokes the mattress. “Nope, she was in this bed waiting to play hide the sausage.” He shrugs. “There’s a chance she knew it was me from the beginning, though. Maybe she heard you tell me to grab a room, and snuck up here first.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I need coffee. Lots of it.”
“Okay, come on.” Since we’re the same size, and I doubt he wants to climb back into his formal wear, I go to my closet and grab him a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
He dresses and we head down to the kitchen and I find Dad sitting there reading the paper. He sets it down as we enter. “Good morning, son, Linc. Did you boys have a nice time last night?”
“Yeah, great night,” I say. “How about you?”
“I always enjoy our annual Christmas party.” He eyes Linc, and chuckles. “I think perhaps someone enjoyed it a bit too much.”
“It’s the tequila, it’ll get you every time,” Linc says with a laugh.
Dad takes a drink of coffee, and I notice the half empty cup in front of Mom’s chair. I’m about to ask where she is, when she comes back into the room, her cell phone in her hand.
“Christian, I think it’s a good time we had a talk, don’t you?”
I stare at my mother and try to figure out what she’s getting at but I’m so preoccupied, my mind on Maize’s radio silence, on Linc sleeping in my bed with Chelsea, I can’t comprehend her words. I arch a brow, and pour two mugs of coffee handing one to Linc, who looks like death as he drops down into one of the spare seats.
I toss a cube of sugar into my cup, and look at Mom. “What are you talking about?”
“This girl you mentioned last night.” She gives me a big smile. “Tell me, who are her parents, and what do they do for a living.”
“You don’t know them, and why does it matter what they do for a living?” It’s a stupid question, one I already know the answer to. Mom has always been a social climber, and I’m expected to be with someone from our circle.
She arches a curious brow, and lifts the basket of muffins from the middle of the table and holds it out to Linc. Linc takes one and casts me a glance. Worry dances in his eyes. Yeah, he knows what my mother is like and that she won’t be happy when she finds out I’m with someone like Maize, someone without the right pedigree. Although, am I really with her? She’s not even answering my text. Another wave of anxiety races through my blood.
A horrible thought hits me like a sucker punch. Now that she’s had her interview with Dean Saunders, and has his stamp of approval, and that he’s even going to see about internships for her, maybe she doesn’t need to hang out with me anymore. I quickly strike that thought. She is not that girl. I might have run across plenty of them in life, but she’s not like that. She’s honest and caring, and…and why isn’t she answering me?
“You don’t know her, Mom. She goes to Kingston.”
“Oh, a Kingston college girl.” She claps her hands. “Where is she from?”
Dad ruffles his papers, obviously annoyed with my mother’s prying. “What we should be asking is if he’s qualified for a job if he gets injured in the NFL.”
And just like that, I’m pissed off. Nothing will ever be good enough for him, not even football. If I had followed in his footsteps, maybe I’d be worthy of his attention. Getting into the NFL is hard fucking work, but I’m not going to rehash that old argument with them again. Sometimes I wonder if the fact that I chose sports over law is why he dislikes me and my choices. Maybe he simply never wanted me.
“Yes, I’m qualified for work,” I say through clenched teeth.
My mother pinches her lips tight, and I grab her mug and refill it with coffee—she looks like she needs it. She drops sugar into it, and Linc blinks in agony as the spoon clinks against the side of the mug.
“I’d just like to know more about the girl my son is interested in,” Mom says, clearly annoyed. “By the way, Christian. Evelyn Jackson called this morning and she said Katherine was quite smitten with you.”
“Katherine and I are friends.” I take a sip of coffee. “Nothing more.”
Mom takes a bite of muffin and goes quiet as she chews. She finishes and says, “Yes, well, maybe you shouldn’t have led her on, then. You were spending an awful lot of time with her.”
Jesus, I can’t catch a break here.
“I wasn’t leading her on. We were talking.”
Linc checks his watch. “Christian, we have to bounce. We have that thing.”
“You have a thing?” Mom asks and wipes the corners of her mouth with her cloth napkin.
<
br /> “At the country club,” Linc says, and Mom’s eyes widen.
“I didn’t hear of any event at the country club.”
“It’s like a reunion thing, for Sweetwater kids. Nothing big.” As Linc struggles, I just shake my head. He’s trying to save me, but like me, he’s not very good at lying.
“Oh, have fun then.” We both stand and Mom frowns at our clothes. “Wait, you’re not going dressed like that, are you?”
I glance at my jeans and T-shirt, a complete contrast to what I was wearing last night. I’m much more comfortable this way.
“It’s just casual,” I say with a shrug and before she can ask any more questions, Linc and I hurry out of the room. When we reach the front door, I fish my keys from my pocket and grin at him.
“A thing?” I slap him on the back. “Good one, bud.”
“Give me a break. My fucking head is throbbing, and my brain isn’t firing properly.” His gaze drops as I check my phone again.
“Still nothing, huh?”
I shove my phone into my pocket. “Nothing.”
“Want to pay her a visit? Make sure she’s okay?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t want to just show up. She didn’t want me to meet her mother, and what if I show up at her door and she’s done with me?”
“Why would she be done with you, Christian? Did she do or say anything to make you think it was over?” I stare at him for a second, and his shoulders fall, no doubt thinking what I’m thinking, but don’t want to put into words. Steph gave Linc no indication there was trouble in their relationship. He gives a heavy sigh. “Never mind.”
I shade the sun from my eyes and glance around. “Maybe we can do a drive-by. Just to make sure nothing is out of the ordinary. Maybe there was an accident or something.”
“Good plan.”
We head to my Jeep and both jump in. I drive through the streets, go past the mall and the quaint coffee shops, and keep my eye out for her. Maybe she’s doing some last-minute shopping. My search comes up empty and I head to the other side of town, and slow when we reach Maize’s place. The curtains are all drawn, preventing me from seeing inside. I don’t know if that’s their normal or not, since she wouldn’t let me drop her off at her place, and I’ve only ever been here at night, to sneak into her room.
I stop the car, and stare, and that’s when I see her friend Ryan exiting his house. He turns my way, glares, and starts coming toward me, his pace fast, determined. As he gets closer, I note the tightness in his jaw, the way his hands are clenched and I instantly know something isn’t right.
“What the fuck is his problem?” Linc asks.
“I don’t know.” I unbuckle and get out of the car, and Ryan keeps on coming until he’s right up in my face.
His eyes are hard, unwavering when he asks, “What the fuck are you doing here, douchebag?”
Alrighty then. This guy clearly doesn’t like me, and that’s okay, I don’t like him much either.
“It’s none of your fucking business.”
Linc gets out of the car, but Ryan doesn’t take his eyes off me.
“You good, Christian?”
“I’m good.”
Ryan laughs. “Like fuck you’re good, and it is my business. Maize is one of my best friends, and she deserves better than you. I knew you were a dick back in high school, and once a dick, always a dick. Why don’t you get back in your fancy Jeep and drive back to wherever the fuck you came from.”
I have no idea what’s up his ass, and at the moment I don’t care. I just want to talk to Maize. I take a deep breath to keep my shit together, turn toward the house in time to see a curtain flutter.
“Is she inside?”
“She doesn’t want to see you.”
I glare at him. “You don’t fucking know that.”
He snorts. “Ask her.”
I push past him and head toward the house, but the second I reach her steps, my phone pings, and I read the message from Maize.
* * *
Please go.
* * *
I stand there for a long time, just staring at my phone. It’s crazy how two simple words have the ability to wrap around my heart and tear it clear from my chest. But this can’t be right. It just can’t be. We had a good thing. A great thing.
The best thing.
I have no idea how many minutes pass as I stand there on rubbery legs, my brain racing, but the next thing I know, a hand lands on my shoulder. I flinch, ready to turn and punch Ryan square in the face, when I find Linc standing there, the solemn look on his face hitting me over the head with a reality stick.
“Christian we need to go.”
I turn, and the world blurs around me as Linc hops into the driver’s seat. Walking on numb legs while Ryan continues to curse me out, I slide into the passenger seat, my lungs so tight, it’s hard to breathe.
Ryan walks toward Maize’s front door, and I reach for the handle, the sight filling me with blind rage. Linc grabs my arm to stop me.
“Don’t make this worse,” he says, and a good five seconds pass before I let the handle go, and nod.
“Get me out of here.”
Linc backs out of the driveway, and heads toward home. “Where to?”
“Fuck,” I swear and rake my hands through my hair. I grab my phone again and stare at her message. “I have no idea what’s going on.”
“Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.”
I rub at the back of my neck, a headache brewing. “Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry you do.”
He scoffs. “What a team we make. Want to hit up the bar, get shit-faced?”
“I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do.”
“Maybe a hot girl will help you get your mind off Maize.”
“Did it work for you?”
He casts me a fast glance. “Only temporarily, but maybe that’s what you need.”
“Yeah…maybe.”
26
Maize
With the late morning sun shining down on me, I wave goodbye to Mom as she stands at the door, with the promise that I’ll be back right after spring finals. It’s hard to leave, considering I haven’t been home for long, but it’s necessary. I slide into the passenger seat and glance at Kaitlyn. Her eyes are a bit heavy, dark smudges beneath them, and she’s still rather pale.
“You don’t have to come back with me.”
She holds a finger up. “One, you’re my best friend and I’m not letting you take a bus, so yeah, I do.” A second finger joins the first. “Two, if he’s there, I don’t want you fucking facing him alone.” A third finger joins the mix. “And three, I am done with all the food and family, and a million questions about my life. I just want to crawl into my own bed and sleep for two days.”
I buckle up as she tightens her ponytail. “Are you sure you shouldn’t go to the doctor?”
“I will, when we get back to campus. If I go here, Mom will freak out and make me take six million vitamins.”
I laugh at that, even though inside I’m dead. My mind drifts to Christian, to the way he took care of me when I was down and out. He didn’t fill me with vitamins, but he did make sure I had plenty to eat, took me to my appointments and paid my bills and expenses, which I plan to pay back, every last cent. With everything he’s done for me, I honestly wouldn’t have believed a word Chelsea said if I hadn’t seen the two of them in his bed with my own eyes.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
I’ve cried enough, and I refuse to shed one more tear for a guy who could do that to me. I’m not sure why he bothered to come to my house Christmas eve. Maybe it was for one last ‘other side of the tracks hook-up’ before he announced he was with Chelsea. Anyway, none of that matters anymore, and there was no salvaging Christmas at that point.
I tried. I really did. But it was a struggle to put on a happy face Christmas morning in front of my Mom, and when I broke the news I was leaving today, she accepted it without question. She’s smart enough to realize someth
ing is going on with me, and I appreciate her not pressing for information. But I wanted to get back early, before Christian, so I can clear the last of my things from his place and leave the key behind. I sit back and listen to the radio, and Kaitlyn casts me a glance.
“I’m here if you want to talk.” Her voice is low, soft, concerned.
“I know. I think I would just rather forget.” I pucker my lips. “I want to concentrate on school, and Harvard, and I’ll need to find a part-time job when we get back.”
“Okay, think about those things then.” She turns the radio up, and we hit the highway. I let my eyes fall shut, but every time I do, all I can see are images of Christian.
Christian coming to the rescue after he injured me.
Christian carrying me up and down the stairs.
Christian touching me in the most amazing ways.
Christian sleeping with Chelsea.
A groan crawls out of my throat, and when I sense Kaitlyn checking in on me, I open my eyes, and turn my head to stare out the passenger side window. I focus on the trees and signs, anything to keep my thoughts from returning to him.
Kaitlyn makes a retching sound and I turn to her as she puts her mouth to the crook of her elbow. I sit up a little straighter, take in her paleness.
“Maybe I should drive,” I say. I’m sad, but I’m not physically ill like her.
She takes a couple of breaths and shakes her head. “It’ll pass. It always does. My God, I don’t know what kind of bug I picked up. If I ate something bad, you’d think it would have been out of my system by now.”
“Sometimes people get sick on vacation. The body needs to shut down and reboot. You’ve been working really hard, and competing non-stop. Maybe that’s what’s going on.”
“Maybe, and it is true. I have been pushing myself.”
“Either that or you’re pregnant,” I joke, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, her eyes pop open, and my pulse jumps.
