by Ellen Devlin
She sat down next to him. She was shaking slightly as she held his hands in hers and took a deep breath.
He didn’t look at her.
“I love my friends,” she started.
He shook his head, scowling, and started to get up, not interested in hearing the same thing again.
She gripped his hands tightly and said, “Please.”
He sat, still not looking at her, but not leaving.
She took another breath. “But I am so very much in love with you.” After that the words flowed from her easily, as if that phrase had been the one that had been painfully lodged high in her chest. “I don’t want to taste another man’s kiss on my lips; I don’t want to feel another man’s hands on my body; and I don’t want another man in my bed. I am sorry if you have ever doubted that.”
She held his hands gently for a moment more, took one more breath, and let them go.
Tom stood without a word, without looking at her, turned and walked toward the door. She didn’t turn to watch him but winced as she heard the sound of his key to her apartment hitting the counter.
And then he walked out.
When the door shut behind him, Liz put her face in her hands and sobbed.
Chapter Eighteen
There was a home game the next night. Liz turned on the TV to watch and then turned it off, because it was painful to watch Tom play. And then turned it back on again, because it was more painful not to watch. She had been watching every Guards game she could for practically as long as she could remember.
It was not a pretty game. Even their goalie was having an off night, and the game was getting out of hand pretty early on, going into the first intermission with the Guardians down three-nothing. They rallied, but not enough to win, and the final score was a five-three loss. Ugly game. Tom played badly, but since a lot of the guys did, there was nothing in particular that would indicate his play was being affected by their breakup.
The phone rang, and she saw it was Zee calling. She should have expected it, after the shitty performance, but it still caught her unprepared, and she wasn’t ready to be cheerful. But knowing that he would be much more concerned if she didn’t answer the phone, she took the call.
“Hey, did you see that travesty?”
“I did. That wasn’t pretty. I’m sorry.”
“Please tell me you have something funny.”
She paused. “Not so much. I’m sorry, sweetie. I should have been thinking about it during the game to come up with something, but I didn’t.” There was a long pause. “Zee?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just been one of those days, you know? Even I have them once in a while.” She tried to sound lighthearted, but it wasn’t working, and she knew it.
“No. Sorry, that’s not right. I’m coming over.”
“No, Zee, wait, I…” The phone had disconnected. “Shit.” She tried calling him back, but he didn’t pick up, so she texted him.
Liz: I’m fine, really. Don’t worry. You don’t have to come over.
She got back:
Zee: shut up
Liz got up and at least went to put on clothes that looked like she wasn’t depressed—Zee didn’t need to see her sitting around in her pajamas—and washed her face and waited for him to get there.
***
Tom heard the call start. “Hey, did you see that travesty?”
He should have known and expected it, but he hadn’t thought this far. He hurried to get out of there, not wanting to hear more. He was already pissed off enough.
“Please tell me that you have something funny.”
Shut the fuck up, you asshole.
“Are you okay?”
Every muscle tensed.
“No. Sorry, that’s not right. I’m coming over.”
Motherfucker.
“Motherfucker!” There was nothing in his immediate vicinity that he could punch without risking breaking his hand, and he wasn’t so far gone as to ignore that.
He looked up to see Chris looking at him with concern. Chris had as shitty a game as everyone else, but Tom appeared to be the only guy at risk of harming himself or others.
Tom got himself out of the locker room as quickly as possible. It didn’t make him feel any better to find out he was right. Zee was going over there tonight; God knows who it would be tomorrow.
Focus on work.
***
When she opened the door for him, Zee was standing there holding a small grocery bag. “I brought ice cream. Coffee flavor.” Liz smiled as he walked in, but her face crumbled a bit, and he put the bag on the counter and pulled her into a hug. “Do you want to talk about whatever it is?”
“Nope. Not even a little.” Her voice broke, and he squeezed her tighter. “You don’t have to do this, Zee.”
“I had a shit day. Shut the fuck up and let me be a hero for a few minutes, okay?”
She laughed a little and returned his hug. “Thank you.”
They sat on the couch for a while, eating ice cream and not talking about anything important.
“I’m feeling better. Ice cream is an amazing cure-all.” Liz turned and looked at Zee. “Thank you, sweetie. Really. You were a hero tonight. Not just ice cream, but coffee ice cream.” She put her hand over her heart.
He smiled. “You know you can talk to me, right? I mean, I know we’re usually goofing around, but I’ve talked to you about serious things before. You’re always there for me, Liz. Please, let me be there for you too.”
Blinking a bit too much, eyes a bit bright, she said, “I know. This is just something I need to deal with on my own right now. Every once in a while I feel the need for a bit of a pity party. I’ve been overdue. I’ll be okay in a few days, I promise. Thank you.”
Zee hugged her with squashing force, making her laugh, and they said good night.
***
“Paige, I need to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Sure, Liz, what’s up?”
Liz had been dreading making this phone call, but after the way that her relationship with Tom had started in secrecy, she could not keep Paige in the dark that it had ended, or was at least on hiatus. “So Tom and I are taking a break.”
“What? No! What happened? Are you all right?”
“I’ll be all right. I’m really sad, but he needed to be focused on work, and things between us were becoming a distraction from that. With the playoffs coming up, it just wasn’t the right time to try to keep something going.”
“I’m so sorry. Shit! When did this happen?”
“Two days ago. I didn’t want to wait to tell you, but I really didn’t feel like talking about it yesterday. I don’t know if he’s even going to say anything to Chris. I’m sure he won’t say anything to anyone else. The whole point of this is to eliminate distractions; bringing this up would negate that.”
“So is this a break? Are you guys going to get back together after the playoffs?”
Liz paused before answering, and Paige heard her breathe in.
“He said he didn’t know, but I don’t think so.” Her voice wavered, and Paige could tell she was starting to cry. “He’s back to his life, and I’m back to mine. It was fun, though. And I don’t regret it for a minute.” Another pause. “But I’m really fucking sad right now, Paige.”
Paige was crying too. “Damn it. Should I have Chris talk to Micky?”
“No!” Liz’s response was immediate. “No, absolutely not. There’s no way I want to screw around with his career. They need to be focused on the playoffs.” She laughed a little. “Not on whether I’m particularly weepy today. I’ll be okay, Paige, I promise.”
***
The end of the season was a disappointment. The Guardians had been unable to get out of the second round of the playoffs again, despite having excellent talent and coaching, and they were knocked out in Game Seven. It was difficult to swallow for the players, the coaches, and the fans. And the players had to deal with listenin
g to, or trying to ignore, the inevitable media and fan complaints and insults.
Zee had been in touch with Liz often enough after the night he brought her ice cream to notice that Tom never seemed to be around or mentioned. Not that he had been often before, it had always been a weird relationship between the two of them, and he had never really understood what was going on or why Liz put up with it, for that matter. But after the season ended, Zee just asked her flat out one day. “So you’re not with Micky anymore, are you.” He said it more as a statement than a question.
Liz looked surprised at the topic but answered very simply, “No. We’re not together.”
Zee looked at her, waiting for more, then shook his head. “That’s the night I came over. God damn it, Liz, why didn’t you tell me?” He held up his hand. “Don’t answer that. I know why you didn’t tell me. And you were right not to, which pisses me off, just for the record.”
Liz looked at him and smiled. They had been such good friends for so long.
Zee continued. “Okay, so to make up for that, let me set you up.” Liz laughed out loud. “No, seriously!” He had a big grin on his face. “It will be fun.”
“No! No, you are very sweet, Zee, but no. Thank you, though.”
“Crap.” He looked at her. “Are you sure? I’ve got a few in mind…”
“No!” She was still laughing. “But please believe me, I appreciate the offer. I’d just…rather not. Not yet. Not right now.”
“Okay. But we are going out dancing. Tonight. Right now. Grab your stuff. We’re going.” She registered what he was saying with shock and then realized it sounded like a hell of a lot of fun, and fun was something that had been missing for a while.
“That sounds awesome. Give me five minutes.” Zee’s eyes went wide with shock. He had expected to have to cajole her, and possibly physically carry her out to his jeep, but this was much better.
They both called and texted a few friends and ended up with a small but boisterous group. There was drinking and dancing. Zee was her ride, so Liz had quite a few, and danced with everyone, and by herself, and with Zee, and with several other guys she knew, and several she didn’t, and generally had a hell of a lot of fun.
It was nice to forget being lonely for a little while, and it was also nice to not worry about jealousy or anger from a guy who didn’t even want to meet her friends. And yeah, the attention was gratifying. No doubt about it. Maybe she would have Zee set her up. But that’s probably a decision I should make sober.
When Zee took her home, she hugged him fiercely, and thanked him. “You have no idea how much I needed that. Truly a hero tonight, Zee.”
“You know I love you. I hate to see you sad.” He squeezed her and then lightened up the mood. “Because if you’re sad I’ve got no one to cheer me up. That’s your job, woman. Get back to work, already!”
She laughed, kissed him on the cheek, and went into her apartment.
***
As Tom was rolling up to Chris’s house, he saw Paige getting into the back of a Jeep Wrangler that had its top and sides off. The Jeep was facing away from him but looked familiar, and as he got closer, he recognized it as belonging to Zee. He was pulling up as they were pulling away.
The woman in the front seat with Zee, wearing shorts, with her feet propped up on the dashboard, her hair in a ponytail, and her head back in what appeared to be laughter, could only be Liz. It didn’t appear anyone in the Jeep had noticed his arrival, and they were around the corner by the time he parked. He got a good look at Liz as the Jeep turned right, and his body reacted. His chest tightened, his gut tightened, and he started getting angry. He also felt a surge of arousal, which just fed the anger.
Chris was coming out the front door to meet him. Tom asked, “Where’s Paige going with that idiot?”
Chris looked at him curiously. “Hey, Micky. Nice to see you too. And don’t you mean, where are Paige and Liz going with that idiot?”
“Sure. Whatever.”
Chris shook his head. “They’re going to some festival or another. Folk Life, or some such nonsense. I have zero interest, but Paige and Liz like it, and apparently Zee thinks it’s a great place to meet women.” He laughed. “Which is probably true, because Paige and Liz like it and I have zero interest.”
“Yeah, and if he doesn’t meet someone, he’s got Plan B in the car.”
Chris looked surprised, wondering if he misheard, misunderstood, or if Tom was trying to make a joke. He decided to just let it go.
“So, ready to head to the batting cage?” Chris looked over at Tom and realized he was still looking off in the direction the Jeep had gone and had a scowl on his face. “Micky.”
“Yeah.” Tom turned. “I’m kinda not feeling it.”
Chris shook his head again. “Okay, man, we gotta get you out of your head. Running?” Tom said no. “We could probably find some ice time.”
“No, man, I’m sorry. I’m in a shit mood.”
Smiling, Chris said, “I got it. Get in the car.” Tom started to protest, and Chris said, “Shut the fuck up and get in the car.”
When they pulled up outside of a boxing gym, Tom actually smiled. “Okay, Becks. That’s a fucking good idea.”
They spent the next several hours there, using the equipment, talking with the trainers and the boxers, and Tom spent a great deal of time taking out his frustration on a heavy bag. When they left, they were sweaty, tired, sore, and Tom was in a much better mood. “Man, there’s nothing like beating the shit out of something to make a guy feel better. I might have to join that place.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty great gym. I have only been a few times, but it can definitely take the edge off.” He turned to Tom. “You okay, Micky? I expect you to be tense as hell in the locker room during the season, but usually you’re a pretty easy-going guy in the off season. This seems a little out of character.”
Tom looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“I’m not trying to pry, man. Shit, if I was acting all weird and tense when I’m usually not, I hope you would ask me what the hell is going on.”
Tom relaxed a little. “Sorry, Becks. Sometimes it just seems like same shit, different day, and it gets old, you know?”
Chris nodded. He really didn’t understand what Tom was talking about but didn’t want to pry any further. No use undoing all of the de-stressing they just did.
Chapter Nineteen
It was the time of year again for the pool party. Liz was there, talking with folks, being introduced by Chris and Paige to some of the new players that had already arrived in town. She hadn’t heard from Tom since he had walked out of her apartment. After the season had ended, she thought maybe he would call. When he didn’t, she briefly considered trying to contact him but decided to leave well enough alone. She had told him her feelings. There really wasn’t a whole lot more to say beyond that. Maybe they would be able to be friends again, eventually.
Zee was already throwing kids in the water. Paige had just gone into the house to deal with food things, and Liz was watching the fun in the pool with a small smile on her face. She didn’t see Tom walk up to her and was startled when he spoke.
“You’re wearing a white t-shirt, so I guess he couldn’t throw you in with all the kids around.”
She spun around, and her breath caught, and her heart sped up. He was clean shaven, and she wanted to reach out and touch his cheek.
“Hi.”
“So does that mean he just waits until the kids go home and then throws you in?” He sounded rather bitter.
Liz looked and felt confused and a little nervous. Is he trying to make a joke?
“How have you been?”
“Have you met the new trades yet?”
“A few of them.”
“I was just wondering if you had picked out your consort for next season.”
Liz recoiled as if he had slapped her. She was reeling and completely at a loss for words, totally blindsided. “I…” She simply didn’t know what
to do. “I’m sorry, I have someplace to be.”
She walked toward the house, picked up her purse, and left. After she drove around the corner, she pulled over again and completely broke down, sobbing. She tried to pull herself together and texted Paige.
Liz: Sorry, got called into work. Crazy. Didn’t see you and had to leave. Have fun!
She sat for a few more minutes to make sure she was okay to drive and then went back to her apartment.
It wasn’t like her to run away like that. But then again, that interaction had been so…wrong. It had almost been scary, like there was a different person wearing the face of someone that she loved. She had seen him incredibly angry and never been afraid.
But this had shaken her and hurt her feelings beyond what she thought possible, and she felt awful.
Chapter Twenty
“I’m so bummed that Liz got called into work. I was hoping the four of us could hang out together for a little while.” Paige joined Chris and Tom in the kitchen. The party had ended, and the three of them were lingering. “It must be a big project; I don’t remember Jason ever calling her in on a weekend before.”
“It’s probably just as well,” Tom said. He sounded gruff.
“Really? Damn. I was hoping you guys were friends. Micky, can I ask what happened between the two of you? You seemed really happy. And I know that she would want to be friends with you still.”
“Yeah, well, that would be part of the problem, wouldn’t it? It’s really easy to get sick of all of the old boyfriends and other guys,” he said brusquely.
Chris and Paige both looked confused. “Other guys?” asked Paige. “You mean like Zee? Or friends from college? I’m not trying to be a pain in the ass, Micky, I just don’t understand. Are there guys I don’t know about? This doesn’t sound like her.”
