by Ellen Devlin
“Right?”
Liz put her hand back up to cover her mouth, and her eyes got wide. And then she laughed. “Holy shit, Paige.” She sat back in her chair and looked at Paige. “The hottest, most amazing man I have ever imagined in my entire life is completely in love with me. Holy. Shit.”
“So how does it feel now?”
“Fucking amazing.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
They had just arrived back at Liz’s apartment after dinner out with Chris and Paige.
“That was so much fun,” Liz said.
They had spent the entire evening talking and laughing. Chris and Tom had been in rare form, telling team stories that were actually fit for sharing, digging deep into the past from when they were much younger kids. The locker room pranks were just ridiculous.
“I haven’t laughed so much with them in a long time. Very therapeutic.”
Liz took off her jacket, draped herself on the couch, kicked off her shoes, and stretched out, taking up much more room than was necessary.
Tom stood looking at her quietly for a few minutes, just drinking in the sight of her. He was still wearing his jacket, his hands in the pockets. He looked at the shape of her face, the way her eyes always appeared as if she was just about to smile. He followed the contour of her neck and collarbone and looked at the spot just under her ear. That was where he breathed in her scent when he held her. Or her hair; he loved to smell her hair when he was holding her with her head tucked under his chin.
Liz said, “I promise I will make some room on the couch for you.” When he said nothing, she turned her head to look at him. “Tom? Are you okay?”
He said yes, but it didn’t sound quite right to her. “You haven’t taken your jacket off, and you’re still standing by the door.”
“Oh, sorry.” He took off his jacket and came over but sat rather stiffly at the other end of the couch.
Liz’s nerves were on edge by this point. Something was wrong.
“Please, Tom. You’re suddenly anxious as hell, and I don’t know why. I’m not sure what’s gone wrong in the last five minutes.”
“Nothing! Shit. Nothing is wrong, Liz.” Everything about him softened. “There is absolutely nothing wrong. Except possibly what I’m doing right now.”
She took a breath. “Okay. But you do realize that’s really confusing, right? I’ll take confusing over scary, don’t get me wrong,” she added with a smile.
Tom leaned back against the back of the couch. He looked at Liz, and with the half smile that melted her heart every time, he opened his hand. There was a small, well-worn box in his palm. Of the jewelry variety.
“I’m not doing this very well.”
“Oh.” Liz stared, her heart beating in weird patterns. She felt lightheaded. “But you’re so anxious. I don’t ever want there to be that much anxiety between us. About anything.” She looked at him. “Will it make a difference if I tell you that, if there’s a question attached to that tiny box, I am going to say yes?”
I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.
Tom smiled at her, saying, “That definitely helps.” He shook his head. “Liz, this is the strangest conversation I have ever had, and that is really saying something.” He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and said, “I am afraid you won’t like it.”
She blinked, trying to process this information. She moved closer to him, put her hand on his face, and stroked his beard. “All of this anxiety because you are worried I won’t like what’s in that tiny box?”
He nodded, closing his eyes.
“Tom, I am going to say yes. But this just means we don’t know each other quite well enough yet. When you know I will love it before I see it, that’s when we should do this.” She kissed him and then said, “Please tell me I haven’t just screwed up everything.”
Tom wrapped her up in his arms. “No, it’s all right. We’ll wait.” He backed up and looked at her. “But just for the record, a guy is supposed to be anxious during this. Nerves are part of the deal. Hell, I still get nervous before games.” He held her, stroked her hair, and kissed her on the top of the head. Then he pushed back again and looked at her. “Wasn’t Jimmy nervous?”
The question caught her so off guard that at first she had no idea what he was talking about. Once her brain caught up to the question, she answered rather cautiously. “Actually, he was. Terribly so.”
Tom smiled and said, “Tell me.”
Liz searched his face for signs of anger or jealousy.
He took her hand in his and said, “Liz, tell me. He was important to you.”
She blinked back tears and said, “It was stereotypical and so sweet. He took me to dinner at a very nice restaurant in Old Town, and then we went for a walk on the waterfront. I remember the weather was beautiful that night. He did the whole down-on-one-knee bit.” She laughed, reminiscing. “I was utterly shocked. I said yes, obviously. But he had been so insanely nervous and weird all day I’m pretty sure I said the phrase, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you, you idiot?’ at least once.”
Tom laughed, saying, “So apparently you insult all men who want to marry you. Good to know.” Then he said, “Tell me more. What did the ring look like?”
She smiled. “We were young and totally broke; we really couldn’t even afford to be going out to dinner at a restaurant that nice. The stone was from the ring from his mom’s first marriage—she had kept the diamond specifically to give to him. He had a jeweler set it into sterling silver. It was a simple setting, low, not super tall or anything. I’m not sure how to describe it. It looked like an engagement ring.”
“Do you still have it?”
Liz sighed. “No, after a while I gave it back to his mom. She said I should keep it, but I could see how much it meant to her. He was their only child.”
“Did you stay in touch with his parents?”
“I tried to, for a while. We had only met a few times before he died. He was from California, I grew up around here, and we met at college here. I only knew college and adult Jimmy. They knew child Jimmy and had barely had a chance to know him as an adult. It was like we didn’t even lose the same person when he died.” She looked at Tom. “I was never part of their family, not really. They tried. I tried. But ultimately, we needed to grieve separately. We slowly lost touch.”
Liz hugged Tom tight. “Thank you for asking about our engagement. I haven’t thought about that in forever. I’m not sure you know how much that means to me.” She sat back and looked at him. “I’m thinking that asking in return would not be a kindness, so I won’t pry into that. But I’m happy to listen if you’d like to talk. And you’re right—this is definitely one of the strangest nights of conversation I’ve ever had. And my bar for that is set pretty damn high.”
Tom surprised Liz by saying, “I bought Michelle the biggest ring I could afford when I graduated from Minnesota and started in the AHL. I had been a fifth-round pick for Montreal. She just heard ‘NHL draft pick’ and figured she was going to be the wife of a pro hockey player. But I started in the minors. Minor league players don’t make a whole lot of money. She seemed fine with that, at first, although it was pretty clear she was disappointed. I heard her on the phone one night with her friend saying, ‘…and once he gets called up to the NHL, I can get finally get a big ring.’”
Liz cringed.
“I wasn’t called up during my first season. I actually didn’t get a break until my third season, and I was lucky at that. But during that first season Michelle got tired of waiting and started sleeping with one of my teammates right after he got called up the first time, figuring the Lynx would bring him up permanently soon. Which they did. She got her NHL pro, her big ring, and two years later her big divorce after she found him sleeping with one of his many puck bunnies.” He looked at her. “I’m not even going to pretend I wasn’t viciously thrilled by that. Thank God he had already been traded to Tampa Bay by the time I was playing in Montreal. I don’t know what would ha
ve happened. I’m not sure I would have had a career.”
Liz sat back for a moment and stared at him and then got up and got them each a beer from the fridge. She handed one to him and took a big drink of her own.
“I feel like I just met an entire part of you I have been missing this whole time,” she said with a look of wonder on her face, taking another big drink. “Seriously, Tom. Holy crap. It’s like you just handed me the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, and I hadn’t even realized there was a piece missing.”
She finished her beer, chuckling to herself, and Tom said, “What?”
She looked at him, put her empty beer bottle on the floor, moved to stand in front of him, and took his beer from his hand. Drinking most of his beer too, she placed it on the side table and then very carefully and gently took the tiny jewelry box, which he still held in his hand, and placed it on the table as well. Then she straddled his lap and placed her arms around his neck.
“You.” She laughed. “You, Tom. My sweet, wonderful, jealous, possessive,” she started kissing him in between words, “suspicious, girlfriend-hiding, gorgeous,” the kisses were getting longer, “spikey with your teammates,” deep kiss, “smart, funny, talented,” lots of tongue, “hard-working, formal event hating,” he was beginning to forget what she was talking about, “passionate man,” she breathed against his mouth. She was feeling fuzzy and warm from drinking the beer so fast, and deliriously happy, almost giddy.
She leaned close to his ear. “I think I finally understand, Tom McCullin.”
Tom smiled and rubbed his beard and lips against her neck. He slipped his hands under her shirt, running them up her sides, stroking the sides of her breasts gently. Moving his lips to her ear, he asked, “What is it that you finally understand, Liz Williams?”
She pulled back and looked him in the eye. “That you’re mine.” His hands gripped her a bit more tightly in surprise at her answer.
“What?”
“You heard me, Tom. You’re mine.” She pressed a hard, searing, devouring kiss into him. “I love you so much it physically hurts sometimes.” She moved closer, pressing her chest against him, bringing their groins together. She felt his hardness and pushed into it, saying, “I want you so much it makes me crazy.”
He was breathing faster, and his heart was pounding.
“I’m yours, Tom, in every way. You know that. You’ve made me yours.” She bit his lower lip, “But I don’t think you understand that You. Are. Mine.” She laced her fingers through his hair, pressed into him, and kissed him hard, like she was trying to climb inside of him, and then sucking on his tongue, pulling it into her mouth. A consuming kiss that left him breathless.
“Someone can take from you what’s yours.” She held his face in her hands and looked him in his eyes. “No one can take me from you, Tom. Not because I’m yours. Because you’re mine.”
Tom felt something give way inside him that he didn’t know was there. Liz was still holding his face, looking at him, waiting.
When that barrier came down, she saw it. She saw it happen on his face, where he showed her everything even though he tried so hard to keep it all inside.
She smiled, and his hands gripped her tightly. “It’s a little scary, right?”
He didn’t say anything.
“It’s okay. In a few minutes this is going to feel un-fucking-believable. Because you’re stuck with me, McCullin.”
He started laughing. “Holy shit.”
“I know, right? Starting to feel awesome?”
He stared at her with an enormous grin on his face.
“This is how I started to feel after crying my eyes out with you. When I finally believed that this…” She kissed him, slow and sweet. “…is real.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Joe’s visit was fun. He was staying for a few days, so he was able to spend time together with Tom, and the two of them spent some time together with Chris. Liz took him to see a few sights in DC, as well.
“I’m giving you a pass on the zoo this time, because it’s February and the weather is gross. But next time you’re in DC I will make you go.” They had just entered the Udvar-Hazy Center of the National Air and Space Museum in Northern Virginia. “And bring Anita with you. She’s fun.”
“She definitely wants to come.” Joe turned toward Liz and asked, “How did you two coordinate this, anyway?”
Liz laughed. “You can’t possibly think that I would give away state secrets that easily.” She took his hand and pulled him past several exhibits and toward a special hall across from the entrance. The museum was enormous—it was an old airplane hangar—and was filled, literally top to bottom, with planes and other flying craft of all shapes and sizes, including the Enola Gay and the Blackbird, which Liz was pulling Joe past without looking.
“Hey, wait—the Blackbird…”
“Yes, I promise we’ll see that. But you have to see this first.” They entered the back hall, and Joe looked up to see the Space Shuttle Discovery. “Enterprise used to be here,” said Liz, “but when they retired the Space Shuttle program, Enterprise moved to another museum, and Discovery moved here. It was amazing. I have pictures from the day they flew it in on the back of a 747. They flew around DC a few times. We watched it fly over the White House twice.”
They walked slowly around the big craft, taking it in. “Enterprise was awesome, but this one…” She sighed. “Discovery has been to space. And back. Thirty-nine times.” She looked at Joe. “This. Right here. It’s not a model. Every part of this,” she gestured at the craft, “has been to space and back.”
Joe looked at the shuttle with definite awe but looked at Liz with curiosity, as well.
Liz turned to see him looking at her with a questioning expression. “What?” she asked, smiling. “We can go see the Blackbird now. It’s awesome too—broke a speed record getting here, by the way—but it hasn’t been in space.”
Joe chuckled, and Liz caught the hint of the family resemblance in the way he shook his head and laughed.
“Okay, I’m getting a better picture now.” He gave her a big hug. “Tommy tried to explain you and museums, but it didn’t translate. I had to see it in person.”
They strolled around, enjoying the museum, and then headed back so they had time to get ready to go to the game that evening. Liz dropped him off at her apartment and then headed over to Paige’s house to get changed. On impulse, she texted Tom—one red heart emoji. Nothing else.
In a few moments, she received a response.
Tom: I love you. See you tonight.
She laughed out loud.
Liz: Two full sentences, with punctuation. You certainly do love me.
The response she received was a string of emojis, including a heart, a kiss, and something that looked like a party horn celebration thing.
***
The game was great. Tom seemed tight in the first period, not playing as well as he usually did, but he loosened up as the game went on and got to take care of business for the team with some well-placed open-ice hits, one of which sent the Columbus Union player head over heels to the roar of the crowd at the arena. The game was a two-nothing win for the Guards.
Joe and Liz waited for Tom after the game. When Tom came out, Joe was right there, shaking his hand, hugging him, saying, “That was fucking awesome, Tommy!” Tom introduced him to his teammates as everyone was filtering out while the three of them were standing and talking.
Zee was one of the later guys out. Tom caught him by the arm and said, “Zee, man, this is my brother, Joe. Joe, this is one of Liz’s best friends, Zee.”
Zee managed to hide his surprise at the warm greeting and introduction, especially being identified specifically as a friend of Liz, as he shook Joe’s hand and said hello. Liz stood slightly behind Joe and smiled at Zee, eyes sparkling.
She came over and gave him a huge hug, saying, “Holy crap, you had a great game!” Zee had scored one of the two goals and assisted on the other one. He laughed and p
icked her up, spinning her around, and then looked over at Tom…and saw Tom grinning.
Zee put Liz down, looked at her, looked at Tom, looked back at her, and said, “What the fuck have I missed here?”
Tom slapped him on the shoulder, put his arm around Liz, and said, “Not a damn thing. We’re going out for drinks. Want to join us?” Joe, not sure what was going on with this interaction, simply watched to see what would happen next.
“Sure. Why the hell not? I’m having a good night. I’m going to roll the dice that you’re not plotting my untimely demise.”
Tom laughed out loud, causing another look of confusion from Zee to Liz, and they decided where to meet for drinks.
***
Zee arrived a few minutes after the rest of them and joined Joe on one side of a booth at the bar.
“Micky, I’ve gotta know. What happened at the end of the first between you and Simmons?” He turned to Joe to explain. “The last time Micky had a run in with Simmons in a game last season, he ended up with a game misconduct call. I don’t know what happened then, either. But this time, something happened. Simmons looks pissed and Micky here is skating like he owns the place.”
Tom grinned.
“You gotta share.”
“Simmons is an asshole. And he knows guys I used to play with. He heard I was seeing someone, and in that game last season, he was chirping at me all night about how he heard I had found a puck bunny, how he was going to have to meet her, how he knew I liked to share. So when I had the flimsiest excuse in the game, I attempted to put him in the hospital.”
Liz was looking at him in horror. “Oh shit, Tom! Did he know…was he a teammate…shit, I’m sorry!”
“Not your fault, and yes, he was someone who knew what happened.”
Zee blessedly let this go without asking for details. Tom was talking about this without anger. He looked, from what any of them could tell, completely relaxed. No one wanted to break this spell.
