by Nina Levine
“Baby, do you think you can narrow it down some more? Like to say, one?” I asked.
She scowled at me. “I knew you shouldn’t have come with me. You have absolutely no patience.”
“I have a lot of patience, but you’ve been trying to decide between these for an hour now.”
“Well, I want to get it right, J,” she muttered, throwing me a dirty look.
“Okay, how about this; if you pick one and hate it after we’ve painted, we can always paint it again.”
Her eyes widened. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”
“No. So let’s pick one and get out of here.”
A pained look appeared on her face. “I really like two of them.” She held up two and showed me. “Which one do you like?”
I grabbed them out of her hand and inspected them. “This one,” I said, holding up the one I preferred. Fuck, why did women take so long to choose? I did it in three seconds flat.
She snatched them back out of my grasp, shaking her head. “You didn’t even look at them, J.”
“I did, babe. It’s not fucking rocket science.”
She gave me a pointed look. “You have no idea.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m going to go outside and wait for you in the car. You reckon you can be done in five minutes?”
“I’ll be as long as it takes. And you won’t complain if you want more of what I gave you this morning.”
Christ, she had me by the fucking balls. She’d given me the best goddamn head job this morning and I fucking needed more of that shit. “I’ll be in the car, but hurry the fuck up because now all I can think of is your mouth and my cock.” I leaned into her and promised, “I’ll blow your fucking mind when we get home if you’re done in five minutes.”
As I pulled away from her, she curled her hand around my neck to bring me back to her, and murmured, “Baby, you always blow my mind, so there’s no need for me to hurry.”
I shook my head. “Fuck, we’re gonna be here for another hour, aren’t we?”
She held up a paint chip. “This one, J. And I’m not doing any of the work when you blow my mind. This one’s all on you.”
I grabbed the chip out of her hand and headed towards the paint counter. My cock was so hard right now and I figured I could have her under me within fifteen minutes if the dude at the counter hurried his shit up.
★★★
Five hours later, Madison stood surveying the newly painted wall in our lounge room. The look on her face said it all. Finally, she turned to me with a grimace. “I don’t like it.”
I slowly nodded my head. “Yeah, I can tell.”
“I’m sorry.”
“All good, babe. You think the other colour would be better?”
“Yes, this one is too dark for the room. I thought it would be okay, but now I think the other colour won’t be so dark. Do you mind if we repaint it? I know I’m being a pain.”
I smirked at her. “Can I have that in writing? The bit about you being a pain.”
She poked her tongue out at me, and I moved closer to her so I could pull her to me. Lowering my face to hers, I lightly kissed her lips and then said, “You would bore me to tears if you weren’t you. I fucking dreamt of your pain in the ass ways while I was away.”
I knew I’d said the right thing when she flashed a huge smile at me and replied, “That’s biker talk for ‘I love you’, isn’t it?”
I smacked her on the ass. “Yeah, sweetheart. Now, let’s clean this shit up in here. I’ll go to the hardware tomorrow and pick up the other paint. That okay with you?”
“That’s great. Thank you.”
She blasted me with another smile before she started cleaning up. Guilt sliced through me as I thought of the stuff I was keeping from her, about her father and what I’d done in Adelaide. This type of shit never bothered me before; I’d never had a problem separating club stuff and Madison, but for some reason, it was always on my mind now. As was the guilt that went with it.
“On second thoughts, I’ll clean this up. You go and have a shower. I’m taking you out tonight,” I said, and she continued blasting me with that smile before finally leaving me to clean up and stew on my guilt.
★★★
“J, what movie do you want to see tonight?” Madison called out from the bedroom a couple of hours later.
I was in the lounge room watching the television and it irritated the fuck out of me when she yelled through the house, so I got up and walked into the bedroom before I answered her. She was lying across the bed with the laptop open, and greeted me with a smile.
“Babe, I fucking hate it when you do that,” I said. I wasn’t sure why I bothered though because I’d told her this enough times in the past for her to know it.
“Sorry, I’ll try to remember that,” she said with a sly look on her face.
Shaking my head, I muttered, “Yeah, I’m sure you will.”
“So, which movie?”
“I don’t even know what’s on at the moment. Just pick an action flick cause we both like those.”
“But there’s that new one with Julia Roberts in it, the romantic comedy. It looks good.”
My gaze travelled along her body, taking in the tight denim shorts she was wearing and her long legs they showed off. I’d rather be tortured with this sight all night, with no hope of getting those shorts off her, than watch a fucking romantic comedy. “Swear to God, Madison, you mention the words romantic comedy, and my fucking dick shrivels up.”
She rolled off the bed and came to me, reaching one hand out to rub against my crotch. “J, your dick could never shrivel up. It was built to last forever. Why do you think I’m with you?”
Her touch was sending my dick crazy. It always fucking had. “Babe.” I pinned her with a serious look. “You keep doing that and we’re not making it to the movies tonight.”
She stopped what she was doing but held my gaze. Her lips parted and her tongue ran over her lips. My eyes dropped to her lips and my breathing became uneven. After a moment, I looked back up to her face; it was flushed with desire and that sent a jolt of electricity through me. Straight to my already hard as fucking steel dick.
Her hands moved to my jeans and popped the button. And again, she stopped and watched me. I waited to see what she had in mind; this was becoming more enjoyable by the second, much more enjoyable than going to the movies, as far as I was concerned.
She reached down to her shorts, undid the button and then slowly slid the zip down. I watched as she pushed her shorts down, as they slid down her legs, and finally as she stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. I took my time moving my gaze back up to her face, letting it stop for a long while on her panties. When I finally found her eyes again, she was staring intently at me, waiting.
Her hand flicked out and she pointed a finger at my jeans, indicating for them to be removed. I shook my head, and pointed back at her, indicating for her to remove them. We waited, and watched. The air sizzled with sexual anticipation and my dick strained against my jeans. I desperately wanted to rip both our fucking clothes off and get inside her, but this game was turning me way the fuck on, so I resisted.
A sexy smile crept onto her face, and she gently ran her hand through her hair, pushing it off her face.
And we waited.
Eventually, she reached out and unzipped my jeans. Slowly. So fucking slowly, her eyes never leaving mine.
When she had them unzipped, she pushed them down and I stepped out of them. I had nothing on underneath them so my cock was free for her to do with it as she wished. And, Christ, I hoped she had plans for it.
But, she decided to tease me a little while longer, and stepped back from me. With her eyes still on mine, she lazily moved her hands to her t-shirt and very fucking slowly, removed it. My gaze went straight to her tits. I needed that bra off. Like yesterday.
She pointed at my shirt. I knew exactly what she wanted and decided to give it to her. My shirt hit the floor three seconds la
ter. Our eyes locked. And we fucking waited.
I gave her about half a minute before I took charge. “Babe, that bra needs to come the fuck off. Now.”
“If you want the bra or the panties off, J, you’re going to have to make that happen.”
Oh, I’d fucking make that happen. I moved to her and with both hands, I ripped her panties off in one movement. Her eyes widened with a mixture of shock and excitement.
I raised my eyebrows. “You want me to take the bra off too?”
“You rip it, you pay for a new one. And, baby, these weren’t cheap,” she replied, that sexy smile in place.
I ripped it. Then I grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her to me. “Best fucking money I’ve spent all day,” I whispered in her ear.
We didn’t make it to the movies that night. Instead, I showed her how much I loved her pussy. And how much I loved her.
5
Madison
Later that week, I went to see my mother. She was at home and seemed surprised by my visit.
“Been awhile since you’ve been here,” she murmured as she let me in the house.
“Just came by to see that you’re alright,” I said. There was a distance between us, and I hated it. We’d always been close, until now. And I blamed my father for that.
“I’m fine. I wish you and your brother would start believing that.” Annoyance crept into her voice and her body language spoke volumes; this was getting her down.
I followed her into the kitchen, taking in the messy state her house was in. This was unlike her and was another giveaway that she wasn’t doing so good.
“Mum, how can you be okay? If I discovered that my husband had cheated on me throughout our marriage, and had another family, I’d be devastated and could never take him back. Add to that the fact he hits you…” I stopped because my emotions about this whole situation were getting to me; I was too damn mad about it and hurt for her.
She looked distressed at what I’d said but she quickly covered it. “I really don’t want to talk about this with you,” she snapped.
“Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“It’s no-one’s business, except mine and your fathers.”
“Bullshit!” I yelled.
She flinched at my outburst, but didn’t say a word.
“This affects our family, Mum. And damn it, I want to talk about it. I think there’s been enough silence on the topic. I’m sick of the secrets and lies.”
“I’ve tried to tell you that this lifestyle is full of fucking secrets and lies. It’s time you started listening to me.”
“Just because something’s been a certain way forever doesn’t mean it can’t be changed. I don’t expect everything to change, I get it, but this shit between you and Dad needs to be talked about. You need to talk; it must be eating you up inside. I know it would be eating away at me.”
“You and I are different people, Madison. I chose this way of living when I married your father. I knew what I was getting myself into. What you’ve got with J appears to be different. I hope for your sake it is because otherwise he and the club will fucking eat you alive.”
Fuck.
“So, you’re telling me that you knew Dad was going to cheat on you? And did he hit you before you married him?” I was so confused; I just could’t imagine marrying a man like that.
She went quiet and took a minute before answering. “He did cheat on me before we married.” She paused when she saw the look of disbelief cross my face. “You’ve got to understand that kind of thing was common; it still is in this life. You know that.”
“I might know that but there’s no way I’d ever marry a man who cheated on me, Mum.”
She nodded. “I know that. And that does make me happy. I just hope that J never goes there.”
“Well, if he does, he won’t have a dick left to do it again. Not after I get to him.”
Mum laughed, and it was the best sound I’d heard all morning. It broke the tension a little.“I’ve missed you, honey,” she said quietly.
My tone softened. “I’ve missed you too, Mum.”
She pointed to the stool at the kitchen bench. “Have a seat and I’ll make you a coffee.”
Smiling, I said, “That would be good.”
I sat, and she made coffee. We then spent the next couple of hours catching up and doing our best to avoid the topic of my father. I desperately wanted to talk to her about him some more, but I knew not to push her. If I did, she would retreat and start avoiding me. No, I needed to be smart about this and figure out a way to help her without her realising what I was doing.
★★★
I pulled up outside the clubhouse and sat in my car for a couple of minutes, processing some of the stuff my Mum had told me. She had willingly married a man who cheated on her. I was having trouble getting past that; it wasn’t something I could do. My thoughts moved to J and our relationship. I trusted him. He’d proven himself and I truly believed he wouldn’t cheat on me.
I was startled out of my thoughts when someone tapped on the window of my car. Looking up, I saw it was J. “Hey, baby,” I greet-ed him, as I got out of the car.
He brushed his lips across mine and asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah. Kind of.” I wasn't sure what I was feeling.
“What does kind of mean?”
I sighed. I wasn’t sure why I’d come here after Mum’s. Looking up at J though, I realised that I’d come for him. “It means that just being here with you is making me feel better already.”
His eyebrows pinched together and he frowned. “Babe, I’m a man. I need it spelt out for me sometimes. What the fuck’s wrong?”
“J, you don’t have the time to listen to all the shit swimming around in my head. I think I just needed to be near you.”
“For the love of God, tell me what’s wrong.”
I searched his eyes; he had that concerned look he got when I was distressed. So, I decided to share. “I just spent some time with my Mum and she told me that she married my father knowing that he’d cheated on her. And she accepted it.”
He didn’t blink; didn’t say or do anything. Just stood there, watching me and listening. When I didn’t say anything else, he murmured, “It happens.”
“It shouldn’t!” I burst out.
“Madison, you know it happens.”
“Yeah, well I’m stunned that my own mother put up with that shit.”
“I’m not.”
I didn’t like the way this conversation was going. “Did you know about my father before it all came out?”
Again, he took his time, and when he finally answered me, he spoke slowly, deliberately. “I didn’t know about Blade and his mother.” He paused. “But I did know that Marcus liked to screw around.”
My heart started beating faster. I didn’t like what I was hear-ing. “What? You mean with other women besides Blade’s mother?”
He nodded. “Yeah, with other women. He didn’t hide it and I’m sure your mother knew. Babe, a lot of the guys fuck around; it’s just up to the old ladies whether they turn a blind eye or move on.”
“I know!” I puffed out a long breath. I knew all this shit, and normally I didn’t even think about it, but this was my Mum we were talking about. “I fucking hate it, J, and if you do it, I’m not staying.”
His nostrils flared and his tone hardened when he spoke. “Have I ever given you cause to think I’d cheat?”
Normally I’d pay attention to the tone he’d taken, but today I was focused solely on my mother and my feelings about her situation, so I missed the cues. “No, but I’m just saying, I won’t stand for it.”
Anger seeped into his voice. “And I’m just saying, don’t fucking lump me in with your father. I haven’t cheated on you and have no intention of ever doing it, so I don’t fucking appreciate the attitude about it.” He raked his fingers through his hair, shaking his head while he did it. And then he added, “I’m not your fucking father and I never will be.”
>
I took a step back. J was furious and I wasn’t sure where it had come from. He stood glaring at me. I madly tried to process what he’d said; it felt like there was something important here. “I know you’re not, J. And I know you haven’t cheated on me; I trust you.”
He continued to glare at me, the vein in his neck pulsing. I had no idea what he was thinking so I waited, and didn’t say a word. “Fuck,” he muttered, and dropped his gaze to the ground. “This is fucking bullshit.” It was like he was talking to himself so I still didn’t say anything. He raised his face back to mine and I was stunned to see the anger had drained out of him, and instead he had an agonised look on his face. Something was tormenting him.
“What, baby?” I asked softly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and lightly grasped my cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth over it.
I moved into him and put my hand on his chest. “What’s going on, J? I know there’s something bugging you, and I wish you’d talk to me.”
His eyes searched mine; it was like he was weighing up wheth-er to start talking or not. His chest heaved and he grabbed my hand off his chest, gave it a quick squeeze, and then said, “Nothing, babe. It’s just club stuff.”
Letting my hand go, he stepped back and said, “I have to get back to it. I’ll see you at home tonight.”
I was upset that he had again chosen not to confide in me, but I nodded and agreed, “Okay, I’ll see you then.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, and nodded once before turning and walking back into the clubhouse with slumped shoulders and a downcast face.
I watched him go, with a heavy heart.
I felt helpless, and paralysed with fear as to what was going on with J, and what it was doing to our relationship.
★★★
“I truly feel like we’re taking one step forward and three back at the moment,” I admitted to Harlow the next morning over coffee. I’d just caught her up on me and J.
“How was he last night? Did he bring it up again?”
