by Lisa Jackson
“But—”
“I want you,” she said, opening her eyes and staring into his. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“And I want you. Oh, darlin’—” He let out a groan of surrender and then began to move, slowly at first, then faster and harder as Bliss’s pain vanished and she matched his tempo. Her heart thundered; her breathing came in short anxious gasps, her body arching up to his. His hands held tight to her buttocks, drawing her closer as the world swirled in a vision of light and color.
“Bliss…I…” His voice trailed off and she watched sweat run from his temples. Somewhere deep inside, a dam broke and she jerked in a contraction of joy. With an ecstatic cry, he went still atop her just as her spirit soared to the heavens and the kaleidoscope of colors behind her eyes became a warm blaze of light.
I love you, she thought desperately, but bit her tongue before the hasty words could reach her lips. This was sex, nothing more. The loss of her virginity, yes, but still just a coupling of two people who were not in love.
Stupidly, tears burned behind her eyes because she’d always thought that when she gave herself to a man, it would be for the time-honored and glorious emotion called “love.”
He cradled her face in his big hands and looked deep into her eyes. “Bliss…?” He kissed her forehead and cheeks and must have tasted the salt of her tears. “Are you all right?”
“Perfect.”
“Yes,” he said with a reverence that touched her heart. “You are.”
Oh, God, was he serious? “If you only knew.”
“I do.” Twirling a strand of her hair around his finger, he slid to the side of her and, with one leg possessively pinning her against him, added, “What I didn’t know was that you were still a virgin.”
A stain of embarrassment washed up her neck in hot, humiliating waves.
“You should have told me.”
“Oh, sure. At this age.” She managed a thin smile but didn’t tease an answering grin from his lips. “It’s probably some kind of world record or something.”
He levered up on one elbow and stared down at her. “I doubt that we should call Guinness.”
“Good. Then it doesn’t matter.”
“No?” Still he was skeptical and with one hand he reached forward and touched her nipple with one long finger.
“I think it was long past time to give it up,” she said, clearing her throat.
“So why not earlier? And don’t give me that line about not meeting the right man, ’cause I won’t buy it.”
“All right, maybe I just didn’t trust anyone, okay?”
“But you do trust me.” He didn’t mask any of the skepticism in his words.
“As I said, it was time, don’t you think?”
“That’s your call, Bliss.” With a wicked grin he pulled her into the crook of his shoulder. His breath stirred her hair as he spoke. “What I think is that we—well, make that I—should have been more careful. I didn’t have…protection.”
She stiffened and stared upward where leaves of low-hanging branches shifted in the moonlight. The smooth beauty of the moment was shattered. “Believe me, you don’t have to worry about any disease from me.”
“Nor me,” he admitted. “I was tested last year. Twice. Since then I’ve been careful. Until now.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She tried to pull away from him, but he held her fast.
“It’s you I worry about,” he said as if he hated the words. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Neither did I, but there it is.” She was near tears again. This should have been the happiest, most definitive moment of her life. Instead, she wanted to melt away. Already he regretted making love to her. “We’re both adults. You didn’t force me into doing anything I wasn’t ready for.” With renewed energy, she pulled away from him. “Let me go, Mason.”
“I can’t.” He held her fast. “Why me, Bliss?”
“I told you it was time.”
“It’s more than that.”
“Meaning what?” she demanded. “That I was waiting for you? Is that what you think?”
“I don’t know what to think,” he admitted, staring at her as if for the first time. “But you’re over twenty-five and—”
“Don’t remind me, okay?” she said jerkily. Yes, she’d been a virgin, and no, she didn’t have a husband or children or any reason to think she would anytime soon, and though those things bothered her, she wasn’t going to let them get her down. She was young, had a career, a life in Seattle. She didn’t need Mason’s pity.
No, only his love.
“Bliss, I didn’t mean to imply—”
“Look, you don’t have to say anything, okay?” She wrenched away from him and this time he let her go. Quickly, before she broke down altogether, she snatched up her clothes and dressed, sliding her legs into her panties and jeans, still feeling new and achingly feminine. As she buttoned her blouse, she whistled to her horse, and Mason, still naked as the day he was born, grabbed hold of her hand.
“What the hell’s going on?”
“Nothing,” she lied.
“Bliss, I think we should talk.”
“Maybe we should have talked more before we…we—”
“Made love?”
Oh, God. Her throat tightened and she blinked against a wash of tears. She couldn’t face him, didn’t want to cry like some fragile female, some spoiled princess, for heaven’s sake! She had to get away, had to avoid saying something she would regret. “I—I have to go.”
“You’re running away,” he accused.
“Like you did?” The minute the words were out, she regretted them. She saw the tensing of each of his muscles, the dark fury in his eyes. “Forget I said that. But don’t accuse me, okay? Maybe I am running away. I don’t know. But I need time, Mason, to think all this through.”
“Ten years wasn’t enough?”
She glanced up and stared into eyes as clear and amber as priceless Scotch. “I guess not.” She pulled her hand away and, though her heart was breaking, managed a sad smile. “Goodbye, Mason,” she said, hating the finality of the words.
“It was good, but now it’s over?” he asked, taunting her.
“It was good, but it never really began.” She swung into the saddle and didn’t look back. She couldn’t. Because if she saw him again, all hard sinew, muscle and bone, his face chiseled and strong, she’d never be able to look away again. She loved him, that much was certain, and it was a cross she would bear for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“You had to do it, didn’t you?” Mason glared at his reflection in the steamy mirror, scraped away a swath of shaving cream and whiskers and mentally kicked himself for having made love to Bliss.
Though he’d had no conscious plan to seduce her, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from spending more time with her, from seeing her, from suggesting the evening horseback ride to the ridge. Pursing his lips, he tried to avoid cutting himself as he finished shaving, then washed his face. He was standing naked in front of the mirror and had the fleeting thought that if Bliss were in the room, he probably should wear a towel wrapped around his waist, or his boxer shorts.
He stiffened just at the thought of her and ground out several oaths. What was he thinking? Why the devil would Bliss ever be in his bathroom in the morning? Just because they’d made love didn’t mean that they ever would again, that they were having an affair, for the love of Pete, or that they might consider tying the knot.
As he threw on his clothes, his mind was running in wild, perilous circles. Just as it had all night. Throughout the long, dark hours, he’d been haunted by the image of Bliss’s perfect face, the fragrance of her skin, the sound of her laughter. There had also been worries about Dee Dee and thoughts of another sort—memories of the years he’d struggled to prove to himself and the rest of the world that he was as good as anyone else, that the poor boy from the wrong side of the tracks could make good.
&nb
sp; Except that he’d screwed up a few times. Seriously screwed up. There was the marriage that hadn’t worked, a sister he’d promised to protect but who was constantly in trouble, a few bad deals and his daughter. His heart twisted at the thought of Dee Dee. So beautiful. So bright. So neglected. But no more. Dee Dee deserved security and a home. Here, with him. She couldn’t be forever uprooted as Terri chased after this man or that dream. Nope. That part of his life he intended to settle today.
As for Patty, he hadn’t yet spoken to her but Jarrod had assured him that she’d been located in Mexico and was flying home. If she knew anything about Isaac Wells’s disappearance, she hadn’t admitted to it. Mason would find out. One way or another. He’d promised his mother he’d take care of Patty and he’d do just that, though Patty would probably have none of it.
But Bliss Cawthorne was another matter altogether. What in the world was he going to do with her?
Bliss. The image of her face teased him again as he pocketed his keys and wallet. He should never have made love to her, never have taken that darkly seductive step, but he had, and in doing so he had expected that he might regret his desire but he hadn’t anticipated that he wouldn’t get enough of her.
She was a virgin. Had never given herself to a man before.
Who would have guessed?
So what’re you going to do about it?
There was, as he’d learned so often before, no going back. But he did have the ability to change a few things in his life.
He slipped into his shoes and flew down the stairs with more purpose than he’d felt ever since returning to Bittersweet. He had a few matters to take care of at the office; then he planned to have it out with Terri. Dee Dee wasn’t going to the San Juan Islands or anywhere away from him. If he had to go back to court, he would. But Terri would probably be just as happy with a little cash instead. She’d always had a mercenary streak, even when it came to her daughter.
* * *
“I don’t know,” Terri said, rubbing her forehead as she sat at the kitchen table, which was covered with scraps of cloth as she pieced together a quilt. From her position at the table she could watch the television in the living room, where a soap opera was in progress. Dee Dee was outside, lying on a chaise longue near the small pool of the apartment complex.
Leaning against the sink, Mason stared out the window and watched his daughter, sunglasses covering her eyes, reading another book.
Terri said, “I think I’d miss her too much.”
“You’d see her at Christmas, in the summer and whenever else you wanted to. The way I see it, Dee Dee needs a home and some security,” he said.
“Oh, like she’d get that from you?” Terri laughed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t forget you’re a workaholic, Mason, and you’re always zipping from one place to another. If there’s a problem with the ranch, you’re back in Montana or the spread in Wyoming. Now you think you’ll settle down here.”
“I will.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s time.”
She skewered him with her wide eyes and shook her head. She still looked young; that pixie quality had never left her despite the lines fanning from her eyes and creasing her forehead. “It’s because of Bliss, isn’t it?” she said, sadness heavy in her voice.
He didn’t answer.
“I knew it. You never forgave me for lying to you about the baby, and you never got over her.” She shook her head and sighed. “Oh, Mason, we were such fools.” Opening a cupboard drawer, she withdrew a pack of cigarettes.
“I thought you quit.”
“I did. Again. But every time I’m around you, I need a cigarette to relax.” She lit up and blew a stream of smoke toward the ceiling. “I did love you, you know. A long time ago.”
“You had a funny way of showing it.”
“Yeah, well…” Sniffing loudly, she glanced into the living room. “We both made mistakes. I suppose you’re getting married, right?”
“Don’t know yet.”
“Then how can you talk about security? For God’s sake, who’s gonna take care of Dee Dee when you’re off on business?”
“She’ll go with me or I’ll have a live-in nanny.”
“Or you’ll marry Bliss Cawthorne.”
“We haven’t discussed it yet.”
“You’d better talk it over with her old man, you know,” Terri said. “And then you’d better come clean with Bliss. There are things she still doesn’t know about that whole mess ten years ago. Oh, hell—” she jabbed out her cigarette “—what do I care? Bob wants to get married and move up north, you know that, and, well, he’s not crazy about kids.”
“Sounds like a great guy.”
“At least he loves me, Mason. That’s more than you ever did. If you want to keep Dee Dee, okay, we’ll try it out and—”
“No. We’re not going to try it out. We’re going to do it. No one changes his or her mind. I’ve already talked to my attorney and we’ll make it legal. As I said, you’ll see her whenever you like, but I’ll have custody. And instead of the child support I’ve been paying you, you’ll get a sizable lump sum.”
She lifted a curious eyebrow. “How sizable?”
He had her and he knew it. Good. He reached for his checkbook. “Name your price, Terri. What’s it worth to you?”
* * *
Bliss scooted back the chair at her desk. So she and Mason had finally made love. She chewed on the edge of her lip and thought, as she had since returning from the ridge, about the only man she’d ever cared for—ever loved. “Oh, you’re the worst kind of fool,” she told herself as she tossed down her pencil and ignored the plans for a remodel of a warehouse on the Seattle waterfront that had been sent to her and lay open on the desk in her father’s den. Work, which usually interested her, held no appeal—not this morning when the sunlight was streaming off the mountains and sparkling in the dewy grass.
Last night she’d watched as Mason had returned, unsaddled and unbridled Lucifer. He hadn’t so much as glanced at the house, where she’d stood at a window. Instead, he’d climbed into his truck and driven away, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
She didn’t believe that he’d used her, wouldn’t even consider her father’s protests that Mason was only getting close to her to get back at him. No, the attraction that she and Mason felt for each other was deep enough to cross time barriers, strong enough to dim the past with all its pain.
So here she was, contemplating loving a man she’d sworn to avoid.
Every time the phone had rung, she’d nearly jumped out of her skin, hoping that Mason had decided to call. Each time, she’d been disappointed. She hadn’t heard a word from him all day, but then, she supposed, it was her turn to make a move in his direction. If that was what she wanted.
She heard a car in the drive and her heart did a quick little leap. Pulling the old curtains aside, she saw Katie’s convertible approaching the house. Her hair was wild and free, her smile wide as she parked, and though Bliss was still thinking about Mason, she was glad for the distraction that her half sister was sure to bring.
A few seconds later, Katie was ringing the bell on the front porch and Bliss threw open the door. A wave of heat rolled inside. “Come in,” she said, before the younger woman had a chance to say a word.
“I just stopped by to let you know that John’s being released, but Mom’s insisting he stay with her in town. She wants him where she can keep her eye on him, and, really, I don’t blame her.”
“Neither do I,” Bliss replied, still unsure exactly how she felt about this dynamo of a half sister but willing to give her benefit of the doubt. “Would you like something to drink or eat?”
“Yeah, a glass of water would be good. Then I’ve got to look under the hood. My car acts like it’s about to give up the ghost and it hasn’t even reached two hundred thousand miles yet.”
“Imagine that,” Bliss said drily.
She poured them each cups of water with ice, handed one
to Katie, then followed the redhead outside, where her bug-splattered car was resting in the shade of a spruce tree. Above their heads fragrant needles rustled in the hot breeze, and from the safety of a high branch a squirrel scolded Oscar, who whined and barked and ran in circles at the base of the tree.
Katie popped the hood and while she bent over the engine, she talked. “Hold this a sec, would you?” She took a long swallow of water, then handed the cup back to Bliss. “You know, those brothers of mine would know exactly what’s wrong, but where are they when you need them, huh? Around? No way. Probably somewhere raising hell. Oh.” She lifted her head and offered Bliss a knowing glance. “They’re really not as much trouble as all that. Even the twins, with their reputations, aren’t bad guys—just, well, irreverent would be a good word to describe them.” She turned back to the cooling engine, touched it delicately as the radiator gave out a warning hiss. “Too hot to do anything with right now,” she said, blowing her bangs out of her eyes and accepting her glass of water again.
“I decided to drop by and fill you in because I have a few minutes while Mom and Josh pick up John.” She scratched her head and frowned, her forehead puckering thoughtfully. “You know, I’d like to pretend that all this is okay and we could be one big happy family, that I was big enough to make nice-nice for Mom’s sake, but the truth of the matter is, I’m not cool with everything that went on between them and though I want them both to be happy, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call John ‘Dad.”’
“I don’t blame you.” Bliss lifted a shoulder as if she didn’t care, but she was glad that Katie was having the same kind of mental dilemma that she was. The situation was beyond complicated.
“Mom wanted me to tell you that while John’s recuperating at her house, you can come over anytime.”
Bliss wasn’t sure about that. She still had more than her share of reservations where her father and Brynnie were concerned. “How long will he be there?”
“Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Katie said nervously, and Bliss suspected they were finally getting down to brass tacks—the real reason for her half sister’s visit. “You know that Mom sold her portion of this place to Mason, though no money changed hands—the deal hasn’t closed yet. Now Mason’s willing to sell it back to her or John or whoever, which is good, I guess. But the thing is that she did it in the first place behind John’s back. Mom should have talked it over with your dad first, I think. I mean, they’re getting married and all, so why the secrets? If you ask me, when two people decide to tie the knot, they should be able to trust each other implicitly, be able to talk over everything. I mean everything.” She picked at a sliver in the fence rail while Bliss felt sweat collect between her shoulder blades. “Call me a dreamer, but that’s what marriage means to me.”
