He is good. So are you.
A few minutes later my phone rang. It was Caden.
"Hey," I answered, snuggling into my pillow.
"Hey." He sighed; he sounded so tired.
"You okay?"
"Yeah…I'm fine." He paused for a few seconds. "You looked incredible tonight, Kit."
"Thank you." I smiled to myself. "If you're waiting for me to tell you how incredible you looked don't hold your breath. I don't want to feed that giant ego of yours." We both laughed.
"Tonight was okay, right?" He sounded unsure. "I mean…we can make this work—us I mean…friends."
I closed my eyes and remembered his shouting match with Amanda. My chest ached and I took a deep breath.
"It was great, Caden." I tried not to let my voice crack. "This will work. We'll always be friends." I paused. "Best friends."
I could hear Caden sigh in relief. We talked for the next forty five minutes about everything, just like we had before either of us began dating. Both of our voices were sluggish and tired, but neither of us wanted to get off the phone. I was so tired I didn't even realize what I was saying; I had a hard time keeping my thoughts inside my head.
"I wish you were here…" I said drowsily. There was silence on the other end and for a second I thought he had fallen asleep.
"Let me…" His voice was just as drowsy. "I want to be where you are."
"…Okay." I whispered without thinking. My phone fell from my hand as I drifted off to sleep.
I was lost somewhere in a hazy dream when I felt my bed dip. Strong arms wrapped around me and I inhaled Caden's scent. I wasn't sure if I was still in my dream or if he was really there, but I didn't care. I leaned my head back to nuzzle into his chest as he pulled me tighter to him and buried his face in my hair. He started to whisper something, but I was already falling back asleep so I didn't hear what he was saying.
Chapter 8
I was in the deepest sleep I'd had in a while when Jack's crying stirred me awake. I quickly slipped out of bed and headed to Jack's room.
"Shhh…it's okay, baby." I sat on the edge of Jack's bed and whispered down at him, "Mommy's here, mommy loves you." I brushed his hair away from his head.
He opened his eyes and looked up at me. "Mommy?" He sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head.
"I'm right here, baby."
"I miss Daddy." He sniffed. "But…"
"But what?"
"But I don't know why," he whispered, his voice filled with shame. "I don't remember him." He sniffed.
I thought my chest was about to cave in. It was one of my biggest worries that Jack wouldn't remember his father. He was only three years old when David died. I kept a picture of him by Jack's bed, but I guess it wasn't enough. Guilt washed over me instantly. This was my fault. Talking about David was just too painful for me and because I was so worried about myself, I inadvertently helped Jack forget about him. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at my beautiful, innocent, heartbreakingly sad little boy. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to promise him that he'd remember again; I didn't know if that was true or not. I just rocked him in my arms and cried silently with him. All I could do was whisper to him how loved he was and what a good boy he was. Eventually Jack's crying slowed and his breathing became heavy and even. I tucked him back under his covers and let out an exasperated sigh and walked out to the hallway, closing the door behind me. I jumped a little when I saw Caden leaning against the wall right outside Jack's room, looking at me with a pained expression. I was about to walk back to my bedroom when he grabbed me gently by the arm and pulled me into him.
"You're so incredibly beautiful," his voice was just above a whisper. He cupped my face in his hand, using his thumb to wipe my tear streaked face. "Do you know that?" His voice was low and husky. I swallowed hard and shook my head.
"I'm a terrible mom," I choked out as more tears made their way down my cheeks. "He doesn't remember his father." I let go of a sob and buried my face in his chest. I gripped his shoulders like a vice as the sobs increased in intensity. He cradled my head against him with one hand and soothingly ran his other hand up and down my back. He didn't say anything; he just stood there and let me ruin his shirt.
I practically cried myself to sleep right there in the hallway. I closed my eyes against Caden's chest and felt the sweet comfort of sleep starting to pull at my mind. Caden must have sensed it. Either that or I lost my balance because he scooped me up into his arms like I was light as a feather and carried me to my room. I didn't protest, I just wanted to sleep. Caden pulled the covers over me and brushed my hair away from my face. "Go to sleep, baby," he whispered so softly I almost didn't hear it.
I practically threw my alarm across the room when it went off the next morning. I hadn't slept so good in who knews how long and I wasn't about to wake up. I flopped back down on my pillow and closed my eyes.
"Come on, sleepyhead," Caden whispered over my shoulder as he brushed my hair out of my face. "You've got work and I've got class. Time to get up." He gently shook my shoulder. I mumbled incoherently and pulled the covers over my head. Caden chuckled and pulled them back down, "Don't make me throw you in a cold shower to wake you up. Cause I'll do it." I knew he was serious.
I opened my eyes and scowled at him; he just smiled back and winked. "Fine," I muttered in defeat and rolled out of bed. Caden left the room to wake up Jack and I took the opportunity to take a quick shower. I stood under the steaming flow of water and tried to sort my thoughts out. I went on a date with Derrick—which turned into a double date with Caden—and then spent the night in Caden's arms. Something was seriously wrong with this scenario, but for some reason I just didn't care. I didn't feel guilty even though I knew I should have.
I stepped in and out of the shower and got ready for work as quickly as I could. I applied the last bit of mascara on before I left my room to meet Jack in the kitchen.
"Mamma!" Jack greeted me with a mouth full of eggs.
"Thanks for feeding him, Caden," I said appreciatively as I switched the contents of one of my purses to another.
"Don't sweat it, Kit. Us men have to eat to get big and strong." He mock-punched Jack in the shoulder. "Isn't that right, kiddo?"
"Yeah, like Superman!" Jack giggled. I couldn't help but smile at the little display in my kitchen. As soon as Jack finished his breakfast, I got him ready and headed out the door.
"You coming?" I asked Caden, who was cleaning up dishes.
"Nah, I just remembered that my morning class is just review today, and I have some things I need to take care of." He shrugged nonchalantly.
"Okay, lock up when you leave." I smiled at him and pulled Jack out the door. I was kind of glad to leave Caden in my apartment. Before the awkwardness of Derek and Amanda, he used to just come and go as he pleased; I wanted him to feel comfortable again.
After I dropped Jack off and pulled into the University parking lot, I picked up my phone and dialed Lizzy. I noticed she wasn't there this morning and I was wondering where she went.
"Goooood morning, buttercup," Lizzy answered on the second ring. How was she always so chipper so early?
"Morning people creep me out."
"The hilarious baby on the E-trade commercials creep you out, Kitrina.
It's not my fault you're neurotic."
"Babies don't talk! It's not normal!" I defended myself. "Anyway, what time did you leave?"
"Oh, uh, this morning," se answered a little too quickly."Why?"
"Did you see—"
"Caden?" she interrupted. "Yeah, why?"
"Oh, um…nothing happened, in case you were wondering." I suddenly felt very self conscious and a tiny ounce of guilt crept in.
"I wasn't wondering," she said flatly. "I know you, Kitrina. Besides, Caden practically used to live at your apartment. I'm glad the weirdness is finally settling."
"Me too." I smiled to myself. "So you wanna do lunch today?" I asked as I got out of the car and head
ed to the library.
"Can't today. I have a…" she stammered for a second, "thing I have to do."
"A thing?" I asked skeptically.
"Yeah, Kevin has some frat thing he needs my help with." She sounded guilty. I felt bad. this was Lizzy's first boyfriend since she moved here, and I didn't want her to think that I always had to come first. I wanted her to have a life and have fun.
"Oh, cool! Okay, well, text me when you're done and we'll get together," I said cheerfully, letting her know I didn't feel slighted in the least.
"You got it, babe."
The day went by dreadfully slow without Caden there. The guys at the table all thanked me profusely for winning them a ton of money over the weekend, which was kind of funny. It was a good thing Caden wasn't there because apparently he and Mike were the brunt of many jokes. It was rare that Caden lost the 'who's hotter' game, so when he did, everyone was merciless. I ignored the nasty glares I was getting from Amanda when she made an appearance. She didn't stay long though. I guessed without Caden around the rest of the group annoyed her and she had no reason to stay. I smiled a bit when I overheard some of the guys sigh in relief when she left. I liked that the only girls they liked were me and Lizzy.
On my break I checked my phone and found a few text messages from Derrick. I swallowed my urge to break it off with him. Just because Caden had held me the night before didn't change anything. I had to remind myself that Caden was still with Amanda and that Derrick was good for me. I texted him back and tried to be charming and flirty which proved to be difficult because my heart just wasn't in it.
At the end of the day, Jack and I came home to an empty apartment. It was a little strange. I hadn't heard from Lizzy or Caden all day. I felt a little panicked that maybe I overstepped my bounds with Caden and he was avoiding me. But I didn't let myself dwell on it. He was probably just busy with Amanda. Ugh, that thought wasn't any better. I made dinner for Jack and spent the rest of the night trying to distract myself with the TV.
I woke up the next day feeling anxious and a little sick to my stomach. I hadn't heard from Caden, and I wasn't in the mood to talk to Derrick so I just took a shower and got dressed like a zombie. Why would Caden avoid me? I was seriously worried that things were going back to the awkwardness that nearly ruined our friendship. By the time I dropped Jack off at daycare, I was angry. I pulled into the parking lot and walked into the library with purpose. I was going to corner Caden and make sure we were still on good terms. I hated feeling all paranoid and worried. It wasn't like we hadn't gone a day without talking before, but after the other night, I just knew something was up.
I looked around the library and saw no sign of Caden. I walked to the front desk and just as I was about to punch my name in the computer to clock in I heard my name. I looked up to find Taylor rushing over to me.
"Holy crap, I'm so glad I caught you," he said. "You need to hurry, there's been an accident." He ran behind the counter and grabbed my elbow.
"Whoa, hold on a sec, I'm at work!" I started to struggle against his hold.
"It's Caden."
That was all he had to say. I snatched my purse and followed him out the door.
"He's at the baseball field on Trent Street. Hurry, Kitrina, I need to go tell the others," he said before he ran off in the opposite direction.
"But—" I was confused and panicked. I ran to my car and drove out of the parking lot like a maniac.
I made it to the baseball diamond and parked haphazardly in a handicap spot and darted out of my car. I was running full speed toward the field when I saw Caden come into view. I slowed down almost to a stop when I saw what was happening. Caden was playing catch…with Jack. I made my way across the grass toward the diamond.
"Hi, Mamma!" Jack dropped the small baseball in his hand and ran toward me.
I picked him up and hugged him. "Hey, buddy."
"Sorry for the ruse." Caden's smile was sheepish and a little smug at the same time.
"You scared me half to death, Caden," I said, a little more annoyed than I thought he was expecting. "And how did you get Jack out of daycare?"
"I had some help." This time his smile was full on smug. I knew he was referring to Lizzy. She was the only other person that had permission to pick up Jack. That sneaky little brat, no wonder she was avoiding my phone calls.
"What's this abou,t Caden?" I asked as I put Jack down and crossed my arms. I tried to keep annoyance in my voice, but he looked so cute in his baseball cap it was hard to stay mad at him.
"What is today, Kit?" he asked like I should know. I started to run through important dates in my mind, worried that I might have missed his birthday or something.
"Uh…Tuesday?" I shrugged.
He walked toward me and placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile. Now I was really worried. "It's Father's day, Kit." He finally said.
I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. I knew this day was coming, I just didn't realize it had snuck up on me so quickly. I had no intention of acknowledging the day and reminding Jack of what he didn't have. I started to feel a little nauseous, and a little annoyed that Caden had reminded me.
"Hey now," Caden said, apparently reading my face. "Don't be pissed." He had both hands on my shoulders now. "This is going to be a good day."
"I have to work."
"Not today you don't. I took care of it, don't worry." He slung his arm around my shoulder and started walking me back to the other side of the field. "Just relax, Kit," he whispered in my ear and then kissed the top of my head. Jack was running and skipping around us as we made our way to a large blanket that was sprawled across the grass.
"A picnic?" I asked. Caden just smiled and sat down on the blanket next to Jack. There was a large cooler filled with Jack's favorite, PB&J with apples and a juice box, and two large pesto turkey sub sandwiches and a plate full of brownies. Damn him, chocolate was my kryptonite.
"So who knows about this?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Everyone." He smiled and took a huge bite of his sandwich.
"I guess that explains why nobody was in the library today."
"Yeah," Caden said, laughing. "I told them if they couldn't keep a secret then they were banned from the library."
"Wait…when you say everyone, do you mean everyone?" I gave him a pointed look. He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Amanda knows. And no, I don't care what she thinks about it."
"Did she tell you not to?" I couldn't help but wonder.
"No" his eyebrows drew together like that was an absurd question. "She knows how close Jack and I are."
I looked at Jack who was happily munching on his apple slices. "Thank you, Caden." I reached over and held his hands. "This means a lot to me."
"The day's not over, I've got another surprise." He winked.
We finished our lunch and packed up the picnic. Jack and I followed Caden back to my apartment where we dropped off my car and we hopped into Caden's SUV.
"What's the plan?" I asked as I buckled my seatbelt. I couldn't keep the enthusiasm from my voice; I felt like a kid playing hooky.
"The plan is to wear the little dude out." He pulled out of my parking lot and drove into downtown. We parked in a large parking lot by the mall; I immediately recognized the building adjacent to the shopping center.
"The kid's museum?" I looked at Caden, shocked. I had wanted to take Jack to the museum since we got to Michigan, but the tickets were always so dang expensive.
Caden unbuckled Jack and carried him all the way to the entrance. He had the tickets already in his pockets. The woman in the front took our tickets and wished Caden a happy Father's Day. As usual, Caden didn't miss a beat; he just smiled and said "thank you." Over the last few months, Caden and I had gotten used to people assuming Caden was Jack's dad. It happened all the time, but today it just hit me a little differently. I kept my smile tight and grabbed Caden's hand. He must have known how it affected me because he gave me an affectionate squeeze.
&nb
sp; We spent the next three hours taking Jack to the various kid's stations. Jack was having a blast; we could barely keep up with him. When we finally convinced Jack that twice through was enough, we headed back to the SUV. Caden carried Jack, who fell asleep about ten seconds before we made it to the car. I sat in the passenger seat and blew out an exhausted breath.
"Is it just me, or was that the most exhausting thing ever invented?" I asked Caden when he got behind the wheel.
"Man, I wish I could bottle that kid's energy," he said turning the ignition.
When we made it back to the apartment, Jack woke up when Caden was unbuckling him.
"Hey, bud," Caden whispered as he lifted him out of the seat. "You tired?" Jack nodded and yawned.
"Kit, can you take him to his bed? I need to grab something from the trunk." He handed Jack to me.
"Let's get you into bed, buddy," I said to Jack as I walked him into the apartment. Caden was behind me by the time I made it to Jack's room. He sat at the edge of Jack's bed as I was pulling the covers up to Jack's chin.
"What's that?" Jack said groggily as he pointed to a large blue bag Caden had in his hand. Caden smiled at Jack and then looked at me hesitantly. I could see the worry in his eyes, and was confused by it.
"Everything okay?" I asked.
He inhaled deeply and nodded, still looking cautious. Finally he turned to Jack. "I've got a little something for you, buddy." Caden's voice wasn't full of his normal confidence; I was wondering what was making him so nervous. He reached into the bag and pulled out a pretty large teddy bear. I didn't see him buy anything at the museum, so he must have gotten it earlier. Caden gave me another weary look and then continued talking to Jack.
"This is a very special bear, Jack," Caden began. I could have sworn I heard his voice break a little. "If you ever have a hard time sleeping, or…" he looked at me, then back to Jack, "or miss your dad…I want you to give this bear a great big hug. Can you do that, buddy?"
Jack nodded and took the bear. When he gave it a big squeeze, noise came out of the bear."Daddy loves you Jack, Daddy will always love you son."
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