To: Caden Tate
From: Kitrina Matthews
Subject: I usually put something random…
Hey Cade,
It's kinda funny you mention that. I was literally thinking the exact same thing this morning. I am completely on board. I know it's for the best. I'm not going to lie though, It's going to be hard for me. Watching you go on with your life and be with other people. I know, I know…it was my choice, and I stand by it. I know you are where you want to be. I'm so proud of you, Caden. You're going to make an amazing attorney, just like your father. :)
P.S.
It was nice talking to you too.
Kitrina
I hit send and was pleased with myself for taking the high road. I shut the laptop down and pulled my attention back to Jack. I loved watching him run around. So careless and happy. My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I answered without looking expecting it to be Lizzy.
"You'd better not be interrupting your honeymoon because you're worried about me," I greeted her.
"It's not Lizzy." Caden's deep voice slid out of the phone and down my back, giving me chills.
"Oh…" I was momentarily stunned. "I thought you just said…" I was shaking my head. I was pretty sure he just said he didn't want to talk to me on the phone.
"How did you know that?" His voice sounded hard, not angry, just…hard.
"Huh?" I was utterly confused. We just had a pleasant exchange, why was he calling me sounding all weird? "What are you talking about, Caden?"
"How did you know my father was a lawyer? I never told you that."
Oh. Shit.
"I…" I tried to think up something as quick as I could. "I think I heard it from one of your friends. I dunno, what's the big deal?" I was trying to play it off like it was nothing. He wasn't buying it.
"I'm pretty sure you've never lied to me before. Don't start now, Kit." His voice was calm, but it was getting icier.
I exhaled in defeat, I couldn't keep it from him now.
"Your mother," I admitted.
"When?"
"The day…" I swallowed, not wanting to say it out loud.
"The day you left me," he finished for me. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. "What did she say to you?"
"It doesn't matter, Caden. I—"
"It does matter!" he interrupted me. I jumped, a little startled at the change of his tone. He was raising his voice now. "Tell. Me. Everything…Now." It was not a request.
So I sang like a canary. I told him how she had come to my apartment and offered me money to stay away from him, and after I turned it down she told me about his dad. I didn't leave out a single detail.
"She loves you, Caden," I said when I sensed his temper about to explode. "So do I. That's why I ended it." I waited for a response. I could barely hear him breathing on the other end.
"I need to go," was all he said before he hung up. I had a feeling he was hanging up on me to make another phone call. A very angry phone call.
I didn't hear from Caden for the rest of the week. I knew he was mad, but I didn't think he would be mad at his mom and me. I finally worked up the nerve to text him.
Please don't be angry with me.
I stared at my phone waiting for him to reply. Minutes went by and I was squinting at the screen, willing it to tell me I had message. It never did.
Two days later and still no word. He sent my calls to voicemail and didn't respond to my e-mails. I was kicking myself. I had just gotten on good terms with him. It almost felt like we could pick up the broken pieces of our relationship and glue some of it back together. Only some. It would never be what it once was; too much had happened and we'd both been through too much pain. It didn't matter now because he had completely written me off. I didn't cry. I was too angry to cry.
Another week passed with no word, so I decided to try and just accept it. Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe I was fooling myself thinking we could ever just be friends. The simple fact was that Caden Tate was the love of my life. That would never go away no matter how much time went by, no matter how hard I tried to just be his friend. He would always have a piece of my heart that I would never be able to give to somebody else.
Reflecting on my relationship with Caden and any possibility of a future relationship with someone else made me think of David. It took a long time to get over the heartache of losing him. It was a completely different heartache than losing Caden, because Caden was still here. I decided right then and there that Jack and I needed to go on a trip. We needed to go visit David.
I was packing my suitcase with my clothes and Jack's when my door swung open.
"We're baaaaaaaack," a sweet, familiar voice trilled.
"Lizzy!" I screamed as I jumped into her waiting arms. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until just this moment." I squeezed her tight.
"What am I, chopped liver?" Kevin asked as he walked through the door.
I grabbed him by the shirt sleeve and pulled him into our hug. Jack heard the commotion and ran to us, wrapping his arms around mine and Lizzy's legs.
"So how was it?" I looked at Lizzy, then Kevin, then back at Lizzy. "You guys are so tan!" I pinched her shoulder.
"I know, right?" she said. "Who needs a tanning salon when you can just go to Hawaii?"
"What did you bring me?" I asked, wide eyed with my hands out.
Kevin started laughing and Lizzy looked over her shoulder to say, "Told you so," with a smug grin.
When Kevin went to the car to get one of their bags, Lizzy noticed the suitcase. "Going somewhere?" She cocked an eyebrow.
"Home." I shrugged, "Jack and I are going to David's grave."
She blanched then stared open mouthed at me. After she lifted her jaw from the floor she pulled me in for another hug. "I'm very proud of you, Kitrina," she whispered in my ear. I just nodded, I didn't want to say anything and get emotional.
"Would you guys mind driving us to the airport?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course we will, silly." She slapped my shoulder.
Kevin came back with two bags, handing one to Jack and another to me. I started bouncing where I stood. Jack opened his bag and pulled out a giant stuffed dolphin with his name embroidered in it.
"A dawfin!" he said as he jumped up and down, hugging it to his chest. "Thanks, auntie Izzy and uncle Kevin!" he shouted over his shoulder as he ran back to his room to play. Lizzy and Kevin smiled at each other, happy they did a good job.
I opened my bag and pulled out a little box. I popped the lid and pulled out the thin silver chain hidden inside. On the end of the chain was a small locket in the shape of a starfish. I opened the locket to find a picture of Lizzy and me when we were about seven years old, sitting on a porch with our arms wrapped around each other. I looked up at her and pressed my lips together as hard as I could to keep from crying. Her eyes were already glossy.
"I love it more than anything in the world" I said to both of them. "Thank you." I scooted over to Lizzy, handed her the necklace and turned around so she could fasten it around my neck. It hung just below the hollow of my throat, a constant reminder of our friendship.
Chapter 14
One week later Jack and I landed in my hometown. I didn't bother to call my parents; they wouldn't care if we were here anyway. Jack and I dropped our bags off at our hotel and took a quick nap. I hated flying. It was terrifying and always made me exhausted.
We grabbed a bite to eat before heading to the cemetery. I couldn't eat much. For some reason I was nervous. We pulled up to the cemetery and I took a deep breath. I spent the last week trying to explain to Jack what a cemetery was and what graves were without getting too morbid. I think he understood enough. The Jack translation was that the cemetery was where people go on their way to heaven. Like a bus stop.
Close enough.
I grabbed Jack's hand, probably more for my comfort than his, and lead him to David's gravestone.
"Go ahead, baby," I reassured Jack. "Talk to Daddy."
; "Can he hear me?" he asked with hope in his eyes.
"Remember what I said," I knelt to his level and touched his shoulders. "In heaven, people can hear anything you want them to, if you say it out loud." I smiled.
He nodded hesitantly then turned to the gray stone protruding from the ground and started talking. It warmed my heart to hear our little boy telling his daddy everything that had been going on since he'd been in heaven. I didn't cry like I thought I would. Seems I'd been crying a lot lately, but here I felt peace.
"Your turn, Mommy." Jack's voice snapped me out of my reverie.
"Thanks, honey," I said. "Mind sitting on that bench over there for a few minutes?" I smiled and pointed to the wooden bench that sat under a tree a few feet away. After he skipped off, I turned to David's headstone and knelt down to my knees. Playing with a daisy I plucked from the ground, I suddenly felt silly. But if Jack could do it so could I.
"Hi, honey…" I started off a little slow and shaky. "I'm sorry we haven't been back to visit you." I let out a nervous laugh. "It wasn't easy, ya know? After you were gone." I shook my head memory and began idly plucking petals off the flower. "I tried to keep it together for Jack. He missed you so much. He would have nightmares, he would wake up at night. He's better now," I quickly amended, as If I didn't want David to worry. "You would be so proud of our boy. He's amazing. He's just like you, David. Sweet, thoughtful, funny."
The tears I thought weren't going to come started to rise in my throat. "I met someone. I didn't plan on it. For so long, it felt like being with anyone meant I was being unfaithful to you. It felt wrong, and I didn't want to confuse Jack." I shrugged. "But he became my best friend, and over time I fell in love with him. I hope that's what you wanted for me. To move on and find love again. I know in my heart that's what you would tell me if you could. He wasn't a replacement. Nobody could ever replace you." I thought about Caden for a moment. "I think maybe…maybe that's why I loved him. He understood and respected that I would always have this…this deep love for another man. In fact, he's the one that helped Jack when he couldn't sleep." I chuckled to myself. "He recorded your voice in a little bear and gave it to Jack." I felt my eyes brim with moisture. "Because of him, Jack remembers his father and can have you close to him." I sniffed and wiped the wetness off my cheeks. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. It didn't work out. I won't bore you with the details." I laughed at my little joke. "But…but he saved me. I was so lost without you. I was drowning. I could barely take care of Jack, much less myself…but he saved me." I inhaled a deep breath. "So now you don't have to worry about us. We are going to be fine. Better than fine. We are going to be great…we'll make you proud. I love you, honey."
I kissed my fingers and pressed it against the stone. I took a few minutes to let the remaining tears fall before Jack and I went back to the car.
"Can we do that again?" Jack asked as I buckled him into the car seat of our rental. I was taken aback by his request; I wasn't expecting him to particularly enjoy this experience.
"You know what, baby?" I tousled his hair. "I think that's a great idea. How about we make this an annual tradition, huh?" I smiled down at him.
"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. I laughed and rolled my eyes at my nearly perfect child.
We pulled out of the cemetery parking lot head back to the hotel.
"What do you want to do for—" I was cut off by a loud crashing sound as my body was pulled against the car door with a suffocating force. My mind couldn't catch up to what my eyes were seeing. Flashes of black came in and out of my vision as glass flew over my face, the only sounds I heard were the crunching of metal and Jack's faint screams. Then the world faded to black.
"Get her on the stretcher and in room eight!" I could tell a man was yelling, but it sounded like a whisper. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I tried to open my eyes to see what was happening but I couldn't. I just heard the rushed sounds of voices…then silence…then the voices agian. I was trying so hard to hold onto the sounds, to not drift away, but I couldn't fight it. I felt like I was being pulled under water against my will.
"The boy's heart stopped. Charge the paddles." I heard a voice say.
My heart stopped. I had no idea if I was hallucinating or what, but I fought with all of my strength to not let the water take me.
"Jack," I tried to say, but nothing came out. I was floating into the dark.
"Where is she?" A panicked voice stirred my eyes open.
"She's sleeping," Lizzy's voice replied calmly.
"What the hell happened?" The panicked voice…whose voice was that?
"They got hit by some guy who was texting while he was driving," Lizzy said with disgust dripping from every word.
"Jack. Oh God. Where is Jack?" The panicked voice rose.
"It's not good," Lizzy said quietly.
"Li…" My voice sounded like gravel. I tried again. "Lizzy." It came out a little louder but still burned my throat. Within two seconds Lizzy appeared, but before she could get through the door Caden pushed past her and nearly stumbled to my side.
"Kit, baby…" He leaned down, grabbing my hand with one hand and stroking my hair with the other. His hair was a mess, his face was scruffy like he hadn't shaved, and his eyes were red and tired. Even still, he was devastatingly handsome.
"What…" I tried to clear my throat. "What happened?" I looked up at Lizzy. Caden shot up to get me a cup of water from the sink. He was back at my side in seconds, lifting my head gently to sip the water.
"You were in an accident, honey," Lizzy said with sad eyes. My heart fell into my stomach as I looked around the room. It was just them and me.
"Jack!" I sat up in a panic frantically looking around. "Where is Jack?" I ripped the sheet off my lap with my left hand, seeing as how my right was in a cast. Caden immediately grabbed me and gently held me still, urging me back to the bed. I pleaded with my eyes for Lizzy to tell me where my son was.
"Honey." She started walking towards me and she grabbed my hand. My eyes were saucer wide with fear. "Jack hit his head pretty hard…" A sob ripped from my chest. "He's in a coma, Kitrina." Lizzy's worried eyes looked at me to make sure I understood.
I felt instant relief that he was still alive, followed by sheer fear. My precious baby boy was in a coma. "I'm going to be sick," I mumbled as I put my hand to my head. Caden grabbed the little trash can that sat by my bed and held it up to me. The minute my hands touched the cold tin, I vomited. It was mostly bile considering I hadn't eaten in… "How long have I been here?" I asked after I lifted my head. Caden already had a napkin in his hand, wiping the corners of my mouth.
"Since yesterday." Lizzy exhaled as she sat in the chair by the door and put her head in her hands. I looked up at Caden quizzically.
"I got on a plane as soon as Kev told me." He swallowed hard, worry shaping his eyes. I wanted to thank him for being here, but I couldn't think about anything until I saw Jack.
"I want to see him," I sat up, wincing at the pain. I was sure I looked just charming. One arm in a cast, most likely some broken ribs since I couldn't breathe without a sharp pain shooting through my rib cage. I could feel cuts when I touched my face. Lizzy stood up to go get the nurse. A few minutes later a large woman in scrubs wheeled in a wheelchair for me. Caden and Lizzy gingerly helped me into the chair. Every movement I made hurt like hell.
We had to take the elevator to get up to the pediatrics department. Every minute that went by felt like a thousand years. We got to Jack's room. When the door opened I thought I was going to throw up again, but instead I sobbed. My sweet angel was lying unconscious on the bed, with tubes and wires covering almost every inch of his skin. His arms were smattered with bruises and his face had cuts like mine. The only thing keeping me from a complete nervous breakdown was watching him breathe. I stared at his chest, watching it rise and fall and rise and fall.
"That's right, baby. Keep breathing. You can do this." I hadn't realized I was talking out loud until Caden'
s hand rested on my shoulder.
"The doctor says you need to stay in your room so they can monitor you for the next couple days," Lizzy informed me.
"No!" I protested. "I need to stay with Jack." The panic inside me was building, I shifted my eyes between Caden and Lizzy, pleading with them. I couldn't leave my baby. I couldn't leave my baby.
"It's okay, baby." Caden knelt down and spoke softly as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Lizzy and I are taking shifts. When one of us is with you, the other is with Jack." He gently ran his fingers down the side of my face, avoiding any open wounds. "We will keep you updated minute by minute," he reassured me.
I thought about it for a moment then peered up at the nurse. She gave me a look that told me I didn't really have any other options, so I nodded my head. It wasn't ideal, but the only two people in the world I trusted with Jack's life were here, and that was enough for me.
The nurse wheeled me back to my room. Lizzy followed while Caden stayed behind with Jack.
"You scared the ever-lovin-crap out of me, Kitrina," Lizzy said, running her hands up and down her face.
"I'm sorry." I looked at her with guilt in my eyes. "You should be enjoying your time as a newlywed, not stuck here." I lifted my arm to emphasize all the tubes. I sighed.
"Don't you dare, Kitrina." Now she sounded angry. "You are my sister, and I don't care if I'm in the middle of the freaking ocean, if something happens to you or my nephew, I. Will. Be. There." She gave me a stern don't-even-think-about-arguing look. All I could do was nod. I knew if the tables were turned I would do the exact same thing.
"Caden doesn't have to be here though." I blew out a breath and leaned against my pillow.
Lizzy snorted. "Yeah, right. He was in the middle of some test when Kevin called him." She leaned back in her chair and started chipping away at her nail polish. "Apparently Caden was out the door and in his car on the way to the airport before Keven even hung up the phone. Which reminds me, Kevin is catching a morning flight. He had to wrap some stuff up at work."
"No," I said adamantly. "I don't want to upend anyone else's life. I'm perfectly fine with you and Cade." Lizzy opened her mouth to protest but I interrupted her, "Tell Kevin that Jack and I love him and will see him when we get back in town." My tone held enough finality in it that Lizzy rolled her eyes and shrugged in surrender.
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