‘I was just explaining to Miss Charlotte that we waited as long as we could.’ Mathu’s appeal was of little comfort to me, although my daughter appeared appeased by his words.
‘I beg you to take me to my Lord Devere,’ I half-appealed, half-demanded.
‘His vessel is devoid of his human essence now and will be of no comfort to you,’ Mathu advised calmly, ‘but his soul-mind awaits you in Amenti.’
This was the straw that broke the back of my patience with ancient doctrines, secrets and hearsay. My grief turned to anger. ‘I am growing tired of cryptic promises.’
‘I understand that you are angry, hurt, and also very powerful on this plane of demonstration,’ the disguised being warned. ‘But while that road will surely see you into the company of your husband’s murderer, it shall not lead to salvation for anyone involved.’
He was right. I drew a few deep breaths to calm myself and find some clarity. ‘Who is Sinclair, and why should the state of my husband’s soul-mind have any bearing on Sinclair’s wellbeing?’ I asked.
My daughter looked perplexed by my query, but Mathu grinned at the extent of my perception. ‘He is a past-life incarnation of your husband, and is very important to the plan,’ he replied. ‘If Lord Devere’s soul-mind had been fragmented to oblivion, then we would have lost Sinclair’s aid prematurely.’
‘Sinclair is in the past?’ I queried.
‘Time is simultaneous,’ he offered by way of an answer.
‘But my husband is not so important to “the plan” that you should save his life?’ I wondered why, if the Fey were time-hopping beings, they could not have arrived sooner and saved more than just Devere’s soul-mind.
‘It was your husband’s predestined time,’ Mathu explained, sympathetic to my feelings. ‘He would have died whether or not he’d been attacked. But when we learned he had been targeted for termination by the Dracon, we took measures to save his soul.’
‘Was my husband targeted because of me?’
‘Only in so far as the attack may embitter you and promote your dark side.’ I recognised the warning beneath his words. ‘The real reason Devere was targeted was that the Dracon knew that the high frequency of his physical remains would reinforce the Earth grid beyond hope of their sabotage. An attack was imminent, and that is why your husband’s remains were spirited away so quickly. Also, Sinclair is causing the Dracon quite a bit of grief—to have him and all his righteous incarnations out of the inter-time war would be very beneficial to the Old World order.’
‘So why didn’t Taejax kill Lord Devere at Giza ten years ago?’ I reasoned out loud. ‘He had the opportunity.’
‘The Dracon have only just discovered the connection between Sinclair’s soul-mind and Devere’s. There is an incident in your future—’ He cut himself short, clearly feeling it unwise to enlighten me.
‘Are you saying I am to meet this Sinclair fellow?’ I was delighted, yet perplexed. ‘But he is in the past, you said, so how can I meet him in my future?’
‘It is…complicated.’
Mathu declined the opportunity to expand on this explanation, but he had already succeeded in lightening my heartache a little. The prospect of meeting a past life incarnation of my beloved restored my hope that I would some day again be graced by his presence. Clearly, pursuing this topic was going to be futile and there were other pressing questions.
‘Do you know my immortal father?’ I asked.
‘I should do, for he is my father also,’ Mathu replied with a grin.
My heart began pounding in my chest with excitement. ‘You are my brother?’ An only child, I had never had any blood siblings.
He smiled warmly. ‘I am but one of the many half-brothers and sisters you have littered throughout inner and outer time.’
‘Oh my!’ Charlotte covered her mouth to hide her awe.
I gasped with joy, which mixed with my sorrow to cast my emotions into turmoil. ‘Why have I never been told this? Why has my true father never revealed himself to me?’
‘You were not ready. And,’ Mathu spoke over my protest, ‘you are still not ready to stand in his presence and execute your true role in the plan.’
I was insulted and disappointed, but I humbled myself to request more information. ‘Then what must I do to gain an audience with our father who art in heaven?’
‘Once you have set your earthly affairs in order and your demons to rest, he will send for you,’ he assured. ‘Nothing can be done before then, lest the rest of history be altered due to the shortfall of your actions in this lifetime.’
‘But I—’
‘Shh.’ He directed our attention to the sound of footsteps approaching through leaves; company was imminent. ‘Listen to me…there is no test in getting what you want when you want it; the true test of character transpires in the waiting. Dwell on this in moments of despair.’
Mathu vanished an instant before the doctor and the constable entered the Abbey ruins, and I had an inkling that this was not the last I would see of my Fey brother.
My Lord Devere’s funeral and burial went ahead without his body, the disappearance of which is a vexing mystery for the poor constable in charge of the investigation. He assures me that the search will be ongoing and I can hardly tell him he is searching for a body that will never be found; I can only thank him for all his efforts on our behalf.
Our youngest son, Thomas, has inherited the Lordship of Suffolk at the age of twenty. As he is yet to marry, I know he will make himself a fine match. It would have been Levi inheriting the Granville-Devere title and estates, had he not been officially missing, assumed dead, for many years. I miss my eldest boy now more than ever—he was so like his father.
I hold myself together during the daylight hours, remaining strong for my grieving family. At night, alone in our bedroom, I wail my grief into my bedclothes, until exhaustion overcomes me and I sleep.
My Lord Devere and I made a vow long ago that even in death we would not abandon each other. I have been seeing ghosts since before I can remember, and yet I have had not an inkling nor a glimpse of my husband’s presence, despite my appeals and tears. I miss him so very much, and I fear I am falling into a deep pit of sorrow and brooding anger from which I shall never be able to rise. Before and during my marriage I was full of purpose and ambition, but now, as a widow, life holds no meaning, no interest, no joy.
Not even the company of my dearest friend, Lady Susan Devere, has been able to lighten my inner darkness. Susan is hard pressed for cheer also, having recently lost her father, the Earl of Derby. We supported each other through the funerals of our menfolk, and although Susan warmed my frosty exterior through the ordeal, as soon as I was alone at night the self-destructive thought processes resumed.
I am angry at the Anu for denying me the opportunity to see Devere once more. I hate the Dracon for my beloved’s painful death. I am annoyed at myself for having shown Taejax compassion. I am even furious with Devere for failing to make contact and leaving me alone and miserable in his wake.
Last night I was sunk deep in my pit, brooding on all the wrong emotions, when in my thoughts I heard the Dracon taunting me.
Weak woman! You have so much power at your fingertips but your compassion and restraint render your talents useless! Your breeders have you well controlled with their ingrained sense of morality. Your compassion has already cost you your mate. One by one we will destroy every soul you hold dear until your hatred and lust for revenge drive you to us.
My conscious perception was engulfed by a vision of myself in a subterranean cavity amid a throng of Dracon warriors. They were cheering as I unleashed my bloodlust upon Taejax; I used my psychokinetic ability to implode his vital organs, to ensure he suffered as my love had suffered. But the act only left me frustrated, for I felt no satisfaction upon taking the life of my enemy. I extended my revenge to the next lizard warrior, and the next, until I had laid waste to an entire battalion. My fury expended, I looked down at myself. My human body, stained with the b
lood and guts of my enemies, had transformed: I had become one of the Dracon.
‘No!’ I rose from the bedroom sofa panting in horror and desperation. ‘I do not wish any being harm!’ I recited the statement over and over until I believed it.
Who could I approach for help with regard to the protection of my family? The Anu had saved Devere from obliteration, but would they save other family members who came under threat? Would they even be aware of their plight if they were not connected to great human incarnations who had become embroiled in the inter-time war? I had lost all my close connections within the Sangreal Knighthood, and most of my close friends and family were not privy to my esoteric endeavours. Then I recalled the advice my otherworldly brother had offered me as an aid in times of despair. There is no test in getting what you want when you want it; the true test of character transpires in the waiting.
He was referring to my wish to contact my real father and hopefully learn of this ‘purpose’ that so many believed I’d been born and bred for. The test that was to transpire in the interim was beginning to become clearer to me now. Zalman had told me that both angels (the Anu) and demons (the Dracon) came from the same Nefilim stock. Did it not stand to reason then that both the Anu and the Dracon were waiting in the wings to see how I would process this great tragedy in my life? Would my hatred send my frequency spiralling downwards into the ranks of the Dracon, or would I rise above my personal suffering and continue to contribute to the positive evolution of humanity?
I must be constructive, I realised. A little wise counsel would not go astray, however. I missed my mentor, Lady Charlotte, and I pined for my husband and for Levi. Still, I did have one friend who shared my esoteric interests, who was versed both in the psychic arts and in the art of selfdefence.
I held my ringstone and spoke his name: ‘Albray.’ The sound was sweet relief to my battered sensibilities. ‘Albray.’ His stone felt like the hand of an old friend in mine. ‘Albray.’
His smile was a wondrous dawning on this dark night of my soul. Alone at last, he said, and frowned sympathetically.
I sniffled back my emotions and smiled at my old friend. ‘I fear I am not handling that reality very admirably.’
Adversity arrives and all your beliefs and training fly out the window. My knight came to sit on the lounge beside me.
‘I do not know what I believe any more…all my study, investigation and research has only confused me—’
Then stop reading what other people would have you believe about life on Earth, Albray interjected, and get out there and start living it again! I cannot claim to know what your true destiny is, Lady Suffolk, but you are not going to find what you are looking for chained to a desk.
‘I cannot leave—my family may be in danger. My Lord Devere was targeted—’
Because of Sinclair, yes. Albray sounded as if he knew more than he was saying.
‘Do you know who this Sinclair is?’
I believe the fellow in question might be Captain Henry Sinclair, Albray advised.
‘You knew him?’
Albray shook his head. I knew of him, as he was a relative and close ally of Marie de Sinclair, the Grand Master of the Priory of Sion during the course of my service to them. Henry was an extraordinary seaman, and something of a pirate from what I heard. But we digress. There is only one member of your immediate family that will be of interest to the Dracon, and she is more capable of defending herself than you realise.
‘Charlotte!’ I was immediately panicked for her welfare.
You are not listening to me! Albray grew frustrated. And you wonder why your destiny has not come for you? Listen to yourself. On the one hand you are saying you want to move on and claim your destiny, and on the other you are saying…
‘…I cannot leave,’ I concluded, having grasped his point. Mathu had said that only once I had set my earthly affairs in order and my demons to rest would my father send for me.
Your will must be clear, Albray added.
I nodded firmly in encouragement to myself. All I really wanted now was to seek the truth about myself. How could I expect to comprehend the greater universal truths if I was not even sure where I came from? I expected my new-found resolve to raise my spirits, yet my sense of foreboding deepened dramatically. Suddenly I understood what was causing the sensation and shockwaves of fear resonated through my being.
‘Taejax is here.’
Speak of the devil. Albray was immediately alert and on his feet.
Trepidation welled inside me, for I realised why the reptilian had come. ‘Charlotte,’ I gasped, racing for the door. ‘She has been targeted.’
I rushed to the library, where Charlotte was usually to be found working on her own journals. I entered to find Taejax frozen like an ice sculpture and my daughter speaking intently with Mathu, who was not wearing a guise today. His fairy-like features and tall stature were plain for all to see and he appeared as physically solid as I did.
‘I am fine, Mama,’ Charlotte was quick to reassure me. ‘But it seems I have made a frightful error by setting the elementals upon this warrior, believing that he meant me harm.’
‘Indeed he did,’ I assured her.
‘No, he did not,’ said Mathu.
‘This creature was going to wipe my husband’s soul-mind from existence,’ I argued. Mathu knew this; why was he contradicting me?
‘But he did not do it,’ Mathu said, continuing to plead the reptilian’s case. ‘My brothers and I arrived in time to prevent the event. And the only reason that we knew Devere had been targeted was because Taejax forewarned us of the event.’
I was completely bemused. ‘But I saw him ready to deal the soul-shattering blow. He—’
‘He had to play his part in the mission and make it look real, otherwise he would have been exposed as a traitor.’ Mathu whipped up a small warm whirlwind with a wave of his finger, which swirled towards the reptilian. ‘I believe that Taejax has come to Miss Charlotte with a warning.’
‘Are you positive?’ I watched anxiously as my old adversary went into rapid defrost inside the mini tornado.
‘Nothing is certain,’ Mathu replied, ‘but in this case my suspicions are more than likely correct.’
I looked to my youngest daughter, who appeared so waif-like and defenceless. ‘You did this, Charlotte?’ I gestured to Taejax’s frosty coating.
She nodded. ‘I have not spent all these years studying and communicating with elementals without making a few friends in the process.’
My gaze turned to Albray; he was right about Charlotte’s ability to protect herself, and he smiled to imply I told you so.
‘There…is…no…time…’ Taejax forced his frozen mouth to articulate the warning. ‘You… must flee…the…Earth plane…tonight!’ His eyes were fixed on me, which was confusing.
‘Are you referring to Charlotte?’ I queried.
‘No, you!’ he hissed. ‘You have been identified as a key-holder.’
I was bemused. ‘So why did you seek out my daughter?’
‘To give her these.’ The reptilian stiffly opened his four clawed fingers to reveal two glowing rings in the palm of his hand. ‘They are made of Ormus and will telepathically link the consciousness of the two people who wear them.’
‘Why would you give these to me?’ Charlotte was intrigued.
‘So that you might link with your mother and finish journalising her discoveries beyond this world. Knowledge of her quest will be vital to the flame-bearers of the future.’ The reptilian glanced past me as he spoke and I wondered if he could sense Albray’s presence.
‘Key-holder? Flame-bearers?’ I drew his attention back to me. ‘I do not understand.’
‘That is restricted information at this time.’ Mathu cautioned Taejax against saying more.
‘Well then, how do I know these rings aren’t a trick that will disclose my every movement beyond this plane to the Dracon?’
‘Taejax is a trusted ally of the Anu,’ Mathu assure
d me.
‘How can you know that for certain?’
Mathu smiled and referred me back to the reptilian.
‘You set me on this path,’ asserted Taejax, his physical features softening before my eyes to become more akin to the Anu. ‘No one has ever shown me mercy, nor cared if I lived or died.’
As he spoke, the four clawed digits on his hand turned to five fingers, his tough green scales to fair skin, and his dark empty eyes a pale soulful grey. His transformation from demon to angel was not complete, but it seemed his personal evolution was well underway.
‘This could be an illusion,’ I said. ‘The children of shadows can assume the form of any man.’
‘Any man, yes,’ Mathu concurred, ‘but the Anu are not human.’
‘Your act of compassion was a revelation to me,’ Taejax explained eagerly. ‘The more I pondered it, the more I felt and the more I drifted beyond the control of the hive-mind that had controlled my every movement. I began to think for myself. My thoughts and new-found emotions were hard to process at first…the pain, guilt and remorse I felt for my past treatment of humanity was agonising. I had never understood that a passive being was actually braver than his aggressor…how strong and resilient one has to be in order to transmute such emotion into a positive force.’
I was stirred by the great feeling in his voice, and taking a peek beyond his physical form, I could see that many of the energy centres of his subtle body had been activated and cleared of their blockages. I recalled the scribe’s prediction. ‘That would suggest Thoth was telling you the truth,’ I said. ‘He betrayed your physical being to ultimately save your immortal soul, and the day has come when you are thankful for his past betrayals.’
‘And he has thanked me, many times,’ said Mathu.
The implication of these words grabbed my attention. ‘You are Thoth?’ I had never seen this soul-mind wearing his own body; I had only seen him in Levi’s form.
‘Sometimes,’ he admitted. ‘I have many names throughout time and space, as do you.’
The Dragon Queens (The Mystique Trilogy) Page 29
