by Isobael Liu
Lilian narrowed her eyes at him. “And what made you think I did something?”
Matthias grinned. “I know you.”
Lilian clamped her mouth shut, which caused Matthias to chuckle. He turned and reiterated the order to remove the chains.
“Perhaps Lilian should be allowed to rest,” Amras suggested.
“Hell, no.” She snorted and tried to sit up on her own. “I’m not leaving.”
“I’ll speak only to the lady,” Khayyam said. His voice was rough from ill use, hoarse and dry, but it held strength and conviction.
Lilian smiled at him in reassurance. “I will be here and they won’t hurt you. Speak freely.”
There was some grumbling at her words, but she glared at the group and all went silent.
Food was brought in and Khayyam gulped it down as though starving. He kept eyeing them as he ate and she wondered if he expected them to try to steal his food, or punish him for eating it.
With deliberate slowness, she pushed herself up from the chair, straightened her back, and made her way toward Khayyam. Amras and Talis both followed her, ensuring there was no danger, and Matthias stepped up to her side when she passed by him.
Khayyam froze as she approached, watching her with wariness in his haunted eyes. She smiled and extended her hands to him.
“You shouldn’t stand to eat, Khayyam. Come sit down. If you’re hungry still, we’ll get more food. Actually, I’m hungry too.” She looked at one of the Lupine and nodded to him.
The Lupine gave one look at Matthias and hurried from the room.
Lilian eased down into a chair and sighed. Khayyam glared at the others around him, and holding his plate close, eased over to a chair next to her. He sat and placed his plate on the table.
“I would share my meal with you, Lady, but you have a mate,” Khayyam said with his ill-used voice. “I would not want my throat torn out for offending him with my offering.”
Lilian smiled. “I should be the one sharing my food with you, Khayyam. The tortures you lived through at the hands of Ulwe, you deserve to be honored.”
The Lupine eased back down into their chairs to listen.
Khayyam shuddered and lowered his gaze.
“Tell us about the Custodes Secreti,” she said.
Khayyam picked at the food on his dish before looking around. “It’s not as you think. There is the public face, there is the private face, and there is a deeper, darker face. You think it is just a group to gather and study those with abilities, but it’s far more sinister than that.”
Lilian nodded. “I know. I was one too, one of the children, before I escaped.”
“No,” Khayyam argued. “You don’t know. You did not see further down the dark hole, Lady. You were able to escape. Ulwe is creating his own private army, his own legion of creatures, bred to enhance their powers, all under his control.”
The Lupine murmured together at his words.
“His hounds are just the beginning. We were experiments to begin with, to see what he could do to us. Then we were bred with others with unique abilities, to create his legion.”
“I am not surprised,” Talis said. “Ulwe has always been a malcontent. He has never been happy with what he had and always wanted more.”
“Ulwe wants you, Lady, because you are close to your Chrysalis. If he can harness your powers as they come, rape them from you, he would become undefeatable.”
Khayyam gave her an intense look; fear and pity filled his eyes.
Lilian shook her head. “Don’t. I won’t go through with whatever the Chrysalis is.”
Amras and Talis both protested.
“You do not understand what you are saying, daughter,” Amras said. “There will be little choice. You’ll be driven into madness if you do not.”
Talis shook his head. “Your human mind will not be able to withstand the changes you will be going through. The Chrysalis is a buffer for those changes, protecting you while your mind expands and accepts what you see and hear.”
“I heard the trees screaming in pain,” she said.
Everyone fell silent and stared at her.
Talis looked at Amras. “Si Teiralor shor cadael myl.”
Amras looked at her, worry in his eyes. “Ai cyrn. Sher mi vaeraraer. Shar tal shi pai?”
Lilian looked between the two Sidhe. “Don’t do that. Don’t exclude me when I know it’s about me.”
Lilian stood. Khayyam surged to his feet, causing quite a few of the Lupine to tense. She looked at the group and shook her head.
“The Custodes Secreti is an organization which must be taken down. Starting with the nearest. Word has to go out about them to all other supernatural groups. Warn them about the Agents and the Knights. Warn them to do what they can to destroy any cells of the CS they find and rescue prisoners. Let them know what’s going on with the breeding.”
Trays of food and drink were marched in and set up along the long table. She sat back down and reached for some fruit, but Khayyam beat her to it. He picked up the fruit and set it on a plate, and offered it to her, serving her.
“You aren’t my servant, Khayyam.”
“You rescued me from the darkness, Lady. My life is yours. I will serve you, protect you.”
Matthias growled.
* * * *
A couple of hours later, she nodded off in the meeting. Matthias scooped her up, startling her, and settled her in his lap as he continued to discuss their plans.
It had been decided messengers would be sent out to the nearest groups of supernaturals to warn them of the dangers within the Custodes Secreti, and have them extend the warning out to other groups, and so on. The Sidhe would also be alerted to take great care when crossing the Mists, and Ulwe would be declared a traitor, his kingdom seized.
Talis grumbled about having to find a replacement for the Winter Court as well. It had been the second time Talis made some cryptic mention of some higher purpose for his being here, but he wasn’t going to reveal anything more than that, it seemed.
Khayyam protested the separation between them when shown to his own room. He’d been adamant about standing outside her door to guard her, but Matthias used his Alpha position to enforce his word. Khayyam capitulated, but said it had been under duress and he didn’t feel comfortable being so far from his Lady, even if she was with her mate.
She heard Matthias mutter beneath his breath, something along the lines of “overzealous hero worshipping puppies” as he tried to herd her away from Khayyam’s door.
“Hero worship? I’m a hero now?” she asked, amused.
“He seems to think you are,” he grumbled.
She chuckled. “Better than trying to kill me, don’t you think?”
Matthias took her to his room. “Infinitely better. Still, he is a Lupine. I don’t like the way he fawns over you. The wolf in me snarls and tests my control when he’s near you. Lupines are possessive of our mates, protective.”
Lilian shook her head. “Wow, and I thought the Romans were historic. I never realized they were pre-historic.”
He looked at her in surprise, and then narrowed his eyes at her. She knew it wasn’t from anger. He was feigning insult.
“Are you calling me old?” He began to stalk her across the room.
Lilian batted her lashes at him as she backed away. “A Roman Neanderthal.”
Matthias gave a playful growl and pounced, capturing her in his arms. She laughed, and kissed him, which resulted in heated kissing, and the fastest recorded time for removing clothes, followed by several rounds of lovemaking.
However, afterward, when Matthias had slipped off to sleep, snuggled up against her, she had time to think, to be alone in her mind. She was able to ponder the problems without distractions, without worries and fears, and without being bombarded with others’ fears and worries.
As she watched him sleep, she thought about everything that had happened from the moment she met him.
Could I lose him? Will I lose him?
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Pain sliced through her heart at the very thought, brought tears to her eyes and fear gripped her tight.
She loved him. She was in love with Matthias. When realization hit her, she had to fight back the shock before it woke Matthias. Even so, he shifted uneasily in his sleep and gathered her closer to him.
I love him.
Repeating the words in her mind, they felt right.
And it terrified her beyond reason.
Lilian had never thought to fall in love, or even have a meaningful relationship. She’d been on the run, hiding, and with the constant threat of the Custodes Secreti, she hadn’t wanted to risk anyone else’s lives because of her. So, she’d buried away any thoughts of a love life, or a family.
“Your distress carries even to me.”
Talis’s voice echoed in her mind.
“I’m sorry. I’m just realizing a few things.”
There was a fluttering at the open window and she turned her head to look. A white owl perched on the sill and watched her.
“You should be more concerned about what will happen if you refuse the Chrysalis.”
Lilian sighed.
“Come with me,” Talis coaxed. “Let me show you.”
“Turn away,” she thought as she made a shooing motion toward Talis in the owl form.
Talis laughed in her mind and turned his head away. She extricated herself from Matthias’s body, careful not to wake him, and pulled on her clothes. When she was dressed, she approached the window and Talis looked back at her. His eyes captured hers, and she fell still as he pulled her consciousness from her mind, into his.
Soon, they were flying as he launched the owl’s body into the pre-dawn air.
“This is what it is like to be Sidhe.”
All at once, she saw the world as he saw it. Beauty beyond imagining made her gasp. Colors, even in the semi-lit world, were brighter and more intense. Sounds of the world touched her consciousness. She could hear the Earth and the plants created a harmony that wove together the song of life.
Even in the mind of the owl, she could feel the air, cool and wet, and she saw the mist rising from the lowlands as they flew overhead. Night was giving way to dawn and the world waking. No stars shone, nor the moon visible. It smelled cool and crisp, with the faint scent of sweetness in the moisture-laden air.
Lilian took a deep breath, and without thought, she concentrated, focusing her senses on the view. Her eyesight sharpened. Her sense of smell picked out sweet lavender, pine, and the deep, ancient scent of the Earth.
Concentrating even more, she could feel the pulse of life coming from the Earth, and hear the whispers of the faint breeze, tickling the inner reaches of her mind with pagan, primal music. It made her heart race and her breathing quicken. It was a seductive song—an invitation.
She took control of the owl. Talis’s surprise was palpable. He retreated far enough to allow her control, remaining alert in case he was needed.
Lilian flew through the air, the wind caressing her, as if encouraging her to move, to explore. She glided as though she was a current of the wind itself, or a part of the night, and it was freedom.
Yes! She was a part of the night, and the night a part of her. She surged through it as it through her. The wind whispered in her ear as they moved through time and space, telling her secrets of life, of death, of existence, of nonexistence. It told her of peace, and war, history and the future. She took it all in until it filled her mind and body, and she glowed with the knowledge of it.
Lilian was not who she had been anymore, not now. Here, she was…nothing and everything, a mere speck of dust, and the universe itself. She was freedom incarnate and moved through the world unchained and unbound.
This is what life should be! A gnawing ache in her gut woke and stretched its wings, reveling in the freedom. It embraced her and she accepted it, and they soared through the night as one.
The world sang for her, the night sang in harmony, and she floated on the eddies of a song with no words, no tune, no rhythm. Yet, music still filled her senses and her soul. It drove her forward, and comforted her in its peaceful movement. The chorus warmed her, the stanzas made her shiver with delight. Sensual, primal, angelic, demonic, life moved on, the thread spun, the weaver wove, and death was there, waiting to cut the thread.
The darkness was filled with nothing, and everything, and she was not alone, even in her solitude.
Lilian hummed along, joining the tune, creating a three-point harmony. Her heart beat the time, and her blood coursed through her veins in a pounding rhythm as she moved with the universe, as though she was the universe in miniature.
She moved with pent-up energy as every beat of her heart caused a surge of tangible evidence that life continued.
Time slowed, sped up, and then stopped. She watched it within her mind’s eye, experienced it with every cell of her being, tasted it on every taste bud, every pore.
She lived, she died, and she lived again. She was joy, and pain, and rage, and love. She was and she was not.
“Do you understand now? How can you turn this down? Do you know what you will go through if you do not accept the Chrysalis?”
Talis’s tone was seductive. She tried to shake his voice from her mind.
“Do you want to know?”
She had no choice. Talis ripped away her control and closed the wings of the owl until they plummeted toward earth in a free fall dive. She screamed and tried to wrestle back control, to open the wings and keep from colliding with the fast approaching rocks below, but Talis would not let her win.
The Earth screamed. Whispers upon whispers upon whispers as well as the cries of pain and the screams of terror, all created a cacophonic bombardment of noise. She saw horrific monsters wandering about without destination, nightmares given life by those who dreamt of them and released them into the world.
Every cry of pain, every tear shed, ripped at her soul. The world tasted like garbage, the smells were of death and decay. The colors were dark, somber, and the overall aura was of an evil so pronounced, she wanted to vomit.
“This is what you will see and hear until you are driven into complete madness. This is what you will live through until you are driven into ending it by taking your own life, if your mind could survive long enough to reach that state. When the time for your Chrysalis comes and you deny it, there are no more chances. You cannot change your mind. You must go through the Chrysalis, Lilian. You must!”
She cried out in pain, in fear, in protest of Talis’s words, and he released her from the owl’s mind, jettisoning her back into her own body and mind. She wobbled, her equilibrium off. Instead of catching herself, Lilian fell to her knees and cried.
* * * *
Lilian was somber and quiet the next day. She had risen early and wandered the quiet compound as the others slept. Amras and Talis had gone back through the Mists, returning to Jhal os Tor, Land of Mists, or as Amras called it, The Kingdoms.
They would not have stayed the night here, preferring to return to their own lands. Probably best, too, considering she was irate with Talis for last night’s “journey”.
Lilian had returned to bed after she cried, snuggling up against Matthias. In the early morning, he woke and made love to her and she had reveled in it. She was also careful to keep her thoughts to herself. She didn’t want Matthias to know her feelings for him, not yet at least.
She’d gotten up when Matthias had slipped back to sleep, and cleansed in the bathing pool, dressed, and went to wander the grounds in the peaceful dawn.
If she went through the Chrysalis, how much of it would change her? Would she be herself anymore or something else? Would she have to go live with her father in their land, or would she be able to stay here? Would she lose her abilities or gain others, or both?
“Lilian?” she heard a female from behind her call out, soft and almost shy.
Lilian blinked, and turned, only to be surprised to see Anoria. She tensed in readiness, just in case.
“Lilian, if I’m not disturbing you, would it be all right to talk to you?” Anoria asked.
This Anoria was different. The Anoria from before wouldn’t have asked for permission. She wouldn’t have cared if Lilian wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how to take this version of Anoria and so she just touched upon Anoria’s surface thoughts.
Please, let me apologize. Please don’t turn away from me. Let me explain. Hope Matthias doesn’t get pissed off at me. Maybe I can talk to her .
Lilian smiled. “Of course, Anoria. I don’t hate you, you know.”
Anoria flicked her gaze up toward her, and away again, down to the ground. “I’m sorry I tried to hurt you.”
Lilian walked again and Anoria fell in step alongside.
“I’m not angry, Anoria. I don’t believe in holding grudges. You made a mistake and it’s done.”
Anoria sighed. “I felt threatened by your presence. I didn’t know Matthias was serious about you, and I thought if I could drive you off, I could console him.
“What you did for my sister, healing her like that, thank you. Helena told my mother you didn’t wish for anything in return, not even gratitude.”
“I didn’t do it to make myself look better to the pack, or for gifts. I healed her because she was in pain and I had to do it.”
Lilian avoided the woods as they walked, skirting along the forest edge until they reached the front drive.
Anoria kept beside her.
“He isn’t too rough with you, is he? I mean, it’s none of my business but you aren’t Lupine.”
Lilian frowned. “He’s fine with me, Anoria, and yes, it is none of your business.”
“I’m sorry,” Anoria was quick to interject. “No offense. I just…well, you’re human.”
For how much longer, she wondered.
“What’s it like having your abilities?”
Lilian pondered for a few moments, then smiled. “It’s not easy. Sometimes, you have to use them. Sometimes, you know using them will make it that much easier to be found.”
“The Custodes Secreti?” Anoria asked.
“Yes, they have people like me who can detect when abilities are used, and track them down.”
