Stella

by Helen Eve

  Caitlin looks relieved and I’m proud of my empathetic skills.

  ‘It’s so different,’ she says. ‘Everyone stares at me because of my accent and I don’t think I’ll ever fit in.’

  I make my decision, although I shouldn’t reveal it before telling the Stars in the form of a democratic consultation where everyone’s vote, even Penny’s, is supposed to carry equal weight.

  ‘Where are Lucy and Hannah?’ I ask.

  She can’t bring herself to smile. ‘They went to feed the rabbits, you know, at the farm?’

  Her plight is grimmer than I thought. The farm is only frequented by Shells, and not many of them would be seen dead there. It’s mainly for scholarship kids, because no one who can afford their own animals has the slightest interest in being near them. Despite their questionable taste, Hannah and Lucy are not on scholarships, so this is inexcusable.

  ‘I didn’t know we were even allowed to go there in Sixth Form!’ I say.

  Her voice shakes with trauma. ‘I went with them yesterday and there was a whole bunch of kids there. It was awful. I got all kinds of crap on my shoes – and the smell—’

  I’ve heard enough. ‘You’ll never have to go there again.’

  She looks appropriately impressed.

  * * *

  By dinnertime I can’t believe I’ve only known her for a few hours. She’s exactly what we’ve been waiting for. Mary-Ann is bright, and the private tutor Lila thinks no one knows about is really improving her Maths and Chemistry, but otherwise we’re not exactly an academic group. I haven’t minded this in the past, because it’s preferable to be a bimbo than a geek, but Luke doesn’t have much time for them. Men are hypocrites, of course, because he fell in love with me the moment he laid eyes on me and it wasn’t because he cared how good I am at analysing metaphysical poetry.

  Nonetheless, his indifference (and that’s putting it mildly) towards the Stars can make life awkward, especially as Edward gets on with them all so well. Mary-Ann is the only one Luke speaks to (they mainly argue about cognitive evolution, but both seem to enjoy it); Penny and Lila he ignores, and Ruby and Katrina he despises. My mind is working overtime as I consider what this means for Caitlin. Setting her up with a Stripe will mean female company for me and double dates, so less opportunity for me and Luke to be alone. Stars shouldn’t date anyone outside the Stripes (although sometimes they don’t adhere to this statute), but right now only Lila is in a serious relationship, and proximity to her Neanderthal boyfriend Quentin is a direct violation of my human rights. Overall, I’m very pleased with the success of the afternoon.

  ‘Where have you been?’ Katrina sounds hurt when the Stars catch up with me. ‘You were supposed to mediate in today’s debate. It was This house believes that no Star should exceed second base with any male without the group’s approval. It was your proposal!’

  ‘That’s okay,’ I reassure her. ‘I’ll still be able to decide who won.’

  A well-aimed missile from Henry has wiped the make-up off the left side of her face and flattened her hair to her scalp. Melted snow has saturated her bouclé jacket and soaked right through to her underwear. She’s miserable, but not sufficiently so to go and clean herself up and miss out on the row the rest of them are having.

  Everyone is furious with Penny for not telling them about her secret fling with the new stable hand (he’s actually been here for months, but as none of them muck out their horses very often their paths haven’t crossed). Apparently Penny has been at the stables at all hours of the day and night recently, and, instead of selflessly providing round-the-clock care for her colicky horse, she’s been flirting with this boy who they claim looks exactly like Orlando Bloom. We’re astounded by her selfishness.

  I smooth things over for Penny (not that she appreciates it) by suggesting that they all go to the stables later to take a look at Orlando and let him see for himself which of them he likes best. There’s no sense in ousting more than one Star at a time, and I don’t want the anger directed at Ruby to wane too quickly.

  Katrina agrees at once, demonstrating the effectiveness of an Orlando Bloom lookalike as a cure for equinophobia, and then I change the subject.

  ‘I ran into that new girl, Caitlin. She was crying because – well, you know who’s in charge of her.’

  Lila giggles. ‘The Ugly Sisters?’

  Mary-Ann murmurs something about Hannah and Lucy having nice personalities, which the rest of us ignore.

  ‘She’s really miserable,’ I continue. ‘You won’t believe what they’ve been making her do – visit the farm to look at the rabbits!’

  By the time Caitlin arrives at the table, the Stars are united in compassion. Scant encouragement is needed for Penny to put our spare earrings on standby, or for Lila to offer up Ruby’s erstwhile seat to our new arrival. Our silent vote is almost unanimous, but Katrina is harder to convince. She has some abandonment issues because her mother emigrated without warning when she was ten, leaving her with a senile father and a series of hard-partying au pairs and teenage stepmothers. I’d never abuse my position as the securest thing in her life, but I like to keep her on her toes by cultivating a variety of friends. That way she’s always grateful for attention.

  By the time a red-eyed Ruby trudges in (even the Zinnia looks dejected), we don’t bother to comment. Predictably she makes straight for Caroline, who puts a supportive arm around her. Caroline’s table is a dumping ground for the formerly popular. She’s so desperate to be a Star that she always thinks the outcast will put in a good word for her, but if the period of exile is temporary she finds herself discarded within seconds of our reconciliation. She never learns.

  ‘I can’t believe Caroline,’ I say to Katrina. ‘She was bitching out Ruby the other day and now look at her.’

  Katrina’s eyes bulge, and the silver stars she’s threaded through her hair tremble in annoyance, because Ruby’s best chance of being reconsidered for membership is to demonstrate contriteness through isolation and penance. Aligning herself with a subgroup doesn’t help her case at all; in fact it causes Katrina to join the right side and vote for Caitlin just in time.

  By the end of dinner I can see that Ruby’s exclusion is likely to be permanent, which might act as a deterrent to any other Stars who consider veering off-brand. Don’t cause embarrassment, don’t attract the wrong kind of attention, and don’t date someone who could be detrimental to the group. How hard is that to remember?

  Chapter Nine

  Caitlin

  Stella’s cafeteria table buzzed with an energy that radiated through the entire school. The second I sat down, I understood. Not only would we be lesser people without her, but it was questionable whether we’d even exist. I struggled to answer their questions as I tried to figure out why Lila had called me over to sit with them. Across the room, Lucy and Hannah conferred worriedly.

  ‘Did you have a boyfriend in America?’ Penny was asking me. She was even cuter close up, her kitten-like blue eyes and round pink cheeks incompatible with the skull-and-crossbones scarf and sheer top that Lila had picked out for them both. She and Lila liked to match, but because their styles were so different one of them always looked a little uncomfortable. ‘I mean, were you going steady?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘I was dating, but no one special.’

  This wasn’t exactly true, but it sounded better than saying I once went bowling with a guy named Eric that I met at Bible study and who always smelled a bit like chicken. The most I could do was deflect attention away from my previous existence and hope they wouldn’t guess how lacklustre it had been. Perhaps then I wouldn’t toss away my first chance of experiencing the extroverted life my dad wanted for me.

  As my eyes fell on the Stripes’ table, I felt myself flush scarlet. ‘She likes someone!’ Penny crowed, twisting her silver star necklace around her finger. ‘Caitlin, who are you crushing on?’

  Lila craned her neck to see who was in my line of vision. ‘It’s not Edward, is it?’

>   ‘No,’ I managed to stammer, but I knew I was blushing. They all exchanged meaningful looks and I swallowed nervously. They had way too much shared history for me to catch up on, and I was glad when Lila changed the subject.

  ‘So, Caitlin, what was your favourite club in New York?’

  ‘The Viper Room?’ Penny suggested excitedly.

  ‘That’s in LA.’ Lila was disappointed by this faux pas. ‘You should know that, Pen.’

  ‘I didn’t go to clubs,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t have gotten in! Is that what you guys do?’

  Penny was nonchalant. ‘Sometimes we go to a club, but otherwise we go to the bar.’

  ‘There’s a bar in school?’ I hated myself for sounding so uptight. ‘For kids under eighteen?’

  ‘All Sixth Formers are allowed to buy two drinks each,’ Penny explained. ‘Although no one ever notices if we bring our own as well. What’s your favourite drink?’

  ‘I’ve never really – I mean, I’ve gone to a couple of college parties, but I’ve never liked alcohol much.’

  ‘It’s up to you,’ Mary-Ann told me comfortingly. She was the quietest, and she smiled at me as if she understood how nervous I was. ‘There are lots of weekend activities that don’t involve alcohol. Like bowling, or ice-skating, or the cinema.’

  ‘All those things involve alcohol,’ Penny corrected her.

  Mary-Ann beamed. ‘This weekend we should have a Stars’ night in and get to know Caitlin properly. We could watch a film!’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Lila said. ‘You know what happened to Penny after we watched Orphan. I can’t sit through group therapy again.’

  They all started talking at once, but went quiet when Katrina held up her hand for silence. ‘Have you forgotten that the campaign kick-off is on Saturday?’

  ‘The Head Girl campaign, that is,’ Penny explained to me. ‘It’s the night where the Head Girl and Boy candidates first present their teams to the school.’

  ‘What teams?’ I asked confusedly.

  ‘Candidates run in teams of four, because each Head Boy and Girl candidate has a campaign manager,’ Lila said. ‘So we have Stella and Edward, with Katrina and Luke as their managers.’

  Katrina flicked her ponytail proudly at this fact, which evidently made her the second-most important person at the table.

  ‘And who are the other teams?’ I asked her.

  There was a silence, during which the Stars looked a little shocked. ‘What do you mean, the other teams?’ Katrina ventured finally. ‘Why would there be other teams?’

  ‘I thought…’ I started to worry that I was causing offence, even though I couldn’t figure out how. ‘I mean, the election is a big deal, right? I assumed other people would want to try out.’

  Lila sniffed. ‘You’re right that they might want to.’

  ‘Kick-off is also a big party,’ Penny said quickly. ‘It’ll be a great chance for you to discover what your favourite drink is.’

  ‘I don’t think I’m going to have one,’ I said. ‘I’ll stick to water.’

  Stella was watching me. She looked angelic in her white broderie anglaise dress but her voice was distant. ‘Caitlin, you know you don’t have to attend kick-off?’

  I winced, suddenly very aware that I was sitting in a spot marked Ruby. ‘I’m sure I’ll find something I like,’ I managed.

  ‘Good,’ she said, still watching me. ‘Because we have something to show you.’

  She and Katrina conferred for a moment and then, as Katrina gave a nod, Penny excitedly handed me a tiny jewellery box. ‘Open it!’

  Inside was a pair of silver earrings in the shape of stars, identical to theirs.

  ‘My ears aren’t pierced,’ I admitted, pushing back my hair to prove it.

  Lila’s green eyes gleamed, and she dug through her handbag for a sewing kit. ‘I’ll do them,’ she offered, checking the sharpness of her needle with her finger. ‘I did Penny’s tongue last year.’

  ‘Penny got septicaemia,’ Mary-Ann said. ‘She had to go on a drip.’

  ‘That wasn’t my fault!’ Lila contested hotly. ‘She probably got that from Olly.’

  ‘Well, thanks.’ I covered my ears nervously. ‘I’ll think about it.’

  ‘They’re like a membership card, but better, because they’re white gold.’ Penny was proud. ‘My dad had them designed for us at Boodles. It’s lucky we got the spare set, hey?’

  I was about to put the box in my bag when Stella took it back. ‘We don’t just hand these out. But you really should think about getting your ears pierced, Caitlin. You don’t want to be left out if the opportunity arises, do you?’

  By the look on her face, I could see that this really wasn’t a question.

  Chapter Ten

  Stella

  I suppose it was inevitable that sex – or lack thereof – would start to dominate my relationship with Luke at some point, but I’d hoped to avoid it until after Elevation, which will be a new era entirely. It’s imperative that I remain focused on the campaign for the next few months, exactly as a sportsman might abstain in preparation for an important match. None of the Stripes appears to be familiar with this strategy, which is perhaps why they haven’t won a single game this season.

  My efforts to avoid being alone with Luke stall, however, when he asks me to get a permission letter from my mother to leave school for Valentine’s night, pointing out before I can say no that I won’t even have to give her an excuse. This is true; even if Seraphina cared enough to check, vodka-induced double vision would prevent her from seeing what she was signing.

  Keen on getting a second opinion about how long one can reasonably delay sex with one’s boyfriend, I try in French to explain my misgivings to Mary-Ann. We’re watching a film called Mon père, ce héros which is tedious (and morally dubious), but at least it’s dark.

  Mary-Ann is becoming really pretty, I’ve noticed recently. She didn’t become a Star on looks; more because she came from prep school in Paris with an abundant designer wardrobe. She’s a great clothes horse, even though she never seems to have a clue who she’s wearing and is as careless with Chloé crêpe de chine as she is with her Aertex PE kit.

  When she was younger she was kind of funny-looking, coltish and awkward. She’s got long straw-coloured hair and she’s really skinny, and we used to tease her for being clumsy and having big feet. We’ve rejected girls for less, but the truth is that I trust her with things I’d never want the other Stars to know. She has a really strong moral core and sometimes our behaviour shocks her, because the conscience planted by her religious upbringing denies her a lot of fun. We ignore her when she tells us off, but I admire the way she tries to do the right thing, even if I’d never do it myself. And after Fourth Form you don’t get picked on for being skinny.

  Her sheltered background has ensured she’ll never have sex before she gets married, and perhaps not then, and she has a panic attack every time a boy tries to undo her bra. I look around to check no one’s listening, hoping she’ll understand.

  ‘Luke wants to take me to a hotel for Valentine’s Day,’ I whisper.

  She looks confused and stops taking notes, twisting her hair into a messy topknot with her biro. ‘What’s the matter with that? You’ve been together for a while now.’

  ‘I don’t think I’m ready,’ I say under my breath. ‘I haven’t slept with anyone before.’

  ‘You’ve never done what with anyone before?’ she says loudly.

  ‘Shut up,’ I hiss.

  Lucy turns round to shush us and I flip her the bird. I draw six hangman spaces in my exercise book and finally Mary-Ann manages to spell out VIRGIN.

  Now she’s listening. ‘You lied!’

  Already I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. ‘I didn’t lie.’

  Her eyes are as round as pennies. This is the annoying side of her strong moral core. ‘You did. You encouraged Lila to sleep with Hugo, right before she found out he was cheating on her with the rhythmic gymnastics second team.’ />
  ‘I don’t remember that,’ I say flatly.

  Mary-Ann has the memory of an elephant, if not for être verbs, then for sex-related scandal. She drops her ace with triumph. ‘You told her that sex was mildly exhilarating.’

  I press on with some damage control. ‘Okay, maybe I did. But it doesn’t matter – she didn’t do it, did she?’

  She shudders. ‘Only because of the naked Facebook pictures. Who knew Hugo was so pliable?’

  I think she’s going a bit far. I might have some influence, but, honestly, what about free will?

  She’s remembered something else. ‘You and Penny had a pact that you’d both do it at the lakeside party last summer, the night you and Edward broke up. She only did it because you promised her you’d do it too!’

  I attempt a romantic insight. ‘Sex should be special. You can’t do it according to a formula.’

  ‘So why did you say the first time you do it is always terrible? You told her to do it with Olly so she’d be good at it by the time she met someone she liked.’

  I remember now. Penny’s first time was awful (and not only because she got grass stains all over her Balmain skirt and a tree root was digging into her back throughout), so I was right. She should have thanked me for my wisdom.

  Mary-Ann is looking at me as if I’ve done something terrible and I’m not sure what she wants me to say. I thought this talk was going to be about me and my problem, which she can surely understand is more important than Penny popping her cherry with some bit-part Stripe she probably doesn’t even remember.

  ‘And both Ruby and Katrina followed your rubric,’ she continues. ‘It didn’t end well for them either!’

  ‘I was saving face,’ I try before she cranks open this Pandora’s box any wider. ‘Edward and I were going to do it, but it didn’t happen, and then we broke up. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone the truth, and I guess he was too.’

  Apparently touched by this show of vulnerability, she places her hand on mine. ‘Luke’s crazy about you; he’ll wait until you’re ready.’

  For a second I think I’m saved from her unnecessary sympathy by the ringing of my phone, but it’s my little sister again. Mary-Ann, who knows Syrena’s Lady Gaga ringtone, gives me an odd look. ‘Everything okay?’