by Nhys Glover
‘Your failure?’ she challenged him angrily. ‘How have you failed? Your work has been a brilliant success, and promises to be more so, in the years to come.’
‘Damn the work,’ he snarled furiously, sweeping his arm across the top of the bench, and sending all of the equipment, including the petri dish, flying.
‘Rene, my beloved, talk to me! I want to understand. Seeing you like this is destroying me.’ She couldn’t hold back the little sob that fought its way out. She wanted to go to him, hold his head against her breast, and take away his pain. But she could do none of it. So she stood and waited for the answers she so desperately needed.
Rene glared across at her, his chest rising and falling, as if he had run a race. ‘Yes, I am destroying you. Or my inability to find a way to save you will destroy you. A man protects what is his. A man fights the dragons for his damsel. I cannot do that for you, Liv, no matter how much I want to. I do not know how to save you…’ He suddenly realised what he had said. ‘I mean… save you from the loneliness of life when you go back.’
‘Rene, I know. You do not have to hide the truth from me. I have seen my death records. I know I will only have a few months left when I get back. To be honest, I will be glad. The idea of living a long life without you seems like torture.’
‘A torture I will be condemned to!’ he yelled at her, reaching out for the glass beaker that had missed the sweep of his arm. He grasped the beaker tightly for a second before throwing it across the room. Liv jumped at the sound of it shattering.
‘You cannot save me from my fate, my love. Please stop torturing yourself like this. It hurts us both, and solves nothing,’ she begged, as the tears began to fall from her eyes, blurring her vision.
Through the blur, she saw him move toward her, and draw her gently into his arms. For several long minutes, they clung to each other like children in a storm. Liv could hear his heart beating desperately in his chest. She wanted to reach in and still its frantic pace. Her beautiful husband was falling apart, and she didn’t know how to help him. It was far worse than thoughts of her own approaching death.
‘You are right. It solves nothing. I knew right from the start that our time would be short. And I shorten it further by treating you thus. Come home with me now, Ma Chere, let me try to build more pleasurable memories for you to cling to after… after I have gone.’
She felt her heart lift for the first time since they had received notification of her return date. They still had two weeks. It wasn’t nearly long enough, but it would have to be. She would make it be enough. For both of them.
Arms wrapped around each other, they left the Facility, and headed home on the moving pathway. When had the villa by the sea become home? From the very first day, she realised. As strange and unbelievable as everything had seemed back then, she had still felt the comfort of home.
‘Do you remember the meal I tried to cook you in that first month? I was so determined to be a good wife to you. And what a disaster it was. Everything was so different here. I couldn’t work out how to use the stove. Or how long to leave the vegetables to cook.’
‘And the shock on your face when you found out that the meat you thought you were cooking wasn’t meat at all!’ Rene gave a sad chuckle.
‘I suppose I was never cut out to be a cook. I am a better scientist.’ She was proud of her use of that word. It was one that would not be current for a hundred years or more after her time. But scientist was what her studies had made of her. She would like to have been able to continue her studies back home, but as her time would be short, her plan was to make the rounds of her sisters, to say goodbye. They would not realise that was what she was doing, but there were things she needed to say to each of them. Most of all, she just wanted to let them know how much she loved them.
Unlike most people, she would have her chance to gain closure before her death. She would get her chance to say her goodbyes.
‘You are an extremely capable scientist. I have appreciated your assistance over the last year, Livy. I hope you know that. And I have appreciated your belief in me. I have needed that.’
‘I am glad. I have achieved two major goals in my life. I was able to present my grandfather’s work to the world, and I have been able to assist you in yours. Knowing how your work will change the face of the planet, in the years to come, is wonderfully fulfilling.’
His arms tightened around her, and he dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. ‘Without your work, I would never have found the giant earthworm my tribe spoke of so reverently. Your life has mattered. And not just in terms of work. Without you, I would never have known what it was to love. I knew, as I watched you walking toward me on our wedding day, that no matter what, I would never regret a moment of our time together. I am so damn sorry I forgot that. I’m so damn sorry I’ve been so tied up in my own pain to care about the pain I was causing you.’
‘It is in the past now, my beloved. Let us focus on the future weeks. Let us make them the best in our lives.’
He stopped and turned her toward him, as the pathway continued to move under them. Ignoring the startled looks of the passers-by, Rene leaned down, and claimed her mouth. The kiss was as deep and tender as any he have given her.
It was more than enough.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
They stood at Start Point wearing the clothes they had worn at this time the year before. To Liv it felt like a lifetime ago. And yet, in other ways, it felt like she had barely been here any time at all. But she knew this world now. Understood it. She recognised the strange ‘machines’, which displayed scrolling information in the air, as ‘computers’. Knew they trawled the combined knowledge of the past in search of candidates for Retrieval. She also knew that the object sitting, unnoticed, at the back of the dais, was the device that programmed all the ‘PA’s – the Portal Activators – and the Portal at Start Point itself, with the ‘molecular data’ required for time travel. To her, it looked just a like a big, black, metal box.
How strange and indecent she had found the white clothing the inhabitants of New Atlantis wore. Now the empire line dress she wore, and the tortured ringlets in her hair, felt strange and uncomfortable. She would never feel the silky texture of that fabric against her skin again.
Nor would she feel the naked body of her husband against her skin again. Once they were back in 1810, all of the intimacy they had shared would have to end. He would be a stranger with whom she could not spend time alone, unchaperoned.
Last night’s love-making had been bitter sweet. And no matter how much she wanted to experience the bliss of one more ‘orgasm’ as they were called, her body was too sad to go there. But it had been enough to feel her beloved losing himself in his passion. And as the tears poured down her cheeks, she had kissed his sweating neck and breathed him in for what might be the very last time.
‘I will always love you. Always…’ he had said into her hair, the beloved weight of his body pressed into hers.
‘And I will always be with you. Not even death will keep us apart.’ It was a promise she had no idea whether she could keep. She knew that life went on after death. She believed in Heaven. But whether she would be able to cross time to be with him, she wasn’t sure. But if determination was a factor, then she would be able to do it. She loved him that much.
She cast a glance in his direction. He looked so different in his 18th Century costume, her grandfather’s journal under one arm. His hair had been grown longer in a couple of days, so he could tie it back in the little pigtail. The lock she had come to associate with him, was gone, cut short as a fringe and swept to the side. Even his skin was paler; the sun darkened skin had been lightened to match the long months he was supposed to have spent inside. Her own suntanned face and arms were now as pale as they had been the year before. To her own eye she looked anaemic. What had Rene seen in her back then, when he had these lovely, natural women around him all the time? She must have seemed as starchy as her cotton petticoats had been.
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br /> As they waited for their scheduled departure, she saw a group of people coming toward them. She identified Jane and Julio, Cara and Jac, Maggie and Travis, and several of the scientists she had been working with on Rene’s project. Tears stung her eyes. They had come to see her off, even though she had told them not to.
As one, they approached her, their sadness an entity in its own right, walking with them.
‘You didn’t think we’d let you get away without us saying a proper goodbye, did you?’ Jane kept her voice chirpy, but Liv could hear the effort it was taking.
‘Thank you, everyone. You have become such dear friends to me in the last year. I will miss you all.’ Her voice was little more than a croak, and Rene wrapped his arm around her to steady her wobbly legs. He had done just that a year ago. How often had the awful stays stopped her breathing properly, and threatened to cut off her ‘oxygen’ supply. Those foolish vapours she had thought were a necessary part of being a woman had been nothing more than the result of her clothing. How ignorant she had been about so much.
‘Take this,’ Maggie stepped forward and held out a small golden object. She took it carefully, and studied it for a moment in awe. It was a miniature of Rene, obviously painted by Maggie. The gold filigree setting covered the picture so that it looked to the outside world as simply a pretty locket. ‘You can’t take photos back with you, so I thought this might do the job. Jane reminded me of the one Julio bought her. You can always say Rene gave it to you as a gift for inviting him to visit. Probably not socially acceptable, but he is from the New World, so he can be forgiven.’
Maggie smiled at her, but Liv could see the tears in her dark green eyes. Travis tightened his grip on his soulmate’s waist. They were such a handsome couple.
As the others said their goodbyes and their well wishes, she felt Rene becoming stiffer and stiffer at her side. This was as hard for him as it was for her. He was grieving for her, even though they were not yet parted.
‘Time to go,’ he said, as the Portal lit up behind them. With a sad wave goodbye, she allowed him to draw her up the stairs of the dais. Then, with a last glance over her shoulder at the world she had come to love, she stepped with Rene into the shower of lights.
She had known what to expect this time, but it was still a shock to the system. When the infinitely long step had been taken, and the light behind them blinked out, she almost fell from the dislocation of it. Rene’s strong arm around her waist kept her upright.
1 July 1810, Harrogate, Yorkshire, ENGLAND
The guest room in Foxmoor Manor looked old and threadbare to her, as she looked around her in dismay. It felt as if she had stepped back into a medieval castle. And the room was chilly, for all it was a warm summer’s afternoon outside. The Persian carpet underfoot gave little comfort from the hard floor boards beneath it. It had seemed such a modern Manor House to her a year ago, having been built only sixty years before.
She could see the valises sitting on the floor next to the four poster bed. A year ago, or was it just ten minutes ago, she had been rummaging through them, looking for some indication of Rene’s mysterious identity. It was laughable how right they had been. But Portia could never know the truth of what she had discovered in this room. No one could.
Rene reluctantly let her go, and walked to the locked door. His plan was to go back down to the library with the Journal, and she was to return to Portia’s room shortly after. She would tell Portia she had to hide in the wardrobe while he was there. It was the truth, as far as it went.
Turning the handle, he opened the door with a backward glance in her direction. Even this short separation felt like it would be eternity. He smiled sadly at her, and left. Then, trying to focus on the pleasure of seeing her baby sister again after a year, Liv followed him out, heading down the hall to Portia’s room.
As she took the corner, she found her sister hovering, her face flushed with distress.
‘Oh Liv, I was so anxious. I saw him go in. I did not know what to do, how to waylay him without making him suspicious. And then he was in there so long. I thought he might have caught you, and taken advantage of the scandalous situation,’ her sister whispered, as they both hurried the rest of the way to Portia’s room together.
‘No, he did not discover me. I heard him coming, and hid in the wardrobe. I thought he would never leave again.’ Her sister’s speech sounded so artificial to her ears, as if she had a plum in her mouth. Did Rene think that about her voice? He had never said. She wondered if her accent had changed at all during her absence. Portia didn’t seem to have noticed any differences yet. But then, she wasn’t looking for them. As far as she was concerned, her elder sister had been gone for only ten minutes.
How was she going to pull this off for the last few months of her life? She felt like a different person to the one who had left a year ago. Surely they would all see it? Surely they would tell the intimacies she and Rene had shared, when they saw them together.
‘Oh, thank heavens; I was in such a state. Did I go to your rescue or leave you there, and hope that he was a gentleman. Oh, I quite forgot. Did you find anything incriminating?’
‘No. He appears to be exactly who he says he is. I think we are making a mountain out of an mole hill. The Rene in grandfather’s journals was obviously a different man. It is a coincidence that they both shared an interest in giant worms.’
Portia cocked her head to the side, and studied her for a moment. ‘Do you genuinely think so? How easily you seem to have given up your quest for answers to this mystery. Are you sure nothing untoward happened in his room? You look different, somehow.’
Liv felt her body stiffen with fear. She forced out a little laugh. ‘Oh nonsense, sweet sister. You are letting your imagination run away with you. How could I look any different after ten minutes? He could hardly have taken my virginity in such a short time.’
‘Liv! When would you ever speak of such an indelicate subject? And how would either of us know how long it would take to lose one’s innocence?’
‘I am sorry, Portia. I quite forgot myself. Put it down to ten minutes in a wardrobe, afraid of discovery. Do not tell me you were not also thinking I was being deflowered, or at the very least compromised, in that room for so long.’
‘I will admit my imagination did run rampant. I was just so glad to see you come out. But it is getting late. We should change for dinner. Father will want us to observe the proprieties with a guest staying.’
‘Yes, of course. But first, I might just stop in at the library, and make sure Rene was unaware of my presence in his room. Before we face father.’
‘Will I come with you? You shouldn’t be alone with him, after all.’
‘I will not be long. He would not say anything if you were with me. He is a gentleman, after all.’
‘Yes, of course. But be careful. I feel unnerved by that young man. Even though you are convinced he is above board, he makes me quite uncomfortable. I think it may be his wild Indian blood. They take scalps, you know.’
‘Oh Portia, do not be so absurd. He is a perfect gentleman. The son of a Duke, for pity’s sake. You have too much time on your hands. Your imagination runs away with you.’
The look Portia sent her was shock and cautious doubt. What had she said that was so strange? She couldn’t guess. And in this moment, she didn’t care. All that concerned her was finding Rene again. It felt like he had been absent for hours, rather than minutes. She wanted a few minutes alone with him, so she could hold him and kiss him again. She craved his touch like an addiction.
As she hurried along the corridor, and descended the staircase to the ground floor, her heart beat like a wild thing in her chest. She clung to the wedding ring that hung from the chain around her neck, and dangled between her breasts. No one knew it was there. No one would ever know it was there. And she would wear the locket in plain sight and no one would ever know that it contained the perfect likeness of her beloved husband.
At the library door she p
aused long enough to check for onlookers. It was essential to keep the proprieties here. The servants would whisper if they found out what she was about.
She slipped inside the room, and looked for the tall, dark man she loved. He was standing in front of the window, looking out at the gathering dusk. His silhouette, set against the lightness, seemed that of an old man.
‘Rene!’ she cried softly, rushing to his side. He drew her into his arms, and kissed her as if they had been parted for weeks. She felt his desperation as fiercely as her own. How were they going to stand a permanent separation when they couldn’t go half an hour?
Eventually, he put her aside, and ran his fingers across her kiss-swollen lips. ‘They will notice what I have done to you, Ma Chere. We should have been more controlled.’ His voice was like gravel on her sensitised nerves.
‘I do not give a damn. Oh Rene, I do not think I can do this. I am scared! ‘
‘Hush Chere, do not be afraid. You will get through this. You are stronger than any woman I know. ‘
She wanted to deny his words. She wanted to tell him how real it all seemed, now that they were back. She was terrified of losing him. Death would not come soon enough, if she was to lose him now.
‘You could stay for a few months. I have a few months left…’
He rested his forehead against hers. ‘Do you think I have not considered that? But look at us… sneaking a few stolen moments in a room alone, listening for approaching footsteps. How long do you think I could stay out of your bed, if I stayed? Your father would find out, and he would call me out. This would be the worst torture for both of us. I have been thinking… I will leave straight after dinner. I will ride back to the stable where I rented the carriage and go home. The sooner, the better.’
‘No… oh Rene, no! Not tonight. Go tomorrow. It is soon enough tomorrow.’
