“Have you seen really bad stuff?” she asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
“Why do you do it? Doesn't it bother you?” she asked.
“I don't really like to talk about it. I try not to think about it. I just want to help people. If someone had been there to help,” he said, but stopped himself.
“Help who?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he answered. “I'll be back in a minute.”
He left the room before she could say anything else. What happened in his life, she wondered? She had not been around Heath's house once they started high school. Lisa spent time with him in school or at functions, but they stopped going over each other's houses. Josh had went away to college and Heath had never mentioned him again. She didn't want to think about him, so she didn't ask about him. When she saw him at Heath's house warming party, she was shocked. Lisa had no idea that they had become good friends.
“I text Becky and Gavin to tell them I brought enough food home for them. That way, they don't have to cook,” he said, as he walked back into the room.
Lisa knew he was avoiding her questions. She didn't have any business pressuring him to answer her. He was already taking so much of his time up to help her, and she had no idea why he was doing it. She felt bad for him, because she could tell something was really bothering him. He didn't want to talk about it. Josh grabbed their plates and dirty glasses and took them to the kitchen. She could hear him moving around and washing the dishes. He was doing a good job of avoiding her. When he came back into the room, she grabbed his hand. He looked at her with a shocked expression. She could feel the warmth from his hand against her skin. He didn't pull away. Instantly, she felt a safe feeling through her body.
“Would you please sit down and talk to me. I won't ask you anything personal. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I just want to talk,” she asked as she sucked in her bottom lip.
She felt his hand relax in hers as he sat down next to her on the bed. It was quiet for a few minutes as he looked down at the bed.
“I don't know what you are doing here or why you are helping me, but I want you to know I appreciate it. My own family wouldn't do as much for me as you are, and you don't even know me. The only thing you know about me, is that I had a crush on you when I was a kid. You don't owe me anything. You have no responsibility for me, and here you are. If I called my parents, they would tell me to go to a rehabilitation facility until I was better. Becky has only been my friend for less than six months, and she has taken me into her home. I don't know what I would do without you guys. You bought me clothes and are staying with me. I don't know if you feel sorry for me or if you are just a genuinely nice guy, but I appreciate you. I am so thankful for everything you have done for me. Without you, I probably wouldn't even be here. I know you must be tired of me thanking you, but you don't understand,” Lisa said.
She looked over at him, and he was still looking down at the bed.
“Will you please look at me,” she said, as she squeezed his hand. He slowly looked up at her. “I don't believe in love or happily ever after, but if I did, I would want you to find it. You are an amazing and selfless man. What you do for a living is amazing. I never realized it, but what you do, I can't imagine doing it. You ran into a burning building to save a stranger, knowing that there was a chance you would never come out alive. I just never really took the time to think about what a firefighter really does. It's not about the money, that I know. I will appreciate every tiny moment, for the rest of my life. I am going to find a way to show you and everyone at the station how thankful I am. I don't know what you go through, or how you do it, but I appreciate what you do. I don't know what you have been through in your life that you don't want to tell me, or what is hurting you, but I want you to know that I care about you. I owe you my life. Without you, I would not be here. No matter what you need, or when you need it, I will always be there. If you ever feel like telling me, I will be there to listen.”
Josh looked into her eyes and leaned closer to her. He put his forehead against hers and softly kissed her lips. She felt a chill race through her. His lips were so soft and warm. Slowly she kissed him back. He put his hand in her hair and licked across her bottom lip. She parted her lips as she brushed her tongue across his. It was better than she had ever imagined. She had dreamt about kissing him for as long as she could remember. He leaned them back on the bed and slid his tongue into her mouth. She held the back of his head in her hands, not wanting to let him go. His hair was still damp as she ran her fingers through it. Josh's breath sent tingles up her spine. She could feel his heat against her mouth. He deepened the kiss, and she could feel the passion building. Their tongues swirled around each other. She pushed her mouth harder against his as she moaned. Wetness formed between her thighs instantly. If his kiss did that to her, she could only imagine what it would be like to be with him. Damn, did she want him.
She slid her hand across his shoulder and down his chest, as she pulled him closer. He slowly moved his fingers down her neck and across her shoulder. She shook slightly. He cupped her breast in his hand, over her shirt, as he claimed her mouth. She rubbed down his stomach to the waist of his shorts. Her fingers hooked the band of his shorts and slowly pushed them down as they brushed against the tip of his cock. He let out a breath as her fingers made contact with him. She rubbed the tip with her finger and spread the juice on his tip around. His hand found its way up her shirt and under her bra, and he circled her nipple with his fingers. She gasped as her nipple hardened beneath his fingers.
“Josh,” she breathed into his mouth.
She pushed her hand down into his shorts and took his hard cock into her hand. He groaned and bit her bottom lip, as she stroked him. His hand slid down her body and into the shorts he had bought her. She grabbed him harder as his hand went into her panties. The feel of his thick fingers against her felt so good. Lisa felt her kiss deepen against his mouth. She wanted to take in every breath he let out. He ran his finger across her slick folds.
“You're so wet,” he whispered.
“You have no idea how bad I want you, Josh.”
She wanted to get a better feel of him, but she could only move so much. With her leg up, she struggled to get what she wanted. She loved the way his cock felt in her hand. He was so big and hard. She didn't think he could get any bigger, but he grew as he slid one finger into her. She bit his lip as he entered her with a second finger. He slid his fingers in and out as his thumb rubbed her clit. She held him firmly as she stroked him hard.
“Fuck, Lisa,” he growled.
“I want to pull you on top of me so bad. I want to feel you inside of me, Josh.”
“We can't risk hurting your foot,” he grumbled. “If not, I would have already been buried deep inside of you.”
He continued to fuck her with his fingers as she felt him. Their breathing was hard and rapid. He thrust into her hard and deep as she moaned his name. She stroked him hard and fast as he pumped his thick fingers into her. He could feel her start to come, as he thrust hard into her. She tightened around his fingers and moaned his name as she continued to stroke him.
“I can only imagine you tightening around my cock instead of my fingers. You are so damn beautiful.”
She moved her body and leaned over. Her tongue licked across his tip and he groaned loud. She circled his tip with her tongue and sucked the juice off the top. Lisa slid her mouth down over his cock and he jumped. He grabbed her shoulders and lifted her up.
“Shit,” he whispered. “Someone just opened the front door.”
He jumped up as he pulled up his shorts and took off for the bathroom. She shook her head and adjusted her cloths and leg. The television was muted, so she turned the sound back on. Becky popped her head into the room.
“Where's Josh?” she asked.
“I think he went to the bathroom or kitchen,” Lisa answered.
She was so glad he heard the door. Lisa never heard it
open. Why couldn't Becky have waited a few more minutes? The man she had always dreamt of being with was hard as can be, and she couldn't finish what they had started. Gavin followed in behind Becky. After a few minutes, Josh emerged from the bathroom. Lisa could hear him talking to Gavin about work. He walked back into Lisa's room with Becky. Lisa noticed him avoiding her eyes. He wouldn't look at her. Becky looked at what he had written on the paper and at the pill bottles. He explained what she had to take and that she had to eat when she took them. Becky laughed at him and how close he kept track of everything. He shook his head. Becky thanked him for dinner. He said goodbye to Lisa and told her that he would be back before Becky and Gavin left for work, but refused to look at her. He hurried out the door.
Becky went to the kitchen to get Gavin and her dinner. They ate and went into the living room. Becky came back to check on Lisa. She asked if Lisa wanted to play a game or anything. Lisa told her she wanted to just read and was fine being alone.
Lisa sat thinking about Josh. She remembered that he had put his number into her phone. She went through her contacts and laughed when she saw the name “my hero” on the list. Opening a message to type she could feel a huge smile on her face.
“Is this my hero?”
She waited for a few minutes.
“Yes, do you need rescued?”
Lisa laughed out loud.
“I'm sorry about earlier,” she sent.
“Sorry it happened or sorry they came home?”
“Sorry they came home and you left with a rock hard cock,” she sent.
“It wasn't your fault. I'm fine. That shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry. I had a weak moment. It won't happen again,” he replied.
“Why not?”
“I don't do relationships or love. That's not who I am. You are friends with Becky and Gavin. Then there's Heath,” he sent.
“What about Heath?” she sent.
“Are you kidding me? He would be pissed if he found out we messed around. I wouldn't blame him.”
“Why?” she sent.
“How can you ask me that? Do you seriously not see it?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” she replied.
“I had a weak moment. Everything you said got to me. I don't know what I was thinking. It will not happen again. We can't do that. You are an amazing person. I'll see you in the morning.”
“You don't have to come over. I will be fine on my own. Thanks for everything,” she sent, feeling rejected.
What was so bad about being with her? She felt as if he regretted what they had done. Her happy mood was crushed.
“I will be there in the morning. Don't be like that. You are beautiful and wonderful, but I don't do feelings. You are too good to get mixed up with me. I don't want to hurt you,” he sent.
“That is the best rejection I have ever gotten. I'm good. You can be sure it won't happen again. I will not ever try to touch you again. I'm not sure what happened to you, but I hope you will talk to me about it one day. You will always be important to me.”
Lisa shut her phone off and went to sleep. She didn't need to be told twice that she wasn't good enough. That was one of the reasons she didn't believe in love. It was not for her. Lisa had tears in her eyes as she fell asleep.
Chapter 9
Josh sat in his car outside of Becky and Gavin's the following morning. He was nervous about going into the house. Lisa was upset with him. She didn't understand. He spent the night with a woman and then left before he fell asleep. That was who he was. She was sweet, nice, and beautiful. There was no way he wanted to hurt her, and he knew they would never have a relationship. Heath was a very good friend of his, and she was a great friend of Heath's. How was he going to be with her all day without the previous day coming into their conversation? He text her back, but she never answered him. She deserved better than him. Lisa needed a man who could put her above everything in his life. Josh was not that man.
He let out a sigh and got out of his car. Becky and Gavin met him at the door. She leaned in to whisper in his ear.
“She had a rough night. I heard her cry herself to sleep. I'm not sure what happened. She wouldn't talk or come out of her room after you left. I think I heard her yell in her sleep. I don't know if she is having bad dreams or what. She is closed off, and I can't figure out why,” Becky whispered.
Josh shook his head.
“She had a bad dream when she was in the hospital. It will take time for her to get over the fire. It is really scary being in a building on fire,” he said.
Josh went into the house as Becky and Gavin left. He put the bag he brought with some of his stuff in the living room. Josh went to Lisa's room and stood at the door. He knew he needed to get it over with and face whatever was coming his way. When he knocked, she didn't answer. Slowly, he opened the door. She was asleep. He could not help but watch her. She looked so peaceful and comfortable, despite her foot being up on pillows. He smiled as he walked over to the nightstand. She had not had her medicine yet and he figured she had not eaten anything.
He went to the kitchen and made some eggs and bacon. When he had two plates ready, he walked them to her room. Josh got Lisa's medicine ready and then sat on the bed next to her. He carefully whispered her name, so he didn't scare her. When she didn't answer, he shook her arm. She opened her eyes slightly and looked at him.
“What?” she asked.
“I brought you breakfast and your medicine,” he said.
She let out a growl and pulled the pillow over her face. He could see her eyes were red and his stomach dropped. Had she really cried herself to sleep? Was it because of his text or was it something else?
“Lisa you need to eat so you can take your medicine,” he said.
“Leave it there,” she said.
“Nope,” he answered. “I am eating with you.”
“I don't want you to,” she snapped. “I can't be here with you. I feel stupid. You pretty much told me that what we did was the most horrible thing you had ever done. Do you know how that feels? I feel awful. I get it. I'm not good enough for you. You can be better than me in the other room. I appreciate everything you have done for me, but you don't need to take care of me. I will figure it out. I told you, I don't believe in love, and there is no such thing as happily ever after. I didn't ask you to marry me and have babies with me or anything. I wasn't asking for forever. Now that I think about, you are the one that started it yesterday.”
Josh let out a groan and sat on the edge of the bed with his head down in his hands.
“Look, you deserve better than me. I don't think that I'm better than you. Yes, I started it yesterday. Do I want to do it again? Yes, I do. You deserve someone that can put your first and give you everything you deserve. I am not that guy. You deserve someone like Heath. He is the guy for you,” Josh said.
“Heath, are you serious?” she asked. “He's like my brother. Why was he so upset that you had saved me? I heard you two talking that night in the hospital.”
“I am very serious,” he answered. “He was so mad that I was at the hospital. When he found out that I carried you out of that building, he was devastated. Heath loves you Lisa. Everyone knows it but you. He is a good man who wants love. I'm his friend. There is no way I can do that to him. You don't want me. I'm a fucked up mess, who doesn't want love. I don't ever want to get close to anyone. I never want anyone to depend on me, and I never want to have to depend on anyone. I never want to lose anyone again.”
Josh got up and handed her the medicine and a glass of water.
“Take this,” he said, not looking at her.
She took it and handed him back the glass. Lisa reached for him, but he backed away. Josh grabbed the plate and handed it to her. She took it from him as he looked at her. He could feel wetness in his eyes. She looked into his eyes and he saw her facial expression sadden. He grabbed his plate and walked out the door.
“Josh,” she called out. “Come back here.”
&nbs
p; He didn't come back.
“Do you need something right now?” he asked.
“I need you to come back here,” she said.
“Eat your food. You have to eat with that medicine. I am eating out here, as you requested.”
“Come back in here, please,” she said.
“I can't,” he answered.
She sat quietly and ate. After a little bit, he could hear a bunch of noise and moving around. He got up, went to her bedroom, and looked in. She was pulling her walker across the floor as she leaned halfway off the bed. He shook his head and let out a snarl.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he snapped.
“I'm getting my walker, so I can go into the other room,” she answered.
“Why?” he asked. “What do you need?”
“I need you to talk to me. I'm not going to touch you, don't worry about that,” she snapped.
“I'm not worried,” he snapped back.
“What did you mean?” she asked. “When you said you don't want to lose anyone, again?”
“I don't want to talk about it,” he said.
“Who did you lose, Josh?” she asked.
He looked at her for a bit. Josh walked over and helped her back onto the bed.
“My dad,” he answered. “I lost my dad. I saw what it was like for my mom to lose the love of her life. I don't ever want to do that to anyone, and I don't ever want that to happen to me. I don't want love.”
She looked up at him and stared into his eyes.
“How did you lose your dad, Josh?” she asked.
He looked down at the floor as the beep noise sounded.
“Shit!” he groaned, as he shook his head. “Will you be okay for a little bit? Do you need anything before I go?”
He grabbed his shoes and put them on.
“No, I'm fine,” she said. “Please, be careful.”
“Call me if you need anything,” he shouted from the other room. “Do you still have my number?”
“Yes, I do. Josh, please be careful,” he heard her shout as he shut the front door.
Hot for Love (Bachelor Billionaire #2) Page 5
