by Terra Wolf
Having Regina walk out on me must have really done a number on me because my heart dropped into my stomach when I heard Janelle say that. It was like she knew me or knew something about me. I could see it in the way she looked at me, like she was looking at my soul.
“Are you at a loss for words?” Her tone was flirtatious, but all I could respond with was cautious optimism.
“Have we met before? Funny, I don't know why I wouldn't remember that.”
She ignored my words and wandered off toward the wheat field.
“You might not want to go out there. We get a lot of critters from the hills that come down at night,” I warned.
Over her shoulder, she answered, but her words boomed in my ears as if I was standing next to her. “I'm not scared of them.”
“Scared of who? The critters?” I asked, jumping up from the porch to follow her.
She walked slowly, almost methodically into the fields, like she had no care in the world. Chills ran up my spine. Goose pimples soon covered my body from head to toe. The jaw pain I had been experiencing intensified. I couldn't budge. Horrified by my body's nonsensical reaction, I stood frozen, watching her. There was a kind of light around her, guiding her way. She walked and walked until she neared the spot I'd woken up at earlier that morning.
“Here we go,” she whispered in my ear from a distance.
My breath caught.
How could she throw her voice like that?
My head started spinning, but my feet remained firmly planted on the ground. A fluttering in my stomach steamrolled into an inexplicable force until my body unlocked itself from its position and sprang forward, lunging for the woman I'd only just met.
I couldn't explain it. I couldn't stop myself.
A memory flashed through my mind, then, was gone, as if it had never happened.
Janelle's voice played over and over in my head. The words were not familiar, but the melody was intoxicating. As if I was outside of my body looking in, I witnessed myself transform into the most hideous creature I'd ever seen. I wasn't human. I wasn't a normal animal. I wasn’t like anything I’d ever known to come from this world. At least, not the world I'd come to know as my own.
Her chanting fell to a low whisper, playing in my mind. I could see her, smell her, nearly taste her, but she seemed so far away. My home was gone. My mother nowhere in sight.
As my body struggled through the agony of a sort of birth to something new, there was nothing I could do, but let it happen. Let it take full control over me.
“There you are. There you are,” she whispered, consoling me.
My jaw line extended. My tongue stretched. I couldn't utter a word. My heart beat out of control. I was nothing, but I was something all at the same time.
What is happening to me? Wake up, Gabriel. Wake up, I repeated over and over again in my mind. Whatever had gotten ahold of me wouldn't let go.
Janelle smiled in awe, not a hint of fear on her sweet face.
Help me, I thought. Please, help me.
In my head, I heard her respond, “I am. Let it happen. This was meant to be.”
I tried to extend my arms and grab her, but my arms weren't my own. I was a beast.
Help me.
“Gabriel!”
My mother's voice shook me out of my nightmare. I opened my eyes to find my mother, Father Reynolds, and Janelle standing over me on the porch.
“Are you okay,” Father Reynolds asked as he checked for injuries on my body.
“Let's get him inside.” Janelle bent down over me, the sweet perfume smell smothering my senses.
I lurched up. “No. I'm okay.”
I looked myself over. Nothing had changed. I was still intact.
What is going on?
My mother answered the question for me. “You passed out again. I think, we should take you to the emergency room. This isn't right.” She looked to Father Reynolds, who eagerly agreed.
“Let me grab my purse. I'll drive,” Janelle said before running back inside the house.
…
Lucky for me, my crew knew their jobs well. I didn't have to necessarily be outside hovering over them all day long. My 'episodes', as my doctor explained had more to do with stress than anything medically wrong. His advice was to take it easy for a few days and cut down on my salt intake and relax. I don't know how exactly that was supposed to help me, but I liked the sound of taking some time off to get my head right.
“Are you hungry? Do you want some fruit, son?” My mother was relieved to know that she hadn't placed any evil curse on me and almost happy that my heart had been broken and she wasn't to blame for my most recent problems.
“Thirsty, mostly. Thanks, Mom. Why don't you go into town today and go see some friends or do some shopping? I'll be fine here,” I suggested.
“I'm sure you will. I hear Janelle is coming over to have lunch with you. That will be nice, won't it?” Her question would seem benign to most people, but I knew what she was insinuating. I could hear it in her tone. She liked Janelle, but I was in no position to make rational decisions when it came to women, especially one who witnessed what could be the most embarrassing moment of my life so far.
“Yeah, that's nice,” I answered.
“Nice? She's pretty, don't you think? She doesn't live that far from here either, so you should be able to see her all the time.”
I had no memory of speaking to Janelle about where she lived or worked or any memory beyond the freakish nightmare I had and the humiliating hours I lay in a hospital bed surrounded by my weeping mother, a priest, and a beautiful stranger, who did a good job of pretending that my predicament weren’t out of the ordinary for her.
My mother gave me the look only a mother could give, and I knew a lot more had gone on behind the scenes than what I'd thought. I should have known it wasn't a coincidence that Father Reynolds invited his niece to tag along.
“What did you do?” I whined.
“Me? Nothing. What do you think I did?” She stifled a giggle as she got up and walked into the kitchen.
She returned a few minutes later with a bowl of oatmeal – for my blood pressure, of course – and a tall glass of orange juice.
“Okay, I think I will go into town and pick up some groceries and a few other things that you need. I'll tell Jesse to keep an eye out for Janelle and you... Well, get some rest. Read a book. Watch a movie or something. Okay?”
“Yes, Mom,” I agreed. I had to admit, having her here with me did make me feel a little better. I missed her since she moved to Florida, but I was thankful that I could fly her in as often as I could to spend some quality time with her, even if she was always cooking up a new spell to find me love.
“Good.” She started for the door, then, turned to ask, “Didn't Janelle seem kind of mysterious to you? I'll have to ask Father about her.”
“Let it be, Mom. She seems fine. She's just not used to crazy supposed healers running around,” I teased.
…
“Wow! You didn't have to bring lunch. I could have made lunch for us,” I told Janelle as she unloaded a bag full of covered dishes from her shopping bag.
“No, you're supposed to be resting. I'm happy to cook for you.” She paused to rephrase what she said, but decided against it and let the comment linger long enough for my imagination to get the better of me.
“Thanks.”
Our conversation came easily as we ate. She'd grown up just a few hours away at the Colorado/Nebraska border. She owned a hair salon and lived alone. Her mother was Father Reynolds' youngest sister. Her father passed away when she was young. The strangest coincidence of all between us, her grandmother had been a voodoo priestess in New Orleans. At any other time, I would have cringed at the thought of it, but right now, it didn’t bother me much at all.
“When my uncle explained to me what your mom was, I was so excited. All I could think about was all the things I used to hear my grandmother say. She loved that her son entered the priesthood. It
kind of validated everything she believed. You're so lucky!” She beamed.
“Really? You think so? I suppose it's okay, but it does make for unusual circumstances sometimes. Try explaining to your girlfriend why your mother is always chanting something when she's around.” I laughed at the memory of my mother constantly trying to intimidate Regina with her nonsense.
“Did she really do that? Is that what happened to your girlfriend?” Janelle asked, nodding to a photo of Regina and I had taken together during a trip to Las Vegas over the summer.
“Oh, that. No, turns out, I'm not as fascinating as she thought I was and she left.” I really didn't want to have a big discussion about my ex-girlfriend with Janelle.
“Sad,” Janelle mused before getting up to clear the dishes.
“You don't have to do that,” I said.
“You're supposed to be resting. Let me take care of you. I never get to take care of anybody these days. Besides after what you've been through, the last thing you need to worry about is dishes.” Janelle continued clearing up, play slapping my hand if I intervened.
After the dishes were cleared, we went for a walk around the ranch. I introduced Janelle to my crew, who were more than happy to have been introduced to her, even if they were surprised that she was an African American woman. There weren’t many in our neck of the woods. When we reached the stables, the horses started acting up, but Janelle didn't hesitate. She walked right up to them and whispered as she stroked their manes.
“Do you like horses?” I asked.
She didn't get a chance to respond because as soon as the horses saw me, they started making a fuss as if they'd never seen me before.
“Maybe we should let them be,” Janelle suggested, taking my arm and walking out of the stables with me.
“Sorry about that. Everything has been a little off around here lately,” I apologized.
Janelle didn't seem to mind all the fuss. I surely didn't mind having her by my side. Everything about her made me feel things I'd never felt before with any woman. She had this air of confidence about her, but not in an arrogant way. She was beautiful. That, anyone could plainly see, but she was more than that. It was as if she held some kind of power over people just by merely being in their presence. Since she'd arrived, no one could take their eyes off her.
“Thanks, again, for lunch,” I offered, unsure of how to get an intelligent conversation started with her.
She grinned politely, then, asked, “What do you remember about last night?”
“Not much. I hope, I didn't make a fool of myself.”
Her reply was simple. “You didn't.”
“Okay, so, what did I do?” I hoped I wouldn't regret asking that question.
“Well, you are worried about the wrong thing. We all make fools of ourselves at some point, don't we? You reacted better than I thought you would,” she said it so flippantly, my first instinct was to laugh, then, her words sunk in.
“Better than you thought? What are you talking about?”
“You don't remember? Really?” Suddenly, the confident, seductive woman I thought she was, got this dark look in her eyes, as if I'd offended her.
I shook my head, indicating that I didn't remember. A scowl washed over her face for a moment and disappeared just as quickly.
“Well, I better get going. I'm sure your mother won't be too happy that I had you out and about today. I'll just go grab my purse and be on my way, then.” She walked away without giving me a chance to ask her what had come over her all of a sudden.
The wind picked up dirt and blew it into my eyes. By the time, I cleared the dust out of my eyes, Janelle was already in her car and heading toward the road. She honked twice and sped off.
“Wow! You're two for two this week. Keep that up and there will no women left in town to tick off,” Jesse joked.
“Yeah, I'm a real winner.” I turned to him, wanting to ask him what he'd heard about my incident the night before, but thought better of it. Who knows what my mother would have told him?
…
“You were supposed to rest today, Gabriel.” My mother's accusing tone startled me.
“I did. What's wrong?” I put my book down on my chest and turned to her.
“Son, we have to get the evil out of here. Lie down on the floor. I'll light some candles.”
“Mom.” I followed her out of the room. “I'm not cursed. Look, I've had a really bad week and I'm stressed. Please, don't go all-”
She interrupted me, knowing what I was about to say. “Something has happened. I made a mistake. I don't know how. Maybe, I... I don't know.” Tears welled in her eyes as she fought to find the words. “That woman is a witch.”
Confused, I asked for clarification. “Janelle? How would you know that? You just met her.”
“Gabriel-”
A knock on my front door interrupted our discussion.
“Don't open it, son.”
It was too late. I had already turned around and headed for the door. When I opened it, a gush of harsh autumn air hit my face, but not before I saw her standing there sneering at me with venom in her eyes.
Episode Two
I stood in stunned silence, oblivious to the world around me. The eyes I'd grown to love were no longer warm and full of hope. They were dark and staring into my fragile heart, as if I'd done something wrong, as if I was to blame.
“Gabriel.” Her tone ominous behind the maddening stare.
“You're not welcome here anymore,” my mother warned as she approached the door.
Regina sneered in response to her warning. It wasn't the first time the two women stood on opposite sides of an issue. My mother's disdain for Regina never wavered, even after years of her and I living together.
“Marnie, I'm so happy to see you.” Regina's eyes never left mine as she spoke to my mother. I remained frozen in place, the weight of all we'd been through weighing heavily on me.
Speaking to me, Regina said, “Well, aren't you going to invite me in?”
I didn't answer. I couldn't find the words. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, I'd not had time to process any of it.
“You need to leave, witch.” My mother's words surprised me.
My mother stepped closer to me, saying, “Close the door, Gabriel. She's no good. Don't let her control you.”
Regina's hands flew into the air. Her frustration permeated through her pores. I anticipated her next move, but didn't move in time to stop it before it got out of control. She was in a rage.
“Listen, you old bit-”
“Enough,” I shouted. “You need to leave. And, Mom, let me handle this.”
I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I understood that in order to make sense of any of it, I couldn't have them battling each other. It'd been a long time since I'd felt like this and having both my mother and my ex engaged in an all-out war wasn't going to do anyone any good, especially me.
“I just came to pick something up. Please,” she begged.
Although my wounds were still fresh, I still loved her. I couldn't make myself stop loving her. Telling her to go away, pained me as much as it did her. Only a few days earlier, we were talking about getting married and having a family. My mother's feelings about her never dissuaded me from loving Regina, but the heartache I'd suffered, made me acutely aware of how raw my emotions were still.
“Come in,” I offered much to my mother's chagrin.
“Thank you,” Regina whispered as I held the door open for her.
My mother stood her ground, watching Regina's every move.
“Mom,” I tried.
“Shh! You can't trust her.”
I let her words linger. It wasn't the time to argue. I didn't have the strength to argue. The time would come when I'd have to have a discussion, but I wasn't yet ready for that.
…
“Did you get everything you need?” I asked as Regina walked out of the bedroom we used to share.
“I think
so. Um... Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen.” Regina's voice shook as she offered her apologies.
I held my hand up, stopping her. Apologies weren't necessary. What was done, was done.
“Be safe,” I said as she walked toward the front door.
Turning, she looked around the room, looked at me and said, “You be safe. I love you.”
Her words cut like a knife. I fought to control my emotions. The only woman I'd ever truly loved and lost still loved me, but I could do nothing about it. Not now. Not after all that had happened.
She waited for a response from me. I wanted to hold her in my arms and forget about all that had gone so wrong between us. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but I couldn't. Shame washed over me as I watched the disappointment register on her face before she walked out the door.
“You love her?” My mother sounded disappointed too.
“I don't know,” I lied. Hiding my emotions had been something I'd struggled with all my life, but over the last several months, I'd run into too many opportunities to practice doing so.
“Tell me the truth.”
“I can't. Not yet.” I walked out the door and watched as Regina sped down the road to her new life -- the one that didn’t include me.
…
The moon finally made its appearance. It was the only thing I could count on these days. I'd made a fine mess of everything else in my life and I was paying a high price for it.
Hours had passed since I'd disappointed every woman in my life. All that I'd worked so hard for meant nothing if I couldn't be the person I wanted to be and be with the one my heart truly desired. No one, including my mother, could help me. Not now. Perhaps, not ever.
“You aren't alone, you know.” Janelle's voice made me leap in the air.
“Where did you come from?” I asked.
“Doesn't matter. Looks like I'm here right on time, though. Isn't the moon beautiful tonight? I just love how much clearer the sky looks here.”
