It needed to be true now. My hairs stood up as I said, “No matter what, I’ll ensure you and yours are taken care of.”
“I’d do the same for you. We’re sisters.”
I believed her. She might not be a shark like me, but she could love without losing herself. Part of me wished I was like her—emotionally strong, not just depending on my brain.
I pressed my hands on the bridge of my nose and wished I’d stop that fantasy. We all had our roles, and I wasn’t the love-and-hearts type.
I heard footsteps and told my sister, “Okay, good. Look, I have to go.”
I hung up and saw Jacob locking the glass panel door. I walked out and didn’t care if he saw me in my shorts and t-shirt.
He glanced at my legs and I was thankful I had taken my time in the bathroom tonight. He said, “You’re still up.”
He hadn’t been home. Did he really think I’d just go to bed? Besides, until I’d married, I’d never slept much. I ignored how my hair stood on its end as I just said, “I couldn’t sleep.”
He pointed to the bar and raised his eyebrows to ask if I’d have a drink. I nodded.
“You showered,” he said, as we walked over to the bar.
“It’s hot out. You probably should hit the shower, too.”
I cringed. Seriously? Why was I saying that? My stomach uncurled and I hoped we wouldn’t circle back to any conversation where we ended our marriage. But I tensed as he said, “Look, I should have had my thoughts clearer before I mentioned ending our marriage.”
The tingles in my spine spiked, but I took out the glasses for wine as I said, “Glad you had time to realize that you should be celebrating that you’ve won.”
He took a bottle of Sauvignon blanc from the refrigerator and filled the glasses as he said, “It’s a hollow victory. My mom is still dead and he’s still rich and I might be just like him.”
I sipped the white wine and wished I had better answers. Other women were all heart and caring and sweet, but I was always an icebox who solved problems logically rather than facing her emotions. I let out a small frustrated sigh and stared into my glass. “You’re nothing like him. You have an amazing heart.”
And I loved that part of him the most.
Fuck. That wasn’t good.
He held his glass in front of him and his brown eyes were dark and almost impossible to read right now. My skin was alive with awareness of him when he said, “It’s not a chance I want to take with you.”
Nothing in my life had trained me for falling in love, or for what to do right now. My spine tingled when I said, “We don’t have to talk about this right now.”
“Look, you married me because of a contract. I think we should rip it up now.”
Boom. My eyes misted. I rocked on my toes. We were good together. My heart raced as I sipped my wine and tried to calm down. When I felt calm, I asked, “Why? You want to just be married, without a contract?”
That sounded so stupid, and my ears burned from my own words. He didn’t love me.
He turned toward the bar and put his glass down, avoiding me. “I think we can activate the dissolution clause now. You have the money and you … we … I need to be free.”
His shoulders seemed tense. I wiped my cheeks so he wouldn’t see me cry. I’m not the crying type. My own body ratcheted up the emotion as I put my glass next to his, unable to drink. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
His fists were on the black bar and he shook his head at the wall. “That’s impossible. This is about me and my bottom line, and needing to sever anything that makes me weak.”
I made him weak? I wasn’t sure what to do. All heat left my body, leaving me cold. My throat was tight, like I’d throw up, as my stomach twisted. I pointed to the door. “Okay. I’ll pack my things.”
He turned toward me and his face was pale and tight, too. If his words hurt as much to say as they did to hear, maybe we were both wrong. But he only said, “It’s late. You’re ready for bed. I’ll fly you back in the morning.”
Never argue with the client. The PR rule floated in my mind and I ignored the pins and needles feeling in my limbs as I forced myself to head to the bedroom. I stopped after walking a foot that felt more like a mile in my mind. I had one thing to say and hopefully he’d hear me.
“Jacob?”
His voice cracked. “Yeah?”
I ran my hands through my damp hair and wished the adrenaline rushing through me would dissipate. I met his gaze and said, “I enjoyed being your wife. None of this felt like a lie to me.”
He picked up his untouched glass and said, “Well, that’s something I guess.”
I floated back to him like he was a magnet and asked, “What?”
He gulped his wine like it was water and then stared at the ceiling when he said, “You were the closest thing to a wife I’ll ever have, and you being here sped up my timeline to success. I should be thanking you more.”
Damn. I wished he loved me. My knees were weak and I pressed my palm onto the nearby wall to hold myself together. My chest felt like it had caved in from a landslide as I asked, “Why are you ending it then?”
He stared at me and I swore I saw his eyes glisten like he’d cry. “Because I realized I want something in my life that’s not here now.”
An emotional woman—which was something I’d never be. I was cold and emotionless. But I asked, “What?”
He took a step toward me. “Love. I want to look at myself in the mirror and know I’m not like my father. And that I don’t seek to destroy the only woman I might love.”
He loved me? Maybe he did. I wasn’t sure. My hand shook. My heart had been hidden away and unavailable for a long time. Maybe we weren’t just filled with lust, like my life theory said. I let go of the wall and walked toward him and said, “But you don’t love me, so it’s not a problem.”
“We shouldn’t pretend. My heart will only break, and it’s better if we don’t see each other anymore.”
My arms ached to hold him and never let go. But I couldn’t lie to him or to myself anymore. I’d never be who he wanted me to be, or who he thought I was. So I ignored the ache in my body that made me long to run into his arms, and I clutched my belly instead. I took a step back, but my feet were so heavy it was like trying to shovel impossibly deep snow that was iced over. My heart pounded and I asked, “Jacob?”
His eyebrow arched. “Yeah?”
I love you. The words surfaced in my brain, but I pressed my lips together and blinked. His brown-eyed stare captured me entirely and I’d lose who I was if I followed my impulses. I shivered as I said instead, “I’m sorry if I ever did anything to hurt you.”
“You couldn’t.” He showed me his back and I saw how tense he was as he said, “Good night, Indigo.”
My heart had no right to break into shards of glass as I slipped into the bedroom. We’d never agreed to love. And love between a man and a woman meant I’d turn into my mother. This hurt right now, but I’d made the right decision. I’d protected myself.
Chapter 16
Jacob
I woke up hot and had a pain in the back of my throat. I hadn’t been like this in a long time. This was how I felt when I was a boy and unable to save my mom from whatever bothered her. I sat up in my bed and drew my legs toward my body.
The last time I’d been like this was when my mother had died. Inside I screamed for release and slowly uncurled myself.
Hopefully I had time to stop Indigo from leaving. My mom had told me she loved me every night, but I hadn’t taken that risk.
I needed to correct that. If Indigo stomped on my heart, then I’d find out if I was capable of walking away.
Last night I’d been on an emotional rollercoaster from seeing my father. I had always worried about turning out like him, but I’d never really believed it would happen.
Yet I hadn’t told the woman I loved how I felt about her.
As I buttoned my pants, I heard a car engine stop outside my window. My service
was here. Was she planning to leave?
I threw open my door and ran to catch her, still in my bare feet. I didn’t care if I stomped on recycled bamboo floor or shiny marble that was cold to the heels.
Pushing Indigo away because of my father only gave him the power again. And I was done caring what he might do next.
She wasn’t in the living area.
I knocked on the door of the bedroom she’d slept in and waited.
Seconds ticked past. I heard no sounds inside. I peeked in the door, but the bed was made and the lights were off. I flipped them on. Cold ran down my spine. Her suitcase was gone. She’d already left.
It wasn’t a car arriving I’d heard but one leaving.
Once again I was all alone. I threw open her bathroom and closet, but they were empty. I slumped on the bed and called out, just to be sure, “Indigo?”
No answer except a crackle under my butt. I scooted over and grabbed the envelope I’d been sitting on. The second I saw my name, my hands trembled. I ripped it open and read the paper inside.
Jacob,
Thank you for setting me up to start my own company. I am going to run my own PR firm, and get by on my savings to start my company. Maybe whoever you sell the Tulsa Sooners to will want to work with me … I’ve transferred the twenty-five million back to your account because when you love someone, you help and support them unconditionally. I’m sorry I ever hurt you.
Love,
Indigo
Love? My heart fluttered and I rubbed the cords in the back of my neck to get out the tension. She hadn’t loved me. She hadn’t said anything.
And I’d never told her how I felt.
For a few minutes I sat there, dazed, my fingers brushing against the bed.
Then I stood and paced. Should I go and find her? My skin buzzed.
I brushed my teeth in silence and cleaned myself up, but saw that less than ten minutes had passed. The hot water of the shower hadn’t helped my stiff muscles, and I wished there was a way I could go back in time.
The money was hers and she’d earned every penny.
I hadn’t been this wound up in years. I headed to my gym and ran through my routine three times.
The sun was out now, but it was only eight in the morning. I showered for a second time and shaved. Once I ran out of grooming ideas I headed to the kitchen, but it hadn’t been stocked.
I wasn’t sure what I’d do, but as I paced, my phone rang. My lawyer. I quickly answered and asked, “Frank, what’s going on?”
“The twenty-five million we sent to Indigo is back in the escrow account.”
She hadn’t lied, then. I closed my eyes and backed into the kitchen cabinets. One of the knobs pressed against my ass. I held onto the cold marble counter and said, “She’s gone.”
Frank smacked his lips and I listened to his heavy breathing. “I liked your wife and her team. Jasmine’s not returning my calls now.”
Huh? I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head. I had zero clue my personal life was intertwined with his. “Were you dating her?”
“No. We were collegial always. But she laughed at my jokes.”
In my head I quickly imagined that Frank’s face was bright red. I’d never seen him show a woman the slightest interest in years. I straightened up and started opening the drawers, looking for some sign of coffee to drink, as I said, “Indigo left me a note this morning. Before she …”
“Ohh,” he said. “Let’s talk. If it would help you, I’m all ears.”
Just tell me to man up and tell the woman I love how I feel, I thought. I coughed and said, “You have work to do.”
”You don’t have many friends.”
I let out a sad sigh and rechecked the fridge as I said, “I’m not here to make friends.”
“I figure Russ and I are the closest you’ve got. He’ll call you in two minutes if you say no to me.”
Talk? I closed the refrigerator and let my head rest on the door as I said, “Fine … But if you are coming over with Russ, grab me a coffee and a bagel.”
“On our way.”
Good. A business meeting was necessary anyway. The wild parrots outside my beach house screeched but I didn’t care. I headed outside to the backyard to check out the view.
The waters were a clear blue and the sand was pristine and white, but looking at the beach just made my spirit sag. I was truly alone.
I was probably an asshole for not running after her right away to stop her at the airport.
My phone beeped to tell me that company had arrived, so I headed in and opened the door for them. Russ handed me a cup and said, “Coffee, sir.”
I led my team I’d spent the past five years with to a table, like this was just a typical day and my insides weren’t revolting. Once everyone was settled and I’d had my first sip of coffee, I said, “Thanks. Let’s discuss our plan. Indigo wants nothing to do with my father’s last-ditch attempt to control the fate of Frozen Assets. Let’s operate as if we have full control, and force the liquidation vote.”
Frank took notes.
Russ nodded and said, “Done. Will she sign off if we need her to?”
I ignored how my heart raced, pumped with adrenaline. Once I finished my coffee, I said, “If she does, we transfer that twenty-five million right back. She shouldn’t have given it back to me at all.”
Russ stopped typing and said, “Any chance she wants more from you, or your father?”
“I don’t think so.” Fair question. But Indigo wasn’t like that. The only way to get to her was to help her family.
I wished this was a bottomless coffee cup. I met Russ’s gaze as I thought it over. Her money wasn’t mine to keep anymore. And there was more than one way to hand it back. I leaned forward and for the first time my shoulders were easier as I said, “I want you to transfer that twenty-five million to her shelters as a corporate gift.”
He typed, but winked at me. “That’s the way to win the girl’s heart.”
I lowered my head and ignored how heat in my face grew. “She left me, Russ.”
He closed the laptop and folded his hands in front of him. “I find that impossible to believe sir. It was clear she loved you and you loved her. You both needed time to figure it out.”
I was that obvious? My heart ticked. I ignored how my bare feet tapped against the floor as I said, “I made her sign a contract. It was business. And … if I chase her, I could end up like my father.”
Russ finished his cup and said, “How?”
“He never left my mom alone. After she left him, he hounded her until she died.”
“If your wife told you to get lost, you would.”
Point one for him. At least I hoped so. I gazed at the white ceiling. If only. I swallowed and watched the ceiling fan turn as I said, “She left without saying a word.”
Frank leaned closer and asked, “Can I ask if you admitted to her how you felt about her?”
My eyes widened. “What?”
Frank and Russ shared a look and then Frank said, “Look, I’ve worked with you a long time. I’ve never heard you ever say anything about your own feelings, except how you wanted your father to pay. We now own his bank and his entire portfolio. He’s out to pasture. But you have a life to lead.”
Without Indigo, I had no life. Normally, I could work out what to do when one avenue to my goal went stale. That’s how I’d finally succeeded in getting my father’s business. But I didn’t know what to do next to win Indigo back.
“I didn’t tell her how I feel,” I said. “I couldn’t.”
Frank said, “Women like romance. And knowing how you feel about them.”
I flinched. They knew me. My chin went down and I shook my head. “I … I’d asked for a divorce.”
Russ closed his laptop and said, “You fucked that up. Go and tell her you love her … with flowers, a ring, and in some sort of big showy way, like how women want.”
I wouldn’t have been half as successful as I was without the two of them
at my side. I tapped the table and said, “Russ, Frank, you both deserves raises.”
Russ stood first and Frank packed his laptop as he asked, “Are we ordering the plane to Pittsburgh?”
I stood up last and my mind raced. I’d never thought I’d play the fool that chased the girl. My chest swelled with hope and I let the feeling rush into my veins. Both men stared at me and I tapped my lips. “Let me—“
Russ then added, “The longer you wait the harder it gets to prove you’re serious.”
I let out a long breath I’d been holding and said, “I want to stop and buy a ring and send flowers to her house.”
Russ showed his phone and said, “We can order the flowers.”
I held my hand in the air and said, “But I want to pick out the ring I propose with myself.”
“I’ll make the arrangements,” Russ said, and the two men headed to the door. I rushed to my room to get ready.
The bright sun of the day maybe meant there was hope in the world. Anything was possible. Hopefully Indigo loved me half as much as I loved her.
Chapter 17
Indigo
My heels were sore and my shoulders were slumped and tired as I stepped into my condo.
The air here still had the scent of that woodsy cologne of his. I closed my eyes and let the smell get to me as I carried my luggage back to my closet.
I’d never need these clothes again. The familiar black clothes hanging there made me pause. I thought better in jeans and a t-shirt. So I picked some out, tossed them on the bed, and took a shower.
Maybe if I didn’t still smell Jacob on my skin, I’d stop thinking about him. The water brushing against my body only made me remember that afternoon.
I’d been his, and yet I’d walked away. I let myself collapse on the floor of the shower, like that might make tears rock my body. But soon the hot water turned cold and all I did was shiver. I shouldn’t have expected to feel.
Inside, I was as cold and numb as my wet, shivering skin. I towel dried myself, dressed and headed into my kitchen. I found my packaged coffee and made a pot, but as it percolated, my phone rang. My sister Nicole. She probably needed something from me for her green-living blog. I answered and she asked, “Indigo, what’s going on?”
Ruthless Financier (Steel Series Book 3) Page 13
