by Jamie Zakian
“Thank God,” he said between pants, hunching to combat the burn in his sides. He eyed her tires, his fingers drumming the sheath of his knife. It couldn’t be that easy. If he slashed the tires in Sasha’s pickup, she’d just hop in a big rig and take off. Her bull-headed determination was admirable and annoying as hell.
Vinny considered pulling the fuses from every vehicle on the compound when Ellen strolled onto the porch of her house.
“Ellen,” Vinny shouted, hurrying down the hill. Halfway to the house, his brain clicked on. Of all the moves he could make, this would be the stupidest. Ellen would eat Sasha alive, twist her into submission. A scorching blade of self-loathing sliced into his chest, but he ignored its burn, running up the porch steps. He was okay with Sasha hating him, if it meant she’d be alive to do it.
“Oh Jesus. What now?” Ellen asked, rushing toward Vinny.
“Please, don’t freak out.” Vinny sucked in a long gulp of air, leaning against the doorframe. “Sasha’s about to make a horrible mistake.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sasha
Hot water rained down, washing over Sasha and clearing the fog from her mind. She tilted back, leaning against the hard muscles under Dez’s soft skin. Hands slid over her shoulders and down her chest, trailing a path of soapy bubbles. Dez’s fingertips beamed strength. The energy shot beneath Sasha’s skin and spread into every fiber of her being, recharging her weakened essence.
Dez skated his lips on the back of Sasha’s neck as his hands moved lower, tracing her hips, creeping to her inner thigh, and sneaking between her legs.
“There you go,” Dez said, biting Sasha’s ear. “All clean.”
“You missed a spot.” Sasha pushed Dez’s hand farther and his fingers slipped deep inside, igniting an onslaught of white-hot sparks. The feel of water flowing over her skin and his touch spanning the deepest parts of her was too much to bear. Her knees wobbled, and his grip tightened. Water splashed Sasha’s face, and she turned her head, connecting with silky lips. Dez’s kiss drove her blustery passion into a wild frenzy, and she spun, gliding her chest against his. She reached down, gripping onto the hardness that throbbed in the tiny space between them.
Dez slid his hands down Sasha’s back, gripping her ass. “Let’s take this to the bed.”
“Yeah,” Sasha muttered into Dez’s chest. The faucet squeaked, bringing her back to the steam-filled tub. She pushed the shower curtain aside, and her eyes connected with her mother’s glare.
“Shit!” Sasha yelped, snatching a towel off the rack and covering herself.
Ellen leaned against the open bathroom door, holding that ornery stare she’d mastered so well. “That was very entertaining, but Dez, I’m gonna need you to get dressed and get the fuck out. My daughter and I need to have a little chat.”
Dez smirked. He didn’t flinch or try to hide any part of his naked body. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Oh really,” Ellen said, narrowing her eyes. “You wanna test me?”
“I’m not leaving you alone with her.”
“How romantically heroic of you,” Ellen sneered, tearing her gaze from Dez for the briefest of seconds to glance at Sasha. “Are you afraid to be alone with me, Sasha?”
“No.” Sasha looked between her mother and Dez, both locked in a venomous leer. “Can’t this wait?” She pushed her mother from the bathroom, closing the door just enough to block Dez’s bare ass.
“I don’t think so.” Ellen crossed her arms, looking at Sasha’s stomach. “It’s kind of time sensitive.”
Sasha threw her towel to the floor. “Fucking Vinny,” she muttered, pulling on a long t-shirt. She peeked into the bathroom as Dez buttoned his jeans. The questions in his stare could’ve filled the room, and she couldn’t get him out of it quick enough. She grabbed his shirt and boots from the floor, thrusting them at his chest.
“It’s cool. I’ll catch up with ya later,” Sasha said, ushering Dez to her front door.
“Sasha?”
Sasha opened the door, shoving Dez outside. “Later, dude.”
The confusion that clouded Dez’s face warped to a mask of shock, and Sasha shrugged, slamming the door closed. Only after the thud of footsteps faded did she turn to face her mother. “What did Vinny tell you?”
“That you’re a giant slut.” Ellen plopped onto the bed, stretching out. “I’m not surprised you got yourself knocked up. You are pretty careless. But the whole not knowing who the father is, scandalous! I thought you were better than that.”
“I’m glad you’re having fun with this.” Sasha dropped onto the far corner of the bed, pulling her legs in beneath her.
“You do know there’s no way on God’s green Earth I’d let you take an unborn life, right?” Ellen said in a low, firm tone.
Sasha looked at her mother, darting her stare away at the first glimpse of a glower. She wanted to scream, tell her mother to shove it, that this was her body and she’d do with it as she liked, but it would be lies. Everything she had, all that she was, belonged to her mother.
“So help me, Sasha, I’ll chain you up in the basement for the next nine months.”
“Please don’t,” Sasha all but begged, knowing exactly how serious her mother was.
“I don’t want to.”
Her mother slid closer, and Sasha kept completely still, only the slightest of breath escaping. It wasn’t until her mother’s arms wrapped around her that every muscle quivered. Many hands had gripped her body—men, women—but their embraces could never match this one. A hug from her mother was like touching the sun, terrifying yet soothing. Definitely a once-in-a-lifetime event to be cherished.
“Don’t cry,” Ellen said, which brought a wall of waterworks to the brim of Sasha’s eyes.
A soft palm wiped tears from Sasha’s cheek, and she fought to keep the rest inside, to be strong.
Ellen held Sasha tight, kissing the top of her head. “We can make this work. My baby and her baby. Now, just tell me who you want the father to be and I’ll make the other guy disappear.”
“Mom.” Sasha pulled back, gawking. “That’s not funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be, as long as you pick Vinny.”
Sasha chuckled, and the only embrace she ever dreamed of drew her back into its graces. Whatever fluke befell the world, she didn’t care. She’d bask in this affection for as long as it lasted and call for it again once it left.
“I want it to be Dez,” Sasha said, the words igniting a whirl in her stomach as they left her lips.
“Then it will be.” Ellen rubbed Sasha’s arm, squeezing tight before letting go.
“What about my runs, this shit with the Lazzari family? The Llamada de la Muerte won’t deal with anyone but me. I know Tito. He’s a crazy motherfucker.”
“You’ll only have to make that one run pregnant. Vinny can handle the rest until you spit the baby out. Then, afterward, I’ll help Dez with the little one so you can get back on the road. Do whatever it is that you need to do out there, and when you come home, you play the good wife and mother.”
“Wife?”
“That’s right.” Ellen rose from the bed, lifting her chin high. “Welcome to your fairytale, princess. You should’ve used a rubber.”
In the time it took for a smile to turn to a scowl, her mother returned to usual form. Sasha made a mental note of the date, October 13, 1984, the day her mother almost said I love you.
***
Dez
Dez flicked his cigarette onto a small patch of grass beside the garage. He’d already hosed away the blood from the foot of Sasha’s steps and the bed of her truck, smoked four cigarettes, and still not a peep sounded from the room above him.
Just as Dez shook loose another smoke from his pack, Vinny crept up beside him.
“What’s going on up there?” Dez shouted, pointing to Sasha’s room.
“I don’t know. What’s going on?” Vinny asked, darting his eyes away.
Dez growled. Before h
e could stop himself, he clutched Vinny’s jacket. “Don’t feed me no bullshit, brother.”
“Back off, man.” Vinny pushed Dez’s arm aside, straightening his crimpled leather. “Chill. This isn’t about earlier.”
Dez teetered on his limits of chill. Club ranks, secrets and favoritism, he’d had enough.
“If you don’t start talking, you’re gonna be eating teeth.”
“Fuck!” Vinny rocked in place, looking up at Sasha’s room. “Umm, well, it looks like Sasha’s gonna have a baby, so I guess, congratulations. You’re gonna be a father. And you suck for making me tell you.”
“I don’t…” Dez staggered back. His brain searched for the words, for any words, but none came into play. None, except for father.
“I’m gonna be a…father?” Dez continued backing away, toward his truck.
“Hey,” Vinny called out, lifting his arms at his sides. “Where you going?”
“I’ll be back.”
Vinny shouted some shit, but Dez didn’t have time to listen. He needed some air, and this place had just run out.
***
Sasha
Sasha stayed curled at the foot of her bed, long after her mother had gone. Her mind had finished contemplating options. She had a few, but she didn’t want any of them. Part-time Suzie-Q homemaker and weekend road dyke sounded like two parts of an ugly façade. She could run the streets of Little Rock with Carmen, tear up New York City under the Lazzari rule, but that would only add more blood to her already marred soul. Plus, she’d be killing for two.
Her stare gravitated to the nightstand and the joint she knew rested in the ashtray. One hit couldn’t hurt. Hell, with the amount of pot she smoked, it might help.
A knock shook the door, and Sasha closed her eyes. There was only one person she wanted to see right now, and she doubted a curvy redhead was at her door. The slow creak of hinges rang out, followed by light jerky steps. It was Vinny. She didn’t have to look; he practically vibrated beside her.
“Sasha.”
“Dick!” Sasha hurled a pillow across the room, striking Vinny’s chest.
“I’m sorry,” Vinny said, tossing the pillow aside, “but I had to tell her. You left me no choice.”
“What about my choice, or don’t I get one?”
“I don’t know.” Vinny sat on the floor in front of Sasha, looking up into her eyes. “Maybe you’ll think differently, later. Thank me.”
“Doubt it.” She glanced at the nightstand then back to Vinny. “At least you didn’t tell Dez.”
“Ah, shit. Sasha.”
“You didn’t,” she said, leaning forward.
“He was gonna make me eat my teeth.”
Vinny sank down. One hand shielded his face while the other protected his balls, and Sasha snickered.
“Double dick,” Sasha hollered, hitting Vinny with a much larger pillow. “So what’d Dez say? Did he freak?”
“He left.”
“Oh wow.” Sasha lowered her head, rubbing her temple. “And we never saw him again.”
Vinny chuckled, and Sasha laughed, in a nervous kind of way.
“What do you keep looking at?” he asked, following her gaze to the nightstand.
“That doobie in the ashtray. I wanna smoke it, but I don’t know.”
Vinny grabbed the joint, pulled out his zippo, and fired it up.
“And now you’re gonna smoke that in front of me, harsh.”
“No.” Vinny scooted closer, raising to his knees. “I’m gonna smoke it with you. You pretty much breathe pot; it’s already in your system. How much damage can one more joint do?” His arm lifted, sending a halo of smoke high into the air. “It’s a choice.”
Sasha grabbed Vinny’s hand, sliding her fingers between his. Her legs draped over the side of the bed, landing on either side of him. “I’m sorry.” She leaned toward him, and his warm forehead rubbed against hers. “You got a raw deal.”
Vinny dropped the joint, gliding his rough palm along the side of Sasha’s neck. “As long as you’re around, it’s a good deal.” He slid his fingers into her hair, and his lips brushed against her mouth. “Can you promise me you’re not going anywhere?” he asked in a whisper, his voice trembling.
“I can’t promise something like that.”
“At least say you won’t split. Leave me here with Dez and Ellen.”
Sasha smiled, caressing the stubbly skin of Vinny’s cheek. Then, before she could think, their lips drew together. She might’ve leaned in, or he lunged for her. Either way, the kiss felt right and still so wrong. Sasha tried to push Vinny away but ended up pulling him closer.
Her back hit the mattress, and his body covered her. A haze of soft lips and wandering hands crippled all rational thought. His fingers skated along her sides, hiking up her shirt, and the fog thickened. Maybe she could have him, this one last time. Her love for him would fade, but only after a proper sendoff. Although it sounded good, it was lies she told herself to disguise the dirty.
“Vinny. We shouldn’t,” Sasha said, driving her hips even harder against his body. “Not here, not now.”
“You’re right.”
Vinny moved off Sasha, and cool air rushed in to sting her heated skin.
“I’m sorry, Sasha. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
After a minute of silence, and once the flush left Vinny’s cheeks, he jumped up. “I’m gonna go.”
“Hey, wait.” Sasha reached for Vinny’s hand, but he dashed for the door. “Vinny—”
“Don’t.” Vinny gripped the doorknob, looking over his shoulder. “Words just fuck shit up. I’m cool. We’re cool.” He mustered a half-smile before walking into the blinding daylight.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ellen
Ellen picked up the phone on the clubhouse wall, staring at the keypad. She had dialed every number, talked to all her contacts, and still no word of Dante. An hour ago, she would’ve let him burn this compound to the ground, but a baby. That changed everything. Leave it to Sasha to fuck up one’s strength of mind. That girl would be the death of her or salvation. A loud beep streamed through the phone’s receiver, and Ellen crashed it down on the hook.
“You need to relax,” Otis said, leaning over the pool table and sinking a ball into the corner pocket.
“I need to find Dante. I have no idea what he’s gonna do.”
“He’s one man with no crew or trucks.” Otis shrugged, lining up his next shoot. “What could Dante really do?”
“A lot.” Ellen turned, glaring out the window as Kev and two younger carbon copies of him strolled toward the clubhouse. “What the fuck is this shit?”
Otis laid the pool cue on the table, stepping beside Ellen. “Our new prospects. Remember, Kev’s cousins?”
“Shit. Great timing. This place could use a little sprucing.” Ellen swung her leg, and glass bottles clinked as they rolled across the floor. “Look at ‘em. It’s like they were all plucked from the same cabbage patch.”
“Yeah.” Otis chuckled. “Right down to that same dumb-ass grin. Let’s hope they got all the brains in the family, ‘cause if they’re any dumber than Kev, they’re going right back to the farm.”
Kev stepped inside, motioning for the two men to stay behind. “What’s up?” he said, walking to the other side of Ellen to join in on the ogle of the two nervous men on the porch. “So what’d you think?”
“They got names?” Ellen asked, glancing at Kev. “Or should I just call them one and two?”
“Cash and Cory.”
Ellen snickered, crossing her arms. “Really?”
“They’re twins,” Kev said with a shrug. “Not the sharpest nails, but they know when to keep the lip shut and how to take orders.”
“Good. Have ‘em whip this place into shape, then send ‘em out to restock the bar.” Ellen looked at Otis as she backed away. “I’m going out for a few. Look for our friend.”
If a stare could freeze a person in time, his would have, but it didn�
��t, so she walked out the front door. “Tweedledee, Tweedledum,” Ellen said as she glanced at the near-identical men while heading off the porch. Right on cue, Vinny pulled her Chevelle from the garage and parked beside her. The motor’s rumble cut through her body, knocking loose a grin.
Vinny jumped out, holding the door open. “All gassed up and ready to go.”
“Thanks, kid. Listen,” Ellen grabbed onto Vinny’s arm, looking him dead in the eyes. “I want you to stay on the compound while I’m gone and…be ready.”
“Is there something I should be ready for?”
“Yeah.” Ellen slid into the cool leather seat of the Chevelle, shutting the door. “Everything.”
In a purr of finely tuned engine, she sped down the lot and out the open gate. Tires squealed once hitting pavement, the rear end fishtailing. Ellen punched the gas, taking off down the mountain.
***
Sasha
Sasha ran down her stairs as the roar of a Chevelle faded into the hillside. “Where the fuck is she going?”
Vinny stepped in front of Sasha, blocking her view of round taillights. “Your bandana is crooked.”
“God,” she said in a long drawl. Vinny stared down at her, like a robot waiting for the proper command before he could continue. A series of muffed obscenities flowed from her lips. Sasha twisted the fabric that covered the top of her head, tugged at the ends of her jacket, and shifted the belt of her pants. “Am I pretty enough now?”
“You’re always pretty, but that’ll probably change after you get fat.”
“Asshole!” Sasha lifted her fist, and Vinny ducked down. He chuckled, until the back of her hand whacked his gut. Then he groaned.
“Where did my mother go?”
“I don’t know,” Vinny said, rubbing his stomach. “She didn’t say.”
“Is Dez back?” Her eyes screamed desperate girl, at least she thought they did. Just in case, she cast them down.
