by John Lenahan
Chapter Nineteen
Mícheál
‘How about I shoot you with this, you’ll definitely pee yourself then.’
‘OK, OK, I came from Tir na Nog. Detective Fallon, Essa and I arrived two days ago by way of ley-lines that intersect at the Fairy Fingers.’
The cop lowered his gun. ‘Mick O’Hara said the last thing he remembered was passing the Fairy Fingers.’
‘Is that the old guy we stole the cart from?’
‘It is.’
‘Yeah, sorry about that. Is he OK?’
The policeman laughed. ‘He’s fine. I don’t recommend apologising to him in person. Not unless you want your ears ripped off.’
‘I really could use that pee now.’
‘One more question and maybe I’ll let you relieve yourself. Are you from the House of Luis?’
OK, speaking ancient Gaelic is one thing but using Ogham made it almost unnecessary for me to walk to the bathroom for that pee. ‘What do you know of Luis?’
The cop looked me hard in the eyes; it felt like the look a poker opponent has when he is deciding to bluff or not. ‘I want to know if I’m speaking to a Fili.’
‘What do you know of the Fili?’
‘Are you Fili?’ he said raising his taser again.
‘No.’
He stood and walked menacingly towards me. ‘What is your house?’
‘Duir,’ I said with a pride that surprised me.
‘Well, I wouldn’t want it be said that the first Faerie I met wet himself.’ The policeman pocketed his gun and gestured towards the door. I got up and threw on a pair of trousers. As I reached the door he said, ‘If you try to escape I’ll find you, and if that happens I’ll have to hand you over to Special Agent Murano. We wouldn’t want that, would we?’
There was a window in the bathroom and I could have escaped that way if I wanted to, but he was right. Where would I go? The only plan I had come up with was to either single-handedly attack a police station or wait at the Fairy Fingers until someone came from The Land to see what happened to us. Now that I was busted by this guy I couldn’t do the former and I didn’t have time to wait around for the latter. Besides, this cop intrigued me. Where did he learn all of this stuff? And maybe, just maybe, he was an ally. When he said ‘we’ was that just a manner of speech or did he mean ‘we’? If he was an ally, I could really use one right now.
The cop was in the hallway when I returned. ‘You have a name?’
‘Mícheál.’
‘So what now, Officer Mícheál?’
‘Well now, I’ve persuaded Mrs McDunna to cook me breakfast. Would you care to join me?’
We talked quietly but it didn’t matter. I’m sure there were very few people around that could decipher a language that no one had spoken for several millennia.
‘Why haven’t you turned me over to the FBI?’ was my first question.
‘Partly because Murano is an idiot.’
‘He’s a sadistic idiot,’ I added.
‘That does not surprise me. My daughter took an instant dislike to him. She is usually a very good judge of character.’
‘She likes me.’
That drew a stern look. ‘Don’t push it, O’Neil.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Now, tell me what you are doing here.’
‘If I do,’ I said, ‘and you don’t like what you hear, are you going to arrest me?’
‘That depends whether I like what I hear or not.’
‘My father is the Lord of Duir.’
‘Your father is Finn?’
I was shocked again at his knowledge of The Land. I needed to be careful what I said to this guy. ‘No, that was my grandfather but he is dead. My father, the one that the FBI and everyone in Scranton thinks I killed, is the new King of Duir.’
Mícheál took all of this in his stride. He wasn’t incredulous at all. In fact, he increasingly looked eager for more news. ‘This still doesn’t explain why you are here.’
‘The Land is at war. I came here to get something that will help us in the upcoming battle.’
‘What?’
‘Before I answer, can I ask you a question?’
‘I suppose you deserve some questions answered.’ He nodded yes.
‘Why did you call your daughter Maeve?’
‘When she was born she cried all the time for the first month of her life, it was maddening. There was nothing we could do to appease her. Every hour of the day when she wasn’t eating or sleeping she was shrieking. My wife said if she was going to be this much trouble we might as well name her after the biggest troublemaker of all.’
I thought back to the conversation I had had with Nora and said, ‘You’re a Druid, aren’t you?’
Mícheál snickered at that. ‘Druids are misguided hippies who go barefoot and wear woolly robes.’
‘But you’re not that kind of Druid, are you?’
His false smile vanished. ‘No.’
‘You know where your ancestors came from and you know why they had to leave.’
‘I have been told that we were banished because we followed a sorceress that had the same name as my daughter.’
Here was the moment of truth – this was the moment where I had to decide whose side he was on. It wasn’t a hard decision; without his help I was sunk. ‘Queen Maeve is back and if you don’t help us she will destroy every tree in Tir na Nog to fuel her lust for power.’
The garda sat back in his chair and placed his hand to his cheek like he had been slapped. Finally he said, ‘Many of us thought this day would come and we have debated what to do.’
‘There are more of you?’
‘Yes.’
‘What I need to know, Mícheál, is what will you do?’
It didn’t take long for him to decide. He leaned in and said, ‘What do you need?’
I told him about the marble. He suggested I stay out of sight all day in case Murano were to accidentally spot me.
‘I’ve been here too long,’ Mícheál, said standing. ‘Meet me after dark outside the tea shop. I’ll take you to The Grove.’
Before he left I grabbed his arm and said, ‘You couldn’t lend me some money could ya, I’d kill for a toothbrush.’
Maeve was the one to show up after dark at the tea shop. She was riding a motorscooter.
‘Da says you lost your marbles.’
‘In a manner of speaking.’
‘He also says you’re never going to pay me back for that dinner.’
‘That, I’m afraid, is true.’
‘I sure can pick ’em. Hop on.’
We drove to an old barn on the outskirts of town. Inside were about fifty men and women. The Grove turned out to be not a place but the collective noun for a group of Druids. Imagine a room full of bearded men and wild-haired women in hooded robes, and then throw out that image. The Grove was made up of normal-looking butcher, banker, baker types. The only thing they had in common was a story handed down from mother to son and father to daughter for scores of generations. A story that said their ancestors were expelled from The Land of Immortals. There must now in the Real World have been over a hundred thousand descendants of the original Fili; this group were the last ones, the only ones to keep the faith. The only ones to have never broken the chain.
My arrival silenced what seemed to have been a heated debate.
Maeve was the first to break the silence. ‘Are you really a prince?’
‘I’m afraid I am.’
Someone in the crowd said, ‘A Prince of Oak?’
‘Hazel and Oak, yes.’
A young man dressed in motorcycle leathers came to the fore, ‘My name is Cullum. How do we know you are what you say?’
‘It’s a fair question, Cullum. I can offer no proof until after you help me. If at the Fairy Fingers I and my companions vanish in a puff of smoke, then you will know what I have told you is true. If nothing happens then you will know you have been made a fool of by an idiot. What have you got to los
e?’
‘If I help you break your friends out of jail, I have a lot to lose.’
I started to answer but the policeman held up a hand and stopped me.
‘But I am willing to help because I believe he is what he claims to be. We have been waiting for an event like this for … for ever. Can we now pass it by for lack of faith?’
Cullum spoke again. ‘Mícheál tells us you are at war again with Maeve.’
‘This is true.’
‘Some among us harbour a hope of someday returning to Tir na Nog. Maybe our best bet is to allow Maeve to win.’
‘Maybe you’re right. I don’t know Queen Maeve, but I know her daughter Fand, who is my friend, and I know my uncle Cialtie. I know this war is not ours but has been thrust upon us by others. And I know that we are right.’
‘Can you take us back with you?’ Cullum asked.
‘No, he cannot!’ another voice shouted out. ‘He is not The One!’
What followed was pandemonium as they all started arguing in a dialect that I couldn’t quite grasp. ‘Hey, hey,’ I shouted, quieting them down. ‘There is no use arguing. Essa is our sorceress, only she could answer that.’
‘Time is short,’ Mícheál said. ‘Conor’s companions are to be transported to Dublin tomorrow.’
That was the first time I had heard that news and it shocked me.
‘I have already had the Mulhern boys, who work at the quarry, bring bags of marble offcuts to the Fairy Fingers. I won’t go against the wishes of The Grove, but I for one think we should help Conor and his friends. When our ancestors came to this place they found a simple time. Still, they didn’t subjugate, they were men and women of peace and teaching. I believe Conor when he says that he and his are not the instigators of this war. Maeve and her war was what got us into this mess – I feel it in my bones that backing Maeve again is not the way to get us out.’
I was asked to wait outside while they deliberated. Maeve said, ‘I vote with Conor,’ and came outside to keep me company.
‘Could you do me a favour?’ I asked.
‘If I can.’
‘Could you make sure Mrs McDunna gets paid, and those boys who got the marble from the quarry.’
Maeve placed her hands on her hips. ‘You want me to pay all of your bills on the money I make serving cups of tea? Not forgetting that you owe me money too.’
‘I don’t want you to pay it with your salary – I was hoping you could pay it with this.’ I pulled a bar of metal the size of a chocolate bar out of my backpack and handed it to her. She was so surprised by the weight, she almost dropped it.
‘Is this gold?’
‘Yup.’
‘And what, you found this at the end of a rainbow?’
‘Don’t be silly – but I did get it from a Leprechaun.’
‘What am I supposed to do with it?’
‘Change it for money.’
‘Where?’
‘I don’t know. If I had figured that out, I wouldn’t have been hitting you up for meals this whole time.’
She shook her head no and handed it back to me.
‘Take it, please,’ I said. ‘I really do live on a mountain of the stuff.’
A woman came out and said a decision had been made. Inside the Druids were standing almost at attention. Cullum and Mícheál stepped forward together.
‘We have decided to help,’ Cullum said.
The plan was a simple one. Mícheál was to start his shift at midnight. When the other cop left, I’d come in, we’d let Essa and Brendan out and then Essa would knock out Mícheál so he wouldn’t get into trouble.
I waited outside until the other cop, the one that tasered Brendan the other day, left and then I just walked in the front door. It was easy – too easy. I was just inside the station and walking up to the counter when I heard the door open behind me and a familiar, if not pleasant, voice said, ‘Conor O’Neil.’
I turned to see Special Agent Andrew Murano wearing one of those grins. You know like when a power-hungry fast-food manager catches a teen employee stealing a chicken nugget.
‘Oh, crap.’
‘An American I met over here told me a young Scrantonian stole his cap. I was almost back to my room when I saw a cap-wearing young man skulking around in the dark.’
‘Well, aren’t you quite the detective,’ I said, more casually than I felt. This was not good.
‘Officer,’ Agent Andy said in his over-practised FBI voice, ‘arrest that man, he’s in cahoots with the other two.’
I turned and looked Mícheál in the eye. For a moment we communicated wordlessly and he seemed to be saying, ‘Do it.’ So I slugged him. Not hard but I made contact. I even threw in a grunt to make it sound more vicious than it was. The cop went down behind the counter with a loud moan. I picked up a stapler and brandished it towards the G-man. Murano instinctively reached for his gun but he didn’t have one. The Irish wouldn’t let him bring one into the country. Mícheál moaned loudly, which made me glance at him. He was pointing to something under the counter. I quickly reached to where he was indicating as Murano was saying something predictable like, ‘Give it up’ or ‘There’s nowhere to run’, but he stopped mid-sentence when I levelled the taser at his chest.
I could see he was trying to be cool but underneath he was soiling his underwear. ‘You don’t even know how to use that thing,’ he said.
‘I bet I do.’
‘I’ll catch you eventually, O’Neil. There is no place for you to go.’
I dropped my weapon for a second. ‘Nowhere to go? You were there last time. Surely you remember me stepping through the portal to Faerieland?’
‘I don’t remember anything after you attacked me.’
‘Oh come on, Agent Andy. I can understand you telling that to your superiors back at the Bureau. I’ve told people about Faeries and Leprechauns and they tend to look at you funny after you do – but this is me. Surely you remember your car getting trashed by the dragon?’
The FBI man looked very uncomfortable. ‘I told you, I only remember you attacking me.’
‘Aw Andy, it’s one thing to lie to your boss but you’re just lying to yourself. Now be a nice G-man and lie down on your stomach with your hands behind your back.’
‘No.’
‘Andy, I’ve been told this taser thing hurts. Let me just tie you up nicely and we’ll be on our way.’
‘You’ll have to shoot me first.’
Anybody else I would have argued with, but as far as Agent Andy was concerned – I didn’t have to be told twice. The electrodes hit his chest and he danced around like an astronaut walking on the sun. I know it’s wrong to enjoy seeing a fellow human being suffer, but – you can’t be right all of the time.
Chapter Twenty
Eth
Brendan and Essa were simultaneously happy to see me and furious at me for leaving them to stew in jail for so long. We locked the FBI man in a closet. Essa used the same sleeping spell on him that she used on the old cart driver. Mícheál made us tie him up and put him to sleep too, so as to allay suspicion.
‘Thank you Conor, Prince of Hazel and Oak,’ Mícheál said before Essa knocked him out.
‘I should be the one thanking you, Mícheál, Son of Rowan.’
The title obviously pleased him. ‘Eh, this is nothing; what you have done for me is far greater.’
‘And what have I done for you?’
‘You’ve shown me that I and my parents and their parents and their parents’ parents weren’t deluded superstitious fools.’
Essa took out her gold ball and began to incant.
‘Can I ask one favour?’
‘Sure, Mícheál, anything.’
‘Will you return and let us know who won?’
‘I will – if I survive – that’s a promise.’
We stole the cop car. After assaulting a garda and an FBI agent, what’s another felony among friends? A dozen of the Druids were waiting for us at the Fairy Fingers.
&n
bsp; ‘We want to come with you,’ Cullum said speaking for the group.
‘I’ve spoken to Essa about that and she doesn’t have the power to do it. I’ll speak to my mother and Fand, the Queen of the Fili, and let you know if it is possible when I come back.’
Cullum obviously didn’t like that answer but he accepted it. The crowd began to murmur and then step backwards as a humming amber circle appeared in the air in front of Essa.
‘Are you really coming back?’ Maeve asked.
‘I promised your father I would.’
‘All is ready,’ Essa announced.
‘Good,’ Maeve said. ‘I’ll buy you dinner.’
‘By then you’ll be able to afford it.’
There were six bags of broken marble. We took two bags each. Before I went through Maeve kissed me hard on the lips and then we walked into the portal.
We arrived back in the Hall of Spells. Essa walked up to me and dropped one of the bags full of rocks directly on my foot. ‘Who was she?’
While hopping on one foot, I tried to mumble out a reply but she stormed off saying, ‘I’m too old for this.’ Then she shouted, ‘Where is the dragon?’
A guard strode up to me and bowed. Now, as I have said many times, I don’t like the bowing and Your Highnessing but right then I welcomed it.
‘Oh boy,’ I said to him, ‘I could just kill a cup of tea.’
‘Your father has instructed me to bring you to the Oak Room as soon as you arrive.’
‘Tell you what, get me a cup of tea first and you will have the gratitude of the Prince of Oak.’
‘Your father ordered me to bring you – right away.’
I guess the gratitude of a king out-trumps a prince.
Dad opened his arms to greet me. I ducked underneath and dove for the bowl of fruit on the table.
‘Hungry?’
I swallowed down a mouthful of apple before I spoke. ‘Being broke in the Real World is a drag.’
‘Oh yes, son – that it is. Why do you think I taught languages to students who didn’t care? In the Real World, if you don’t work you don’t eat. Are you OK? Did you get the marble?’
