by John Lenahan
‘Fair enough.’
On cue Nieve came around the corner. She sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand in both of hers. Her eyes were awash with tears.
‘You OK, Auntie?’
‘I am not sure I know what OK means. I lost two of my brothers, I am the last of my generation and the only family I have left is you. OK is one of those strange words that you have brought from the Real World but if I understand it correctly – I am OK as long as I still have you.’
I couldn’t actually make words right then but I vigorously nodded yes and we held each other for a time.
Over my aunt’s shoulder I saw Dahy standing at the door. He looked … worried and old – not his usual confident and commanding presence. I waved and said, ‘I’m OK, Dahy.’
‘Good,’ he said lowering his head again and left.
‘So,’ Brendan said when the leash of grief loosened a bit, ‘what are you going to do now?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I guess I have to build another dolman.’
Chapter Thirty-Four
A Wave
We buried Dad next to Fergal. Gerard sang a dirge and Mom spoke. She talked about meeting Dad at one of Gerard’s parties. She admitted that she first fell in love with him when she saw him dance.
Oisin dancing? We were talking about the same guy? Dad dancing, now that’s something I’d pay good money to see. But then, as would happen so often for so long, I was stabbed by the reality that never again would I get the chance to see Dad do anything.
I had been asked if I wanted to speak but I said no, I didn’t think I could do it. Mom kept up her stoic face through the whole ceremony. Some may have thought she was being incredibly strong but to me she looked like a violin string about to snap.
When it was over, a bunch of burly Leprechauns lifted a capstone up onto two standing stones just like we had for Fergal. When it was done I picked up a pebble and threw it on top of Dad’s dolman, and said, ‘Goodbye Dad.’
I chose a pebble and handed it to Mom. She looked at it in her hand for a long time until tears dotted the small stone. ‘I only just got him back,’ she said. Then she threw the pebble onto her husband’s monument and collapsed onto my shoulder weeping.
Fand and I got Mom into bed. The Fili Queen convinced her to take a dram of potcheen and she fell into her first proper sleep since the war ended.
‘You could probably use a shot yourself,’ I said to Fand. ‘How are you holding up?’
‘Grief, young Conor, is an emotion in which I am well versed. It is a wave that ebbs up and down – and like a wave over time, it diminishes in intensity until – calm. To answer your question, how would you say it? I’m doin’ OK.’ She smiled and placed her hand on my cheek. ‘And you?’
‘I wouldn’t say I’m OK,’ I said, turning away.
Fand placed her hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Grief is a wound like any other. And like other wounds, healing takes time. We are fortunate here in The Land to have a surplus of time. Today, tomorrow seems far away but in some future tomorrow you will find peace. May I give you one piece of advice, Lord Conor?’
‘Please,’ I said.
‘There is only one salve I know of that speeds the healing of this particular wound. That salve is forgiveness.’
I wanted to ask her what she meant but in that Fili ninja mystical way, she was almost out the door before I opened my mouth.
That night I had a strange triple date. Essa and I had dinner with Araf and Graysea, and Brendan and Nieve.
I told Nieve what Fand had said and asked her if she could forgive Cialtie.
‘I think of Cialtie when he was my baby brother,’ Nieve said. ‘When I remember him like that it is easy to forgive him. I refuse to believe that my brother was born bad. I know how Ona’s writings can push one into bad actions. I almost killed you, Conor, because of them.’
‘Ah, water under the bridge, Auntie,’ I said with a Fergalish smile.
She tried to return the smile but the weight of her thoughts thwarted her. ‘My baby brothers fought and I have lost them both. My sorrow allows no room for hate.’
Brendan put his arm around her and she leant her head on his shoulder. The subject was changed by, of all people, Araf. ‘Graysea and I are taking a trip to Mertain Island. I want to talk to the Mertain King about unbanishing Graysea.’
‘Wow, that’s a big trip. Don’t you think you should learn to swim first?’
Graysea turned to Araf. ‘You don’t know how to swim?’
Araf hemmed and hawed but no actual words came out of his mouth. He did succeed in giving me a look that made me think I was going to get clubbed with a banta next time we were alone.
Believe it or not, I was up before the sun the next morning. I made a pot of tea and knocked on Macha’s door. She answered faster than I expected. She was wearing a dressing gown.
‘Did I wake you?’ I asked.
‘Sleep, Conor, has not been my companion as of late. What is this on the tray?’
I cleared my throat and said, ‘Grandma, would you like to have tea with me this morning?’
I don’t think she would have been more shocked if I had slapped her. ‘Yes … Thank you, please come in.’
Her prison was a comfortable room in the east wing. The windows were barred and she had two guards at the door but it was a far cry from the dungeon I initially wished on her. She made space on a coffee table. When she asked me to sit I saw there was only one chair.
‘I suppose they assumed I would not be having guests.’
I walked to the door and asked the guard if I could have his chair. He wanted to get me a fancier one but I assured him that his was OK. I returned and sat across from the woman who bore my father. She had poured two cups already and was tasting hers.
‘This is lovely, what is it?’
‘It’s a Pooka blend. Queen Rhiannon sent it to me.’
She sipped some more and a faraway look washed over her face. ‘I have never seen the Pookalands. I suppose now I never will. I cannot imagine I will ever be welcome anywhere again.’
I wanted to reassure her, tell her that she was being silly but I couldn’t, she was probably right.
‘I can’t imagine anyone being kind to me ever again after what I have done. You, Conor, here, and with tea, is a shock.’
‘Fand told me I should work on my forgiveness.’
‘The apple has fallen far from the tree with that one.’
‘Yeah, Fand is great. Saying that, her mother did a noble thing in the end.’
‘You think killing one’s self is noble?’ Macha asked.
‘I’m not sure about that but I do know that continuing the way she was going would have been wrong.’
‘What is right and what is wrong is in the purview of the victors.’
‘I’ve heard that before and I don’t buy it. I think right and wrong is easier than that. I watched Maeve rip out a man’s heart. Some things are just plain wrong.’
‘Like kidnapping a young girl?
My instinct was to reply, ‘Yes’, but I bit my tongue. ‘I didn’t come here to judge.’
‘Why are you here, Conor?’
‘I thought you might like to visit your sons’ graves.’
I picked up a pebble and threw it on top of Fergal’s dolman.
‘Is that Cialtie’s grave?’ Macha asked.
‘No, that’s Cialtie’s son’s … your grandson. His name was Fergal.’
There was an awkward moment with neither of us knowing what to say. The uncomfortable silence was broken by a voice behind us.
‘Hello Mother.’
Macha turned and was stunned to see her daughter holding a wooden box. Then she dropped her gaze and said, ‘Nieve.’
Nieve stepped up to her mother and kissed her on the cheek. Macha tensed up like she was expecting a blow. There was history between these two women that existed long before recent events. ‘I too, Mother,’ Nieve said, ‘am working on my forgiveness.’
/> Macha said nothing but her eyes filled up.
We walked over to a corner of the courtyard where a hole had been dug. Nieve opened the lid on her box and said, ‘This is what is left of Cialtie.’
Cialtie’s body had been cremated. Mom thought his ashes should be scattered, but after talking with Fand, Nieve argued that regardless of what we thought of him he did at one time sit on the Oak Throne and should be buried in Castle Duir. Mom acquiesced and we all agreed that maybe we should keep the grave unmarked until tempers cooled down.
Macha reached into the box and then placed a handful of the dust that was once her son into the grave. ‘Goodbye, my Cialtie.’
Nieve poured in the rest of the remains and then left after I finished shovelling the dirt back into the hole.
As I walked my grandmother back to the castle, I threw a stone on top of Dad’s dolman.
‘Why do you do that?’ Macha asked.
‘It’s what they do in Ireland. I do it just as a way of remembering.’
Macha picked up a pebble and said, ‘Goodbye, my Oisin.’ Then she threw the stone and missed. She placed her hand in front of her mouth trying to hide the flood of emotions but then succumbed to them. She plopped down on the path cross-legged like a little girl.
I didn’t know what to do. I sat down across from her and took her hand in mine. When she finally looked at me her face was streaked with tears. I don’t think I had ever seen a more wretched face on a woman.
‘I have been a failure as a mother.’
Again my immediate instinct was to say, ‘No’, but that would have been a lie.
‘I was a failure as a wife and a queen.’ She placed her hand tenderly on my cheek, ‘And as a grandmother. I have wasted my life loving the wrong men and now they are all dead because of me.’ Then she dropped her chin onto her chest and said in a voice so low I almost didn’t hear, ‘Except Dahy, and he cannot even look at me.’
‘You know Dad said something to me that I am using at the moment. He said, “No matter how dark things become, eventually they do get better.”’
She looked me in the eyes and forced a smile. ‘You are a good boy, Conor. You and my daughter have been kind to me but I do not believe there will be many more so forgiving … And who can blame them.’ She dropped her head again and said, ‘The Pookas think that when we die we are reborn. Maybe next time I can be … good.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I would like you to find someone who could escort me to Thunder Bay. I would like to sail off into the great unknown.’
Helping someone kill themselves went against everything the mortal me believed in, but here we were immortals and the only option for death was sailing out to sea. To sail past the vitalising power that was The Land. I didn’t know what to say. Luckily, I didn’t have to say anything.
‘I will take you, Macha,’ Dahy said. He was standing off to our left. I suspect he had been watching us ever since I escorted Macha from her room.
Macha’s head snapped towards the old master. She quickly stood and brushed her dress flat and wiped her eyes. ‘That is very kind of you, Diddo,’ she said.
The days passed like Fand warned me they would. Some were good and some were bad. Mom dragged me out for regal duties when some visiting Runelord appeared. It made my heart ache when I instinctively turned to smile with Dad only to find the Oak Throne empty.
Eventually the Runelords ordered a meet to discuss the House of Duir. It was decided that since no one held an Oak Rune that Castle Duir should be queened by Mom. It was not a unanimous vote. Some objected to someone from the House of Cull controlling the gold stipend but most of the Lords realised that without a rune the Leprechauns wouldn’t follow anyone except their warrior queen. I was just glad nobody tried to foist the job on me.
After the meeting Mom and I were left alone in the Throne Room. She looked tired and I pointed to the Oak Throne and said, ‘Well, my Queen, why don’t you have a seat?’
Mom sat down on the dais steps and said, ‘No, that is your father’s chair. I’m only here stopping this place from crashing into chaos until someone chooses the Duir Rune. I suspect it won’t be long. Master Eirnin told me that half of the un-runed Faeries in The Land have booked Choosing classes with him.’
‘Rather them than me,’ I said and sat next to her. ‘Well, I think you’re a great queen.’ I raised an imaginary glass and toasted, ‘May ye reign for ever.’
‘Oh gods no, Conor,’ she said placing her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arm around mine. ‘I do not want this job for ever. I’m only doing this because Oisin would have wanted me to. If I had my choice I would lose myself in the Fililands. I would go someplace where I wasn’t reminded of your father at every corner.’
‘Dad always said, “Things do get better.”’
‘He also said he would never leave me and now he has left me twice.’ She tried to smile with that line but failed. ‘I hope someone chooses an Oak Rune soon – so I can maybe come and join you.’
‘Me?’ I said. ‘Where am I going?’
She stood, placed her hands on her hips and put on her Queen Deirdre face. ‘You, young man, have a kingdom to rule.’
I slouched on my step. ‘Aw, Mom.’
Chapter Thirty-Five
Beginnings
You would think that since marriages around here have the potential to last centuries that the service would be longer than five minutes. Like some ceremony from America’s old west, the Tir na Nogian wedding vows are practically, ‘Take him? Take her? You’re hitched.’
Not that I’m complaining. The faster the ceremony then the sooner we could start with the reception party. And since the reception was being thrown by the father of the bride and The Land’s best party thrower, Gerard, then all of that ‘Till death do us part,’ stuff is something to get through quickly.
Yes, Essa and I got married. Hell, if attempted homicides, Banshee fiancés, Mermaids and even wars couldn’t keep us apart then we figured – why fight it any more?
Gerard cracked open the wine that he had been saving since Essa was in the womb and we all had the most amazing vinous experience of our lives.
I wouldn’t say it was a typical wedding. My best man, Araf, had a banta stick fight with my beautiful bride and beat her. Tuan got very drunk and started running and barking in his wolfhound mode. When he bit one of the guests, Graysea had to be called in to use her fish power to sober him up before he turned into a sloshed dragon and burned the place down. Jesse’s Brownie entourage was caught stealing the Nikes that the Connemara Druids had bought me as a wedding present. I had the Brownies locked in a dungeon.
The only one missing was Dahy. He had escorted Macha to Thunder Bay a week earlier. I had hoped he would be back. When I mentioned it to Brendan he said something that sent a chill down my spine. He said he got the impression that Dahy was going to sail out to sea with her. Gods, I hoped not. I couldn’t lose Dahy too.
Gerard caught me before the night ended and asked me if I wanted a beer.
‘No thanks,’ I said, ‘I never thought I would say this but this wine is better than any beer.’
Gerard bowed a low bow and said, ‘That is high praise indeed, Lord of the Hazellands.’ Then he wrapped his huge arms around me and applied one of his anaconda-like hugs that lifted me off the ground and threatened to permanently damage my respiratory system. He released me but still held me at arm’s length. ‘I always wanted a son,’ he said, his eyes getting misty, ‘and you have just lost a father. No man can ever replace Oisin. Your father was a great man, Conor. But know this – I will always be here for you.’
This time it was my turn to mist up and attack him with a bear hug.
We let it be known the first order of business in the recovering Hazellands was to start a new junior school. Nora and Nieve shared the major teaching duties and half a dozen families took us up on the offer. Ruby now had classmates to boss around and hopefully that would stop her from getting me into
trouble.
I convinced Lorcan to come and supervise the rebuilding of the Hall of Knowledge. If I was going to be in charge of creating a Tir na Nog university then I needed the very best builder/architect for the job. His one condition – I never call him Lorcan the Leprechaun again. I’ll keep to that – until he’s finished.
Tuan agreed to make his home in the Hazellands too. He is teaching Pooka studies and advanced critter morphing. Brendan is on a monthly commute between running the armoury in Duir and coming to the Hazellands to teach archery and spend time with Ruby. ‘Even in Pixieland I can’t avoid a long commute to work,’ he complains.
Graysea teaches swimming and her first pupil was Araf. Every time I saw him walking back dripping from the pond I would hide so he wouldn’t kill me.
Araf and Essa are really in their elements. Araf teaches agriculture and flower arranging as well as supervising The Field. Essa became professor of winemaking and banta-stick fighting.
Dahy had been gone for months when he showed up in the Hazellands. Weeks ago I had given him up as lost at sea.
‘I thought you had sailed off and become a Grey One and more,’ I said when he showed up in my temporary office in the ruins of the Hall of Knowledge.
‘I will not lie to you, Conor, I came very close to doing just that but then I remembered your grandfather Liam and how he so loved this place and I had to help you restore it.’
Dahy wasn’t a huggy kind of guy but I hugged him anyway. He even kind of returned it with a little pat on the back. ‘Thanks Diddo, I need you.’
When I stepped back there was a scary look on the old master’s face. ‘Just because you are a Runelord now,’ he said, ‘doesn’t mean you can call me Diddo.’
‘Sorry, Master Dahy,’ I quickly replied as I backed out of striking distance.
On the morning of the first day of the very first autumn term at the Hall of Knowledge University, Essa met me at the door and said, ‘What the hell is that thing hanging around your neck?’
