by Delisa Lynn
“No, he didn’t rape me. I’m his girlfriend, and I told him I couldn’t, but he wanted to anyway. I’m taking a shower. Just drop it.”
“That’s fucking rape, Ta. You said no, and he did it anyway. You’re not taking a shower. We’re going to the fucking hospital.”
“No! It’s just…never mind. I’ll shower and then we can get some sleep. I won’t go back to him.”
She’s off the bed and in the bathroom before I can argue back. I hear the water come on. I walk into the bathroom and see that she has taken her clothes off and is sitting in the bathtub with water from the shower running over her back.
“He is going to kill you if you don’t stay away. Do you love him that much?” I ask as I sit on the toilet. There are bruises all over her back.
“It’s complicated. Just drop it, okay?” She pleads with her eyes.
“You better not go back to him! If I ever see him, he won’t be able to walk again.” I kiss her cheek.
She kisses my lips. “You will never know how much I love and appreciate you. I’m gonna clean up and come back to bed.”
“Ta, I will always be here for you and you know that. I love you too.”
Only if she knew how I really feel about her. I think that’s why I’m so attracted to Lila. She looks a little like Tatum. I lie down and wait for her to finish cleaning up. No way I’m gonna sleep.
I love Tatum more than she will ever know. I would do anything for her. I hold her in my arms and listen to her cry and shake all fucking night. I wrap my legs around her and hold on to her as tight as I can, placing small kisses on her head, face, and hair.
He raped her and she won’t admit it. I’m so close to just telling Zander so we can find this motherfucker and make him pay. She’s crying and moaning in her sleep. I wonder how often he does this to her. Where the hell did she find that piece of shit?
“Good morning,” I say to a swollen-faced Tatum.
“‘Morning. Thank you again. I’m going to shower. I still feel dirty.”
She gets out of the bed and goes to the bathroom. I can hear her crying through the door. I know she needs to be alone, but I want to make sure she’s okay, so I go in and sit on the toilet again. She doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I just sit there, listening to her cry.
I hand her a towel. “Tatum, you know you can send him to jail for what he has done to you, right?”
“It’s okay. I’m not seeing him anymore. I told you.”
“I hope you aren’t. He’ll keep hurting you over and over again whether you’re together or not. He won’t stop until he hurts you really bad, maybe even kills you.”
“It’s okay, I’ll be fine. He isn’t going to bother me anymore. Let’s just get ready to go.”
***
We get breakfast before heading to the airport. I hate seeing her like this. She promises me she will leave him, that she will call me every day. I can’t tell Zander. I promise her I won’t, but I tell her if it happens again, Zan and I will give pretty boy Thayer a new face.
“Evan, thank you again. I will always owe you. You have rescued me so many times.”
I hug her. “I would do anything for you, Ta, and you know it. It’s not too late. You can come back with me.”
She kisses me. I feel a tingle in my heart as her soft, swollen lips touch mine. I know I shouldn’t, but I part her lips with my tongue and let our tongues find each other. I’ve wanted to kiss her like this for a long time. She wraps her hands in my hair and pulls my face deeper into hers. She moans.
God, I wish she was mine. I would never hurt her. I would spend the rest of my life making her happy. I hold her in my arms and kiss her hard and passionately.
Once we’re both breathless, we separate. I want more. She has this look in her eyes, a confused and hurt look, as if she’s unsure what to do.
“Tatum, baby, please stay with me. Don’t go back. I’ll take care of you! You can go to school here. I want and need…”
She stops me before I can get the words out. “I have to. I love you and I would love to stay with you, but I can’t. I have to go. I’m so sorry. You have your own life, and I have mine. I have school and my family.”
“You can be my life. I will never stop loving you. Hell, I think I’ve loved you since I was five! Please, baby, don’t do this. I couldn’t live with myself if he hurt you again. I will kill him if he ever hurts you again. I would rather spend the rest of my life in prison than see him hurt you. You’re killing me. You aren’t only borrowing my time, but my heart too.”
She shakes her head and walks toward the terminal. I hope this won’t be the last I see of her. He already beat the hell out of her several times and broke her arm. God, I pray she doesn’t go back to him.
I hate that I’m about to do what I promised I wasn’t going to do. I have to tell Zander. I would rather he be mad at me than hear about Thayer killing her. I pull my phone from my pocket and dial his number. I fill him in on everything. Immediately, he’s fuming mad. I’m so glad I’m not with him right now.
“I can’t believe you let her go. How fucking stupid are you, man?” he yells.
“Hey, I tried, and I just broke my fucking promise to her! I told her I wouldn’t tell you, but since you’re my best friend and her brother, I thought it would be best that you know. I’m heading home. We’ll talk more later.”
I disconnect before he pisses me off more. I walk out of the airport, feeling like I lost not only Tatum, but my best friend.
Chapter Fifteen
Evan
Tatum went back to Thayer. Two months ago, shortly after I told Zander, she called me, pissed off that I told Z everything. She told me she was done with me, so I took her number out of my phone. I won’t contact her ever again. It hurt, but telling Zander was the right thing to do.
I actually have a date tonight. Not with Lila, either. She’s still with Liam, even though she hasn’t heard from him. Hayden, one of the file clerks at Harrington and Bissell, has been hinting that she would like to go out with me. She’s single, so I thought, what the hell? I need to move on with my life. I’ll be graduating in a year and a half. I can’t sit around and wait for Lila or Tatum. The only bad thing is that Hayden and Audrey are friends. Audrey also works at the firm.
I make the drive to Hayden’s apartment, which is about twenty miles away from the firm, to pick Hayden up. She looks beautiful with her long black hair and deep brown eyes. Her Polynesian heritage shows in her soft, caramel skin tone. She moved here from Hawaii when she was seven and has lived in New York since then. I give her a dozen roses and a bottle of wine. When she opens the door, she smiles ear to ear. She’s wearing a navy blue dress with a low neck and a pair of black heels.
“Hey, handsome. Give me a second and I’ll be ready. These are beautiful. I’ll put them in some water. Come on in,” she says as she closes the door behind me.
“Glad you like them, and you look beautiful, as always,” I say with a wink. She always looks nice. I actually think she’s a little older than me, but I’ll never ask her age. She hangs out at Audrey’s place often, and she always looks great. Hell, even in those yoga pants she likes to wear. We’re going to a little Asian restaurant around the corner. I’ve never been there, but she says it’s great.
Once in the restaurant, we start talking and getting to know one another. Then she says just the words I don’t want to hear. Ahh fuck, here we go.
“Evan, I really like you, but I want to let you know I just got out of a relationship and I’m just looking for some good company, if you know what I mean,” she says with a wink.
Damn, I really can see myself sleeping with her, but no, I won’t do it. I know I’m a damn fool. That’s my fucking conscience talking again. That son of a bitch always gets me in trouble.
“I really like you, but I’m not looking for anything other than friendship. I’m sorry if I wasted your time,” I say as I take a drink of wine.
“Are you turning down my proposition, E
van?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Hayden. I’m just not interested.” I want to kick myself in the ass.
“Oh, well, I understand. I can find my own way home. I’m sorry for any trouble I caused. I just thought you would be a good lay.”
She stands up and walks away. What the hell happened? Oh fuck me, did I screw up? I pay the bill and go home
***
When I walk into the loft, Brody looks like he’s been crying, like he’s going to puke.
“Hey bro, you okay? You don’t look so good.” I throw my keys on the counter.
“Evan, sit down. There is something you need to know. I…ahh…hell, I don’t know how to tell you this, dude.”
“What the hell, Brody? You know you can tell me anything. Just say it. Are you okay? Is Zander okay?”
“Yes, we are both fine. It’s…your parents. They were in an accident and…and your mom didn’t make it.” He starts to cry again. My heart sinks immediately.
“What did you say?”
“Your dad called.” He puts his arms around me. “Your mom died about an hour ago.”
I lose it. I start throwing things until I run out of things to throw. I need her. I need Lila. I call her and text her so much, I end up driving there when she doesn’t answer. I start banging on the door. She finally opens it.
“What the fuck? Are you okay?” she asks, pulling me in the door.
“She’s gone, Lila. My mom is gone. What am I supposed to do?”
“Oh, Evan, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Did you book your flight home yet?”
“No. Can you please do it?”
“Of course I will.” She gets on her phone and starts making plans. “You stay here and we will go in the morning.”
“Okay. I just need you right now, Lila.” I hug her.
After about two hours, we finally lie down. She’s only wearing a t-shirt and thong. She lets me hold her while I cry and cries with me. She keeps placing small kisses on my hands and my cheeks. I know it’s wrong, but I’m here and she’s here, and I need her so goddamn bad. I kiss her. I’ve been wanting to kiss her for so fucking long. She doesn’t stop me. She kisses me back. We lie there for minutes, just holding each other and kissing.
“Lila, I know this is wrong, and I’m sorry,” I say as I hug her tighter.
She kisses my cheek. “You’re hurting. I know, and it’s okay. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want you to touch me.”
I just lost my mother and I feel like my life is falling apart around my feet, but Lila makes that pain go away. I start kissing her again. God, she can kiss. The instant her tongue touches mine, my dick gets hard.
“Lila, baby, I need you so bad. I want to make love to you so fucking bad right now.” I slide my hands up and down her hips.
“It’s okay. I need you too.”
She slides her shirt off. I kiss her chest and wrap my mouth around her left nipple as I slide my hand down her body.
I reach her opening. “Mmm, baby. You’re so wet,” I say as I slide a finger inside of her. I’ve waited for this day for so long. With every move of my finger, she pushes into my hand. I feel her build up around my fingers. I pull my pants off and grab a condom.
I slide it on and kneel between her legs. I look at the want and hunger in her eyes. She bites her bottom lip and pulls me closer to her. I take her bottom lip in my mouth and bite on it. She moans. I guide myself into her. She’s so wet, so warm. I’ve never been inside of anyone as beautiful as Lila. Our bodies become one.
“Oh, baby, this is everything I’ve imagined,” I say. I can’t stop staring at her and thinking about how beautiful she is. “Open your eyes, Lila. I want you to see what you do to me.”
She opens her eyes and a small smile spreads across her face.
“Evan, this feels so amazing.” She wraps her legs around my back.
I’m so deep inside of her, I know I can’t hold back any longer. I start thrusting in and out so fast, I lose my breath. Before I can even let her know I’m at my peak, we’re both screaming and tightly holding on to one another. I fall on top of her chest and kiss her. I hope this wasn’t a dream.
I roll over and see a tear roll down her face. Right then, I know she retreated and regretted everything we just shared. Goddamn, I fucked up. Hell, I may have just lost one of my best friends. She means so much to me.
Even though I don’t want to hear the answer, I ask, “Are you okay, darlin’?”
“I’m fine, love. We need to get some sleep. Good night, Evan. I love you,” she whispers as she turns over. I know she’s crying. I can feel her body shaking.
“I love you, more than you will ever know,” I reply. I lie there and hold her all night.
***
When Lila and I land in Utah, I have no clue how I’m going to handle everything. My father looks so sad. He’s going to be lost without my mom. This has changed all of our lives.
Lila and I stay with him after we make the funeral arrangements. I don’t know what will happen with Lila and me. I know she has regrets about what we did and will probably act different toward me.
My dad really likes her. He thinks she’s my girlfriend. I don’t tell him otherwise. The funeral is tomorrow. This is one thing that I never imagined I would have to go to. I thought my parents would be here forever. It goes to show that not every day is a guarantee.
Lila and I sleep in my room. She hasn’t kissed me or hugged me since we left NYC. I want to ask her some questions, but I feel like I should wait. As we lie here, sleeping next to one another, all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. I don’t, though.
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t fall asleep. I look at my phone and realize it’s six in the morning. I get up and shower. Lila is still sleeping, so I don’t disturb her. I go downstairs to find my dad drinking coffee and starting to make breakfast.
“‘Morning, Pop. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay, son. Just really tired. I have so many unanswered questions. She was fine one minute. Then the next, she was gone. After thirty years with her, how the hell am I supposed to live without her?” he says, tears in his eyes.
“Dad, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. Hell, I thought you two would outlive me. I was devastated when Brody told me. Mom was a wonderful person. She left a footprint on all of our hearts, that’s for sure.” Tears fall down my cheeks as memories of my mom start flying through my mind. “Do you remember that Easter when I didn’t want to wear my tie? She told me that the Easter bunny would take all of my candy and toys away if I didn’t. Then she wore a tie so I would. There was that time that she made Brody and me volunteer at the soup kitchen for Christmas. She always had a kind heart and would do anything for anyone.”
“I know, son. That’s the type of person she is…was. She was always like that. It’s one of the many reasons why I love her so much.”
I help my dad cook breakfast, picking up where he left off. Then Lila comes strolling in the kitchen. I make sure to make her plenty of bacon.
“Good morning, darlin’,” I say as I kiss her forehead.
“Good morning. It smells great in here.”
She pours a cup of coffee. I would love making her breakfast every morning, but I know that’s never going to happen. We all eat and talk. Then it’s time to say goodbye to my wonderful mother. My grandparents flew out from Alabama, and my Aunt Frances is going to stay with my dad for a while. I know she’ll make sure he’s taken care of.
I’m going to sing at the funeral, though I have no clue where I’ll get the strength, but my mother loved my voice. I have to sing for her.
I sing “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. My voice cracks at parts of the song, but I have to do this for my mom. She loved this song and loved hearing me play my guitar.
As I sing the last song for my beautiful mother, I can feel her presence. I can see her smiling at me and telling me how much she loves me.
Lila stands by my side the wh
ole time. She never leaves me, and she is as emotional as I am. Every time I feel like I will lose it, Lila squeezes my shoulder. She helps me through everything. I really appreciate her for that.
After the service, we all go back to the house, eat, and tell stories. I don’t want to leave my Pop’s, but I know I have to get back to my life, and he needs to get back to his. I was hoping he would move to Alabama with my grandparents, but his life is here, in Utah, and he’s a stubborn man. Lila and I say our goodbyes and go back to New York.
Chapter Sixteen
Evan
It’s been two months since my mother’s death. Lila has been my friend through it all. We never talk about that night. Sleeping with her was a mistake. As much as I like her, she belongs to someone else.
She still hasn’t heard anything from Liam. I feel bad for her. I hope he isn’t dead. I know she loves him very much. Her friend Addison is coming to visit. We’re all having dinner together.
I have no clue how she found out, but Alyssa knows about Lila and me sleeping together. I tried denying it, but she’s certain. I haven’t even told the guys. It’s not any of their business. I also don’t want their opinion of Lila to change. Brody is still trying to figure out what’s going on with Nikki, but, of course, none of the girls will say anything about it.
Lila is so happy when Addison arrives. She acts a lot different around her. Addison is full of spunk. She is also Lila’s brother’s girlfriend. I’ve never met Lila’s brother, but I’ve heard lots of great things about him. I make BLT’s and onion rings for dinner. Yeah, Lila’s choice. They all laugh when they see what we’re having.
“Evan, can I talk to you for a sec?” Addison asks after we finish dinner.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
We walk outside.
“Okay, listen. I know what happened with you and Lila. I’m okay with it, but she needs you right now. If you hurt her in any way, I will cut your balls off and shove them up your ass. Got it?” she says, pointing her finger in my face.
