by Amy Ruttan
Thomas nodded. “I know.”
And then and there that he wanted to do the surgery at the hospital where he had privileges. Their hospital. He didn’t want to do it here. He wanted his scrub nurse, his tools, his team of surgeons, nurses and anesthesiologists. People he trusted to help him.
He wanted the operating theater he was comfortable in. That way he could do the most effective surgery and save Charles’s life for now because even if he could get most of the angiosarcoma out there was no way he could get 100 percent of it out with a really clean border.
It was something they would have to monitor and do several surgeries on until they couldn’t any longer.
He was going to have to try to convince Charles to give up his pride and vanity and have the surgery done at the proper place. And he would have to keep Geraldine away or he would have to convince Charles to tell his daughter what was actually going on. She had a right to know.
Just like he’d had the right to know about Zoe.
The tech went and took Charles out of the scanner and took out the IV filled with the contrast fluid that had been pumping through his veins so Thomas could get a look at the angiosarcoma.
“Have them sent to my office,” Thomas said, handing Dr. Hunyadi his business card.
Dr. Hunyadi nodded and pocketed the card. “I will. Are you going to be doing the surgery here?”
“Why?” Thomas asked.
“I would like to observe it. I have never seen an angiosarcoma removal done before and I would like to watch.”
“If Lord Collins allows you to, which I’m sure he will. He is all for education.”
“Lord Collins?” Dr. Hunyadi said. “You mean the Lord Collins who is a cardiologist?”
“Yes,” Thomas said.
“He was the cardiologist for my mother. He’s an amazing doctor.”
Thomas nodded. “He is...or he was. He’s not practicing anymore.”
“Who’s taking over his practice?”
“His daughter.” Thomas ended the conversation. He didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. He didn’t want to talk about Geraldine at this moment because he felt incredibly guilty about her not knowing about her father’s condition.
And when he thought about her, he couldn’t get that kiss out of his head.
He’d promised her that he wouldn’t put any moves on her at his estate. Yes, he had taken other women there for that sole purpose in his younger days, when he’d been foolish. But in recent years he had avoided going there because when he walked through those halls all he could think about was his lonely childhood and the family he would never have.
And then he was reminded of his beloved mother and the brother he was supposed to have had.
He was reminded of his father’s bitterness and loneliness, but seeing it through Geraldine’s eyes had put it a new light. And he couldn’t help but pull her into his arms and kiss her, like he’d always wanted to. He was falling for her. Though he didn’t want to.
Don’t think about her right now.
He had to put her out of his mind because he was with her father and he was about to discuss her father’s cancer with him.
“Well?” Charles asked when Thomas walked into the room.
Thomas shook his head. “It’s not good.”
Charles sighed. “How much as it grown?”
“Just a little bit. A millimeter, but it’s only been a few days since your last scan. So it’s growing rapidly. I need to get in there and get it out.”
Charles nodded. “Well, I’m ready. I’m sure I can get an operating theater set up here—”
“No,” Thomas said, cutting him off. “I can’t do the surgery here. I want my team with me.”
Charles began to argue, but Thomas cut him off again. “You’re not a surgeon, Charles. You’re a damn fine cardiologist. You’ve shown me so much that I won’t ever be able to repay you for, but a surgeon needs familiarity when tackling an insurmountable challenge.”
“Are you saying my tumor is insurmountable?” Charles teased.
“Well, as you know, it’s almost impossible to get every last bit of an angiosarcoma out. There’s no way to leave clean margins in a heart.”
“I know,” Charles said. “I don’t even care anymore if other people know at our hospital, it’s Geraldine I’m concerned about.”
“Why don’t you tell her? You promised me if I took her to the garden party you’d tell her.”
“Tell her what? That I’m dying? She knows that.”
“Tell her about the angiosarcoma. People pull through stomach cancer all the time. That’s what she believes. Yes, you have stomach cancer. I could see the tumor in your stomach on the MRI. It’s been responding well to the chemotherapy since your last scan. You could beat stomach cancer, but this angiosarcoma... You’re in for a lot of surgeries. Chemotherapy is weakening your body. The medication you’re on is weakening your body. You could suffer from neutropenia, blood loss, pneumonia. Your body is about to be put through the wringer and you want me to cut open your chest and take apart your heart in a hospital I’m not familiar with. I’m not comfortable doing that, Charles. I need to be where I’m comfortable.”
Charles looked sullen, but Thomas knew in that moment that Charles understood. That he had been beaten.
“Well, maybe I’ll get someone else to do it.”
Thomas saw the twinkle in Charles’s eyes and knew he was teasing him. “And who else are you going to get to do it? Who else is better than me? I’m the top cardiothoracic surgeon in London. You know how many people I’ve worked on?”
“I know, I know.”
“And who better to do surgery than a duke?” Thomas teased.
Charles groaned and rolled his eyes. “Just as arrogant as your father.”
“And don’t you love it.”
“All right, all right,” Charles said. “I’ll have the surgery done at our hospital. Today?”
Thomas nodded. “If I can do it today.”
“I want it done today. The sooner the better. I don’t want Geraldine to know.”
“That’s up to you, but you’re backing out on our deal. You said I could tell her if you didn’t,” Thomas said. “So if she asks me I’m not hiding anything from her.”
“You’re my doctor. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“You’re also my friend. I shouldn’t even be doing this surgery. You’re my mentor and I think of you like a father. You know that, don’t you?”
Charles was silent, at a loss for words. “Thank you.”
“So are you going to tell Geraldine?”
“If I have to.”
“It’s not if you have to,” Thomas said. “You should. Open up to her, Charles.”
“How can I open up to her when she won’t open up to me? She hates me.”
“I don’t think she hates you.”
“Maybe not hate, but she’s not warm to me. We’re not friends. I’m just a housemate.”
“What do you expect, Charles? She lived without knowing who her father was for most of her life and then you just show up out of the blue.”
“I didn’t know she existed until last year. Her mother never told me she was pregnant. Her mother left me. I was brokenhearted. I never for once thought that when she left she was carrying Geraldine. If I had known I was going be a father I would’ve done something much sooner. I always wanted a child.”
“You’re telling the wrong person,” Thomas said. “Tell Geraldine. Tell her before it’s too late.”
“Promise me something, Thomas.”
His stomach sank, because he knew what Charles was going to ask him and he wasn’t sure that he was able to give a promise.
“What do you need, Charles?”
“Tak
e care of Geraldine for me. If I die, please take care of her. She has no one else.”
And though he shouldn’t, he nodded. “I promise.”
Though he wasn’t sure he was the right person to do that. How could he promise to take care of someone when his own future was so uncertain?
* * *
“You know that Christmas is only a few days away, my dear.”
“I do know that, Lord Twinsbury,” Geri said. He was trying everything to get her to discharge him. Only she couldn’t. Thomas had to.
He tsked under his breath. “I told you to call me Lionel. Lord Twinsbury makes me feel ancient.”
“You’re not ancient,” Geri said. “You’re pretty spritely for seventy-three.”
Lord Twinsbury groaned. “Oh, when you say that, I feel even older.”
“My apologies. Now hold still so I can take your blood pressure.”
“The nurse has just done that.”
“Nonetheless,” Geri chastised him as she wrapped the band around Lord Twinsbury’s arm and hit the button. The machine flashed a blood pressure figure that was stable but still not the best.
“How is it?” Lord Twinsbury asked.
“Stable, but you’ll be in here over Christmas.”
“I have never missed the King’s College carols.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this time you will. Your health is important.”
“Stuff and nonsense.”
Geri shook her head. “Lie back and try to rest. I hear you’ve been giving the nurses grief.”
Lord Twinsbury grinned. “I don’t think so.”
“Behave—that’s a warning.” Geri picked up her chart and left his room. When she turned the corner of the intensive care unit she saw that Thomas was waiting at the end of the hall. He didn’t smile at her when he saw her.
I knew it. I knew that kiss was going to make things awkward for us.
She approached him, but he still didn’t smile at her in the way he usually did, and she had a sinking feeling that something had happened.
“Is it Zoe?” she asked.
“No. Zoe is fine. It’s something else.”
“Thomas, I thought we agreed not to talk about that kiss again,” she said under her breath.
A funny expression crossed his face. “What?”
“I don’t want it to affect our business relationship.”
Thomas scrubbed his hand over his face. “It’s not that.”
“What is it, then?”
“Your father.”
The blood drained from her face, but she kept her composure. “What about him?”
“He’s been admitted here and he’s having surgery tomorrow. He would have surgery today, but there isn’t an operating theater available.”
“Oh, is that all?”
Thomas frowned. “What do you mean, is that all?”
“I take it it’s about his stomach cancer. Who is doing the surgery?”
Thomas grabbed her by the shoulders. “It’s not the stomach cancer. He’s on this floor, at the end of the hall. Go and see him. He’ll explain.”
Before she could grill him further about it he walked away from her.
Geri shook her head and headed down the hall. Thomas was right, her father was there. A nurse was finishing up his vitals and he was in his pajamas, an IV started already.
“Is everything okay here?” Geri asked, confused.
“Just finishing the preoperative workup, Dr. Collins,” the nurse said cheerfully.
“Preoperative workup?”
“Yes, Mr. Ashwood asked for it.” The nurse finished up and left the room.
“What was she talking about?” Geri asked finally. “What does she mean, Mr. Ashwood has asked for a preoperative workup?”
“Just exactly that, Geraldine. I’m going in for surgery tomorrow,” Charles said.
“Tomorrow? You’re supposed to have chemotherapy tomorrow.”
“It’s been postponed. Thomas and my oncologist agree that this is the best course of treatment for the moment.”
“To cut the stomach cancer out?” She was confused.
“No, my angiosarcoma.”
The world began to spin as the words began to sink in. She knew exactly what that was and the thought of the father she just found having it made her angry.
“Geraldine, I know this isn’t ideal—”
“Well, of course not. It’s serious, but at least you’re getting it dealt with.” She couldn’t deal with this. She’d just found her father and now he might die tomorrow. She had to get out of there. “I’ll let you rest. You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Geraldine...”
She ignored him and left his room. There were so many emotions going through her. Ones she couldn’t even process. She just knew that she had to put distance between herself and her father.
A father who was about to abandon her again.
She grabbed her purse and coat from the doctors’ lounge and headed out into the street. It was snowing lightly, but instead of enjoying it, like she usually did, she kept her head down and walked. She had every intention of returning to Harley Street and throwing herself into her work.
When she kept herself busy she didn’t have to feel anything.
It numbed unwelcome feelings.
Only she didn’t head back to Harley Street. She wandered around Knightsbridge for a few hours and then, instead of heading to Holland Park, she found herself standing in front of Thomas’s Notting Hill home. She didn’t know if he was home or not, but she tried the buzzer.
“Yes?” Thomas sounded agitated.
“It’s me, Geraldine. Can I come in?”
“Yes,” he said quickly. He buzzed the gate open and as she walked up the path he met her outside. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Your father said you were in a daze when he broke the news. I was worried so I went to the office, but Mrs. Smythe said you hadn’t been in, and then I went to Holland Park. I was about to go back to the hospital and start over again.”
“I just went for a walk. I’m fine.”
No. I’m not.
Only she wasn’t sure how she was processing this information.
“I don’t think you are. Come inside where it’s warmer.” When she was inside she began to shiver and he helped her out of her coat. “You must be chilled to the bone, walking from the hospital to here. That’s a long walk.”
“It didn’t feel like a long walk until this moment.” She kicked off her shoes, her feet feeling like blocks of ice because she’d been wearing a skirt and stockings instead of slacks.
Thomas wrapped an arm around her. His body heat felt good and she snuggled up against him, shivering, while he rubbed her shoulders. Then before she had a moment to protest he scooped her up in his arms and carried her upstairs, but not to the sitting room where they had been the night before.
“Where are we going?”
“My room is the warmest. I have a gas fire going in there. Zoe was in there earlier today, but she’s gone over to a friend’s house for the night.”
A blush crept up her neck. “Why don’t we go to the sitting room?”
“Because it’s being cleaned. Now, stop fidgeting so I can carry you upstairs properly.”
Thomas took her to his bedroom at the top of the stairs. It was a large room and there was a sitting area, where a gas fireplace was giving off heat. He set her down on the couch and tucked a blanket around her. Geri could see he had been working. Spread out on a coffee table were scans and medical journals.
“I was doing some research, brushing up on my surgical skills and hoping I can find something that would benefit your father’s s
urgery tomorrow.”
Geri picked up the MRI scan and stared at the angiosarcoma in her father’s heart. Like a monster, eating away at him. She set it down quickly.
“I’m sorry for interrupting your work. I just didn’t want to be alone right now.”
Thomas sat down next to her. “I don’t blame you. It’s a scary thing.”
“It’ll be impossible for you get to good margins. When I was doing my residency as a surgeon...” Then she realized what she’d been saying and the floodgates opened. She couldn’t hide it anymore. Was tired of hiding it.
She was a surgeon in her heart.
She missed it and because of her training she knew what had to happen to her father and it terrified her.
“You were going to be a surgeon. I knew it.”
“Yes.”
“Why did you stop?”
Tears stung her eyes. “I fell in love with the wrong man, my teacher, and I thought he loved me, but...I was a fool. So I walked away from surgery and it was then I discovered I had a father and he was offering me a practice far away from Glasgow. Far away from Frederick. I ran away from my problems.”
“You’re not the only one,” Thomas said.
“I’m not?”
“I have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Or at least the genetic traits for it. I ran from any form of happiness, because there’s no guarantee I won’t die prematurely as well.”
Geri ran a hand through her hair and leaned back against the couch. “We’re a right pair of loons, aren’t we?”
Thomas chuckled and then reached out, his hand on her knee. “He’ll be okay.”
His simple touch felt so good and she recalled the way it had felt to be in his arms. How safe he’d made her feel. How good that kiss had been. She just wanted to forget everything. For once she wanted to not think about every consequence and throw caution to the wind once more.
To taste passion again.
It might not mean anything, because she was too afraid to feel love again, but she wanted to be with Thomas, wanted the Dark Duke to seduce her. She didn’t want to feel at the moment, just wanted to taste passion and give in to the temptation.
She leaned over and kissed Thomas on the lips, catching him off guard, but only for a moment, and then he was kissing her back. This was what she wanted. She just wanted to feel this moment with him.
