by Maggie Cox
'Right now it is touch and go, so I am told. To speak the truth, I don't really want to discuss it. All I will say is that the next few days are critical. If you need anything, talk to Farida or Jamal, will you?'
'I don't want to annoy you, Zahir, but perhaps the next time you go to the hospital I could go with you? I know I can't make your friend better, but I could be a support and someone to turn to for you, instead of you sitting there alone worrying about him.'
'To be frank, your presence would be an unnecessary distraction rather than a support. Right now I need to focus on what has to be done for my friend—not be fussed over by a woman like some needy child!'
Biting back a hurt retort, Gina felt her face burn at having her offer of help again so bluntly refused. 'Well...' She twisted her hands in front of her and shrugged. 'If you change your mind at any time I just want you to know that I'll be here for you...that's all.'
'Hmm...' His distant gaze withdrew from her even before he turned and continued down the corridor.
Frozen into a statue, Gina stood staring after him.
Every time Zahir came into contact with her after that morning he deliberately kept their exchanges to the minimum, then made himself absent as soon as possible. After the high hopes of his homecoming dinner, it was a painful knock-back.
He was travelling back and forth to the hospital to visit Masoud on a regular basis. One day the news was good, the next not so good. Frequently his expression bordered on the haunted.
Gina had tried to reach him with words, with warmth, with an understanding look, but his self-protective shutters had definitely slammed down as hard as a heavy portcullis, and nothing seemed to make an impact. She had no choice but to bide her time. Even now, when he seemed so distant and the possibility of them being together seemed ever more remote and impossible, she vowed she would not give up on her love from him.
Masoud becoming ill had shaken him to his core—she knew that. She also knew that he feared losing his friend as he had lost his parents and then his brother-in-law. He feared the pain that it would bring. Farida's plea that he should not spend his life dreading the loss of those he loved had apparently been forgotten.
'Do not despair,' the other woman had consoled her. 'Masoud's health will return, and so will Zahir's belief in love.'
Not allowing herself too much time in which to speculate on what would happen if Masoud didn't recover, Gina kept her gloomy thoughts at bay by working on the inventory. But underlying everything she did was her hope and prayer that Zahir would come back to himself and her soon.
Five nights after Zahir had left his homecoming dinner to rush off to his friend's bedside, they learned that Masoud was emerging from the nightmare of his illness with flying colours. The medical staff had removed the drips, and he had even had his first taste of solid food for days. Zahir was in much higher spirits, even seeking Gina out in one of the galleries where she was working to speak with her.
'I am off to the hospital again. I feel like I'm taking up residence there, if you want to know the truth.'
His smile still looked tired, Gina thought as she studied him, but the haunted expression was thankfully gone. She was very moved that he would be so dedicated to the care of a friend that he would put him before everything else...even duty...yet inside she was wrestling with the agonising idea that he didn't want to be with her at all. That she was, as he had said, just an unnecessary distraction.
'When I return later tonight I want to see you,' he declared. 'I want to tell you things—' He broke off to arch a rueful eyebrow. 'I have not been the best host or the kindest and most understanding friend to you in the past few days, Gina... But I promise I will make it up to you.'
'You don't owe me anything, Zahir—honestly. I'm just very glad that your friend is getting better and that consequently you won't be so worried.'
'Yet still I feel I have neglected you.'
'I assure you, you have not. Like you. I'm not "some needy child" who needs constant attention or fussing over. At the end of the day I merely came here to do a job. When that job is ended I'll go back home again, and you won't have to give me another thought.' Her throat swelled and tightened as she finished speaking, and hot despairing tears weren't far away.
'You think I would never give you another thought if you should return home?' The tanned brow furrowed in not just concern, but confusion and annoyance, too. 'Have I been so remiss in my care of you that you would leave and dismiss me as if my feelings were of no account whatsoever?' he demanded.
'Forget what I said, Zahir.' Having great difficulty in containing her spiralling emotions, Gina forced a smile to her lips. 'You need to focus on your friend, and I understand that—I really do. When you return I'll still be here, working on the inventory. I promise.'
Not looking entirely convinced, nonetheless Zahir briefly gathered her hand in his, then raised it to his lips to deliver a tender kiss across the fine skin of her knuckles. His eyes watched her carefully as he did so, almost as if he expected her to bolt like a rabbit. 'I pray that will be so, rohi.' His rich voice was husky and warm with feeling. 'When I return I will come straight away to see you no matter what the time is.'
Almost faint with the mixture of relief and hope that had swirled through her at his words, after he had gone Gina took some time out from doing the inventory with Farida. She simply went to her rooms to try and calm the nervous excitement that had suddenly turned her brain to mush and her limbs to sponge...
'You are still up? I was hoping you would be.'
Farida had gone to bed quite a while ago, he'd learned, and at last...at last Zahir had an opportunity to have Gina to himself. If she was still awake, that was. He'd knocked on her door, half expecting her to be fast asleep in bed. It was, after all, past midnight. But she'd answered his knock almost immediately, her shy glance lit up by an equally unsure smile.
'I waited for you. You said you wanted to tell me things.'
'I did, didn't I?'
'How was Masoud today?' she asked, her expression concerned but wary.
Breathing out a long sigh, Zahir nodded his head. 'He has made a miraculous recovery, and is looking even better than before. Two or three days in hospital to recuperate and he will be home again. Take a walk with me, will you?'
'A walk where?'
'Not very far.'
They moved slowly down the lamp-lit corridor and both fell silent. Dressed in a soft white tunic and skirt, her bright hair arranged behind her head with a pretty floral clasp, the woman at Zahir's side made his heart soar just looking at her. But it had taken a ruler wiser than he—a ruler who did listen to his heart—to make him finally acknowledge the depth and breadth of his feelings. Masoud's illness had set his hopes back for a while, Zahir silently admitted, but only because he'd feared his friend might not survive. Now he realised that even if he had not life would go on, Zahir would go on, and his great hope now was that he would do so with Gina by his side.
'I want to show you something.'
He caught her by the hand, then pushed open a door to the side of him. The small salon was barely furnished, but that was for a good reason. Inside there was a single glowing lamp, and on the wall a stunning landscape of the desert. The painting had been one of his mother's own works. She'd loved to paint, and her favourite subject had been the diversity and beauty of this incredible land they lived in. Beneath the picture was a beechwood cabinet with a clear glass top, so that whatever was laid inside there could be viewed to its best advantage. It was the reason there was so little else in the room—so nothing could detract from its incredible beauty and presence.
Placing his hand gently at the small of her back, Zahir urged Gina towards it. 'You have been so patient, rohi, and this is your reward. You are looking upon the Heart of Courage.'
The jewel seemed especially lovely tonight, as it lay on its bed of black velvet, he mused. With a buttery-yellow gold chain, the stunning pendant was made up of a circle of rubies and sapphires
—and at its centre, dazzling the eye, was the Almas...a pure diamond whose colour was the flawless hue of a midnight desert sky shaped into a breathtaking heart. It radiated not just beauty, but magic, too.
It had been a long time since Zahir had even glanced at it, let alone studied it. But with its imagined connotations of visiting tragedy on his family he hardly needed to ask himself why. Hearing about the discovery of his great-great-grandmother's journal, and learning that the previous love-matches of his family had—as far as they were aware—been happy and successful, he now felt reassured to follow his heart.
Yet even if the history had not been good, Zahir knew it wouldn't have affected his decision... His arrogance had indeed diminished his wisdom when he'd sought to circumvent his destiny, but after his visit to Kajistan a few days ago, and hearing the wise thoughts of the Emir, he knew he would never be so foolish again as to think he even had a say in the matter.
'Oh, Zahir...' Turning towards him, Gina knew her lovely blue eyes glistened with tears. 'To be standing here, gazing at such an incredible sight...I feel utterly awed and privileged. Jake would have been beside himself to see the jewel as I am seeing it now.'
The sickening flash of jealousy that slashed through Zahir's insides was like having his legs kicked away from under him. 'Then how unfortunate that he so rashly decided to cut short his stay and go home,' he murmured, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice.
'Yes...it was.' Her expression confused, Gina dipped her head.
'Are you sad that he left?'
Her head whipped up again. 'No! Why do you say that?'
'Because for you to mention that insignificant man at such an important time as this displeases me greatly, and it also has me thinking that perhaps you care for him more than you have admitted.'
'That's absolutely not true. He's a colleague—that's all. A colleague who worked as hard on researching the jewel as I did, and longed to view it for himself.'
'Then he should have stayed longer, instead of running away and insulting me by believing his very life was jeopardised by staying at the palace!'
His temper spilling over, Zahir stalked away from the cabinet to move across to the door. He could rationalise his emotionally charged response by telling himself he was still a little overwrought at all the events that had recently unfolded, but this was patently not the way he'd imagined the scene when he finally showed Gina the jewel and told her how he felt. A turbulent mix of anger as well as despair twisted his gut, and his mind took him down an even darker road.
'If it is not Jake you honour with your interest, what about the other men you must have met since we parted that night three years ago?'
'What other men?' The blue eyes widened indignantly, like dazzling twin lakes. 'I never had an intimate relationship with any other man except you, Zahir—not in three years. I already told you that.'
'Even so...my fear is that you are merely saying that so as not to disappoint me.'
'I wouldn't lie to you. I want you to know that after we were together that night even the mere thought of being with another man that way was repugnant to me.'
Zahir sucked in a steadying breath. To learn that Gina had been intimate with him and only him rocketed his previously sinking spirits to the moon and back. He ventured a smile. 'Can't you tell how jealous I have been at the idea you had slept with other men after surrendering your virginity to me? If I've handled it badly and offended you, I sincerely apologise.'
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and sighed. 'I accept your apology... But, like I said, after we were together I simply wasn't interested in any other man but you, Zahir. And while we're still on the subject of my colleague Jake,' she continued, 'he simply couldn't help being fearful. He's an urban man who lives alone, and he has had no experience of much other than his books and his work. There's an old church near where we work, and every time its clock chimes the hour he practically jumps out of his skin. It's just not in his nature to be brave, Zahir. He's not like you. Some people confront their fears head-on, and others find themselves retreating to protect themselves because they can't cope with anything shaking them up. Are you going to condemn him for what is, after all, quite a common human weakness?'
Clenching his fists down by his sides, Zahir shook his head. 'You didn't run away. You even bit the man who assaulted you to get away from him—yes, bit him—without knowing how he would react and possibly risking more harm to yourself!' Unable to contain the great tide of strongly felt emotion that washed over him, he moved swiftly back to Gina's side. 'I die a thousand deaths ever time I relive that scene in my mind and imagine that you could have been killed or maimed for life.'
'But I wasn't killed or maimed.' Her plump lower lip trembled. Shakily she moved her hand to brush back her hair.
The tumult inside Zahir's chest slowly started to subside. But it was replaced by an even stronger emotion. He sighed. 'I am in awe of your incredible bravery...at what you did that day. Not one in a hundred women would have had the presence of mind to do what you did. Not to put too fine a point on it, the man who attacked you is a trained fighter...a mercenary. He lives high in the mountains, where he and his brother believe themselves to be outside the realms of any civilised law made to curtail their more base instincts and reckless activities. Yet, not knowing the danger, you fought back. You are quite a remarkable woman, Gina Collins.'
'Not really,' she murmured softly, gazing up at him. 'But sometimes...sometimes certain strong feelings can give you the courage to be stronger.'
'And what strong feelings would those be...hmm?'
'When you—when you care for someone deeply you don't want to leave them...you want to stay with them for the rest of your life, and you'll do anything you can to prevent being parted. I truly regret not coming back to you three years ago, but when my mother died I was overwhelmed with fear. I wasn't courageous enough to trust that it was right to return. When my father put doubts in my head about it, I listened to him rather than to my heart. It's true what they say, you know...about what happens when you're in serious danger. My life did flash before me when that man grabbed me at the marketplace, and I promised myself in that same moment that if I survived I would tell you exactly how I feel.'
Zahir stilled, yet his heart thudded hard. 'You said that gazing at the jewel made you feel awed and privileged. I could say the same thing about looking at you, rohi.' His voice was now helplessly infused with the warmth that was growing powerfully inside him. Tenderly, gently, he laid his palm against her cheek. 'I want to hear what you have to say, my angel. But first I have a question. There is an inscription on the back of the jewel's fastening...do you know what the translation if it is?'
Her smile was instantaneous, but shy. 'I could recite it in my sleep,' she confessed. 'It means Transcend fear to find the courage to follow your heart and love without reservation. I know I've had to do just that, Zahir.'
'And my heart echoes it.' Moving his hands to the small feminine waist he could span with just his hands, Zahir drew Gina towards him, his blood pounding through his veins like a turbulent river as he examined her exquisite features and shining eyes. She was like rare perfume, or some intoxicating elixir that he had inadvertently drunk—he would never get over the effects...not as long as both of them lived and breathed.
'Yes, my beloved... For a while I confess that I could not find the courage to love you unreservedly—not as long as I feared losing you. In my confused thinking I thought if I made you my mistress that would be a way of keeping you here, but at the same time I would not have to completely surrender my heart. It was the most colossal self-deception. Having found you again, I realised that to live without you would be the worst pain I could ever envisage. It is simply not an option. From the first moment I saw you, it never was. I love you, Gina. I want you not just because you are an incredibly beautiful and lovely woman and I desire you, I want you as my friend and companion as well as my lover...I want you to be my wife.'
Wa
s she dreaming? Gina thought dazedly. Had her longing for this man at last turned her mind to madness? But, no, Zahir's love was blazing down at her like a fierce undaunted sun that would never set. She wanted to bask in that sun for the rest of her life.
'Are you sure, Zahir?' she asked quietly, afraid even at this incredible longed-for moment that she might somehow have misheard or misread him.
His glance was definitely perplexed. 'Am I sure?' he echoed in disbelief. 'I have just told the loveliest girl in the world that I want her to be my wife and she asks me that? Of course I am sure. Never again will I speak anything but the truth where my feelings for you are concerned.'
'It's just that right now I feel like I've somehow wandered into a dream. Nothing looks remotely the same any more. Everything has a celestial light shining on it. Seeing the jewel at last, and...' She lowered her lashes, overcome with shyness all of a sudden. 'I've dreamt of being with you, of becoming your wife for so long. Since that very first time we met, in fact. I knew then that you were the one I'd been waiting for all my life. But when I came back to Kabuyadir to find that you were ruler of the kingdom, no less... Well, I thought I had been dreaming a dream that was totally impossible. Forget it, I told myself. But I couldn't... I couldn't because I love you so much. You mean the world to me, you know.'
He tipped up her chin so that she could not mistake the love that poured from his eyes...from his heart into hers.
'I told you when we first met that I had never felt as strongly about a woman before—as if she were a part of me that I never even knew I had lost until I met her... I still feel that way. In fact the feeling has deepened beyond measuring. But when you came back to Kabuyadir I was a different man from the one who spent that incredible night with you, Gina. After my father died, and then my sister's husband, I lost faith in love. All I seemed able to see was the pain it caused—because if you loved someone it was beyond agony when you lost them. I didn't want to suffer that pain again if I could help it. So I thought to bypass love completely. I fooled myself that I could marry purely to make an alliance that would benefit the kingdom. But I was wrong...so wrong. Just seeing you again taught me that. There are no words to describe how much your love for me thrills and fulfills me. Of all the things I have achieved it is your love, rohi, that will always be my greatest achievement.'
