I lasted perhaps only another hour watching over him before exhaustion dragged me down into a dark and tortured sleep. One where Kyan's fingers slipped out of mine and I couldn't find him anywhere in an endless maze of eternal night.
I’ d been in Ash Chambers for most of the night, unable to cope with the silence from Kyan’s room as I waited on morning and an update on his progress. According to all of the studies this day was the most likely to be the one that decided his fate and from the ashen look on Tatum’s face the last time she’d come out to take some food into the room for the two of them, I was finding it hard to hope for the best.
He hadn’t eaten anything in two days and she’d had to start crushing his pills and giving them to him in water now that his throat was so swollen he was hardly able to swallow. I knew she hadn’t wanted to deliver that update to me, but she knew better than to lie and it wasn’t looking good. His decline had been swift and unrepentant and he’d been asleep for most of the last twenty four hours too, the fever sapping his energy as the virus plagued his body.
The doctors I was video calling daily had started to give me that condescending, patronising look. Their latest advice had been for me to prepare myself. Well, fuck them. They were the ones who needed to prepare themselves because I’d spent the evening doing everything I could to ruin their fucking lives for giving up on him and come tomorrow they’d find themselves out of their fucking jobs and under investigation for some pretty serious crimes which had been undeniably linked to their sorry asses. No one gave up on Kyan Roscoe and got away with it.
But despite that minor victory I’d claimed over them, I couldn’t deny the hopeless panic which had begun to creep along my limbs.
My life had been a series of unpredictable upheavals and I’d been a fool to fall into the trap of believing that this life I’d been trying to build for myself with the family I’d hand picked would be allowed to exist in the way I’d dreamed for it to.
Of course it was foolish of me to rely on anything at all in this world after my upbringing. But Kyan Roscoe was quite probably the strongest, toughest, meanest motherfucker I’d ever had the fortune to meet. It made no fucking sense for him to get sick and die like some feeble soul or old aged pensioner. He was a mountain of a man, a beast without limitation, an endless well of energy and force and fury and yet somehow, he’d been stopped in his tracks by this.
My fingers were cramping against the keys as I played what must have been the fiftieth piece of the night and I cursed as my notes got sloppy. Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata went to shit beneath my clumsy hands and I cursed loudly as I snatched my hands away from the keys and slammed the fall down over them.
Fuck this.
I stood suddenly in the achingly quiet room, my hands clenching and unclenching as my breaths came powerfully and I stood on the very edge of my self control.
I tipped my head back and roared my frustration and heartache and fucking all consuming fear to the vaulted ceiling, the noise bouncing around me as I found myself paralysed within the moment. I didn’t want to go back to The Temple. I couldn’t bear how quiet it was while Kyan slept and Tatum comforted him and I had to face each and every minute that ticked by on the clock, knowing that it could be his last.
Monroe and Blake had been sitting before the fire when I’d left, waiting for news. It was a cruel and desperate kind of way to spend the night and when I realised I couldn’t take it I’d come here instead, making them swear to call me if there was any news.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t known that life was fleeting, fragile, unpredictable and cruel. I just hadn’t thought that his life would be like that. If I had ever imagined that I might lose him to any twist of fate, I always would have guessed it would be a more violent end. Not this lingering, aching, decline into death which no amount of power or money or need could reverse.
And I did need him. I needed Kyan Roscoe like I needed air in my lungs. He was more precious to me than I could ever put into words and I didn’t even know if he fully understood that.
He was the first friend I’d ever had. The only person who had looked at the darkness in me and seen it as something worth getting to know more about instead of something to run from.
He’d never once feared me. He’d never cowered or flinched from even the worst of me and he’s been as stoic and reliable as the sun rising every morning, always there for me no matter what I needed, no matter how badly I treated him.
He wasn’t one in a million. He was one in seven point eight billion. I could search the entire world and never find a single human being who compared to him. He was a man without morals, fears or regrets. He was my brother in the truest, purest sense of the world. We didn’t need blood to bind us, our connection was so much purer and truer than that. He was one of the first people in this world who had made me realise that love was a real emotion.
I loved him in a pure, hateful, selfish way which I knew would destroy everything in me if it was stolen away.
Blake wouldn’t survive his death. In my heart I knew it would equal his death too one way or another. And Tatum and Monroe wouldn’t stay with us if our unit was broken either. I didn’t know how I knew it, but I just did. I could feel it. This balance the five of us had created held its own special kind of harmony which would be destroyed if any one of us were to be stolen away.
Everything I’d ever wanted or needed hung right here in this moment and yet there was nothing I could do to alter the course of events.
I grabbed my jacket and tore from the room, not even bothering to pull it on and welcoming the cold kiss of the air as I made it out of the building and locked up behind me.
It was almost five in the morning but I knew I wouldn’t sleep tonight. I’d hardly slept at all since Kyan had caught the virus. If it wasn’t worry for my brother that kept me awake, it was anger at myself for allowing him to go to that club, for encouraging it.
I’d been so caught up in the idea of tearing down Royaume D’élite that I’d allowed him to put himself at risk, my own stupid vanity making me believe that we could pull it off without a hitch just because I believed it should be so. But if I’d really been as powerful as I tried to make out then I shouldn’t have needed to ask for their help in uncovering the location of the club or the information on its members.
Even now, I was still struggling to piece everything together to take them down, using the challenge of it to distract me from my fear for my friend, but I wasn’t really any closer to the answers we so desperately needed.
And if it turned out that what they’d uncovered for me wasn’t enough for us to take the club down and rip apart the people running it, uncover the truth about what had happened to Tatum’s father and reveal it to the world, then what had it all been for? Kyan had risked his life for this information. He may even die because of it and I wasn’t sure I could even deliver on the promises I’d made him to destroy them.
I strode down the path to The Temple, circling the lake and casting my gaze around, hunting the shadows as I wondered whether the Justice Ninja might leap from the darkness to take me on.
I wished he would. I ached for a fight like that. An opponent I could destroy. Someone who I could make bleed for the pain I felt in my heart and soul.
But of course, all remained silent between the trees and I was left with my impending grief, my overwhelming concern and a total sum of nothing even close to helpful that I could do to change the path of fate that we were on.
When I finally approached the building where I’d made my home with my brothers and our girl, I stepped off of the path and circled through the trees towards Kyan’s room at the back of the building.
I came to a halt outside his window, gazing at the closed curtains beyond the glass and moving forward until my forehead was pressed to the cold pane. I exhaled slowly, my breath fogging against the glass as I imagined I was truly with him, like I could feel the heat of his flesh, reach out and press my hand to his chest and know that his strong heart
still thumped with a savage stubbornness and a clear refusal to give up.
He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t leave any of us. Not if he had even the slightest say in the matter. He’d make a deal with the devil and stab an angel in the back if that was what it took to keep him with us. Because we belonged together. We weren’t just a bunch of kids playing games and naming ourselves the Night Keepers to justify our depravity. We were five twisted, blackened souls who had always been destined to meet and come together. I refused to believe any other version of the truth. Each of us was missing something, each of us haunted by something, each of us craving something. And the only answers to those needs were in each other. I’d swear to that fact until my dying breath.
When I couldn’t take the excruciation of standing there not knowing any longer, I headed around to let myself inside and then moved down to the gym in the crypt.
I’d bury my fears in exercise until my body was screaming at me to stop and the sun had risen to shine light on the truth.
Tomorrow was another day. I just had to pray that it wasn’t the beginning of the end.
"I' ll ram a tangerine down your throat and make a fruit juicer outta your asshole...then make your mama drink it."
I jerked awake, finding my flesh warmed by another body. I lifted my head as Kyan murmured some other nonsense and I laughed out loud. He hadn't done that since before the virus had hit. And as I grabbed the thermometer from the nightstand and took his temperature, I found it was normal. Totally, utterly, wonderfully normal.
"Kyan!" I gasped, shaking him and he woke with a jerk, flinging me from the bed with the force of a battering ram. I hit the floor, rolling into the wall as he cursed and I fell apart laughing.
"Fuck, baby, I'm sorry." He shoved the covers aside, getting up and striding towards me. He knelt down as I continued to laugh and he gripped my hands.
"Kyan you're better!" I all but shouted and he took a moment as he realised he'd just gotten out of bed without needing me to help him for the first time in days, his strength returned.
"Holy shit," he laughed and I lunged at him, kissing him and devouring him and crying tears of complete relief.
He fell back onto the floor and I pushed my hands into his hair as I climbed on top of him, running them all over him before landing on his chest and feeling that strong and invincible heart of his pounding solidly beneath my palm.
"What's going on?!" Blake suddenly shouted through the door, banging his fist on it.
"Kyan's better!" I cried. "He's going to be okay."
"Fuck, shit, tits," Blake blurted. "Can I come in?"
"Don't be an idiot," Saint snapped then spoke to me. "Take Kyan to the bathroom and make sure he is thoroughly cleaned while I start work on his room. The incubation period has passed so as long as there is no residue of the virus in this corner of the house, he can come see us once he’s clean."
"Hear that baby? Saint wants you to wash my balls," Kyan purred, smirking at me.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop grinning as I towed him into the bathroom and shut the door.
I ran a bath for him, the whole room steaming up as Kyan took a moment to brush his teeth before I did the same. He gave me a minty fresh kiss before slipping off his boxers and getting into the bath. He dunked fully under the foamy water and I moved to kneel beside him, using a sponge to squeeze water over his soapy hair while he grabbed the bottle of bubble bath, pouring it all over his chest and lathering it up.
"What are you doing?" I laughed.
"Just doing a Saint approved job of cleaning myself to make sure I've got zero chance of giving them that fucking virus." He grinned then grabbed my hands, yanking me into the bath with him and sending water splashing everywhere. I started kissing him and he soon tore my clothes off with a frantic desperation. He pushed himself inside me and I gasped, clutching onto his shoulders as he gripped my hips and we started moving at a furious pace. I clawed at him as he squeezed and sucked my breasts, biting and marking me. We claimed one another with a desperation that meant it only lasted a few minutes and Kyan groaned heavily as he came the same moment I did. Both of us were branded with scratches and finger marks and I laughed against his shoulder as the strength went out of my body.
The amount of bubble bath Kyan had poured into the tub meant we were covered in suds which were also now floating across the floor in an inch of water.
"We’d better shower off all these bubbles," Kyan said brightly, spanking my ass.
I climbed out of the water, hearing Saint cursing from Kyan's bedroom as Kyan chased me into the shower and my giggles echoed around the room. I couldn't stop myself though. It felt too good knowing Kyan was okay. That I wasn't going to lose another piece of my heart to this wicked virus.
He kissed me deeply in the shower and claimed me slower this time as we savoured every moment, revelling in each other. He was sweet and soft and wholly unlike Kyan as he possessed me lovingly, panting my name and trailing kisses along my jaw.
When we'd been in there for what must have been nearly an hour, Blake banged on the door that led to his bedroom.
"Please come the fuck out, you must be clean by now. I swear to god if I have to listen to you fucking each other again, I'm gonna come in there and join in and I can't promise I won't fuck you too, brother, if my enthusiasm overflows."
"Alright, but I'm gonna pass on the ass fucking," Kyan called.
"I'm also passing on witnessing that," Monroe said from beyond the door. "Just get the fuck out here already."
Kyan wrapped a towel around his waist and took a moment fixing one around my body too before scooping up a handful of bubbles from the floor and jogging to the door. He wrenched it open and slapped the bubbles into Blake's forehead before football tackling him onto his bed and kissing his face everywhere. Monroe dog piled on top of them and he and Blake soon got Kyan beneath them, intermittently punching and kissing him as they all laughed.
I rested my shoulder against the doorway, biting my lip as I watched them, my heart swelling with so much happiness it nearly burst.
The door shoved open across the room and Saint stood there in yellow washing up gloves and a mask over his mouth and nose. I couldn't quite tell beneath the mask, but something in his eyes told me he was smiling.
Kyan extracted himself from the dog pile, his towel getting caught beneath Blake's thigh and yanking it off of him as he strode towards Saint with his arms outstretched.
"Don't you dare," Saint warned, but Kyan kept coming, wrapping him in a full body hug and Saint relented, winding his arms around him and clutching him tight.
“Hey asshole,” Kyan said.
“Hey motherfucker,” Saint replied and my smile nearly split my cheeks apart.
For now, everything in this moment was right and good. And I just wanted to lose myself to it and bathe in this moment of bliss for as long as I possibly could.
I sprinted up the path which circled Maple Lodge and the rest of the teachers' accommodation with sweat gleaming on my skin and my breaths coming hard and fast as I closed in on a new PB for this run. My muscles burned and flexed as I pushed as hard as I could and I burst from the trees before my bungalow with a growl of triumph before skidding to a halt at the front door and scrambling to stop the timer on my watch as fast as I could.
"Yes!" I barked a triumphant laugh as I saw I'd shaved twelve seconds off of my time and smirked to myself as I headed inside.
I tossed my keys into the little dish beside the door and strode over to my kitchenette where I grabbed a drink filled with electrolytes and quickly chugged the whole thing down.
I tugged my shirt off and tossed it in the vague direction of the bathroom where the laundry hamper lived and rolled my shoulders back a few times to relieve some of the tension in them.
There was a protein shake ready and waiting for me in the fridge so I moved to get that too, pressing the cold shaker bottle to the back of my neck and groaning in appreciation before slowly
rolling it down my chest as well.
When I'd taken some relief from the cool bottle, I gave it a good shake to make sure none of the powder had settled in the bottom of it then flipped the cap to take a long drink. It was flavoured to taste like chocolate milkshake so I could almost convince myself that it was junk food. Almost. Though as that thought occurred to me, I wondered if I'd be getting an excuse to eat real junk food with Tatum today. I had some snacks in the cupboard and if I timed it right, I might even be able to get a bit of alone time in The Temple with her while the others weren't around.
I needed a chance to talk to her alone about this whole marriage thing. It wasn't like I couldn't understand the reason for it, I just kinda hated it. Like, I genuinely hated it so much I was grinding my teeth at night. Every time Kyan called her his wifey and made comments about her belonging to him in a way that she would never belong to the rest of us, I just wanted to punch his fucking teeth in.
In fact, that might have been exactly what I needed. I grabbed my cell phone and shot him a message, telling him to meet me for a sparring session later on. It was actually one of the few times that I had ever been the one to suggest it. Normally he was pestering me daily for the opportunity to knock me around the ring but recently, he'd been less inclined to show up at all hours with a desperate thirst for blood coursing through his limbs. Maybe that was because of his wife.
For fuck's sake.
I’d given it a few weeks on account of him nearly dying and all, but it was getting to the point where I needed to get some more clarity on where I stood or I was going to lose my fucking mind.
I finished up on my shake and went for a shower, quickly rinsing off before heading into my room in search of a pair of fresh sweatpants.
I almost leapt out of my fucking skin as I found Saint Memphis lounging on my goddamn bed, fully dressed in his school uniform while reading one of my books on personal training.
Kings of Anarchy Page 40
