by Tracy Gray
“Yeah, Ma. I’m not going nowhere. I’ll call you tomorrow. FaceTime you tomorrow. Fucking ditch camp and come to you tomorrow, if you need me to.”
“Ugh, I know I’m being real needy right now.”
“You’re not being needy, Reign. You’re being a human. Let yourself rock sometimes. Quit beating yourself up about everything. I love you, and I’ll holler at you tomorrow.”
The following Friday night, my cousin Indigo Cross, who was a successful Instagrammer and YouTuber invited me and several of my cousins over so she could do a live-stream. She liked to include us when she went live from time to time to offer variety on her channel.
“Who’s all here?” I asked Indigo as she opened the door and invited me into her condo.
“Uhm, hey to you, too, Reign bow.”
“Hey Go-Go.” I pulled her into a hard hug. “Now, who’s all here?”
She shook her head and laughed at me. “Some of your cousins.”
“Why you keep asking her that?” My cousin, Clarke called as soon as I made it into the conjoined living/dining room, a frown on her pretty cinnamon colored face. “Is there one or more of us that you’re avoiding or what?”
“You know I’m just being nosy.” I walked over to where she was seated on the sofa and gave her a quick hug. “Hey Clarke.”
“Hi Reign. Where’s River? I thought she was coming with you.”
“Nah, she had plans with Shawn.” I waved at Mecca, who was on her cell phone and Jaimee, who barely took her face out of Indigo’s laptop to speak. “Hey Joy-Joy.” I waved at my cousin, Joya. “Hey Kyndall.”
“Everybody’s here.” Indigo said, handing me a cocktail. “As soon as Mecca wraps up her phone call, we can start.”
“I’m surprised to see you here on a Friday night.” I joked, sitting down next to Kyndall on the loveseat.
She bumped me playfully with her shoulder as a greeting. “I know, but my parents wanted to have a sleep-over with Bryson, so it was either put in more hours at the bakery, or get out and try to experience what it feels like to be in my 20s.”
Bryson was her four year old son.
“My twenties are going by in a blur.” She muttered softly.
I put my arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Kyndall was one of my favorite cousins - not that I had a least favorite, but she was special to me. She’d been as dedicated as Joya to keeping me baby-free when I was a love-struck teenager.
She’d sat through several of my birth control obtaining doctor visits when Joya was busy touring the country with rapper KJ Jamison and having a whirlwind romance with her now husband, Nasir Payne. I was more shocked than anyone when Kyndall announced that she was pregnant. I couldn’t help but wonder why she never took any of the precautions with herself that she was so adamant that I take. Why she was so dedicated to keeping me childless, but didn’t apply the same diligence to her own life.
“So, what are we doing?” Clarke asked. “What’s today’s topic?”
“Relationships.” Indigo replied with a huge grin. “And I would love to see this one go viral, so those of you who are dating heavy-hitters, could you please play it up?”
“Does that include you?” Kyndall asked.
“Girl, my subscribers are probably completely over hearing about me and Northern. But they would love to hear about Nasir Payne, or Maddox Mayhew, or...Xavier Mayhew.”
“Oh,” I held up my hand in the international “stop!” gesture, “I’m not discussing Xavier. I mean, I’ll talk about him, but I am not using his name, or giving any identifying markers.”
“Fair enough.” Indigo agreed. “I’ll be doing Clarke’s face using my new collabo pallett with Jiana Manhattan Cosmetics.”
“You have a new pallett?!?” Joya screeched, practically pouncing on Indigo. “Congratulations, Go-Go.”
Joya was clearly a trendsetter, because the rest of us followed suit, basically tackling Indigo to the rug while offering our support and encouragement.
“Thank you. Thank you.” She half yelped, half laughed, climbing out of the group hug. “Okay Clarke, get in the chair.”
While Clarke made her way to the designated chair, Indigo’s assistant turned on the camera and started filming. Indigo did her standard intro, informing her viewers that she was doing a live-stream with her twin sister and five of her cousins about relationships.
“Let me introduce my guests today. This is my twin sister, who my regular viewers are very familiar with, Clarke. These are my cousins, who you’ve seen on my channel at one time or another, this is Joya, Mecca, Jaimee, Kyndall, and Reign. So, on Clarke’s face, I’m gonna start by priming her, and y’all know how I feel about my Tatcha silk canvas, so we’ll be using that. While I’m doing that, we’ll start with the first question: how’d you meet your partner? I’ll go first, even though if you’re a regular viewer of GoGo Goes Glam, you already know that Northern and I met in Paris, during fashion week. He came up to Clarke and asked her to tell me that he thought I was beautiful. Joya, in case you don’t know, is married to super dope producer, Nasir Payne. How’d you meet Nasir Payne, Joy?”
“Uh, that was so long ago.” Joy said, like she was thinking back.
“It wasn’t that long ago, Girl.” Clarke teased, trying to keep her face still, so Indigo could apply a smooth layer of primer.
“We met at like, a kickback/card party that I originally did not want to go to. My best friend kinda forced my hand, and he was there.” Joya responded.
“Okay. Okay. So, sometimes, you find love and romance where you least expect it.” Indigo concluded, moving on to foundation. “Clarke is this beautiful cinnamon color, with yellow undertones, so I’m gonna be using Fenty Pro Filt’r #390 foundation. Mecca, how'd you meet Maddox Mayhew?”
I took a good look at Mecca for the first time, realizing that Indigo must’ve prepped her before this little video session. Mecca was sporting a Londynville Leopards v-neck tee shirt, and even though I didn’t see the back of it, I was sure it featured Busy’s last name and number.
“We actually grew up across the street from each other. I had a crush on him when we were teenagers, then we...ran into each other as adults, and things popped off from there.”
“Things popped off?” Clarke mocked. “Hell yeah, things popped off. I mean, you’re over here flexing in his jersey.”
“All day.” Mecca grinned.
“Read us some comments, Jaimee, while I start on Clarke’s concealer. I’m using Fenty’s Pro Filt’r #310 concealer.” Indigo instructed.
“Okay, @nono_18256 wants to know what block Mecca grew up on, where they have dudes who look like Maddox Mayhew living across the street.” Jaimee read. “@jessicarabbitt4datboom says that Clarke’s skin is flawless.”
“Thanks, @Jessicarabbitt.” Clarke called.
“We grew up in South Shore, East Side of Chicago @NoNo. I’m not gonna say the street, because we still have people living over there, and they don’t need those problems.” Indigo said, covering Clarke’s under eye area with concealer.
“@nasir.paynekiller asked why Joya is so gorgeous.” Jaimee read.
“Awwwww.” I said, with a smile.
Joya got close to the camera and blew a few kisses. “Love you right back, Nah.” She said.
“Black love.” Indigo pretended to get teary. “This is why we do this. Y’all know that’s her husband, right?” She clarified for her viewers.
Some of us laughed.
“Clarke, and Kyndall are in between relationships.” Indigo continued, blending passionately. “I don’t know what Jaimee is doing. Jaimee, what’s happening with your love life?”
Jaimee Watson was my Uncle James’ eldest daughter. Unlike the majority of the Watson girls, she was kind of introverted and reserved. She didn’t spend a lot of time with us growing up, seeming to spend more time with the people on her mother’s side, but she was still fam, and we loved her as such when we did get a chance to hang out with her.
/> “Not much.” She admitted.
“Fellas, look at how many of my fine ass cousins are single. All right, Reign, you’re up to bat, Mama. How’d you meet your guy?”
“We grew up together. Started dating when we were like, fifteen.”
“Uuhh,” Jaimee cut in, “@river.thebuilder wants to know what Reign’s nail polish is all about.”
I gasped, and involuntarily sat on my hands. Of course “river.thebuilder” was my twin, and she knew that I’d had my fingernails painted as an ode to Xavier.
“What’s your fingernail polish all about, Reign?” Indigo asked.
“Let me see.” Kyndall said softly.
Slowly, I slid my hands out from underneath me and showed them to Kyndall. While I was doing so, Indigo’s assistant came over and zoomed in for a close up shot of my fingernails. They were painted in a variation of a french tip. My nails were painted a sheer silver, the tips were a vampy burgundy, with Xavier’s number, 18, adorning each tip in an inky black. The Portland Pioneers colors.
“Don’t say anything.” I told my cousins.
“Girl, please. We don’t have to say anything. Don’t you know that my subscribers are part-time private investigators? They’ll know who your man is, and all your business before the sun goes down today.” Indigo assured me.
“Well thanks a lot, River the builder, with your old, calling attention to my fingernails face-ass.” I muttered.
Mecca laughed at me, then asked, “what’s the next question?”
“Okay, here’s one everybody can comment on, whether they have a man right now or not.” Indigo said. “But first, we need to talk about my new pallet. I did a collaboration with Jiana Manhattan, and I am so proud.”
Indigo went on to talk a little bit about her pallett, and how the partnership happened, while I sat next to Kyndall with butterflies in my stomach. I knew Indigo was right about her subscribers putting it together that the man I was claiming was Xavier Mayhew.
Even though I knew he was either in a late meeting or at dinner, I shot him a text to read later.
Me: Ugh, River blew up my spot. I’m part of a live-stream on Indigo’s YouTube channel, and River just got the camera girl to pan down to my fingernails. You know it’s about to be a shit show.
Then I shot a text to River.
Me: You ain’t low, Heifer.
Cry Me a River: I’m sorry. I just don’t get why you’re being so secretive.
Me: But do you have to understand to hold me down? To keep my secrets? I’m like for real, for real pissed with you.
Cry Me a River: You’ll forgive me.
Me: Not today, Heifer.
Cry Me a River: You’re moving too slowly with Xavier.
Me: Bye, River.
I threw my phone down in my lap.
“You know River’s not trying to embarrass you, right?” Kyndall asked me softly.
I hit her with the screw face. “For real, Kyndall? I mean, putting that comment on a live-stream? Yeah, that’s real discreet.”
“Boo, you were down for a long time. Maybe you don’t realize how your pain affected the rest of us, but it did. It hurt us to see you so sad...especially River. Now, you’ve got the light back in your eyes. You seem happy. Sun-shiny. Xavier seems like the catalyst for your joy. Of course RIver’s gonna want more Xavier in your life. Of course she’s gonna want to claim him for you, and make sure these broads know what’s up.”
I didn't respond.
“What made you get his team colors and number on your nails, anyway?” She asked me.
Clutching my imaginary pearls, I opened my eyes wide in fake shock. “Uh, what me and X do in the privacy of our own FaceTime sessions is none of your business.”
Her face frowned up, then broke into a grin. “Uuhhnnn, you and Baby are nasty as hell.”
I couldn’t help laughing.
“What’s the question?” Kyndall asked Indigo between chuckles.
“What’s your relationship deal breaker?” Indigo responded.
“Chronic brokeness.” Clarke chimed. “I mean, a set-back is one thing, but if dude ain’t never had no money and still doesn’t have any...no thank you.”
“Probably lack of ambition.” Joya stated. “I’m a go-getter. Any guy that was gonna try to be with me would have to be a go-getter, too. Nasir is definitely a hustler.”
“What say you, Mecca?” Indigo asked, sweeping the corner of Clarke’s eye with the transition color she’d selected.
“Uhm, lack of self-discipline. I can’t stand people who don’t hold themselves accountable for anything, or never take responsibility. Like, I shouldn’t have to police you to pay your bills, take care of your kids, not cheat. Like, you should be disciplined enough to police your own damn self. I mean...be grown.”
“That’s a good one, MeMe.” Clarke co-signed.
“I’d say shadiness and dishonesty.” Kyndall commented. “Like, do what you say you’re gonna do. Be who you say you are. Don’t be coming outta bags, and expect me to keep...adjusting to this new and more fucked up you.”
“Jaimee, Reign?” Indigo prompted.
“Yeah, I can’t take cheating or manipulating.” Jaimee said. “A lot of dudes try to gaslight you. Make you think you’re crazy, when really, their mama damaged them to the point where they don’t even like women. I don’t mean they’re gay, I mean, they like vagina, but they don’t like the women attached to the vagina. They basically dislike women as people. Stay the hell away from me.”
“And that’s a whole ‘nother video.” Indigo said, “because those ones definitely exist, and they can stay away from me, too. Last but not least, Reign?”
“I guess I would say, not being conscientious. Not acknowledging that your actions or lack of action promotes a reaction. Everything you do in a relationship affects the other person in that relationship. Like, I can’t take selfishness or self-centeredness in a relationship.”
“Well, I agree with all of your answers, plus I’m shallow. So I have to add that a deal breaker for me is not being able to bring the heat in the bedroom. Bedroom skills that are lackluster...I’m not here for it. And here is the finished look.”
Her assistant stood in front of Clarke, filming the beat that Indigo had just completed.
Indigo wrapped up the live-stream by thanking us for participating, said a few pleasantries to her viewing audience, did her outro, and had her assistant stop filming.
“Damn, Reign bow, I am so sorry that happened. I know how secret squirrel you’re trying to be about whatever you and Xavier are doing. I hate to say it, but there are probably a million screenshots of your fingernails by now, and it’s only a matter of time before people start tagging your boy.” Indigo told me, her mouth turned down in a frown.
“Like Xavier is gonna care.” Mecca said dismissively. “He’ll probably post the picture on his Twitter with a caption.”
She was right, but that really didn’t make me feel any better.
Joya watched me with concern. “I don’t think it’s about Baby. I think it’s about Reign. What’s good, Reign bow?”
Before I could respond to the question, a request for FaceTime came in from Xavier. I swiped to accept it. “Hold on one second.” I said to him, then I turned my attention to my cousins. “When Xavier walked away from me last time, I got embarrassed in front of a lot of people. My family, his family, my church family, my friends...a lot of people. Basically, my entire world. Now, Xavier is in the NFL. This time around, if I get embarrassed, it’s gonna be in front of the entire world. Not just my entire world. The. Entire. World. Everybody acts like they don’t fucking get that.” Standing from the loveseat, I took a deep breath and looked into my phone. “I’m about to head home. I’ll call you back when I get there.”
“Ay, Raye…”
“Not right now, X. I’ll call you back.” I ended the call, snatched my purse from the floor and turned on my heel. “Bye.”
As I headed for the door, Indigo walked behind me, a
nd Joya behind her. Joya caught my shoulder. If it had been anybody but Joya, they would’ve caught the frustration, anger and turmoil that was bubbling up inside me, but I didn’t get it like that with Joya. Joya was the Queen Bee of the Watson girls. She got respect on GP.
I stopped walking and turned around silently.
“I get it, Boo. I get it.” She pulled me into a hug. “River shouldn't have backed you into a corner like this, and when I see her, I’mma pull her coat-tail about it. Indigo shouldn’t have put you in the line of fire like she did, but I don’t think any of us really understood why you needed to walk this out the way you need to walk it out. Honestly, that shouldn’t have mattered. We should’ve had your back whether we understood or not, and I’m sorry we didn’t.”
I rested silently on her shoulder.
“For what it’s worth, I can’t imagine that you’re gonna get embarrassed this time around.” She whispered in my ear.
Her words gave me zero comfort, because truth be told, who would’ve ever thought that I would’ve gotten embarrassed by Xavier the first time around? Definitely not me.
Xavier
9
Shit! I thought to myself when she disconnected the call. I’d gotten her text, and immediately pulled up the live-stream. Of course to me, the whole exchange looked innocent as hell, not to mention that it made me feel sway as fuck that she had my team colors and number on her fingernails. But once she’d opened her mouth, once she’d spoken her truth, I felt my heart momentarily stop. My stomach churned, and I couldn’t help wondering if there would ever be a time that I didn’t feel like shit for the way I’d handled her back then.
I understood that what was happening, what she was feeling was being exacerbated by the fact that I was at training camp - she couldn’t get to me when she needed reassurance. I couldn’t get to her to reassure her.
“Ay,” I said, as soon as I accepted her FaceTime request when she finally called me back hours later. “I love you, Raye, and I promise on everything that I would hurt myself, before I would hurt you.”
