Even with the new knowledge that she was murdered by Xerxes, a part of me still couldn't believe she was gone. While drawing the image in my head would validate that she was, it would only make my heart ache more.
It took me a long time of debating before I gave in, closing my eyes and drawing what my body wanted to. Instead of lingering on the vivid memory of what the police officer had discovered that snowy night, I instead thought of all the happy memories I had with my mom. All the times we'd laughed and smiled, the nights where we'd paint and color in the coloring books she'd bought me for play time. I recalled when we dressed up as princesses and baked chocolate chip cookies. I remembered the times I'd cry in the middle of the night and there she'd be, lifting me in her arms and humming quietly to soothe me. Or the times I'd fall asleep at the table and she'd clean me up and put me in my favorite Sailor Moon pajamas before carrying me to bed.
As the memories coursed through my head, tears ran down my cheeks and I smiled, allowing myself to continue drawing blindly, focusing on the good memories while I drew the bad ones out on the sheet of paper.
When my hand stopped moving, I knew the piece was finished. Though I debated whether to open my eyes or not, I finally did and looked down at what I drew.
To my surprise, the picture wasn't of my mother's dead body. It was me, standing in the middle of the group of guys; Jaxson, Michael, and Christian were on my right, while Junho and Ethan were on my left.
Kendrick stood just little further away from our group, a pleasant smile on his face. When I looked at myself, surrounded by my men, I could see we were all happy; content, warm expressions reflected on our faces and intriguing colors surrounded each of us.
Each guy had a color, ranging from gold, red, turquoise blue, green, and a light purple. What drew my attention back to myself in the image, was that every single color surrounding the guys seemed to blend with the little aura around me, reminding me of a rainbow. Above us was an image of the night sky, with my mother’s beautiful face looking down at us like a guardian angel.
She wore a proud expression similar to Kendrick's, appearing satisfied that I was with the guys. I didn't know if my drawing was just a reflection of what I wished for, but I did hope my mom approved of them
I sometimes dreamed she was here to give me guidance and help me get stronger so I could protect them. I wondered if they would have all gotten along with her, but my instincts told me they would, and that she'd love their unique characteristics.
I placed my fingers on her sketched out image as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"Mom...I miss you," I whispered.
"And I miss you, Scarlet."
I practically jumped at the voice that came from behind me. I quickly turned around to see my mom standing there.
"M...mom?" I asked in disbelief. She looked so stunning, exactly the same as she did in my childhood memories. Her flawless pale skin, those curly brown locks that I knew were dyed for the sake of concealing our identities. Those rosy pink cheeks and bright red lips. Her beautiful vibrant blue-green eyes that were exactly like mine.
"You still draw so magnificently. I wish I could stare at it all day,” she confessed.
I slowly walked up to her, my legs feeling weak and my hands trembled. It couldn't be her. There's no way this was real. She gave me a sad smile as she took a step forward, meeting me halfway. Her arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace.
It felt so fucking real that I held her so tightly, trying to figure out what to say. This was my one last shot at telling her how I felt. To stress just how much I missed her and regretted not stopping her from leaving the house that day.
"Mom. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not stopping you. I'm sorry for not loving you harder. If...if I had stopped you...you might not have died," I cried, tears rolling down my cheeks as I let out my emotions.
"Oh dear. None of that was under your control. My destiny was already determined. Whether you stopped me or not, it was my time to go. If I hadn’t left, you and Kendrick would have been in more danger. I couldn't allow that,” she consoled, her hand stroking my head as I cried.
"But your death hurt so much, Mom. It still hurts, and Kendrick. Poor Dad...living all those years without being able to tell me. He just watched me grow from afar and did what he could to give me the best life. Why couldn't we have just been together? Why couldn't we just run away and be a little family where no one could hurt us?" I pondered through sobs.
"I know Scar, my sweet love. I know. Everything happens for a reason, and though my death may feel like it could have been avoided in your mind, it could not have been. The way I died wasn't the best, but I didn't feel any pain. Now I'm happy where I am, and I can still watch my beautiful daughter grow into the woman I always wished I had the confidence to become,” she explained.
I pulled back to look into her eyes, noticing the tears that pooled in them as she smiled at me. "Please let go of such regrets, Scarlet. My sweet Princess, continue walking forward. Lingering on the past won't solve anything. Focusing on the present and the future ahead will lead you to the answers you seek."
"But...it's hard. It's been so difficult, Mom. I feel so weak. So hopeless. I've always been the strong one. The overachiever. Yet, ever since...my death, I’ve felt like I'm only going to fail my team. Everything is moving so fast, yet it's as if I can't get a break to absorb everything and be able to use it to my advantage," I confessed, taking a deep breath before I continued.
"I'm just working harder and harder to keep up, while balancing everything that's going on and trying to act like everything is okay. Yet, I know I'm going to reach my limit and it just scares me that I'll fail the guys. I'll fail Dad...I'll disappoint everyone." I whispered the last part, putting my head down in shame.
"Scarlet, look at me."
I lifted my head at Mother's sweet voice and she cradled my face in her hands. "It's okay to feel this way, Scarlet. Don't you remember all the times you watched Sailor Moon and told me how much you adored her? You didn't love her just because she saved the world many times. You loved her because she was an average girl who was like everyone else. She got bad grades, hated studying, and would rather sleep than do homework, but when the world needed saving, she was there. She had her good days and bad days. She sometimes felt exhausted and even experienced defeat. But the one thing she didn't do was give up," Mom explained, pulling me into another hug.
"Whenever you fall, Scarlet, you get back up stronger. I know it's scary because this isn't some anime show. This is real life and that's why it's so nerve-wracking for you. But I need you to realize that you are stronger than you know. As your mother, I know how strong you are, Scarlet. All you have to do is find the confidence you once had and tell yourself that you are stronger than the people who want to see your downfall. You just have to fight for what you want and never give up."
She pulled back to look into my eyes and I slowly nodded. "Okay, Mom. I'll try that. I'll work hard to be more confident in myself and I won't give up, even if I feel like I should," I agreed.
She nodded, leaning in to place a kiss on my forehead. "It's time for you to go back, Scarlet. Risuki can't hold time any longer."
"Risuki...you mean Moonlight? Wait, he’s holding time?" I questioned, feeling a little confused by her words.
"You'll understand when you get back. Monako decided she wanted to give you this chance to see me, thinking it would help you become stronger for the challenges to come," Mom revealed.
"Monako...the beautiful lady who owned the crystal," I remembered. A wide smile formed on my lips as tears rolled down my cheeks, so grateful that Monako had found a way to give me this moment with my mom.
Mother wiped my tears before holding me in her arms one last time. "I love you, Scarlet. I'll always love you and your father. I don't regret dying and I don't want you thinking it was your fault. I accepted my fate and now I just pray you won't be a fool like I was,” she whispered, leaning back to stare into my eyes, a stern
look on her face.
"Don't be a coward and run away like I did. Be strong and protect the people you care for. Take chances and risks, and most importantly, don't be afraid to rely on others. Your friends, family, those sweet handsome men of yours. Trust them to help you, Scarlet. Trust your spirits to be your extra strength when you think you can't achieve something on your own."
"Okay, Mom," I whispered, my eyes suddenly growing heavy. I fought as long as I could, watching as my mom's eyes filled with tears, even as she smiled with pride.
"The next time we see each other won't be for a long time, my dear, but I'll always be watching. I love you, my Princess. Be the Queen I was too afraid of becoming and love without boundaries. Farewell, my daughter."
"I...love you, Mom...farewell," I whispered back before my world grew black.
I knew that would be the last time I'd ever see my mom in this life, but instead of feeling sad, I was happy to have finally obtained closure.
I snuggled against the warm body next to me, the gentle cologne that hit my nostrils made me smile in my half-asleep daze.
"My Christian," I mumbled, recognizing the oh so familiar scent without a second thought. I heard a low chuckle while something brushed through my hair.
"Scar?"
"Hmm?"
"You going to wake up now?" Christian asked. His voice was deep, making me curious enough to open my eyes. I lifted my head slightly to see his tired but amused looking expression. His amethyst eyes twinkled with happiness and relief, leaving me feeling a little unsure why he looked so grateful I was awake.
"Why?" I asked. "Do we have a case?"
"Hmm. You’re still a bit out of it, huh? Kendrick said you would be, but I guess I didn't think about it," Christian mumbled, more to himself than me.
I noticed his bare chest and my familiar bed sheets before I lifted my head to look around my dark room. I looked down to see I was wearing a very loose black t-shirt, with no bra, but did have on a pair of underwear, leaving me even more bewildered since I couldn’t remember changing at all.
Christian lifted his hand to brush my curly hair out of my face, pulling my attention from my current dilemma.
"What's the last thing you remember, Scarlet?"
"We all were in the living room...no, you guys crowded around the island after I came back from my phone call with Kendrick. I got some milk from the fridge, poured myself a glass, put the carton back and headed to the sink...and...um..." I trailed off as my mind reached a blank.
"Your heart stopped causing you to stop breathing. A Starlight god caught you before you hit the ground," Christian revealed.
"A Starlight god?! Wait, Risuki?!" I exclaimed before my eyes grew wide at my slip up. I lifted my hand and slapped it on my lips after my confession, but it was too late. Aww shit.
Christian shook his head, giving me a small smile. "Don't worry. Risuki introduced himself as the Starlight God of War and explained the reason why you knew him was that he'd been there during the bomb incident," Christian revealed.
I sighed in relief, my hand falling back to my side as I relaxed my head against his chest. That's a relief, I think? I wonder if they know Moonlight is Risuki?
"I don't think so," Serenity hummed, entering my mind with a yawn.
"My gut says no, or Christian would have said something, don’t you think?" Aurora added, also yawning.
I guess both of you have a point. I won't say anything regarding Risuki until I know all the facts. Go back to sleep, I'll try to figure this out and then I’ll let you two know what happened.
I could tell they were even more exhausted than last time. I didn't blame them; I also felt really weak, but the fear of going back to sleep was starting to settle in.
I was slowly beginning to remember my dream with Mother, the images and scene reforming, but in a backward motion as if it was a movie being rewound to the beginning.
"Okay. Thank you," they both said before fading out of my mind.
Christian was watching me carefully as his left hand played with my hair. "How are you feeling?"
"You want an honest answer?" I asked, my mother's words about relying on others pulsing through my mind over and over again.
I needed to express the built-up anxiety I had inside me. Sure, I'd relied on Ethan back then in the washroom, but with how exhausted I was feeling, I feared I'd bring the team down.
I'd already been a hindrance after taming the fire and passing out, and now here I was in bed, when I should have been helping them track down the crystals.
It didn't matter if it was night time when normal people slept. I should have been doing my part in the search, and helping the others alternate so everyone could get an equal amount of rest.
But again, due to my fainting spells and inability to handle the massive energy usage my powers took from me, I was rendered useless, a burden to the team and it was slowly killing me. I had to tell someone and see if there was something I could do to become stronger.
"Of course I do, Scarlet. What's wrong?" Christian asked, moving to his right side to reach out and turn the lamp on. We both sat up and I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to ignore my growing nerves. I have to do this. I need to get it off my chest, so I can work on being a better me. Return to the confident me who kicked ass.
"I need help getting stronger. Ever since the incident with Xerxes, I realized that I feel like the weakest link in the team. It doesn't matter if I'm the Elemental or Visionary or whatever terms we use for my abilities. I feel all I have been able to do is help with a problem or situation, but end up causing trouble by passing out somewhere or going into vision mode, which also leads to me fainting and becoming a burden. I want to be stronger. I crave to be able to use my powers with confidence, and not fear that I’ll bring you guys down," I vented, allowing the words to flow out.
"You guys rank me as some amazing woman who helped stop the bomb, but everything leading up to that, I feel, consisted of me getting in the way or passing out. It's like I'm earning the name of ‘Fainting Lady’ yet again, despite my strong desire to leave that nickname behind and start fresh in a job that I love."
I lifted my head to look into Christian's eyes, hoping he could hear my pleading cry for help. "I need to get better, Christian. I want to feel a part of the team, not because I'm dating you all or because I am the Visionary Elemental. I want to feel like a real part of Team Seven and right now, I don't. I know if I don't get my shit together and learn how to defend myself so that I can protect myself long enough for help to arrive if the worst happens, I'm going to fail. I need to feel confident enough in my own abilities to be able to fight Xerxes if the opportunity arises, without this crippling fear residing in me."
I ran my hands through my hair, blinking back tears. I returned to staring at Christian, who remained silent, listening to my every word.
"I want to feel confident again, Christian. I don't want to be afraid of what's to come. I want to embrace the unknown again, and be excited and hyped up to fight my enemies. Not break down in washrooms and freeze up when what I need to do is react. So...I need you and the others’ help to do it. I'm not used to asking for help...and it's really hard to do, but I know if I do this, it will benefit the team and help us get closer to tracking down Xerxes."
I took a deep breath, finally done with my word vomit explanation. I felt the tension leave my shoulders and I finally felt somewhat relieved to have gotten all that off my chest. When the room remained silent, I shyly looked up to Christian, who had a soft expression on his face, making my heart skip a beat.
"Why...do you looked so pleased?" I asked quietly, adoring how serene and handsome Christian looked.
"We've wanted you to rely on us for help for a long time, Scarlet, but we know how independent you are. We didn't want you thinking we were babying you just because you were once our apprentice. You proved to us that you deserve to be on Team Seven, but we never wanted you to feel like you were a burden," Christian began.
&nb
sp; He reached out to stroke my cheek before he continued. "I understand where you're coming from, but you need to understand that you ARE NOT a burden to us. Maybe to you, that's how you see this, but to the rest of us, we’ve always seen you as an asset to this team,” he confessed.
"But-" I began, but he shook his head.
"No Scarlet. You are not a burden. If we have to remind you of that every day, we will. You're new to this world and how everything works, but do you really think all of us became the people we are now, just like that with no help?"
"Well..." I began, but trailed off, understanding what he meant.
"Scar, you're really not acknowledging how strong you are and the effects of your magic. The elements aren't like your average magic spell, where you're pulling a small stream of energy from the atmosphere and conducting a spell using your own energy. The elements are their own entity. They don't need to listen to you, or anyone but Mother Destiny herself. For anyone to use the elements as flawlessly as you do in times of need, takes some people decades to achieve and master,” he explained.
"Really?" I asked, feeling a little shocked by the news.
"Scarlet, you've been able to use four of what are considered the strongest and hardest elements to control. When you short-circuit stuff, that's you accidentally using the element of electricity, which takes the average shifter a year to be able to even conduct that spell. Only a few are able to in less than a year, and that's usually thanks to their genetics. You were able to raise water high enough to give you and Michael time to get out of a situation that should have left you both dead. You were able to withstand the heat of a bomb explosion, and tame the flames, keeping them from killing hundreds of people, your team included, while summoning the wind to redirect the smoke upward instead of across the campus, which also would have injured many students and facility staff. You did all of that without any knowledge of HOW to do those things," Christian stressed.
Visionary Awakened Page 9
