“You are absolutely beautiful, Tabitha. It doesn’t matter if you just woke up or are running around. Every time I look at you, you take another part of my heart.”
“Carter, you have to stop being all romantic. You’ll spoil me.”
“That’s the plan.”
I let out a small laugh as I reach up to claim his mouth. Pouring all the love and emotion into this kiss, I need for him to feel what I hold back from him. It’s at this moment that he needs to understand that this is what I want.
Him.
No one else.
Pulling back, I look at him and say, “Love me and only me.”
He doesn’t respond with words, as they aren’t needed. Carter slides my arms above my head and keeps one of his around my wrists. Slowly gliding his other hand down the side of my face, he continues down my side causing me to shiver once again under his touch.
“Let me love you, Tabitha,” he says against my lips.
“I need you Carter, but I need you to love me back.”
“Every day, every moment, I’ll show you.”
The room’s quiet, and all I can hear is our breathing as we take each other in. He lets go of my hands, and I reach around to run my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me.
Carter slides his hand down to my legs, picking one up, and I wrap it around his waist. I can feel how turned on he is, and I need to feel every inch of him.
“Carter, I need you.”
Not responding, he repositions himself and suddenly I feel him enter me in one quick movement.
A soft moan escapes me causing Carter to stop for a moment to grab my face with both hands, bracing himself above me.
“I need you, too.”
We move our bodies in sync as he kisses me with a fierce intensity. It’s as if our mouths are speaking for our bodies. At this moment, we’re becoming one.
Our breathing is labored as each thrust becomes more intense. Carter buries his face into my neck, placing a small bite on my flesh. This causes my back to arch off the bed and fuels him to move faster.
He drives his hips against mine, and I feel every inch of him, causing me to scream out his name as I pull him into me.
It’s now that I hand over my soul to him. In this one movement, he owns not only my body, but my soul as well.
I realize it and allow a small tear to escape and slide down my cheek.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No, you own me, Carter Northwood. You own everything about me.”
“You own me, Tabby Cat.”
I’m not sure if it’s from realizing the intensity with which we love each other, but Carter rears back and thrusts into me again, saying, “Mine. Always mine.”
I can’t respond as I’m lost in this feeling. All I can allow myself to do is feel this connection. It drives me to scream out his name again as he screams out mine.
Panting, he crashes to my chest. I can feel his heartbeat as he tries to catch his breath.
My chest rises up and down, moving him with it. I take my hand and instantly start drawing circles across his back. Wiggling—as it must tickle—he looks up and says, “You asked once if I’d ever tell you the story behind my tattoos. If you’d still like to know, I’m willing to explain some of them.”
“I’d love to hear them,” I respond as Carter slides next to me and pulls me into him. I roll onto my side as I look up at him and ask, “If I point to one, will you explain?”
“I’ll try,” is all he says, and I know he’s attempting to open up to me about his past.
Carter
The connection Tabitha and I just shared is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When I saw a lone tear slip down her face, I was afraid I’d hurt her. It was then that I understood she was feeling the same thing I was.
I have to show her somehow that I’m letting her into my life. She asked once before about my ink, and I’ve never explained it to anyone else before. Now for her, I’ll share what I can.
She’s snuggled into my side, etching her invisible circles into my skin, asking, “If I point to them, will you explain?”
“I’ll try.”
Tabitha runs her hand down my side and points to the raven that is spread across my rib cage.
“It has a few different meanings to me. The war I declared on my family, the demons I fight within myself, and lastly, the secrets I held for so long,” I explain as I stare at the ceiling.
“This one,” she says, running her hand down my right arm. It’s Atlas holding the world above his head.
“Atlas, because that’s how I’ve always felt. Even when I was a little boy, it was as if the world was on my shoulders. Every move I took was under a microscope. When I married Bethany, I always felt like I couldn’t stand up. The world was crashing down around me and my only choice was to carry it with me.”
“This.”
“I chose to put Pegasus under it to remind me that freedom would come one day. All I had to do was carry the world for a while. Then I’d be set free. The next one under it is Zeus, for power, strength, and wisdom. I have that one to remind me each day that I have the strength to survive the past and for what my future might hold.”
“Oh …” is the only thing Tabitha says. I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t know what to say or if I went too deep on her. But I know I need her to understand me and this is how I will show it to her.
“You okay?”
“Yes, I’m just not sure. They’re all so dark and you need color.”
“I have color on one, and it’s the most important one etched into my body.”
“I know … What about the other arm?”
“Easy. The angel is to remember the child I thought was mine, with the clock set to the time of night I found out. It’s to represent when time stood still that day for me. It goes into the eye through the clouds and sunlight. That’s her watching over me as the light overshadows the darkness from that day.”
“I’m sorry they hurt you, Carter. I’m sorry they took that part of your life away and you can’t get it back.”
“Don’t apologize for them. It’s made me a stronger person and even though I wish I could change it, I can’t. All I can do is move forward now and create a new life without any of them.”
“How are you going to do that? What are you going to do with your business? How are we going to make this work?”
“Shhh … I have a plan and when the time is right, I’ll let you know,” I explain as I receive a glare from her bright green eyes.
“Thank you for sharing your story.”
“You’re welcome, now let’s sleep,” I say as I place a kiss on her nose and pull her into me. I wrap my arm around her more, feel her breath slowing down, and know that she’s finally asleep.
I don’t understand how it’s so easy to explain things to her, but it is. It’s been that way since day one and it’s the one thing I would never change about our relationship.
Tomorrow I have to go back home and leave her here. This is the hardest part of our relationship. The miles between us need to change; I want her in my bed every night. The desire to wake every morning and look into her eyes is all I can dream about. If we were closer, we’d build our relationship into more than what we have. Currently, all we have are brief moments together. Even though it’s a connection that we share, it’s not enough for me.
We need more—we deserve to have everything we desire.
Chapter Eighteen
Tabitha
WAKING IN CARTER’S arms is everything I imagined. We didn’t discuss his plans for today, so I’m going to take what I can while he’s here. Snuggling into his side a little more, I start to move my head up and down. Last night he explained most of his tattoos to me and for that I’m thankful.
My heart hurts for the man he was, but I pray he’ll allow me to bring light into his world. I know with time, each of us can bring the sparkle back to one another. The question is, how long will that take? Will the m
iles and heartache we each have shared in the past be something we can conquer together?
“Morning,” he says in his low growl.
“Morning, did you sleep well?”
“I always do when you’re near me.”
“Suck up.”
“Did it work?”
“No, and you can get that smile off your face, mister.”
“How do you know I’m smiling?”
“I can hear it in your voice and don’t play with me. So we never talked about your plans and how long you’re staying.”
“I leave later today. I have meetings tomorrow. What about you?”
“Same, I leave for Chicago then back here again.”
“How long will you be gone? You could come to see me instead of coming here.”
“I could, but I do have work, you know.”
“I know. We’ll figure it all out. You know that, right?”
“I do. So let’s make the best of the day. You do owe me a date.”
“Says who?”
“I do. Remember, I told you that you have to date me, not just sleep with me and so far, that’s all we’re doing,” I say as I climb out of the bed and head for the bathroom.
As I shut the door, I think of a few things we could do today. We don’t have much time, but who says we can’t make the most of it?
Just when I step into the shower, I hear the door click open and then close.
“Couldn’t stay away, could you?” I call out from under the water.
Just as I finish the last word, the curtain slides open and I witness the desire written over Carter’s face. “Never. You are all I can think about,” he says as he steps into the shower with me.
“You know, I don’t usually shower with people. This is new for me.”
“It’s a first for me too. Turn around and hand me your soap.”
Doing as I’m instructed, I find it odd that not one rebuttal came from my mouth. It’s as if my heart and mind have finally synced with each other.
I close my eyes as I feel him caress my body; each time seems better than the last. The prickles of electricity that run through my veins are something I’ve never felt before. I’ve only heard of this and always figured it was something people made up in the movies, or words you read on a page. Not something that indeed exists.
“You awake?” Carter asks.
“Sorry, I was lost in my world.”
“What world would that be? You care to share?”
I slowly turn to face him, needing him to see me when I say this. “Our world. As crazy as it started, you’re all I picture in my life. Every time you touch me, it feels like it’s the first time. I don’t think I will ever tire of your touch.”
Carter doesn’t speak at first; he raises his hands to cup my face. Staring at me for a moment, he speaks. “It’s the same for me, Tabitha. I can’t explain it and I don’t care to. Just know that you are it, and I’ll fight with you every day if that’s what it takes. That fire you have, it’s the biggest turn on I’ve ever experienced.”
“Kiss me,” I say with a low growl. It’s the only thing I need at this moment.
Our mouths and tongues are dancing as if they’re doing the tango.
Carefully maneuvering me around, Carter pushes my back against the cold tile. Running his hands up to the nape of my neck, his grip tightens against my skin.
“This is going to be hard and fast, Tabitha. Can you handle that?” he asks in a husky growl.
I can’t respond; the only thing I can do is nod my head in approval. Carter’s never had this expression before, not even that day in the gym. This is different, almost a ‘stalk your prey’ look before you claim its life.
Before I can move or do anything, Carter turns me so I am facing the back of the shower. In one quick motion, I feel him enter me. It’s not slow, so I have every inch of him at once.
Splaying my hands out in front of me, I brace myself and throw my head back as a moan escapes from my lips. This allows Carter to grip my hair into his fist. Never have I experienced this kind of raw encounter.
It’s as if he can’t get enough and I’m fueling his desire even more.
“More … Carter,” I manage to say.
With another tight grip of his fist against my hair, he leans down and bites my shoulder as he digs his other hand into my hip. It’s as if he’s marking me and the thought of being his alone causes me to scream out in pure pleasure. The chemistry I feel with him, it’s off the radar.
Each thrust is done with complete force, and moves my legs forward. Carter grabs my hip and pulls me back into him, bending me forward. I can hear his labored breathing, and I get lost in the rhythm of our bodies meshed together.
Closing my eyes, I throw my head back again into his chest, screaming out in ecstasy.
“Ahh …” is all I hear from behind as I feel him lean his chest against my back for support.
“Ahh is right.”
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, not at all.”
“Good. Sorry, I got out of control, but you drive me wild.”
“Same to you, lover boy,” I say raising my eyebrows up and down.
“Lover boy, huh?” he responds with a quick wink.
“Yes … What would you like to do today?” I ask as I reach for my shampoo and watch Carter lather himself up.
Licking my lips as I’m starving for more, I hear Carter ask, “You hungry?”
“Huh? What … yes I am.” With a chuckle, he proceeds to say, “Maybe I should ask you what you’re hungry for?”
“Funny guy, I’m starving for breakfast. A girl must eat you know.”
“Well, hurry up so I can feed my girl.”
“I like the sound of that—your girl.”
“Good, because you belong to me and I don’t plan to ever let you go again,” he says as he kisses my nose and steps out of the shower.
Shaking my head at his comment and how things have unfolded for us, I finish up so we can have our date before we have to say goodbye to each other, once again.
Carter
As I dry off, I beat myself up for being so rough with her. She deserves for a guy to be gentle, but I have to say, she seemed to enjoy it. It also makes me remember to have a conversation with her about protection.
Three times now and neither of us has stopped long enough to think about it.
Dressed, I look around her bedroom and notice how girly it is. It sure doesn’t match the rest of her place. The other rooms are simple and put together professionally, but the master bedroom is her. It’s as if she was recreating Paris. Pink, black, and white. She even changed the light above her bed to a chandelier.
With my back facing the bathroom, I hear the door open and turn my head towards the noise.
Tabitha is wrapped in a towel with an even bigger one on top of her head. This is what I don’t get to see daily. This is what I’m missing.
Turning to sit on the bed, I grab my socks and look up at her standing in her massive closet.
“Tabby Cat, I have a question and don’t take this the wrong way.”
“I’m listening,” she yells.
“Are you on something? You know, for protection.”
“I was, but I haven’t gotten my shot since I planned to … you know,” she answers as she peeks around the doorway at me with a wink.
“Well, you know we haven’t talked about it and all three times we haven’t been careful.”
She steps into the room, looking a little white. Tabitha looks up at me and throws a hand to her face before she says, “Shit fire … I’ve fucked up.”
“What do you mean? I ask cocking my head at her in confusion.
“I mean I was taking a shot and then last month I was due and because I ordered sperm online I didn’t get it. But they say it takes a while before it can get out of your system and shit.”
“Oh …”
“Oh? Is that all you can say?” she screams at me while pacing back
and forth.
“Would it be so bad? I mean, you want a family, and I want you and whatever you give me.”
That stops her in her tracks and brings the fire out in her eyes. “It would be, because we are supposed to date and do all those things. I don’t want you to marry me or feel trapped because of that. So yes, I fucked up and you are cut off,” she says, making these crazy hand movements in front of her.
“What’s with the hands?”
“Bases closed, mister. This right here is home plate, and you are not stealing it or sliding in. Nope … off limits,” she explains quickly then turns to head back into her closet.
Confused with that whole analogy, I shake it off but allow a smile to appear on my face.
A vision of her carrying our child warms my heart.
It’s something I never thought I would have a chance at again, and she’s damn sure the one I choose to have it with.
I stand and walk over to the closet, bracing myself against the frame. “Time will tell, and bases are always open for us. So I can steal home plate anytime I want.”
Just as I finish that statement, I see the shirt flying at me. When I grab it, I look at her and notice that the fire has been put out. The sparkle in her eyes is coming back to life.
Chapter Nineteen
Tabitha
WHAT THE HELL was I thinking? It didn’t even cross my mind once to stop us. Never, in all my life, have I had unprotected sex. It’s not that I’m used to sleeping around with people, but when I did, we always used protection. I’ve been receiving the shot for the last ten years and never skipped a month.
Well, that is until recently, when I decided to order some spunk online. Mentally, I’m screaming at myself, especially since I don’t want to alert Carter to my mini freak-out. Instead, I practice my Tai-Chi and close my eyes in order to find that inner peace like I’ve been taught.
I’m not locating that peace I seek, so instead I rip the clothes from the hangers before me. My closet takes a beating when it comes to my emotions. I’m surprised I have hooks left, especially when I have to pick it all back up and organize it.
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